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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 4:22:15 PM | I am leaving for California in two days and I am quite sick of possessions at this point. I’ve been dumping stuff left and right. I certainly hope that people don’t judge a person by their lack of material wealth, because I’m only ½ the woman I was a few weeks ago. Oh well, maybe the king hobo on Skid Row will be willing to take to take a chance with me. Does the soup kitchen serve Orange Mocha Frappuccinos?
On the plus side, my house is spotless.  | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 4:42:37 PM | Where to even start on this one...
In life nothing should be taken for granted. Our health, finances, the things that we own because one day we could lose it all. Something could happen to us that is not our fault and we struggle to make ends meet. I would never look down on a person who had less than me because they got ill, could not work and had no money coming in and quickly went through their savings to pay bills on a lifestyle they could afford before.
Things happen in life. Some people do not have health care and get ill and have to sell all they own just to pay medical bills. I know this may sound extreme but it happens.
And then there are people who have great jobs, make good money but lose what they have because they drink away, gamble away or snort away their money. I would not look down on these people for losing it all but it is not the same as the people who lose it all because of being ill.
Yes, at a certain age society expects that we should have it all together. Own a house, have money in bank, have nice things to show for our labor of work but sometimes things just happen, and it can happen to all of us.
So maybe that person in the shoes with holes, torn jeans and lives in a rental mobile home and has nothing once had something and something bad happened and it all went away. Imagine how this person feels to have once had it all and for it to all be gone through no fualt of their own.
~Carrie | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 4:54:56 PM |
Because they don't have a car?? Hehe.. I was 30, single and making crap loads of money. My job was very demanding and I worked 7/16 for about 5 years. I had a bland apartment with barely a toaster, a few forks and knives but not a slice of bread to butter, one bowl though I didn't have soup in the cupboard to put in it, a crappy couch, a 20 inch sanyo tv, and the same bed with no headboard I had when I moved in. Oh.. and I had curtains. When I finally started slowing down at work, I started dating. I always brought my dates home with a pizza or chinese in hand. And I didn't have a car. I cabbed it everywhere. I had a great life, my dates had a great time, and never had ONE chick phoo phoo me.
If it was you, you would have missed out on a nice two week Sandals vacation. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:05:51 PM | I am not sure where to start here. I am really trying to see your point of view. Here are my thoughts...
How much, if anything, do you read into it when you meet someone who pretty much has nothing? Do you immediately suspect that they want you for what YOU have?
I never want to pass judgement on anyone. I refuse to start any relationship based on assumptions and distrust. It doesn't usually take to long for someone's true colors to come out.
At my age, (mid 50s) I have a hard time seriously considering women in my age group who at this point in life can't afford to have a car. When you go to meet someone, and they live in a really low budget kind of place, and everything in the place is from a rental center, and are in that group that don't even have a car... how hard is it to NOT assume they are looking for a meal ticket?
You have no idea what this woman has been through. There are any number of tragic events that could have happened.
But I grew out of that as I aged and now understand that while I don't judge someone by their possessions, it just kind of tells me about their drive, work ethic, sense of priority and such when at 55 they have pretty much nothing. I know there are circumstances, like a bad divorce and such, but even that makes me wonder about their radar to have been married to a louse who would leave them in that state.
Sounds to me as if you are judging. I don't have the best of everything...hell I don't have the best of anything. Considering everyting I have been through in my life, I am doing ok. No has ever helped me out of a bad situation. I have what I have because I have worked very hard my entire adult life. It is the rare couple who divorce peacefully and fairly as not to leave one of them in a bind. Sadly more often than not it is the woman who is left in that bind.
I once went to a computer repair call. I only had an address and didn't know until I got there that it was a rental trailer. She couldn't drop the computer off because she had no car. The woman had plastic milk crates tied togetherwith rope and pillows on them as furniture, a sleeping bag on the floor for a bed, and a brand new $2700 HP computer with flat panel on a stack of the same milk crates. Also a nice TV and stereo. The place was a veritable mess of 2nd hand store everything, and it stunk from lack of cleaning. Again, though possessions don't really mean anything, but doesn't the scenario I just described paint a picture of what a person like this is all about?
I have to ask, what is wrong with having 2nd hand everything? I work for a non-profit retailer. Our mission to improve the community by improving the lives of it's people through services, partnerships, collaborations and the responsible use of community resources.
Frankly, I think your thoughts on the scenario you described says more about you than the woman you described.
It is pretty safe for me to say the majority of my friends are better off financially than I am. Are they any happier? It's possible...but not likely. I have dated men with average incomes and men with higher incomes...I really don't care what they have or don't have. Possessions don't make the person. Each of us has our own life story to tell, unless our own lives are perfect, we have no right to judge anyone else...ever. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:09:56 PM |
If they can't fill an appartment, then maybe, just maybe, he/she should be focusing on things other than a date friday night.
Seems like you didn't understand what I said or didn't bother to read the entire post and just picked out that one thing to focus on. Either way, you COMPLETELY misrepresented what I did say. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:38:19 PM | | I have two raggedy old Volkswagens, a bunch of clothes from the Goodwill, a bunch of stuff from the 99 Cent store, about 4,000 books, CDs, LPs, videos, DVDs and very little else because I spent my life following my master all over the world and blissing out, and if anyone doesn't like it, they're welcome to clear off!!!!!! Oh, and I gave a bunch of money to his organizations too. Oh, well. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:40:30 PM | Someone further up here said the words " same values". I totally agree.
I have not led a sheltered life and raised both my children on a waitress wage.
However, in my mid 30's I decided to explore my options in life and decided to go to college, with the intention of securing a "cumfy" government job, which I did in 1988.
I also decided to learn how to drive, get a credit rating and expand my interests.
At the ripe old age of 49, I left my second husband, who was awarded our home, dog and everything else I put into the marriage. If anyone would have met/dated me in Nov 2001, you would have "noticed" I had a teensy twin bed, 2 plates/2 cups/ a tiny apartment and my cat. My TV was a 21" portable and I had no cable and only dial up internet.
Fast forward to 2007, and I now have all my creature comforts of home back. I have loads of dishes/household items/toys and car. All purchased by myself an my hard-earned money.
My pet peeve you ask??
Its people that whine incessantly about how hard life has treated them , blaming all of their misfortunes on others.
Personally, I would never date a man ( in his 50's ) that had no car/job/credit, etc.
I value a partner who is my equal as far as ambition, motivation, etc is concerned.
I want someone who can travel/ play at a moments notice without having to check his bank balance. I don't so why would I want a man that did?
Streph | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:00:32 PM |
well... if that's the case then I'm fooked!! I sold my house and everything in it (everything that wouldn't fit in my car!) 7 months ago to move from Wisconsin to Louisiana. I didn't do it for a man, with a man, or because of a man. I'm not here to bag a man, trap a man, or trick a man into taking care of me. I can take care of myself. I can't believe how much STUFF you can accumulate in 7 months but I'm proud of how far (not talking distance) I've come since I've been here. I got a good job, a good place to live, and have great friends. What I DON'T have... OR need... is NEW stuff. I've bought 2nd hand furniture (great condition), new TV (NOT a plasma or 56" screen) and I am living very comfortably
awesome post!!!
i'm doing somewhat the same thing. my boyfriend and i are selling everything. he hs two apartment buildings, we're selling our house and all my antiques.
we are going to live in another one of his buildings. we have already booked a trip for italy in july.
stuff means nothing. you can't take it with you! | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:09:19 PM | Thank you roller... and you got that right! The only things I brought with me were my sentimental family things I'd accumulated over the years. (Good thing I only have one kid!! haha)
Some things were hard to let go, the borderline things, but when you're faced with choices it's amazing what you can let go. Most of the stuff was easy. I sold some, donated some, and gave some away... it was actually a very enlightening experience for me (no pun intended!)
I'd sell everything I've accumulated in the last 7 months for a trip to Italy in a heartbeat!! 
Have fun and good luck on your adventure... both in Italy... and with your boyfriend... you both have the right atttitude!  | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:28:19 PM | I have a lot of things, just very few assets.
I could furnish a small apartment with what I've crammed into the basement I'm renting. (I start an unpaid internship in the fall.)
Hell, I would say the most valuable thing I own is my car, and half of the time I don't remember where the crap I've left it.... | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:58:14 PM | | justcueit - oh we will have fun! thanks!! i already enjoy living more simply. it's much easier to keep a place clean when it's not crammed with crap!! | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:13:15 PM | ESE: Wow ~ interesting little neighbor. I never see you anymore, so I suppose I remembered that for some strange reason ~ thanks for the clarification. Nightmare on Eddie Street Part Deux. 
Frau: Enjoy your travels! Nice to see someone else who has the drive to give it away and move on. (I think I'd do just fine as a shopping cart lady, just make sure there is a generator for DSL and air conditioning!) Possessions are just that ~ things we can replace. Good luck.  | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:02:15 AM | I'm with you Strephie, I've also earned what I have and I too, wouldn't look twice at someone who wasn't at least equal to me in all aspects, why would I want to be dragged down after working so hard to get where I am. Have you noticed that it's usually the people who don't have anything that say material things don't matter? I don't think the majority of us who think this way are saying money comes before everything, at least I'm not. I'm just saying that normal, grown up, average people usually have a decent roof over their head and a decent mode of transportation. I for one chose to not be a burden on society, I don't have to ask for handouts, and to me, honest work is not a bad word. I will not go into my life story but let's just say that I've perhaps worked harder than most and I'm proud of my accomplishments including my personal relationships with the people in my life. I don't have to apologize for anything. If someone wants to be a slacker or spend all their money on booze or drugs or cigarettes,
that's up to them but they shouldn't expect to be welcome in my social circle.
To the person who called me Mother Theresa, all I can say is that the best thing a person can do for the poor and society is not to become one of them. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:26:56 AM | yes, it is since forever, and it will be for ever
people are looking around your house first when they visit you, and they may say :
oh, here is very nice ....
or they say : oh, my god, I have to go, I am late, to see you [never] .... | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:47:35 AM | | It's the classic grasshopper/ant story. You know, the one where the ant works all summer stockpiling food for the winter while the grasshopper plays. In the end, of course, winter comes and the ant is set. The poor grasshopper, however, is in a bit of a bind. Both lifestyles have their appeal, but I could see how the ant might feel a little resentful.... | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 4:05:39 AM | My son has made me one of the richest men in the world
OP; I understand what you are saying, it makes you think, the 5 w's. I see it all the time through my charity work, some of them would give anyone the shirt off their backs so to speak. When I go visit some of the elderly people in Retirement Homes, they have a Chair, bed , couch and a TV, not much, then your here their stories of how rich their lives were and for most still are, because of the friends they have or had, no mention their wealth as far as money goes...just friends its very humbling...
Have a nice day everyone. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:16:14 AM | to the OP: It is always easy to assume things about an individual because they don't have expensive possessions or any possessions. Is it the possessions or material things that really matter. Yes, at our age, we should be at a place in life that we have attained material things if that is what we so desire but you don't know that persons "story". At age 30 I lived a good life (materially that is)..had a nice home, nice cars, nice clothes etc....had a bad marriage though. Due to abuse in the marriage I finally got the guts to leave...all my life I had lived the "good" life so to speak. never worried about bills, where my next meal was going to come from. For me it was "safer" to leave my ex with all of the material things. Thus, I had a very low paying job which was in the beginning for "grins and giggles" , and now was my only source of income. I could barely pay the bills, ate very little as what food I had was needed for my 3 sons. Was I judged based on this situation...yes...guys thought I wanted them for a meal ticket. Not so, I am/was very proud, worked hard to provide for myself and my sons and took nothing from anyone nor did I want anything from anyone. Don't judge.
Now, I am 51, was engaged to a gentleman, we were planning our wedding which was to have taken place in Oct 2006, we shared a home, I had a vehicle, a great paying job. but then he decided he wanted to trade me in for a newer, younger model (he married her in Dec 2006).....in the course of one week-end my entire life changed...I no longer had a home to live in, no longer had a vehicle, lost my job, lost everything. I had no choice, no say in the matter. He moved me to So. Il (we lived in DE) I now live with my son, his wife, 2 grandchildren, have no car, no job (other than babysitting my grandchildren) and have been healing. Talk about a humiliating experience. Fortunately, I do own a home in Maryland which is rented out thus I do have the recourse of selling it when the lease agreement is up. I will then rebuild my life here. Buy a new home, buy a vehicle, and start my life anew. Yes I felt like a loser but there is hope at the end of the rainbow. So before you judge, perhaps ask what the story is. If any guy was to imply to me that I am a loser or looking to them to provide for me I would have to tell him with much pride in my voice that he could go take a flying leap as I have provided and done well for myself since I divorced my husband at age 30 and do not need the help from any man. I can stand on my own. A joining of partners and material possessions are another story.
This situation made me feel like I wasn't enough of anything to even get out there and start dating again. I was scared I would be judged but now I say to heck with it...if a man wants to judge me on my situation then he is not the man for me...for you see...my ex fiance did me a favor...my life is grand now..not materialistically but emotionally. I am now close to my grandchildren, my sons and daughter in laws. They have given me the pride, the joy and the happiness of being around them and watching them grow and develop. I am finally at peace with myself. I am dancing again, laughing again, and just enjoying life every day...I have my health, I have my dignity, my pride and my life back.
So please don't judge others by what you don't know. The greatest gift you can give is kindness and understanding. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:29:33 AM | | IMO you should never judge a person by their possessions or lack of. Everyone is different and wants different things. Some are comfortable with next to nothing and others need to own stuff. It doesn't matter. Its not their stuff you are looking at but the person. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:57:52 AM | "The woman had plastic milk crates tied togetherwith rope and pillows on them as furniture, a sleeping bag on the floor for a bed, and a brand new $2700 HP computer with flat panel on a stack of the same milk crates. Also a nice TV and stereo. The place was a veritable mess of 2nd hand store everything, and it stunk from lack of cleaning. "
It's a ghetto mentality...you live in poverty, so you want to be entertained. Some of the poorest families don't have a phone, but by God they'll have a big screen TV. The priorities are very different b/c living in poverty is painful.
Compatibility? You (and I) obviously live with different priorities. I've had students who wear designer clothes, but the parents "can't afford" things others would consider necessities. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 9:01:21 AM |
So please don't judge others by what you don't know. The greatest gift you can give is kindness and understanding.
Blonde... congrats on everything you've gone through and still keeping your pride and dignity in tact. It's funny, I've been ready to share my life for 4 yrs now and never once thought I was hurting my chances by selling my possessions and heading south.... until I read this thread!! (kidding... it's still not hurting my chances cause I wouldn't want the one that cares about my "stuff" anyway!)
I won't be judging anyone based on what they have or don't have. I never did it before, I'm not about to start doing it now. I've walked away from money (years ago) and have since then bought & sold two houses on my own. The people who think that what you "have" is a reflection of what you "are" couldn't be more wrong. I'll take someone who's learned what's important in life, over a fancy car, any day.
Good luck to you blonde and chin up!! | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:13:18 AM | Thank you justcueit life is good no matter what. My chin is up and staying up. I look at every new day as a challenge to make a difference in my life or someone elses life. A smile on my face is what you get. At times (for about a nano second) I may miss my old life with my ex but for the most part I see that life was really not what was intended for me. Sometimes in the throes of adversity we get what we really do want not what we think we want. My life is more complete here in Il with my family and my newly made friends. When I first moved here I forced myself to take dance lessons and made a bunch of new and wonderful friends. We all shared our "stories". Wow...after hearing some of the other stories, one of which who lost a loved one to a heart attack recently, I realized my story is something that I can control and change. Her story was not one that she could control or change. My life is good. I have my health. I have my family. I have my many wonderful friends. Hey I am not living in my own home at the moment, but that is a temporary situation and shall change very soon. I just have to be patient. I don't have a vehicle at this moment, but that too shall change very soon. Living with my son, his wife and the two grandsons has had its ups and downs. But I have gotten to know that my dil is a very compassionate, kind and caring person. My son is to be commended on his strength among other things and what can I say about living with two beautiful grandsons who love to share not only their peanutbutter & jelly sandwiches but also their unlimited supply of sloppy kisses....  | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:31:30 AM | Possessions matter, debt matters, it all matters. How many model daters showing up in original 70's El Caminos with astroturf in the back have you heard of? Why do you think that is?
They may say otherwise but unless they are well off themselves, it matters. Sometimes it still matters then too. | |
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| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 11:44:20 AM |
you COMPLETELY misrepresented what I did say Must be that venus and mars thing, 'cause I don't see it any other way. Don't explain it. It's not important. | |
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Kixxie
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Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 100 | |
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/8/2007 2:18:33 PM | At the age of 42, being a single mom, having a decent job and starting over 5 years ago after a divorce......from scratch...no table & chairs, no beds, no nothing, plus paying off back bills, paying off a new van cuz my old one felt the need to lay down & die plus dealing with circumstances in life that just "happen" and raising 3 children on my own (only 2 left at home..it's not that scary LOL) I dont think I'm doing that bad. I dont have the fanciest stuff in the world, but what I have, I own. (Except for the van). And, I'm getting my back bills paid off, slowly but surely. I had over $50,000. in medical bills last year alone after having my gallbladder out in January and having 2 heart attacks in one night in December. I dont live in a fancy house, I live in a ghetto townhouse in a not so nice neighborhood. BUT, I make plenty of money to pay my bills every month, my children and I eat only name brand foods or food made from scratch, we have a roof over our heads, utilities, cable & internet and still manage to do ok. After my back bills and my van are paid off, I'll have alot more money to live in a nicer home. Until then, life is STILL good. If a man is going to judge me because of how "nice" my stuff is, then he would need to pass me by and find someone who's stereo is the right brand (oops....I dont own a stereo) or who wears the designer clothes. My children and I live right and are rich in our OWN eyes. We're not poor and I dont know that we're even "comfortable" (I dont have that hot-tub yet) However, I do have decent morals, I'm fun to be around and I'm a hell of a cook! So if I get passed up for someone who's got it all when it comes to material items, then I'm still rich because I dont have to deal with someone with the personality of a sticky note and the iq of a raisin.  | |
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