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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/27/2007 11:02:23 AM | how can you take care of a future family if your not supporting yourself?
Hang on a minute!!! Future family? Who said anything about having kids with an SO?
Hidden agenda here? Thanks but no thanks! 
PLUS: Who said (assumed) that the parent(s) are taking care of the son and not the son of the parent(s)?
Those assumptions and those hidden agendas!!! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/27/2007 11:20:19 AM | I honestly have no problem with men living at home with thier families as long as their helping out with their families with the finaces and their parents treat them like adults. If I'm dating a man that tells me he can't take me out to a club till 4am in the morning because his mother expects him to be home by 10pm at night I'm going to be annoyed wondering doesn't his mother have any clue we're not high school kids anymore. I wouldn't want to deal with that kind of nonsense.
Bottom line if all you need is one bedroom and a car to remain happy that's find.
I'm sure any adult male with a life doesn't need a big house to amuse himself unless he likes having house parties.
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:15:00 PM | I moved in with my parents twice... both times when I moved back In-state from out-of-state,... the second time, Dad suffered a debilitating stroke, so m y "job" quickly became tending to his toilet needs, meals, companionship, home-physio-therapy, safety guardian, mental therapy (use it or lose it)... I'm just lucky I could be there when I was needed. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:35:36 PM | I know there're some false platitudes in this thread for men who may live at home. But we all know how a lot of girls feel about it. But I don't blame them, a couple needs their privacy and one of the two has to have a separate dwelling of their own.
Very recently, a woman initiated a thread on another site about how much of a loser most mamma's boys are. So here was my response:
When it comes to contradictions and hypocrisy, girls don't get any better than this.
I went to university and paid for my entire education in full for 5 years, I also even paid the bills while I could.
Yes, I often came home and had mom's home cooked meals among other chores I could have done myself.
Now my dad moved out to take a another job 4000 kilometres away and I buy the groceries, pay the bills, take care of my dog, help my sister with her work, clean, do all the yard work etc. But I live at home. It's my choice.
Funny thing is, a lot of girls do too. But... they will have the nuts to call you a momma's boy while,
1. Their dad gets the oil changes done and brother gets their car fixed. God forbid they ever have to pump air in the tires.
2. Their mom pays off their credit card bills
3. They don't know jack s..t about anything related to mortgages, auto insurance, life insurance, year end tax returns, RSPs, and bank accounts.
4. They can't even tell you the eyelens prescription they're wearing and what it actually means.
So please before you call guys who're shouldering responsibility, momma's boys, try to put some brake pads on a bike, or change a door lock, or fix that error message on your windows thing.
What I said doesn't apply to all girls by any means just those who generalize about guys who live at home and yes I have found it to be a social taboo. But the fact is, I don't wanna live to pay a mortgage for the rest of my life. If I live at home till the age of 30, I will have saved just over 200 grand. I'll take that to the bank no matter what any fickle minority of women thinks. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/13/2007 11:04:21 PM | " But the fact is, I don't wanna live to pay a mortgage for the rest of my life. If I live at home till the age of 30, I will have saved just over 200 grand. I'll take that to the bank no matter what any fickle minority of women thinks."
You Hit on a key point there. The Banks do not want everyone living together as a Family unit. It would be much cheaper for a Family to buy 10 acres of land and everyone build there own House on the Land etc. Instead they want everyone living in seperate apt units, Houses in subdivisions, Condos etc.
More Money to be made with everyone living alone paying rent instead of buying together and living as a Family group.
The 60,s were the closest we have ever come to getting out from up under the Money Man. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:47:53 AM |
they will have the nuts to call you a momma's boy while,
1. Their dad gets the oil changes done and brother gets their car fixed. God forbid they ever have to pump air in the tires.
2. Their mom pays off their credit card bills
3. They don't know jack s..t about anything related to mortgages, auto insurance, life insurance, year end tax returns, RSPs, and bank accounts.
4. They can't even tell you the eyelens prescription they're wearing and what it actually means.
So please before you call guys who're shouldering responsibility, momma's boys, try to put some brake pads on a bike, or change a door lock, or fix that error message on your windows thing.
1. I get my own oil changes done, although I don't do them myself I pay someone else to do them. Repairs as well, should I need them. I can fill my own tires.
2. I pay off my credit cards monthly. I have no debt save a car that I've had less than a year, but have already paid 2/3 of it off; over 1/3 being my down payment.
3. I pay my rent. I pay my car insurance in full for a year in advance. I don't feel the need for life insurance, as i'm not having children. I've done my own taxes, and I've found & used my own preparers. I have an IRA, other investments, and disability insurance to cover me until i'm 65 if the need ever arises.
4. 20/25. I'm slightly nearsighted and my night vision blows.
I take care of myself. I expect any man I date to take care of himself. 50/50 is how I roll. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:40:50 AM | piscescoda
Come on pisces you know exactly what i was saying.
Of course I know there are independent women. And hopefully they're independent enough of a thinker to realize that just because a guy lives at home he isn't a free loader, a loser or can't get a job or education.
We're all a function of our circumstances first. If a girl or a guy for that matter won't date someone because of it, they might miss out on someone great. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:02:44 AM | Yes, I do know what you were saying, and I was responding.
I'm saying I'm not a hypocrite. I don't have anyone taking care of me while I'm spouting my mouth off about not wanting some mama's boy.
In that same vein, I do expect the person I'm with to take care of himself. Shit, I barely like roommates. That's a little too fratboyish/college kid for me. However I *can* understand roommates until one is able to get out on their own.
However, living with mom & dad is just like being a kid again. You have no place to go with a chick unless SHE has a place, either alone or with roommates. I just don't see how someone can have a mature relationship while living under mom & dad's thumbs.
Maybe I will miss out on someone great, but that's doubtful. He can come back around when he's living a grown-up life. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/17/2007 12:23:06 AM | | The fact of the matter is that I live with my mom because she is elderly and needs a person who can get her groceries and her medicine. I'm not a young man and I must say that you are right, there is a stigma, I have encountered for many years. Once women find out I'm not by myself, many start looking elsewhere. It's just a fact. On the other hand, there are some other women who tell me they respect me even more. So it's a trade-off. But I'd have to say, unfortunately, it is a disadvantage as far as reeling in some very attractive ladies. They feel threatened, I believe, when they find out I'm living with a parent. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 7/17/2007 2:22:01 PM | | OH come on!A guy living with his parents is a loser!He made some stupid life choises and ended up back at home.Hows he going to make decisions for 2 people if he cant handle his own affairs. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:19:02 PM | | A date once remarked about me living with my mother, when I was 50 years old. I explained that I don't live with Mom, she lives with me. The date wanted to know what the difference was. I explained that I had been out on my own for years. Then, my Mom became ill enough-in her late 70s/early 80s-that she needed fairly constant care. I let her move in with me. Having been a medic in USAF, I knew how to care for her. It was better than sticking her in a nursing home, and letting her be neglected, or abused, by the staff, and dieing alone, and miserable. Mom finally did die...but her last days were happy, and comfortable, and spent in the company of family. Any date who objects to such familial devotion is not one who would make a suitable mate. Now I am alone, as Mom is gone, but I did my sonly duty and can look at myself in the mirror each morning. The day may come when I will be married, and my wife will fall ill, and need in home care. If so, she can be pretty confident that she will get such care from me, because I have shown how caring I can be. Guys who dump their Moms in nursing homes, will probably dump wives who become ill, too. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:40:55 PM | To me, the only accetable roommates are children or a sick parent whom you are taking care of.
I moved out when I was 18 and moved across the country by myself when i was 22 years old. I would expect a man to have more sense of adventure and responsibility to do it on his own.
Red Flags raised :
He will always be hanging out at your house
He's Unemployed or can't hold a job long enough or not motivated enough to get a job that will allow him the independence
Bad credit
Co-dependent
Just released from prision or a 'program'
Bad divorce and pays child /spousal support to the extreme
I can't understand why a man wouldn't want independence. I dated someone with a roommate, it was always awkward, and there just wasn't any privacy.
Ive had roommates when I was younger, but any guy over 40 who still has a roomate, well, there is just something wrong with that picture. I say BEWARE | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:46:01 PM | I live with my Mother and Grandmother. I am the primary caregiver for my grandmother. My mother will retire next year and she will take over the responsibilities and I will go back to work....hmmm...what dream to follow...makes for an interesting year.
Any woman who has a problem with my situation isn't a problem to me...she simply is not a dating option. | |
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GEOSC
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 115 | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:24:33 PM | It really doesn't matter what a man does. Either she is going to like him or she is not going to like him. Where someone lives is only a place in time. Sure it may be a little abnormal in the US but who really cares. There is no absolute as to why he may be living there. We could sit and come up with thousands of reasons. It doesn't mean that the man is a loser. It does not mean that he is uneducated. It doesn't mean he is neccessarily poor, he could even be wealthy.
I think that life is hard....and I congratulate all of you who have purchased beautiful homes and call those who havn't losers. You have truely made it to a new level of understanding and empathy torwards family and civilization. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:27:48 PM | 1. Their dad gets the oil changes done and brother gets their car fixed. God forbid they ever have to pump air in the tires.
2. Their mom pays off their credit card bills
3. They don't know jack s..t about anything related to mortgages, auto insurance, life insurance, year end tax returns, RSPs, and bank accounts.
4. They can't even tell you the eyelens prescription they're wearing and what it actually means.
So please before you call guys who're shouldering responsibility, momma's boys, try to put some brake pads on a bike, or change a door lock, or fix that error message on your windows thing.
My response: I took an auto basics class instead of home ec senior year in H.S. I take my car to the dealer and understand what they tell me. I put my own air into my tires and weekly check the oil levels, tires hoses and belts. I have even fixed my own car (prior to computer chips in cars) and no I wont fix your car for you. Take it to the dealer, you get a warranty on the work.
My parents have NEVER paid my bills. This is why I am independent and I am so greatfull to my parents for teaching me about responsibility and independence. Btw. my parents were married for 44 years and my mother passed away if she had made it, they'd be celebrating their 49th this year.
I have done my own taxes and have a CPA whom I see when deductions become complicated. handle all the corporate insurance , and handle multiple accounts and full financial responsibility for a very succesfull company. I have life, health, and auto and home/earthquake insurance. I understand my policy limits and raise/lower them as applicable. I have a few of my own bank accounts .
I am farsighted in my left and near sighted in my right with slight astigmatism (hey I'm 41)
And.... I am a natural blonde SO THERE! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:49:37 PM | I was on my own doing great in a nice little apartment for 3 years. Suddenly my employer goes bankrupt and lays off a bunch of people. Like me. After struggling to find a job that could pay the bills and being largely unsuccessful I made the regretful decision to move back in with the parents until I got a better job (yes I was employed but could only find part time crap.) . Despite how terrible the michigan job market is I finally landed that good job and I'm getting back on my feet, paying off bills, and saving for my own place again.
But according to some of the posts I'd still be a loser for needing help? WTF!?? Everyone runs in to trouble sometimes and needs a little help. I think needing a place to recover from a bad loss doesn't make you less of a man, especially if you pay rent and help out while you're staying there.
So I think it should really depend on the circumstances that lead you to living with the parents that should be considered. I don't think any man who's been through a hard time , or is trying to get ahead should be labeled, branded and outcast by all the women here.
Now with that said, the guys who sponge, leech, don't work or pay rent should be fair game to be torn apart by you ladies.
-Jeff- | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 7:48:52 PM | I am sorry, your 33 , white anglo saxon type who can write in english and can't find a job in IT that pays well enough to live on your own ?
Sounds like a sack full of excuses. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:20:42 PM | 
life's tough. you either learn to get by or you go home and live with your folks.
of course my dad would be there if i needed him, but i'm not about to move back home! i've been out on my own since i was 19, i've been downsized, been divorced and lost everything and i still haven't gone back. i say suck it up and be a responsible self-supporting human.
my dad and i have a fantastic adult child/father relationship, i'm not going to take advantage of that. however, if he was ill or needed me in any way, he could move in tomorrow | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:31:21 AM |
And so, let us look at these myths, more precisely the three more prominent ones.
1) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE LAZY AND CANNOT MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN".
2) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE MAMA'S BOYS".
3) "I DON'T WANT TO DATE A MAN WHO LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS BECAUSE I FEAR HIS FAMILY WILL GET INVOLVED WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP".
Women don't care. Most of them don't care about your reasons, your circumstances or why your situation plays out the way it does.
Women are biologically driven to find the best genes and the best provider for their future children.
If you own your own home, your dating options go up.
If you live at home with your folks, your dating options go down.
If I see a woman who is 50 pounds overweight, I probably won't find her attractive. I probably won't date her. I probably won't marry her. There's the simple aspect of lack of physical attraction. Then there is the biological imperative that tells me that an obese women probably can't offer me the same kind of quality of life over the long haul as a women in good physical shape. If I see a woman 50 pounds overweight, I'm not really going to stop and ask her why she is overweight. There could be a legitimate medical reason for it. It could just be that she is lazy and has deep rooted emotional issues over a negative self image. In the end, I just won't sleep with her, I won't date her and I won't marry her. Call it preference, call it shallow, call it nature at work - I just don't care.
In the same way, women don't care why you don't have the trimmings of what appears to be a good provider. They don't really care about your circumstances. They don't really care about the "whys" and "hows" They are simply going to move on and find someone else who can offer them what they are looking for in life.
I own my own home. I have more space in it than I probably need. I can tell you right now that owning your own place has it's own set of challenges and problems. Most guys I know who own their own homes alone are working too much to actually enjoy it. That's not to say you shouldn't buy a home if you can, it's just to say there are pros and cons to everything.
Given today's economy and depending on where you live, it usually takes two incomes for most people to own a home. Most women aren't clueless to this. If you and your future bride to be are under 30, I think it's more common for a couple like that to try to buy a home together.
However you are at a unique advantage if you are single guy who owns his own home. Women can see the upside of being with you and know they won't have to deal with the tedious details and work and struggles to own a home. They can just move right in and take over.
If you don't appear to be a provider to a woman, and this includes living with your parents, she probably won't date you. She won't tell you that straight out of course. But how much a man makes is a very very important issue for a woman and is a major factor in who she dates. Any woman who denies this is just plain lying. Is this all fair to men? I don't know. Probably not. But women don't care. It's not about you, it's about what's in it for them. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:50:23 AM | For me, I need to learn more about the individual before I pass judgement on them for living "at home".
I have a friend who is a fairly successful business owner, yet he lives with his mom... has nothing to do with financial success/failure nor emotional issues - but has to do with being practical and caring for his mother (as in "taking care of").
Now, you are in your mid-30's or older, un- or underemployed, your mom still does your laundry and cooks your meals for you, and you've never lived anywhere else nor have the desire to... might make me take a step back and reconsider. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:54:17 AM | I still live with my single mother. But I don't live with her for free. I have to pay rent (as she calls it) per month. I call that "rent" my contribution every month to help pay her bills. Since she's unemployed.
I still live with her partly because I'm disabled and I'm unable to drive a car. Even if I made enough to live on my own, I'd still need a woman friend to help me get around to places. Getting around to places is what my mother does for me in exchange for paying my share of the bills. Although I pay for her gas as well.
I can not see a man living with his parents because they spoil him, and he likes living off of them. Well, if I was a dad with a grown up kid and if I thought he was financially stable to live on his own, I would force him out like a landlord does to folks who don't pay apartment rent.
Now if he's not stable, I'd encourage him to look for a job. And just like unemployment, I'd need to see written proof on the jobs he applied for. Because if he's not job searching, he's gone. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:31:25 AM | You know some of the posts are a real eye opener when it comes to social conditions at home. So I see there some interesting social considerations. So what is the best way to explain to a person.
I like that people will care for their parents and contribute. I hate that some will leach off their parents and add nothing , to be clear its the later that I hate :) | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:44:21 AM | Each situation is different.
It's one thing if life has thrown you a curve ball and you end back a mom & dad's. Been there myself at one point. It's something completely different if you just lacked ambition and are too lazy to make it out on your own. | |
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