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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:21:41 PM | | My god I didnt realise that it is that bad. I must be the only genuine one here. Some dreadful stories. Am totally honest in my profile, am honest when talking on the net, on the phone and in person. If I don't see any further attraction I will say so. Have been on my own for 5 years. Am not desparate but perhaps a little choosy. Whats the point of all that stress by lying to someone? C'mon guys if you read this get honest or get the @#$% off this site!! | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:34:55 PM | | I met a guy online and we spoke for a while before we actually met. I don't know whtether he was seeing anyone else at the time but it seemed he was free and single so i thought the relationship would develop. After about a week he still hadn't phoned mand i wondered why. Maybe he is seeing other people and just forgot about me. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:43:09 PM | | Holy crap after reading a few of these I realized I sound like an online player hahaha. I don't like talking on the phone (I'm rarely home). I am usually gone on weekends and most week nights I'm unavailable. Now this sounds like I'm totally out there playing the field being a big old man whore. Yeah no. I have hobbies, specifically one where I'm never answering my phone and am usually gone for long periods of time out of cell range most times and all night. I tend to do it on weekends too. I ride. I also like the beach (for swimming not sleazing it up). Don't be too quick to jump to conclusions. Also be careful there are a lot of jerks out there and I hate seeing nice girls hurt by them. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:07:48 PM | | jamie, you are so right, i met a guy, and for 2 weeks, was awesome, he stated we were an item, said my dance card was full, even messaged me saying he could fall in love, the feelings were there,,,,then i would see him on line, wouldn't answer my messages, said he left the puter on and i was being insecure...just for the record, i didn't get to be this age by being stupid, then, as you said, he vanished into thin air, wouldn't return my pof messages or phone messages, yet he hasn't removed me from favourites,,,intersting, doesn't hurt any less, but a learning experience for sure | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:25:30 PM | blonde_fun_cute
My first clue is that he tells me he's a nice guy or he's on a pity party about how nice guys finish last. Run when you hear or see those words. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:52:06 PM | Hi,
Players are not just online, they do it offline, too. This is mostly men--I do not know women who act this way. What should we think is going on with these guys? Do they have a problem that needs attention first, are they afraid of perhaps actually finding someone thay like after all so the chase would be over, or is it just manners?
Several really cool and not näive women, not online, have just had men "disappear." All after "seriouser and seriouser" interest, pushed by the men. The women wonder,wait and worry about possible misunderstanding and will not be rude, so the offenders get breaks. Sorry this is happening to lots of people.
By the way, a VERY smart thing to do is to use an untraceable phone number overlay even on your cell phone like TalkPlus when you think you should. You can choose numbers even with different area codes that rings on your own cell, but caller only sees the alternate number. They are not expensive. S0me phone services also include this. This is not an ad or an endorsement, but it can help.
Be careful out there, and truly follow your instincts. Don't ever be scared of a guy, and better to go slow than to wish you had.
Good luck. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:05:29 PM | | I knew it would come to this. All the people saying that they are the only non-player on here. Well I am a player. Anyone for chess? | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:10:54 PM | OH..come ON! You have to play with your phone to catch em? WTH?
Let's get real here.Some are talking TWO weeks involved??? And then the guy bailed...and he is now a "player"?
PULEEZE! TWO weeks, 6 months,etc is not a RELATIONSHIP yet...it is the "learning-& getting-to-know-each-other "stage.
If you say you were dissed after 2-6 weeks and say the guy was clearly a "player", I think you are reaching. He was "JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU".Period.
a "PLAYER" is someone, male or female, who weaves a web of lies over a period of time, in order to avoid confrontation ,as well as suck in new conquests..but uses all who are involved to their advantage. Intentionally.
That is MY interpretation. Of "player". | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:07:02 PM | I would define a player as anyone who lies as a means of getting something from someone that cannot be gotten with honesty. If a profile states honestly what they're after, then then those who respond to it are not victims, but willing participants. As this is not a perfect world, and a site like this will attract predators, and good con artists frequently do excell at their work, move slow, be patient, watch for inconsistancies, and get to know them before crossing any lines that feel uncomfortable for you. I believe someone who has a genuine interest in another person would be concerned about their well being, should appreciate the fact that they are cautious, I would view it as a positive trait. I also doubt if the average, con artist, liar, or in this context, player, would want to be bothered with a vault that's overly difficult to pry open, or a thief trying to break into a well secured building, if there are more locks than they like, and it cannot be broken into quickly, they will look for easier prey. I also believe, that although i'm sure there are plenty of these liar/con/player thieves on sites like this, because it's a numbers game they will mass market themselves in the form of hits on many profiles, as they are after many, and that the actual number of liar/con/player thieves on the site is not likely as high as it seems.
Of course these views are just my opinion, and even if they were generally correct, would not be correct in all situations. So never forget good intuition. | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 235 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 12:08:37 AM | This is all sounds pretty depressing, I did'nt know there are that many online players and what's the point in trying to deceive women like this......why would someone do something like that ?
Just curious but what percentage of all men that contact you ladies turn out to be online players ? | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 12:33:13 AM | Well I certainly don't know an exact percentage but I think the number is high. But the longer one dates, the easier it is to spot them. Unfortunately I think its just prudent to not believe everything that someone says, and just take it slow, ask questions, don't feel pressured to answer questions that you don't want to, and only meet if you feel safe.
There has been a lot of good info presented in the above posts. One thing I do now is after contact is made, no matter how hard the man will pursue, I watch his online activity and see how frequent he is on a site.
I dated someone from another site who told me he only joined so that he could contact me. As I watched his activity, he was on line all day long while at work. I was sent his profile as a match on another site I no longer belonged to, and when I told him he said he didn't belong to the site any longer. Funny thing though- he was active every 24 hours. So why he felt he needed to lie about it is beyond me- it was obvious what he was doing.
On this site I started dating someone who I pegged as an online addict in the very beginning, and questioned him about it. He strenuously denied it, saying he only used the site to post his "artwork". He was constantly online, his favs list always grew, then he would delete all of them and start over. He even created a second profile to expand his audience, aka "fan club", since one profile wasn't enough for him. When I look back at all of the silly excuses, I actually have to laugh at the transparency of it all. His concession to me in his mind was that he would hide his profile when he was physically with me. I never asked him to do that but in his mind this meant something special- lol. Otherwise it was up all of the time and he was in full play mode. He would even tell me about the women he chatted with, and one time he was late coming to see me as he felt he needed to speak to a woman who wrote a negative email to him about his profile. So I concluded that being on POF was always going to be his priority and having a real relationship was pretty far down his list of prioities.
I think we gals just have to be smart about what we are being told, keep our eyes open and if it smells funny, throw it back. Trust your gut- its rarely wrong. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 4:40:08 PM | | hey islgurl, after reading your point of view, i had to ask myself that exact question, I may have been a little too hasty and you bring up a good point, I am far from a male/female basher, in fact, I hate that! I guess my point was, I got taken, and it's my own fault,,,,no one's responsibility how I feel, my job, your candor was much appreciated, so on that note, I will suck it up and move on,,,,hope everyone good luck, and things, obviously, may not be what they seem,,,,, | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 4:40:16 PM |
Well I certainly don't know an exact percentage but I think the number is high
The number that is high is the amount of times that people get labeled as a player when the actual case was that they were incompatible for some reason. Rather then accept that, the person rejected labels the other person as a player. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:11:42 PM | Men say women are on line players too. I think if you ask the right questions vs. the obvious questions you can get a picture of what he is about in a hurry. I have met in the flesh only truly nice guys because I did my homework first by email and phone. This can be a fun adventure if you don't take it too seriously. D | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:20:01 PM | This is a great description - I know this one personally.
a "PLAYER" is someone, male or female, who weaves a web of lies over a period of time, in order to avoid confrontation ,as well as suck in new conquests..but uses all who are involved to their advantage. Intentionally.
To me it includes:
Lying - in particular about wanting exclusivity, but other things
Having more than one woman (or man) - lying and hiding this
Avoiding confrontation - often by unexplained disappearances
Its takes a certain personality to pull this type of behavior off with no conscience, and my guess is there are not THAT many on this site. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/5/2007 5:36:33 PM | | Wow, I think that describes about every guy my age. Let's see: uses a cell phone exclusively - check, texts a lot - check, has lot's of IM windows open - check, "disappears" on weekends - check, etc, etc. Yeah, that's me too. I guess it's all how you interpret it. That's probably why I get the cold shoulder on here so often. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/6/2007 2:56:05 PM |
#1 He asks questions early in conversation about what you look like, your figure type, and if you have more photos that you could send him... check√
#2 He doesn't want to talk but pushes to meet right away... double check√
#3 He wants you to drive to his location...check√
#4 wants to meet for "coffee" the famous "drive by" date... (not that we mind coffee though as we are paying for our own) check√
#5 He's on 3 or more IM services... check√
Great information.
Thank you for posting this - you helped a couple of my friends trim their 'to meet' list considerably (please remember as well, a few of the POF'ers they were going to meet out of courtesy. The fellow sends 2 emails and then sends an invite and a strange guilt settles in ... like, I guess I should go and at least say hi. Much like saying yes to dancing with that fellow who walked all the way across the dancefloor.) Yet really, it was no effort or courage on their part , thus far.
One thing we have noticed about being on POF - (please realize that my friends have not yet been on a first meet - just gearing up to this week) - we are nicer online and we put up with a lot more bad behaviour than we would in person. I am not sure why this is as it is easier to tell someone off online and to get lost when they are crossing the line. But for some reason we feel bound by possible unwritten netiquette rules. Seriously, I wasn't sure if I should answer a msg if I hadn't previously turned it off, etc. Very strange - we need you 'experts' to write a handbook. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/6/2007 6:30:11 PM | | Hi..I wasnt answering any one in general just wanted to put in my two cents worth. Players I have met both online and in person. I even put in a profile of mine once, that I would like to meet a man who..was "interested" in meeting someone. And I really get a kick out of the ones my age wanting "arm candy" tough if they dont meet someone. I wonder if dancing davie ever | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/7/2007 7:48:36 AM |
To me it includes:
Lying - in particular about wanting exclusivity, but other things
Having more than one woman (or man) - lying and hiding this
Avoiding confrontation - often by unexplained disappearances
What's the "having more than one woman (or man)" bit? If I email more than one woman, is that "having more than one"? If I have more than one in my favourite list? If I have coffee with more than one? I can understand dating more than one (if they don't know about each other), but we need some fairly concrete definitions.
!Les | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 7:22:47 AM | Ok so for all you guys that say that all this sounds kinda like you ie: never being around on weekend, texting a lot, lots of IM windows open, etc. I think that if you guys were actually into a girl that you meet you would let her know right... So if you have hobbies and are usually gone maybe its not the right time to be having someone around... But I mean if there is a girl out there who you're into and she gets the feeling that you're just "not that into her" cause you're always out and about and not really msging or phoning her maybe you should tell her that you are into her just really busy... That way she doesn't think you're an online or offline player..... Just a thought  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:24:44 AM | | another thought I just had was girls if he doesn't give you the time or day or just doesn't return your msges or whatever (even if he seems like he likes you when he actually does have a minute out of his busy day to talk) the case may be he is so not worth your time. It might be hard at first but its better to move on right away then hang on and be more hurt later. Besides most guys seem to be into the chase more then anything else, and there really is no chase if you're chasing them. I'm sure we are all guilty of this, I know I am.... I guess this could go for the guys too who are into gurls who want nothing to do with them... So sometimes its just better to cut your losses and find someone who is actually worth your time and not afraid to add you into his busy agenda hahaha.... | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:46:31 AM | Yeah winter sparkle i totally agree with you. I met a man who showered me with compliments before we met we spent a really nice night together and unfortunately i felt myself falling for the guy . He even talked about the future which in itself should have been a clue that he was playing me. Anyway to cut a long story short he has now cooled off and gone from about 20 txts or phone calls a day to non existant . It would have been a lot easier if he had been honest in the first place. Think his mission is to play as many girls as he can  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:58:52 AM | | After reading this thread, no wonder I don't get dates that often. Hey, I still got my health and my family so no worry there. The way I see it, there are signs a guy a player in advance but women are to blind by the heart easily at times and don't listen to there head. This is something that happen to men too so it’s both ways. That why one must use good judgment and not rush into a relationship. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 11:25:09 AM | | heh heh, just read msg 226 to see the kinds of things a lot of players say. Anyone who says things like "I must be the only genuine one here" and go on about how honest they are should immediately be looked at skeptically - I've never heard an honest person say such things, and every liar I've met often says such things. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 7/9/2007 9:16:58 PM | well, i'd say if he's online all the time chatting away with women on the very same site that he met you on... all the while telling you one thing...yet his behvior betraying a completely different intent... i'd say that is a good sign...
lar | |
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