| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:59:15 PM | | Hey people how in the world are you going to find out what you CAN handle in life if your parents are still caring for you at the prime age of over (I think 20 is too old) 33 years of age. How can a person even think of getting into a relationship if that individual relys of the resourses of his parents for food, shether and all the things mommy is still doing for you like your laundry, meals .... cleaning! The thought simply exhausts me. My theory is ........ as a parent ..... when I am too old to care for myself ..... never will I be a burden to my adult children ....... I shall have the resourses to care for myself. Independence is something we should all seek to at least show that we have at least accomplished something in life. The problem I see with adult children still living with their parents after they should of been launched long ago .............. IS STOP FEEDING THEM CHEESE!!!! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:09:37 PM | SOUTHBAYGAL
my thoughts exactly ....... 50 percent or more of households are maintain by single women with children and surprize guys .... living on their own with the government chasing the fathers for some child support ..... give me a break! Guys living with mommy and daddy are slack asses of the highest kind ....... and on top of it they want a relationship with a woman ....... and they cannot look after themselves ... I don't think so!!!!!!!! | |
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lori31
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Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 153 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/21/2007 8:57:02 PM | | ive always dated mommy boys,its true wat your saying that men are lazy living with mommy n daddy..i think they should morealess get out say about 21,and venture out in the big wide world instead of relaying on there parents they are big men now not boys? | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/21/2007 9:19:45 PM | | My parents passed around when I was in my early 30's. As much as I loved them, I could never have handled living with them. I got along well with both, but just a weekend visit and by the time I left on Sunday, I felt like a child again. My mom would treat me like I was 12 and would say things like, "Dinner's ready. Have you washed you hands?" "You need to get to bed - it's nearly midnight." and so by reverting to Parent, it forced me to revert to Child or there would be conflict. So the thought of actually moving back in for any significant amount of time would have been detrimental to my growth and well-being. Not a crime, but just not the best way to grow as a person. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/22/2007 10:57:18 PM | | Me thinks there are a great deal of men (after reading many responses to this thread) who are extremely needy and possibly looking for strong independent women to look after them ........ take on the mommy role ..... no wonder why marriages are tubing ... birthrates are down .......men have become less then the provider .......( more of the "lost babies of planet Neptune) ..... what happened to Mars and Venus!? Guys ........ sorry .... if u don't have it together by 21 .... u never will ......... just park your butts ....... and hope for the best ....... and dream ......... I have a few good songs I could recommend ....... hahahaha | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:28:35 AM | Many think that having a job equates having a life. Yet, when I read nde reports, they always come back saying that they wished they spent more time with family and friends than they did bending over for some cooperation.
What's good for someone may not be good for another. This goes for who a person lives or not lives with.
I sit around playing video games a lot. You can make money from it. Most of you people's bosses don't want you to know that though. It keeps you showing up to your jobs. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:05:48 AM | I think that Post 156 makes some very valid points, even re video games (see CNN report on latest LA expo on video games).
Whereas I currently belong to the category Post 4 refers to, I have to, I love living alone as I did since 19, far away from home, and I am not going to easily give it up to live-in with a GF or SO (separate abodes is best), I love having my own little studio, one bed, a TV, a PC with DSL, a few clothes, a tel, that's about it, I do agree with the OPost in that men living with parents have been the unfair victims of mass media/pop culture (film etc) PROPAGANDA. So whereas every woman (and man) is of course free to choose who she/he dates and on what criteria, the ugly propaganda against men living at home is a FACT. And as such, it is despeakable, as despeakable as other forms of negative stereotyping.
But I love living alone, w/o parents, roomies or GF/SO. The indepedence cuts both ways, you see, ladies. I have lived-in with parent, parents, her, her parents (floor below), frat brothers, brothers in arms (military service), hospital roommates (30, back in 1982, 1 month), etc, etc. Living ALONE is die bestest! Living alone does not mean being alone. It is people living with others who usually are and feel more alone.
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 10:30:24 AM | I lived with parents, all alone, and with a roomate. They all have pros and cons, but I liked all the situations around the same (except for living with parents when they were less of my friend and more of a brick wall when much much younger). Again, there's pros and cons to it all.
I think people just parrot what they hear society spew without question. This leads to knee jerk responses and prejudices. Often ones that would be demolished with just a little critical thinking. But people are too tired and worn out from work to do any extra thinking. Easy just to parrot I guess.
PS. One of the reasons kids are screwed up today is due to double income families. More so than video games. No parent around to parent. But at least you all have lives...... or do you? A question to ask yourself and then answer if you haven't before. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:07:31 AM | Hmmm...I know of men who fit into both the "good" and "bad" categories of living at home with mom & dad:
Guy #1...loser. Lives at home so he doesn't have to get a job. Spends all day at the bar with money borrowed from parents. Doesn't clean, cook or do much of anything besides drink. A definite taboo!
Guy #2...hero. Lives with parents because Mom has Alzheimers, and Dad doesn't know how to care for her, run a household, etc. Cooks, cleans, holds down 2 jobs, has 1/2 custody of his 3 children and yet still finds the time to sit up all night with Mom if she's feeling restless. A definite tab-DO!
It's all in the background of the situation...just because a man says he lives with his parents, doesn't make him un-date-worthy at all. (I date Guy #2!)
Peace | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 4:31:35 PM | i don't care if someone lives at home or not, that is on them; my prob is when u have a girl who lives at home bashing a guy who lives at home or a girl who lives at home demanding an independent man, when she is obviously dependent on having the freedom to live at home.
i live on my own and have girls who live in their parents house saying how i need to get a bigger place or whatnot; but who don't live on their own, nor do they plan to do so.
an there just seems to be alot of HARSH criticism towards men who live at home; noone is pointing at women who live at home calling them lazy/etc | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 5:09:42 PM | if u don't have it together by 21 ....
What if there are circumstances that have happened in the past that has affected the person's confidence, body, mind whatever and they are in the middle of getting back into life and helping themselves to play a role in society?...Does the fact they're with their Parents or other relatives mean they too are just lazy mummy boys with their PCs, Video Games and all that rubbish?
Sounds to me like too many people on this Post are jumping the gun without thinking properly and others and jumping on the Bandwagon with them...surely that doesn't happen often in these Forums?? | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/23/2007 11:23:52 PM | Hi King Creole!
Of course there are circumstances ...... the reason is to WHY strong healthy men are living at home ..... but the bottom line is "build your own self worth" ...... how in all honesty can a man bring a woman into his world if he has not created his own world to invite someone of subsance in!! The essense of a man ...... whether he be short/tall, slim/fat, labourer or executive ..... is how he has achieved an ability to look after himself and hopefully a family. Otherwise what is his attraction to a woman. Frankly ..... considering the average age of a man leaving home to make his mark in the world is 28 ........ does not say much except ...... oops how do I do laundry ..... and what is cooking ......... and omg .... if I don't pay the utilities ...... they actually disconnect! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 9:16:52 AM | What is the attraction of an over the hill wrinkled mass of OLD to a man? Not much, especially when they're as bitter as you.
But hey, they wouldn't be on this site if they weren't old, fugly and with kids. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 11:23:26 AM | | I don't have a problem with a guy who's living with his parents as long it's a legitimate reason...for example...my bf is living with his parents...last Nov the house that him and his ex-wife bought was sold and rather than renting and trying to save to buy another house he moved back home...if a guy just hasn't gotten out on his own bc he doesn't want to makes me think he likes his mommy taking care of him and I won't date someone like that! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 5:04:19 PM | Again, I ask those of you who believe that basically labeling anybody that still lives at home in his mid to late 20s as basically not being able to support him/herself.. as I stated earlier, when even given the possibly to so called "developing" life skills by living on their own and still failing at it, then what is the difference than someone who lives at home?
I don't see some of the posters put much consideration into the reasoning and the cultural aspects of people who live at home. Like my friend with the Japanese in-laws example (The couple living at home and just moving out of the guy's parents' house at the age of 33, they also have 2 kids young boys). The family is financially stable, normal, and are regular human beings. But with some of the people's judgmental ways, this family might as well kill themselves because they weren't going to "make it" because the family still lives at home in their late 20s.
And what makes any of us think that because someone lives at home in their mid 20s, that they are mooching off their parents, or have absolutely no domestic skills. What if the person living with their parents cook for the family, do the domestic work around the house? Furthermore, labeling them as lazy human beings and useless pylon to society. It's incredible how people just assume things before even thinking with reason..
Who are we to judge who someone is because he/she lives at home in their 20s/30s/40/50s, etc.. We don't even know them and yet before even giving a crap to figure it out what the circumstances are, a wagon is waiting nearby for people to jump on. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 5:25:18 PM | "to makes me think he likes his mommy taking care of him and I won't date someone like that!"
I would not date such a woman either (and a man if I was a woman, lol), BUT it is those men who have gotten used to have a woman "taking care" of them that tend to want to marry!!! I, for one, do not!  I want to share passion, eros and intellectual connection, and what does marriage have to do with THOSE? Little to nothing!
So people who want to marry and "share a home" (this expresion sounds so UFO these days) should not be, IMO, so quick to exclude "living with parents" men or women! They are their core "market" for marriage, IMO.
I was speaking to one of my mothers doctors today. 30+. He turns all his income to his wife who manages their "home". I shook my head. Trapped in the 19th-2oth century, in the 21st. Did not comment. Why spoil their "time bubble"? | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 5:49:25 PM | I think every situation is different.
I am 29 and still live at home (but not for too much longer).
do I like it? no. I want out.
I am not making excuses, but part of why I never moved out earlier was I was in school and have earned a great education (honours university degree, and college post grad. diploma). I am also working towards a business certificate at night at my former university.
All this education has paid off in terms of my career: I have a good job, and I am earning good money even though I am at the bottom of the pay scale..
However, all this came fairly recently. Even with a great education, the job market is tough out there, and it still took awhile to go from my crappy part time job (friday nights and weekends though university/college) to a well paying job.
as soon as I got the well paying job, I bought a new car (my old one was toast), computer etc. In other words, stuff i could never afford before.
Since then, I have been saving as much money as I can, to make a down payment on a condo or even a small townhouse and have a mortgage.
everyone has told me: stay at home just a bit longer, and get a place of your own with a mortgage, rather than an apartment and pay rent.
the nightschool that I am attending (because it is at a university) is not cheap, but I know that it will benefit my career immensely down the road. and I will be done fairly soon.
I don't like being at home, but I know if I moved out tomorrow into an apartment (which I could afford to do easily I think), I would end up regretting it long term.
still, sometimes I wonder if I am making the right decision or not.
I don't know.
on the one hand, having my own place and a mortgage is probably better than paying rent for an apartment.
on the other hand, I am a little embarrassed about still being at home. with a good job.
I guess the good job just came a bit late. Had I got it earlier, I would be out long ago..
Some women will probably never date me until I am out.
that is just something I will have to deal with for a little while longer..
anyway, that is my mindless babble out on the page.
thanks for reading :) | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/24/2007 5:50:45 PM | For me I'd be more concerned if the guy still lived with his ex-wife!
I think I would have to take things into account. If the guy had never lived on his own that would probably be a deal breaker, I've been on my own since I was 15... there would just be a HUGE gap in our life experiences. But at my age I also know some people who have their parent(s) with them because they are elderly...that's actually pretty cool.
There are also extenuating circumstances... temporary ones I woud take into consideration. I'd have a problem with a guy who doesn't do his own laundry, cooking. cleaning or doesn't pay his parents rent.
It is a social taboo I think because individuation is expected of men, even more so than of women...also I've met, and dated some "mama's boys"... there is a big difference between loving and having a good relationship with your parnts and never having cut the umbilical cord. I don't think any woman wants to compete with a guys mom. It's not possible...she's "mom". | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/25/2007 11:04:27 AM | i hope living with my parents aint gonna be a problem.the reasons i am here are:
the EX left me with a ton of bills i just could not pay in time.had to pick and choose what got payed and what didnt.so i let alot of stuff get shut off.
the EX played with my head all summer.once again i spent too much time on her and not enough time on makeing money
my parents especially my mom are very sick and need some help.they cant pay all thier bills on thier own so i am here to try to help them as much as i can.
am i a mamas boy? HELL NO!!!!!will they get involved in my relationships?HELL NO!!!
do they tell me what to do or not to do?sometimes but in the end i make my own decisions.
am i a little upset about doing this?of course i am.im going from owning my home to living with my parents for a bit till my house sells to renting an apartment or something.it sux but not much i can do about it.
i shouldve done what i had to do instead of trying to make the EX happy and do what she wanted to get her to come back.i did it all for nothing and next time i wont make these mistakes.just sux that to get ahead i have to go backwards first.but ill just keep rideing the waves of life,changing myself as needed and wait to see when the waves stop and see where i end up.if a girl has a problem with me living with my parents she knows where the door is. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 10/25/2007 11:57:54 AM | OP: I've noticed that this issue appears with others on those girly-girl MSNBC "expert" columns that dictates or insinuates a guy is a loser--this is a very insidious form of propaganda, elevating one group as superior over another especially by taunting, slurring or applying shaming language (aka "displaying a prejudice"):
1. Lives at home with parent(s) [the kiss of death in these columns is if he lives at home with someone of their own sex--his mom]
2. Is unemployed [even after having explained he just lost his job due to outsourcing, and it was recent]
3. He makes less than you [related to #2, quite often because the guy has to begin a new career at an entry level] | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:44:01 PM | After I read your response on men living with their parents, I decided to read your profile. A lot of what you said, I felt like I was reading about myself. I can hear your country southern drawl on paper. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/15/2009 9:30:09 PM | LOL. you're so mean to the guys out there that are struggling... why not help provide them a solution... oh, because you are the one too quick to talk out your ass, take god's job as a judge. i don't think you have ever been in there shoes. i know that you are frusterated because you cannot find a man up to your deluded standards. you're going to die an old, single lady.
to prevent that... solution no. 1 for you. get a face lift and a boob job and go to a health club and start tucking that saggy ass in.
no. 2 for you. find some sort of yoga or meditation to clean out your deluded, superficial mind.
no. 3 get a heart transplant. preferably from a sage.
no. 4 stay away from the beach. your tan isn't helping hide your wrinkles.
no. 5 stay away from the beach. you may scare the children away with your jack nicholson smile. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:14:07 PM | I sometimes wonder how women will perceive me in what appears to be that situation.
I want my mother to come live with me for about 6 months of the year between her travels. I left home at 19 years old and haven't been fortunate enough to be able to get away to see her more than once or twice a year for the last 20 years.
She's 79 now and I want to miss as little of what's left of her life as possible.
First assumptions would likely be that I live with her instead of the other way around. | |
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