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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 9:49:17 AM | Hi rheablueeyes
Surely you have your own flat house to meet a guy in you can only be in one building at atim or am I missing something DO YOU live with parents yourself? | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 10:55:14 AM | | I'm 48, and I've lived with my parents all along, except for a year in graduate school. I've worked full-time for over 20 years, make a good salary, and pay my parents for room and board (currently about $1000 a month). I could afford my own place, but I've never really felt a need for it. I get along with my parents, we've never had big arguments, my parents don't impose onerous rules on me, and I'm not interested in the stuff that causes problems: I don't smoke or drink, never tried drugs, don't like parties, and my dating has always been sporadic and platonic. If I got my own place, there wouldn't be anything I'd do that I can't do now. So getting my own place seems like a lot of hassle just to make some abstract point about being a man or whatever, while living pretty much the same way I do now. | |
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El Efe
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 53 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 10:57:04 AM | I fail to see the big deal.
I live with my mother not to be close or anything else. It is to save money to buy a home. Period.
I think it is stupid of me not to put myself in a position where I can save as much money as I would pay for rent in DC, which isn't slight by any means, to pay for the closing costs attached to a purchase.
It's funny, I have no problem meeting people in a busy city like this, and most have no issue with my current living situation.
Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.
F. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 11:21:50 AM | A man builds character and responsibility when he is faced with the challenges of the "real world" and develops skills and strategies to manage. A boy living at home is living life with a safety net, he learns no coping skills for the potential tough times ahead in his life.
So, regardless of the reason why this adult boy is still living at home, he is stunted in his growth towards being a man.
As an example from one of the posts above - staying at home to save money to buy a house is a boy; living in the "real world", paying your way and still finding a way to buy a home is a man.
Sorry, but I was raised 'old school' where a man needs to act like a man, not a child, if he wants to be respected.
So are you to say that if you suddenly had no home and had no job you would stop being and man?
I am saying that if you had no home, no job and ran back home to your parents then you are not a man. A man will "pull himself up by his own bootstraps", to quote an old adage. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:11:21 PM | [I am saying that if you had no home, no job and ran back home to your parents then you are not a man. A man will "pull himself up by his own bootstraps", to quote an old adage.] I agree with you Kamloops 100%........................  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:17:45 PM |
but if you can't afford to have a relationship with a woman
What guy in his right mind would want to pay for a relationship with a woman?
Love and relationships have absolutely nothing to do with how "well off" you are/aren't. If that's what your relationships are based on, then you need to take a much closer look at yourself, and figure out why greed drives you.
I am saying that if you had no home, no job and ran back home to your parents then you are not a man. A man will "pull himself up by his own bootstraps", to quote an old adage.
I've known plenty of homeless guys who would beg to differ with you on this subject.
It seems to me like the old "traditions" involved a guy paying for everything the females owned because they were working and bringing home the money, while the women themselves sat at home being "lazy" (people still dispute whether sitting at home taking care of the kids is that much of a "task"...and the debate will rage on.) which seems to be exactly what some of us guys are being accused of.
Then about comes the feminist movement, and all of a sudden a lot of females are pushing for their rights to work, and their "independence", and wanting the ability to pay for themselves. And once they have it, and can sit there spouting off and bragging about it(making themselves sound grander than they are in some cases....which makes you wonder about whether they are really as independent as they claim..), now they feel the need to rub it in the face of people that are in the same exact place they were to begin with.
Seems to stink of hypocrisy just a tad. And of a few other things that my mind is currently blanking on the words to describe. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:24:57 PM | [I am saying that if you had no home, no job and ran back home to your parents then you are not a man. A man will "pull himself up by his own bootstraps", to quote an old adage.] I agree with you Kamloops 100%........................
not that i disagree, my folks are old school and believe you need to learn to stand on your own and sacrifice to get things you want; ex u want a house or whatnot u shoudl have to give something up, not maintain ur lifestyle and get what you want.
but my parents also arent' fans of women who run home to their parents; my folks think as an adult u should make better decisions and if ur involving urself w/a woman who does these things and runs home u might wanna stay away cus it shows a lack of resp/maturity on her end.
as long as ur not holding a double standard its fine, but it sounds like a double standard; i don't care i have my own place. but i don't like double standard, esp when women (not anyone in here that i know of) want as much respect and input into things. But in alot of cases haven't had the experiences or made the sacrifices necessary to justify that right to the husband/bf who has made sacrifices and tough decisions | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:28:01 PM | I met a 45 yr old man on here a few months ago ,who wrote in his profile ," I live in a house in suburbia , I drive a mini van and I am finanically secure " In reality ,once I dug a little bit , really meant ,"I live in my Momma's house , I drive my Momma's mini van and I don't work, but access money from my Momma's bank account ."  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:38:04 PM | Awesome blog!
i agree with the points mentioned.
i too live with my parent, although temporarily by choice; due to their unconditional
support and yes its a very safe and positive environment. i feel sorry for those out there who can't or have never experienced this (even growing up)
i have found myself in situations before (leaving military and moving back to ontario,
break-up with girlfriend ) where this is not only practical financially (both parties)
but is valuable bonding/ learning time, as long as the parties are mature and have respect. when i was depressed and sad after an abusive relationship ended they helped build my confidence and self- esteem by simply treating me with respect and encouraging me to think clearly in a safe, stable environment.
living alone is a sad scenario indeed, but to be independant to the point of denying your social familial connectivity, would be to succumb to the proud mans foolishness
your family won't always be there and you can never learn all there is to know from your parents
again this takes a certain type of dynamic that some people (probably those who think its' taboo) can't ever hope to acheive (usually through their own faulted thinking) | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:38:56 PM | | It isn't so much that it might be socially "uncool". I spent years being unpractical., falling in love with one gorgeous stud after the next who literally owned just the shirt on his back. It gets hard; I get stuck with th lion's share of the bills. I take care of everything else, too. I just made up my mind, no more. If you're living with your parents, it sort of shows you're not financially prepared to face the world. Am I going to get stuck taking care of everything again? You just have to be practical. Rosey-eyed idealism leads to a lot of unecessary burdon on one person. You've just got to be prepared to hold up your end, or I'm not dealing with it. I've done way more than my share already. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:40:43 PM | OK I have lived on my own since I was like 18...
there was a time between then and now that I did live at home... between jobs and after a relationship (one of the rebuilding part s of my life) and another while while a family member was sick and that there was stuff to be done...
Don't get me wrong... these were times when family came through or when I had to come through for family...
so that being said I was not actively dating at that time as I was pulling up my bootstraps or taking care of some one who was sick... So if you are at your folks there is a reason for it and dating should really take a back seat to everything else at that time!!!!
just my 2 cents worth! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:43:15 PM | First off, LOL @ j5rush
"if his mom interrupts your sex to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich, etc"
My mom never brought me a grilled cheese sandwich while having sex. I always thought she hated me!
Hehehe.. 
Now then, my situation, I've been all over during my early twenties, and when I put an end to a longterm relationship because of compatability issues, I went back home to recover from the damages, recooperate, and look to the future. In addition to that, there's external forces, such as mom's "typical female" attitude of trying to live above her status/station, having a grocery cashier's salary and try to live upper middle class when she can barely afford to pay the medical bills alone from her imprudent living. Soo, since I was in my teans I've been pay a couple hundred bucks a month in this house even when I didn't live here for like 4-5 years. Be damned sure I'm taking back up residence when I please if I need to go somewhere to rest and recover from life gone, awry, and to find shelter from economic horrors (I live in Michigan, million jobs gone in an instant with the GM stuff).
I've just started dating this past month or two, it's a new thought process for me, I only comprehend long term, no in between etc, but regardless, so far there's been about 5 gals I've been assessing compatability with and no one's really given me grief about my situation. My mom's cool, I'm not a child, my younger brother that lives here is 20'ish, lives in the basement out of the way, it's pretty much free reign here. So in all effect, I'm a mid 20's fella that takes care of family, has a vehicle and pristine home with the combined efforts and assets of what's left of this nuclear family. So quite frankly.. why should I take slack from some chica about a topic such as this when it's all logically weighed? Think about it, do you really want to be with someone who degrades your position because you're generous, flexible, caring, responsible, prudent, etc?
Side point, I think ya'll need to remember the massive inflation rolling on and on, cars don't cost a few hundred bucks anymore, a fella can't just go find a barren employee list in a booming job sector and in a year be able to live the american dream. Generation X does not have the economic capacity to allot for everyone moving on immediately, 95% of individuals who do so end up living in poverty situations. Think about that before you go judging. So. Wanna see my 2 story home that's been meticulously mantained and cared for by this family for 15 years, or shall I invite you back to my studio apartment and tell you to brush off a spot on torn carpet and let you choose wether we get to watch static or the weather report on a scattered ambient signal?
(If anyone responds directly to me, -please- mail me in POF so I can be noticied, thanks!) | |
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El Efe
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 65 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:49:00 PM |
A man builds character and responsibility when he is faced with the challenges of the "real world" and develops skills and strategies to manage. A boy living at home is living life with a safety net, he learns no coping skills for the potential tough times ahead in his life.
Kam, I completely agree with this sentiment, though it cannot be applied to everyone with a wide brush.
See, I tend to run my life as if it is a business. Being presented with a choice to live on my own to the detriment of my long term goals (which I had done for nearly ten years prior...and paying rent) or to make use of a short term financial shelter to make happen what I set out to do...the choice is quite clear. In my particular case, the only one with which I can speak to with authority, I've developed the coping skills that are relevant to get along.
I, much like you, also live in this "real world" you speak of. I realize I only get one shot at life, why wouldn't I want it to be as easy as I can get it? To feel like more of a man?
"Old school" is just that...old.
F. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:07:22 PM | hey lostagain:
good for u! sounds like you come from a respectable, morally sound family who values the family unit. the concept is definately stronger in europe, where again the intergenerational(oo is that a word?lol) support is still valued. (are you single, or any females in your 'family'?)
just checked your profile;'}
i've got the scot blood, myself! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:07:39 PM | Guitar Guy,
I think people should open their minds up a bit... I just started dating an awesome guy age 50 who lives with his mom... Maybe for different reasons than you have described but... If I closed my mind to the fact that he lived with his mom I would have surely missed out on an awesome experience.... Maybe if this is the antiquated way some women judge a good catch... then I am lucky b/c my pond just got smaller for this BIG FISH~! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:21:19 PM | | New rule: If she lives at home and/or can't afford to support herself, toss her to the curb. Seen too many mooches who expect a man to earn all the money for her, and only seek a relationship so they can sit around the house all day and complain about anything and everything. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:17:29 PM | See, now for me it's a matter of self-respect. I've fought long and hard to get where I am. I raised my daughter by myself for 20+ years. I had roommates for a while, but have had my own place for the last 12 years. I did just have my brother move in with me for a short time (he'll be out by August), but that's because HE needed a place rather than my needing any help. After living as an adult for this many years, I couldn't hold my head up if I wasn't pulling my own weight. I'm very close with my mom and stepdad, and lived less than a mile from my dad before he died. I've had wonderful relationships with both parents, but there's no way in the world that I could have moved in with either of them, no matter what.
I did have a pretty severe setback a few years ago, my last apartment flooded and I basically lost everything. My daughter stayed with my dad and I stayed with a friend for a total of 3 weeks until I got the apartment I'm in now. I paid rent to both of them, and stayed as unobtrusive as possible.
The thought of dating a man in my age range who is still living at home (versus having a parent living with him) with any intention of permanance is not one I could entertain. Temporary setbacks aside, it's not something *I* could do. It has nothing to do with what he "has" - I'm anything but materialistic - but it's about who he IS. I am independent and self-sufficient, and at this point in my life I won't settle for less than I am able to offer. He doesn't have to own a home, or have a six-figure income, or a lot of toys, but to have your own place in the world is the stuff that self-respect is made of. Then again, that's just me! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/18/2007 10:24:08 PM | After my divorce and moving 3000 miles i moved back in with some family.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do besides calling my wife and saying her father had just passed away. Moving in was a blow to the machismo, the ego, it was humbling experience. This froma man who at 30 something had owned 2 houses had been surviving on his on since I was out of the service. We all do thing we dont have to like, It was the hardest three months of my life depending on someone else.
Now that I have been re instated with my old job and working for the state that strees has now left me being able to provide for myself..
my two cents..... | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:26:54 AM | Yes, women here (some at least) are making it a BIG deal over something that they have no understanding about. Hello? Some of us do live with our folks to SAVE up for that perfect house, which will put a roof over YOUR head in a couple of years. So please don't whine about how men are irresponsible, immature, and broke by living at home. Living at home AND SAVING is the SMARTEST thing a man can do. Period. Now, if he's bumming around with no job, bringing friends over at 2am, then I can see this as a problem.
I graduated college 2 years ago and am currently self-employed. Living in San Diego is EXPENSIVE. Yet alone, trying to run a full-time business straight after college. Try living here and you'll understand.
Living with parents? Absolutely acceptable. It just makes perfect sense to do a bit of sacrificing now for a better future. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:36:10 AM | Living at home AND SAVING is the SMARTEST thing a man can do.
I said it before and I will say it again - a real man can do both.
I got my degree without a student loan, while living on my own. I bought my first home with no mortgage, while living on my own. And it is the struggles and learning that came out of those experiences that built character, responsibility and coping skills. I worked for what I got.
So, I am afraid I will have do disagree with you; it is not the smartest thing a "man" can do, it is the option that a boy would choose.
Sorry  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:44:05 AM | Used to live with parents until several years ago, virtually everything was saved to enable me to afford a reasonably large deposit on my current house that would not have been able to afford to buy outright :)
Was probably more house proud than currently am, but having a clearance session to clear stuff from the weekend, 16 hour drive from scotland is not fun...
A lot of asians seem to have no problems with living with parents and their grandparents who are not forced into some poxy "care" home.... | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/19/2007 2:01:49 PM | | It depends what their reasons are. I have met some men off here that live with their parents and I feel it's because they're too lazy to do things on there own. One guy for example lives at home and is 34 years old , but he is always out hanging around coffee shops and always just riding and driving around. To me thats a man who is too scared of committment and jsut doesn't want to be independent. I think at age 34 you should be focusing on what you want in life, whether it be long term, eventually marriage and children, basically a family. Maybe I'm old fasion but isn't that what we all want eventually.. | |
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