| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 5:12:01 PM |
think that if parents did their job right as parents their children wouldn’t need to still be at home, you would have given them the ability to care for them selves. It is possible to work and go to school and live with out needing mommy and daddy. I won't take care of my kids when they are grown, but I will teach them to take care of them selves when they are little. It is my responsibility to them to make sure they leave home with a education, strong since of self, and morels. If they can’t make it on their own, I know I have failed at being a mother.
Actually not. Canada has an extensive social welfare system-medical/dental and cash payments. You can't begin to compare the situation in your country to ours. You don't need your parents you have the government as a safety net. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 5:16:31 PM | I think a grown man who lives at home with his parents is not ready or able to get married, no matter why he does it, unless he has the money to get his own place.
Often it's a money or maturity problem, or the man has psychological problems that may not be obvious. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 5:31:22 PM | | As a guy myself, I wouldn't really be comfortable in dating living with my parents. I had my father live with me for about a month so I could help him after his surgery, but I feel a lot of women don't like it due to showing a lack of dependence or the uncomfortable "Hey want to go back to your place?" while you're thinking "oh %$#@ this should be fun with mom and dad on the couch" | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 8:15:05 PM | | I recently dated a 45 yr old guy who has been living with his parents for over 6 yrs. I really liked him, but...I couldn't help thinking how weird it was that here was this middle-aged man still living at his parents house. What it says to me is that: here is a man who cannot stand on his own 2 feet and be independent enough to live on his own. It suggests a lower level of maturity, at least to me. In the end, I found my first impression to be correct. I will never date another guy who lives with his parents. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 11:03:19 PM | I think you may have something there.
I moved back with my father after my mother died. He had terminal lung cancer and I couldn't bring myself to put him in a nursing home. I was definitely not a moocher. I had my own job and home and wife - who refused to move back with me. I supported her in our own home and travelled back and forth between houses as well as my job. But somehow in all that, my wife met a guitar player and now I'm here. She said she hated even the IDEA of me going back home to take care of my dad. I couldn't understand her. But maybe there is some deeply held feeling women have against it.
-J | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/25/2009 11:35:38 PM | | miss w u are so right on wat u wrote on this. im 28 and living with my mother and not because i want to but for the simple fact she elderly and needs to be taken care from time to time in most cases.. now dont get me wrong, i have a job and go to a university so i could get my own shit lol.. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:48:19 AM | | What a joke- of course it's much worse to be a male living at home with their parents than a female. Why? cmon, many more women live at home with mommy and daddy than men do and that's seen as just fine. They are saving money, preparing for some big move like living together or maybe marriage. Plus, parents tend to enjoy having thier daughters around ... maybe makes them more comfortable or something. Man living at home - loser. Women living at home - ok. FACT. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:09:59 PM | | It's hard enough to find a good partner, who cares where they live. If I was really into a girl, she could live in a grassy field with magical elves that dance like lepprechauns and I wouldn't give it a second thought. Move out somewhere together if there's a problem with someone's living arrangement. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 3:23:34 PM | Quite frankly, OP, if I had a nickel for every story I've heard from a man, like yours in your O-post? 
While I have NO problem with a man living with his parent(s) who might be in ailing health? I have to admit, in 90%...well, possibly 80%? of the times I've met a man who's said that to me? Probably only 15% of them were actually telling the truth about that. Or that it was "temporary" or...well you get the idea. Guess they might be ruining it for the men who have a truly legitimate reason for living with their parents?
IMO, though, the OP is just another example of the 80% crapola excuses I've heard:
When I was adventuring in the US, when I needed to come back to the homeland, It was at my folks that I lived.
And currently, until I find work that will give me enough so I don't have to choose between rent or food...
Enough money at the age of 33 (when the O-post was written) to toot around America having a grand old time, but not enough saved to resume regular life after the little vacay? Umm....yeah. Not so much attractive.  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:34:22 PM | I just found out that a man I have known for two years who is in his 30's and lives with his parents, never lived anywhere else, is bipolar.
He kept it well hidden although I did notice some oddities in his behavior which I chalked up to being eccentric.
I found out when he became hypomanic while talking to me and began to talk extremely fast and rambling with no two sentences being on the same subject.
Saying very fast things like:
I own a ****. Love isn't a strong enough word. I like to whip it out sometimes.
Lizards spin in circles. etc.
It went on for over an hour. He finally suddenly fell asleep.
The next day he said "What happened last night?"
I know he does not use drugs. He said something like he inherited his mother's craziness. I didn't press for details. Then he tried to cover up by saying he was
just trying to make me laugh.
The point is, there is often some sort of mental problem in these people. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 10:04:39 PM | Ok, so what about somebody like myself.
I just moved back home after having a place cause my father lost his job and my mother has medial issues. I did not want to see them burn through there retirement during these tough times so I am helping them out. Do I count as somebody who is a slacker or what not? I don't know how long I will be living with them, but I am financially stable to move back out if I was not helping them. Basically is this looked at as something noble I am doing, or is it undesirable for women?
Thanks  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 10:23:18 PM | I think that probably 90% of these guys that say they are living at home because their parents are in "poor health" are full of shit!
It's a great excuse, no?
"Oh how can you look down on me, I'm HELPING MY POOR AILING MOTHER..."
Yeah right!
At least be honest about it and own up to it, without making excuses.
And whatever the reason, legit or not, don't come on here trying to justify it with your bullshit excuses and whining about how chicks don't like the fact that you live at home and don't want to date you.
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:11:47 PM |
think that if parents did their job right as parents their children wouldn’t need to still be at home, you would have given them the ability to care for them selves. It is possible to work and go to school and live with out needing mommy and daddy. I won't take care of my kids when they are grown, but I will teach them to take care of them selves when they are little. It is my responsibility to them to make sure they leave home with a education, strong since of self, and morels. If they can’t make it on their own, I know I have failed at being a mother. Actually not. Canada has an extensive social welfare system-medical/dental and cash payments. You can't begin to compare the situation in your country to ours. You don't need your parents you have the government as a safety net.
Where do you get this idea? We have welfare, yes... so does the US. We have a medical system, yes... which is currently being considered by your country.... but free dental and cash payments?.... I think you are quite misinformed, pinkoleander.
OT - I think our primary job as parents is to teach our kids to be independent, functioning members of society. If we are not able to be self-sufficient to the point that we MUST stay at home, then there is something wrong... for either men or women. Yes, there are situations that are exceptions to the rule, but staying at home for reasons of mooching and lack of drive and the inability to self-sufficient, without a disability... sorry, I won't have a lot of respect for them, and I most definitely won't date them. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:18:37 AM | | Of course this is 100% financial. If a guy had loads of money, he would be living as a bachelor in a mansion somewhere and hiring playboy bunnies to clean the house. What about men that don't own cars? I bet women blow them off too. Terry Fox can run across Canada with one leg but somehow it's impossible to find a girlfriend? It just kinda sounds like people aren't even trying anymore. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 1:30:03 AM | I think what bothers me is the flimsy excuses people use to move back home. I had to have “surgery”, I was “laid off”, “My room mate moved out sticking me”. Blah blah blah.
Well, if your parents had surgery or was laid off would you all move to grandma and grandpa's house There is never an excuse to move back home.
You should behave as though there is no “soft landing” at mom and dads. Mom and dad has raised you, and I can bet they either don't need you there or they don't want you there. The “I can move back in with Mom and Dad in a pinch” mentality is not attractive. It says, “I am willing to rely on someone else”. If I am married to someone and times get tough, I don't that person to either rely in my income or look at me and say, “We can move in with my parents.” UGG.
I moved out when I was 16 and have NEVER been back home. I have been divorced, I have broken bones, I have been down sick for long periods, I have been laid off, I have been fired. I have had everything happen to me, but I NEVER went home. I put on my big girl panties and I figured it the fvck out.
Living with the parents exceptions:
1.Mom and or dad have grown old and need care and have moved in with YOU.
2.Your grandparents/grandparents came here from another country and brought with them the multi-generational household. You were raised strongly in that culture and you are looking for a woman who wants to live in that same culture.
And no, I am not going to buy that “multi-generational, I work my ass off” BS unless your ethnic, and then I am not interested.
Learning to live on your own and not having a safety net is what truly makes you become a real mature, capable adult. Anything short of that and you are shorting yourself. And no you are not ready for a real relationship until you are doing that. Until then you are playing footsie, having sex like a teenager that could result in a child you can't take care of. Making promises you can't keep. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 1:48:02 AM | | If you have a good relationship with your parents, why are you moving out at age 16? I would think a person would at least want to finish high school and begin post secondary education before working full time to pay the rent, etc. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:07:10 AM | | just thought again bout this...you have a job,pay rent have tons of money to blow on whatever shit you like ...go for it!**** what anybody thinks .they re all jealous cause they can't .so what! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 9:21:40 AM | most men stay at home couse they have a plan.
why rush yourself out of home paying bills you dont have to on a average job wage couse your bothed about what people will think.
the man that stays home then makes the move when he has the money and a good paying job is the smart man. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:27:50 AM | My mother has some issues. Even if I left she would just curl up in her room and live as a hermit calling me every second of the day because she is lonely. This isn't an assumption because I talk openly with my family. If this is in fact true, then you are ironically doing your mother a lot more harm than good by staying there with her. You are preventing her from fixing her issues. That was exactly what I thought... the word "enabling" came to mind instantly when I read this.
I am 48 yrs. old... unemployed, supporting two teenage children, and considering going back to school. I am as old as I chose to believe myself to be - definitely not "elderly" as is implied by the phrase of "pushing 50." I have a social life of my own, independent of my children... and I would definitely not want any adult children coming back to live with me. As Silken Fire pointed out so very well, just because we are "pushing 50" does not mean we cannot fend for ourselves. I just finished discussing the "joy of empty nesting" with a friend of mine who is 68.... she has three adult children, and like me, she does not encourage their coming to live with her again.
I have a 21 yr. old daughter who lives about 5 mins. away... she is a full-time university student, works part-time, and is self-sufficient. She has a chronic medical condition that has landed her in the hospital a few times, but she manages very well. Yes, she has had to reschedule a few final exams due to illness, but her professors have never complained and she will be graduating with honours in May. Did I "kick her out?".... no... she chose to move into a room and board situation due to wanting her own freedom. Has it made her grow up immensely?... of course it has. The level of maturity gained from paying your own bills and fending for yourself is why most mature individuals will not date someone who is still living at home with their parents. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:48:32 PM | Some make the right call and avoid a loser and others judge too prematurely and lose out on a winner.
Basically but we all sometime just judge on outward appearance | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:24:19 PM | | You can live w/ you parents for 20 more years if you like, but as a woman who has had to be on her own, you would not appeal to me. If you ask me, your parents should boot you out the door . It would be best for all of you. We all face economic uncertainty, but we have to stand up and try. Your parents are enabling you to be a pansy, in my opinion. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:43:50 PM | I would be honored if I could finally convince my mother to come and stay with me. She is getting older now and shouldn't have to worry about bills or shoveling. Yes, it is always hard when she visits and I'm dating someone new but generally, they are understanding as they all love their mothers too.
I think every situation is different. Man mooching off his family - bad. Man taking care of his mom and dad - priceless. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/27/2009 3:03:31 PM | | Bandito- Those who didn't grow up in such a culture would never understand. You can't explain to them what family means to us. In my extended family, it is expected that we all work together. Thus, when my brother needed help fighting for custody, we all chipped in. My mother took time off from her life to come 2000 miles away to move in with me... my brother then came with his daughter to move in with me and we all worked hard together. That is family. That is what it is about. | |
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