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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:24:09 PM | It all depends on the reason that they live with their parents and to the extent that their parents still control them.
Sometimes parents get ill and if they are lucky have a great son, he will move back in to help her out. I see no problem with that and think it is most nobel.
I would only have a problem with it if he were too lazt to get a job, wanted to always live there and did not help out with bills and rent there.
Not all guys who live with their parents are 'losers.'
~Carrie | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:26:11 PM | In a phase -- Double Standards . . .
I am a bit older than you kajiwotore, but I find women all the time who have their 24 - even 27 y.o. son or daughter living in the household -- rent and employment free . But - HEY THAT IS QUITE NATURAL... according to them. . .
But let a guy live in anything else that is not a luxury condo, or fancy suburban house or country estate AND HE is A LOSER to the ladies.
As you get older - just get used to the DOUBLE STANDARD . . .
Joe | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:30:14 PM | well ,I'm the mom some of my kids live with, we have a multi-generational home
5 generations till last fall when my grandmother passed,
we do have separate living areas and share family dinners, I have heard a lot of comments of co-dependence as negative, we see it as positive, although when no one is home ,I relish it, for a time
These walls exude love and support ,and occasional tensions ,it is hard to compromise and negotiate, with so many differences abounding, but it can be done
and it is a lesson that gets lost when family scatters
today it seems to turn your back on a person that hurts your feelings is what is done so often, and explains why relationships are so conditional
we get to love hate each other and still work on it .
myself and the "men" who live with me know what is necessary to give ,so we may receive what we want | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:47:26 PM | | I don't have any problem with it. I still live at home, so do a lot of guys I know in my age group. It doesn't really get awkward, my mother knows I'm an adult with a sex life, she gives me space. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:56:36 PM | If a person who is a adult is living with their parents there had best be a damn good reason. Not wanting to live on your own doesn't cut it.
A good reason is that your parents need help. Not that you need the help. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:14:16 PM | I think you're wasting your energy being frustrated with people seeing it as taboo if you don't plan on living with them for long. It's temporary, right? So your frustration with some women thinking you're a loser will be temporary, too.
You're pissed that you can't get laid, aren' t you?  Well, it's tough to get laid when you're living with your parents.
You won't even be concerned with this topic once you land a job that offers you independence. | |
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queen3
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Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 33 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 1:31:17 AM | | Bingo!...I'm not saying men are perfect, but women have these shallow demands. How much money do you make?... are you a momma's boy?...I find most women laughable these days. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 3:03:56 AM | I lived with my parents for a full year after college. Some guys dig it, because they don't have to pay the rent. I, for one, find it to be the most demeaning state of affairs you can have as a man. You can't call yourself a man, if you're older than 21 and live with the folks.
One of my longest-lasting friends still lives with his parents at the age of 28, and although he's beginning to realize that he needs to get out, I'm not sure he's going to follow through. There's something that's holding him back. If I were in his shoes, with the steady job he's had for years and the benefits it pays, I would have moved out long ago. Something's just not right with him.
Women hold many things against me, unfairly so. But living with the parents is absolutely fair game. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 4:46:08 AM | Well, here goes.
I'm 22 almost 23, disabled, and living with my mother.
I am on disability, and am paying my mom 400 dollars a month rent to stay here. (Like rent at any other place...because we've had problems arguing over things in the past.)
Would you make a renter do your house-work/land-work if you were the landlord?
I know I do more around this house than most renters. I usually end up helping my mom with the larger projects..(We just put in two retaining walls with composite lumber which weighs 165 lbs apiece...you think she lifted those by herself?).
Not only that, but we are each-other's support structure, we both have Bi-polar disorder and have our ups/downs. Do we depend on each-other in that sense? No.
Could I be living elsewhere? Yeah, I could. I'm currently trying to figure out how to move 700+ miles away and begin college.
Does this make me a "lazy" "loser" "sponging off" his parents?
Not in my mind, but maybe in some people's mind who don't bother to get to know me.
I usually tell anyone who shows any interest in me that I'm living at home, and shortly after, they stop talking to me.
Their loss. I'm a great person, and I know it.
It's just too bad that everyone makes the assumption(And therefore makes an @$$ out of themselves..) that just because you live at home, that you aren't worth getting to know.
I beg to differ on whether or not I can be considered a "Man" by living at home. Even if I wasn't disabled, if I had a job and was paying rent the same as I am now, I would still be considered a "Man".
People need to stop assuming stuff about people. Especially classing everyone into a generic over-generalization/stereotype just because of people they've previously known.
No two people are alike, and sometimes, if you bother to get to know someone, you'd realize that you are making yourself look worse, by going with a stereotype.
I don't totally agree with the OP either, considering there are guys that just sit at home, don't pay a dime, toke up regularly, and don't have any plans for their lives. (I've known a few.) But it's what you yourself do with your life that constitutes how your life will go.
(I don't drink/smoke/do drugs....so I don't even fit into those stereotypes either....dang, I must be screwing over all kinds of stereotypes... )
There is a reason for the stereotype, and therefore the taboo. (Those people that nobody should have to deal with.) But all in all, not everyone fits these generic baseless assumptions that people make about other's either by simple conversation, or by looks. Nobody truly knows you until they bother to get to know more about you personally.
Most people would rather go by their first assumption, and never give you a chance. That's their loss. To all the people who'd rather give someone a chance, good job!  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 5:19:30 AM | Kajiwotore
I pose this for all the women objecting to a man living with his mother, I suspect if a man lived in a 10,000 square foot mansion with his mother residing there - things would be seen as 'different' - Okay regardless of how these living arrangements came about or why he remained at home with Mom.
Joe | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 6:09:15 AM | Its depends on alot of factors really,if a guys over 30,he is old enough to of made a career and be supporting himself and be independent.
If i met a guy over 30 and he said he still lives at home,id have to ask why.
As one who moved out when i was 16,i see people who live at home well into adulthood as a bit unmotivated,if im honest.
As an independent woman who is used to supporting herself,i may question if we were compatable or not.
The whole point of growing up is to stand on your own two feet and support yourself,
Same with a female though,this isnt so much a gender thing.
"Living with your parents, doesn't mean you are incapable of self-sufficiency. It mean "you regard the economics of working as a family unit"
True,but when you reach a certain age some would argue you could be thinking about setting up a life for a family of your own,or at least be able to live independently.Plus,you dont have to live with your parents to do the above.
- "Living with your folks, doesn't mean you're a mama's boy, it means that you are prone to be family-minded"
Again,if this was the case why not set up a life to have your own family? it might not make you a mommas boy,but it doesnt make you a self sufficient man either.
Living with your folks, doesn't mean you can't have any privacy. It just means you have to go about it differently"
It does effect your privacy.I can understand why a woman would prefer a man who has his own place then one who takes her to hotels or bnbs all the time.
" Discriminating based on that stereotype, can prevent you from meeting possibly a good man, that could provide you with the happiness and security that many women today seek."
Not discriminateing,its personal preference.He might be a nice bloke,of corse,but how can he give a woman security if he hasnt got none of his own? Infact thats half the problem id guess,living with parents,he cant give her that security,if thats what she is after.
I understand your point,but i can also see why people would be put off by it.As i say its alot to do with the age of a guy as well. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 6:15:25 AM | My brother lived with my parents till he was 30. He paid rent, worked full time, did all lawn care, painting, home maintenance etc. He also was there to allow my parents the freedom to go out or travel as my ninety year old grandfather lived at the house too and could not be left alone. Without him being there my parents would have been trapped at home for another ten years, after raising three kids.
It all depends upon the situation it was definately mutually beneficial in this case. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:29:50 AM | I am more apt to be lenient on this case then most, as I take care of my folks. I owned my own place free and clear and sold it to move back home to care for them. I work, own my own vehicles, pay all the bills and do all the work that needs done. I have now paid off their place.
BUT a adult who has never left home without extenuating circumstances is another story.
Just as one who moves back home to make it easy on themselves is not worthy of consideration. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 7:30:44 PM | Good topic Kajiwotore. Many friends of mine lived at home until they got married. They are all men too. I don't think those women saw anything wrong with that, so why should others? I think it's only a minority of women who see something wrong with it. Men that stay at home, who have careers, can save up a lot more money *** (did that catch your attention ladies?). On the other hand, I moved out a long time ago, and maybe had I stayed at home, I'd be better off financially. For the record, I'm doing just fine. But I'd be rich today if I was still at home.  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:16:24 PM | I think it really depends on why they're living with their parents. You said you're living with them 'until I find work that will give me enough so I don't have to choose between rent or food'. At your age I have to wonder what you've been doing with your life where you have trouble finding a job that will pay enough for rent and food, unless you're a full time student and don't have time for a full time job. Hell I'm 22, have very little work experience and could still easily find a job that would allow me to pay for both food and rent. I might not have much money to go out, I might be living in a bachelor apartment and I might be eating KD sometimes, but the essentials would be paid for. My problem is coming up with the extra 10 grand a year for books and tuition. Not to mention the fact that to earn enough to pay for rent and food I'd have to work full time which wouldn't leave enough time for school.
Bottom line, society has changed and people want the people they date to be independent. Unless you have a VERY good reason for living with your parents past the age of 21 (things like caring for a sick parent or being a full time student are usually acceptable, or if it's a temporary situation after breaking up with a live in or divorcing or just moving back from another city/country) they're most likely not interested. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:25:40 PM | It all depends why one lives at home with their parents.
A man who lives at home so his mom can cook for him and so he has more money for beer and wings....well this is a turn off!
A man who lives at home because he's prepared to put a 25% downpayment on his first house...this makes sense!
What it comes down to is that a woman finds a man who can take care of himself appealing. Every situation is different, but I don't know too many women looking to get involved with a man who chooses not to be independent. Yes there are the gentleman who actually take care of their parents, but I fear they are outnumbered by the mommas boys! :( | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:31:04 AM | My mother moved in with us two years ago. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, she was having some surgery and needed the help during her recovery (no heavy lifting, no stairs, that sort of thing). A few months later, my husband died unexpectedly. I work almost exclusively 12 hour night-shifts - aside from the unlikelihood of finding a sitter who would watch the kids at night, I sincerely doubt I could ever trust a sitter to spend that much time with them and have that large of an influence on their lives. My mother is in her late 50's, retired, and quite active. Before living with us, she lived in an apartment but missed having a yard, flower gardens and a vegetable garden. I have one house that is paid for and have just purchsed a second, larger home (4800 square feet) with a large, fenced-in-yard for her dog. We will all live in the second house, together, and I will rent out the first house (moving in two weeks  ). My children are not small, are not a lot of work, are respectful and helpful. This is due in large part to my husband and I and how we have raised them, but it also has a lot to do with the fact that they aren't with a stranger when I'm at work, they're with Grandma. This is a permanent arrangement. My mother is going nowhere... my home is her home. If someone doesn't like it, they can keep walking. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:41:07 AM | "A man who lives at home so his mom can cook for him and so he has more money for beer and wings....well this is a turn off!"
She doesn't cook for me and I drink rum & coke.
"A man who lives at home because he's prepared to put a 25% downpayment on his first house...this makes sense!"
Why would I want to buy a house at 50?
I can't get it paid off in a reasonable time period and I'm trapped with permanent payments that force me into jobs I don't want. Been there, done that.
I used to be programmed like you, too, until I really sat down and thought about it. Really, the only reason I have now to own a house is to nab women and frankly, the sex just wasn't that good and my expectations for women are low. Why would I want a woman that's drawn to my house?
I just can't see killing myself, doing the career thing anymore, fighting amoral, back-stabbing thirty-year olds so that I MIGHT have a chance at some good sex?
No thanks. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:32:16 AM |
I would only have a problem with it if he were too lazt to get a job, wanted to always live there and did not help out with bills and rent there. You can do that in Europe and North America, too. We call it living off of a girlfriend.
A "man" cannot live with his parents. If he is still living with his parents then he is a "boy". Sorry. Perhaps you have never heard of this one:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Corinthians one, chapter thirteen verse eleven.
The difference between a man and a boy is that a boy is still a child, and the difference between a child and an adult is that an adult takes personal responsibility for his actions, and a child does not.
Anyone who uses people for sex, or any other thing, comes into that category. So a lot of 50+ men and women who have their own place, come into the definition of a child.
As for me, I've seen both sides. This is my take:
1) If a woman does not pay rent for her place, she is a MOOCH.
2) If a woman does not do her fair share of the household chores, she is a MOOCH.
3) If a woman does not do her fair share of looking after her kids, she is a MOOCH.
Doesn't matter if she lives with her parents or her boyfriend or her husband.
If she does ALL the housework, and she does that instead of working, that is fair.
But if she has a job, and she does not pay rent, and does not do any of her fair share of the housekeeping, she is a user.
As to the OP:
1) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE LAZY AND CANNOT MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN".
That's a guy who has a girlfriend to cook and clean and pay for him.
Most parents make you pay rent and do chores nowadays. The only ones who don't are girlfriends.
2) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE MAMA'S BOYS".
That's a guy who sleeps with girls, and never makes a commitment to marry them, unless they are submissive.
Mama's boys don't live at home. Their dad got them the job they have. They convinced their parents to put the downpayment on the mortgage for their home.
The only sure thing about mama's boys are that they will NEVER disagree with their mother, and mummy doesn't care where you live or who you date, as long as she is the Alpha Female, and that means that his wife is a nice submissive female, who will agree with everything her man says, and everything her man says is what his mama says, so mama always wins.
3) "I DON'T WANT TO DATE A MAN WHO LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS BECAUSE I FEAR HIS FAMILY WILL GET INVOLVED WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP".
That's a happy relationship.
No-one cares, unless you're happy, and then everyone cares.
SO, if anyone says anything like this, drop them immediately. It just means that they have no backbone, and want a man to take care of them, and they fear the competition.
I would be more interested in a woman who asks HOW you treat your parents, who is interested in if you pull your weight in the home and how much, and if you treat them with respect or not. Because how you treat your parents as an adult, is a good sign of how you treat any girlfriends as well. So anyone who asks these sort of questions is someone who has a good head on her shoulders. That's a real woman, and a woman worth keeping. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:46:05 AM | It really doesnt bother me. I know a couple guys that are in thier late 20's that live with their parents. They are freshly divorced and trying to figure out thier expenses with child support. Saving enough money up for lawyer fees to get custody of their kids.
I moved in with my mom when I seperated from the ex 2 years ago. I moved in with a room mate when I divorced my ex. That fell apart and I moved in with my dad for 6 months till I had enough money saved up to get my own place.
How bout dating a guy who has his own place but his grandparents pay for EVERYTHING? Mortgage, boat payment, truck payment, utilities and credit card bill! Yup, I dated a guy who is exactly doing that!!!!
He has a job, but that money is used for pocket change pretty much. I really didnt know what to think about that...
Anyway, different circumstances...you just have to get to know them to realize them. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 6:25:27 AM | Why would I want to buy a house at 50?
I can't get it paid off in a reasonable time period and I'm trapped with permanent payments that force me into jobs I don't want. Been there, done that.
serioulsy? who pays their house off? Its called paying rent and being able to do whatever the hell you want with it...if you want you can sell it and get a different one.
I used to be programmed like you, too, until I really sat down and thought about it. Really, the only reason I have now to own a house is to nab women and frankly, the sex just wasn't that good and my expectations for women are low. Why would I want a woman that's drawn to my house?
this is just twisted bad sex is not a reason to live with mom.
I just can't see killing myself, doing the career thing anymore, fighting amoral, back-stabbing thirty-year olds so that I MIGHT have a chance at some good sex?
No thanks.
So youre saying that you dont have to keep a good job to pay your momma rent? You sound like a guy with no ambition in life to me. Good luck. At least your mom loves you.
Good sex and home ownership are two different animals dude. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 8:55:56 AM | i think the issue is freedom and privacy; if you and your date/etc come over u aren't guaranteed privacy, no matter how late/early or whatever you can always be interrupted. An interrupted by someone who has as much say in things, if not moreso than the person ur on the date w/; also its the person's parents, its one thing when a roomate or whatnot knows ur doing it or whatever. Its diff when its his parents know u stayed the night or heard u doing it or know u did it or u have to see them first thing in the morning when your leaving. its just awkward, i been there b4 and its just odd; i been on both ends, someone who lived w/their folks and someone who lived w/their kids (she was not elderly, just moved from another state and was stabilizing things). Its just weird having people who don't know u or don't have any prior knowledge of you; other than the fact your having sex w/their mom or child.
there is nothing "inherently" wrong w/it; if your okay w/it, that is all that matters. You just have to understand there is a certain segment of women you can't date/have sex w/as a result. An that does not make them judgemental or shallow; it just makes them someone who wants what they want and that is ok.
ITS weird how noone comes down on women for having TO LIVE W/FOLKS; mainly cus they expect guys to have their place. Back when i lived w/my parents, i dated/talked to a girl who lived w/her folks and she was getting on me about living w/my parents an said i need to get my own place; but never felt PRESSURE to get her own, even though we were in the same situation | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 9:33:50 AM | Cough ...Cough..of course there is nothing wrong with living at home, however..for some INDEPENDENT women, it shows how stable a man is. And it brings up a whole bunch of other things, so you should not look at it one way. A lot of men that live at home, allow their mothers to run their life. I know this from personal experience. And it just shows that they cannot stand on their own two feet. Proving that they may become somewhat needy. You said yourself, that you live at home so that you will have enough money. Which leads to something else. I, myself, is a very independent woman, but if you can't afford to have a relationship with a woman, what the heck are you looking for? You shouldn't care what women think at this point. Build a foundation for yourself first and then date.. | |
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