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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 12/21/2008 6:28:26 PM | Been engaged.. but never married. All my male friends are either divorced or had kids out of wedlock. They all gave me the same advice :
"never marry. biggest mistake you could ever make in a lifetime"
I agreed and i now perfer the green pastures of not having to give 50% of everything i own to someone else.
Life is grand.
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 12/21/2008 10:59:21 PM | I don't really believe in marriage. I will live with someone I love until the day I die, would help them raise their kids (I don't want any of my own), and do all the things that a married couple would do. To me marriage is just a piece of paper, a contract saying that "You have to love me now."
Lucky for me most of the women I hate dated feel the same way, and I meet more and more people every day that don't believe in marriage anymore when they once did. I guess in some ways many people look at marriage as a way of proving you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, but if that person needs that marriage to believe it then it seems like they didn't really believe you in the first place.
I can understand getting married for religious reasons if you still follow some sort of religion, but after seeing my parents, and the parents of so many of my friends, and now as an adult my own friends getting divorced it doesn't seem worth the legal hassles that follow. I just got out of a 10 year relationship with my last girlfriend, we talked about getting married, but figured there was no point. Now that we are broken up it was easy to part ways, no lawyers, no fights. I just took my stuff and moved into a new place, and that was the end of it. And the great thing is that we are still friends, hang out all the time, and talk once a day on the phone. I doubt I would have that kind of friendship there after going through a divorce.
To each is own though. Some people feel the need to get married, and others can simply just be with another person for a lifetime without that piece of paper and the party. | |
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:05:56 AM | ^^^^ Uhm, in most jurisdictions, if you lived with someone upwards of ten years, you were married under common law. Whether you considered yourself married or not doesn't matter. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, etc.
And if you'd had anything more than just you're "stuff", the odds are pretty good that you might have gotten to experience the joys of an accompanying actual divorce with lawyers and fights and all the rest. | |
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 12/22/2008 12:06:45 PM | | 34 and never married. I lived with my child's father for three years and we talked of getting married 'some day'.....we didn't, and I'm glad we didn't. I'd like to get married one day, but the problem I seem to have is that I keep meeting men who want children, but I don't want another child. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/3/2009 10:25:22 PM | I am 33 and I've never been married nor engaged either. Divorce frightens me so, especially when there are younger children.
I think you are being wise by your selectiveness. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/4/2009 10:40:08 AM | | Been engaged once.was proposed to once (I only knew her for 3 days!) and never married,no kids. My parents used to give me all kinds of grief about "settling down" and as the eldest I heard it often. I always told them I was just gonna find a woman who was willing to tolerate me and then I would just buy her a house and sign over half my paycheck to her after 7 years,as that was what was probably gonna happen (all that said tongue in cheek) They took a very dim view on that,and well, now they don't say a word to me after each of my five younger siblings has been married and divorced,a couple of them numerous times. I'm the only one who can claim to never have had a failed marriage. when I am home,or they come for visits I'm the "cool" uncle that has all the neat toys and has no problem picking up a niece or nephew for a day fishing or just hanging out. I always have a constant line of them begging to come over and stay the night or just run around with me doing errands..It's a great life. I'm not opposed to being married,just want to be sure that I am married ONCE and it's til I die. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/4/2009 11:27:50 AM | yep! me too. My parents only got married because they had me then my brother.......30 odd years later my father is on his 4th marriage and his experiences and his attitude towards women has made me the cynical person I am as far as marriage is concerned.
Had a few serious relationships but when i think do I REALLY trust and want to spend the rest of my life with this person the answer has always been no...... would be nice if someone could change my mind but i doubt it! lol! | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/4/2009 11:54:06 AM | | Well, I'm pushing 40, never been married, no kids but engaged once, very young and had a few long term relationships. I have had two wonderful examples of a great marriage. One being my parents who would still be together today if my mom were still here and the other my brother and his wife. | |
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 1/4/2009 12:31:46 PM | | I don't think it's about being picky, it's just finding the right person. I was engaged once, recently single, and not happy about it. I believe you just have to, like I said, find the right person for you. For some of us, it takes more time than others. | |
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| How to Find the Right One
Posted: 1/4/2009 9:14:31 PM | Here's a useful article by Martha Beck on dating. As you might have guessed, finding the right person involves finding yourself, making your life into one that is worth living and setting standards for what your soulmate will be like.
How (Not) To Get A Man
The rules tell you to scheme, flatter, and play hard to get, but our favorite life coach doesn't think that will get you very far. It's time to rethink the dating game.
Day after day, as I hear single women bemoan the lack of available men, I wish ethics allowed me to set them up with my wonderful male clients who are searching, with equal frustration, for the right woman. Instead, I end up simply witnessing singles of both sexes failing to find each other. I believe this failure has much to do with the model of love-seeking most popular in our culture: the idea of romantic pursuit as a type of predation, a hunting expedition the goal of which is capture. In my experience, the way of thinking that leads to successful relationships is altogether different. It's focused on the idea that the way to find love is to become so much yourself that you find others of your own kind, with whom you can share freedom.
The Book of Love?
The predator model of love leads to a hunter's way of dating: Seek large gatherings of your prey, dangle a false self as bait, wait for an individual to stray from the herd, then pounce on him with all the wit and wile it takes to bring him down. Internet matchmaking services, singles bars, speed dating, personal ads and even blind dating all borrow from this "statistical mass" logic. I've seen clients spend years dating this way, entering one briefly exciting, painfully doomed relationship after another. This is not a numbers game. It's a soul search.
The Other Rules for Seeking Your Soul (and Its Mate)
I would encourage anyone who wants to find a soul mate to follow three steps, which I call "The Other Rules."
1. Know thyself.
Women who are willing to hide or detach from their real selves in order to bag a man often seem to believe that the right guy will give them a sense of identity and self-confidence. This is backward. Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you've never seen.
Next time you're feeling fretfully single, try exploring your own nature: Write down your favorite foods or colors or songs or books or sports. Visit a therapist. Embark on a voyage of self-discovery for its own sake and because it is on that journey that you are likely to bump into the perfect traveling companion.
2. Value thyself.
The single women I know are frequently advised, "Stop being so picky," "Have a better attitude," and "Lower your standards," perhaps to the point where they'll date anyone with a penis and a pulse. I believe this is precisely the wrong approach. Why? Consider our statistical friend, the bell curve. The great bulge in the middle represents areas where you are, well, average. This is also the part of you that could easily be mixed and matched with the largest number of potential mates. The skinnier upper end represents your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary. The few people who share your most exceptional characteristics are your tribe, the population that is most likely to contain your heart's partner.
I suggest that you should be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the "bad attitude" that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same way you are. Be courteous to men who don't appeal to you, but for God's sake, don't waste your evenings—let alone your nights—with them. "Oh," conventional rule-keepers might exclaim, "you'll have to spend some nights alone!" Yes, indeed. Your pool of candidates is much smaller at the high-quality end of the bell curve, your chances of having no date on Saturday much larger if you refuse to go out with men who bore or repulse you. But if memory serves, the boredom and/or repulsion of bad dating is much worse than spending a few hours on your own.
3. Engage thyself.
The authors of The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right emphasize that in order to get a guy, a woman should always act busy—for instance, when a desirable man calls, it's wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as "Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do." Here's my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it—a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive, so if you want to get engaged to your soul mate, start by being engaged in activities that fascinate you—especially those that have nothing to do with dating and that make you forget to go love hunting.
http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/omag_200306_beck/1
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:30:26 AM | I'm 41, never married, have a 19 YO son. I've been engaged a few times but thankfully I never made it down the aisle with them.
If that makes me picky and commitment phobic, so be it. I find it difficult to find men who are willing to accept me as I am, warts and all, as I would them.
The final straw was when he rolled over Sunday morning and said "Honey, you need to lose weight for the wedding". My response was "Yes, 220 lbs. Get out."
I don't think it was so bad to be picky. | |
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| Re: If you're over 30 and never married, you're too picky.
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:37:15 PM | I have been engaged but never married it was for the best because we just didn't have enough in common. Throughtout the last few years i've been told that i am to picky. Which i find funny being that i have dated women over 200lbs just because i liked them and also because i was asked out by full figured women as well. I am not looking for someone to be perfect but to have alot of the qualities that i'm looking for.
And alot of women want to be spoiled and wined and dined just like every guy will like to be able to spoil them and to be spoiled in return. But unfortunately millions of people are being laid of in this harsh economy so we're more concerned with saving up just in case we're the next one's to get laid off. Hmmm...$7 per ticket, $4 per drink, $5 per popcorn go to a restaurant $20 a piece leave $5 tip, that's $57. Being their are dads with kids and dads that have been laid off every penny counts, which really suck if you two or one realize its not going to work out. I'm thankful that i have a job nor having to support a kid(s) on my own, knock on wood. But i have been on alot of dates since me and my ex fiance seperated about 10 years ago some that lead to bad dates, long term relationships, friendships and most importanly growth that has made me into a better person. For those that read this realize that money can't buy you love nor happiness. That he/she shouldn't have to look like a greek god/godess for you to give them the time of day. In my 10 years of dating since me and my ex fiance has seperated i may not have found love but the friendships, laughter and tears and their was times my heart was broken or skip a beat. But i have learned alot throught my life that have made me into better person, future husband and father figure. I believe that everthing happens for a reason some people find there true love early on some later throughout life. And maybe we can to if we give everybody a shot instead of caring about someone looks or financial status. The worst thing that can happen is you two may not be compatible and go your seperate ways but if it works out, smile i mean when it works out.......................................It will feel like a dream come true. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/19/2009 11:06:54 PM | | Turn 34 in June and never married and no kids.I guess the timing has just been off.Talked about it with a few men though.I want to have kids but don't want to start too late either...I'd say I'll give it a few more years then if it doesn't happen I could always adopt.I really wasn't ready to have kids or get married till last year then it hit me.But everyone on my Dad's side including my parents are happily married and most on my Mom's side also so i don't wanna be a bad statistic.I have very good examples of what happiness looks like. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 6:58:19 AM | Hi Op,i am 49 and never been married or engaged,no children but i would still like to think i would make a good husband one day.Its easy to get set in your ways and become a little selfish but i still hope marriage could happen for me and would love the chance to cherish someone and share all the things that make a relationship special.
Im sure theres still time for you.
TI | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 2:13:51 PM | Maybe by the third marriage the person will have finally worked out the bugs and you the lucky man will be the one to benefit from all the hard work. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:40:40 PM | | i cant see the point in marriage these days its just a piece of paper . Me ? ive never married. tbh i can see it ever happening now . ive seen too many friends thru divorce for one thing which kinda puts ya off . and secondly the older more settled i get the less likely i am to want to let someone into my little world.. she would have to be incredibly special for me to even look twice . besides my dog loves me | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:08:05 PM | I'm sure in my internet geekdom I posted on this one but I'm too lazy to look *and* I feel the need to revisit this since I am recently 32 (ahhhhhhhh!!!!!) and never been married with no kids.
I remember turning 30 and thinking "wow I'm a bit of a personal failure huh?" then it dawned on me , only in that year had I even entertained the notion of being ready for marriage and a family. Maybe a bit of a late bloomer, maybe wanted to get the career thing in order ,maybe spent my time with the wrong person/people *but* regardless of why , that explained it. I think that realization has made me a better person in general and certainly a better person to date. So if/when I do go that route, I'm fairly confident I can see it for what it is and work hard at it to make it work. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 7:53:18 PM | | 36 and never married....2 ladies that I had strong enough feelings for 1) was engaged when I met her became close friends....2) high school girlfriend and we drifted apart when I moved and had different college and career goals. I still think life is a journey and if the timing of things work out, I would like to some day. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 8:42:12 PM | 43, never married, not because I didn't want to though, just never found the right one.
I am very picky. | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:13:39 PM | I'm gonna be 40 in March, never married and don't have kids. I do have a little girl, she's a Puggle and the cutest dog in the world.
But nope, never married, when I was a kid I said I'd never marry and so far it seems to be working out that way.  | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 9:30:21 PM | | I'm 33 and never been married. I have been in a few long term relationships where marriage could have been possible..but i knew the person was not the right one and not the person i would hve liked to father my children. So that is why I'm still looking. Marriage actually isn't a big deal to me. If i love someone and they love me...that is all i ask for :) | |
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| 30 and never married?
Posted: 1/25/2009 10:33:17 PM | I agree with you. I have noticed the same trend xcept some are even on their 3rd and 4th go arounds. I want to marry once and that is it - no divorce separation crap. I value the sanctity of marriage and if and when I should get married it will be with the right one.
So people proably shouldn't look down on those of us who have never married - we are just waiting to find the right one who will fulfil the marriage vows and not just a 1/3 of them.
Blessings to all. | |
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