g54cs
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 276 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 10:57:30 AM | "Bad boys do not act! Of the people who sound like good guys, at least 50% are not. So better go with the bad guys and know what to expect, IMO. No surprises."
So that's my problem, I should have stuck with the bad guys?? Yipes !! | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 11:18:30 AM | I really do think that there aren't that many players. At least good enough. Just because a man interacts with you and decides that you are not a fit does not make him a player. So a woman will do it quite regularly and to me it's just the way things are.
I have a good stroy for this one. I was working in Billings at the Conoco Refinery on a project. Well there was this young engineer in the office. 25, asian, smart, intelligent and had a lot going for him.
We were in the construction trailer and he shared an office with me. He was talking about how a woman was dragging him over the coals. Typical story. Male or female, no matter. I look at him and told him that he needs to learn how to cut one loose. There is no shortage of women. Even in Billings, Montana.
Well there was a hispanic woman cleaning the trailer at the time and she would drop by and talk to me off and on. But she had over heard our conversation and stepped into the office and spoke her piece.
"CJ, you are mean. Don't tell him stuff like that. You are not suppose to just id rid of a owman when you want."
She was working in the states on a green card and her english was pretty good so I know she really understood the whole conversation.
I asked her to "please explain". Well she said that the way it is really suppose to be is that women go through men to find the best mate for her. That is her place. That is what they do. It was the natural order of things. She sorts through and then makes her claim or decision. It has always been that way and that I was MEAN for reversing it. That I must be one of the "bad" men. Naturally it never stopped her from dropping by and visiting. Especially when her visits lasted a little longer after she heard my position.
I thought about this for a few minutes and truely realized the profound nature of what she was saying.
So I will enject right here. If a man changes his mind or decides that you are not a fit or decides that you are not it, then that does not make him a player. It just means that you have not been selected as a good choice for him. In fact he doesn't even have to explain himself to you. You have no claim. Just like he has no claim over you. You want a 50/50 world.....well your getting it. You can't cry foul now.
If a man is a player then just point out to yourself that you are actually better at it than him. There is no way you are going to stay with a man that doesn't do it for you. And you don't have to explain a thing.
"Lets still be friends.", "It's not you....it's me", "I need some time away to reevalute things.".........all these canned phrases are nothing more than saying you don't do it for me and "goodbye, I need someone else to fill my needs." is all it's saying. Just because the man is more analytical and just thinks........"Why fill her full of bull$hit nonsense....when it's just.....see ya later." that it is BAD? | |
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g54cs
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 278 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 1:46:56 PM | "Just because a man/woman interacts with you and decides that you are not a fit does not
make him/her a player. " He/she just wants to see if they might be the right part of your life.
"Male or female, no matter". My grandparents didn't have to go through this, it just
happened.
"You are not suppose to just id rid of a owman when you want." (get rid of a
woman?) spell check .We're not pieces to pick up and let go when the whim hits the man.
"don't do it for me or the other woman". Decide for yourself.
To live with or without him (in my case) or her is the question. If you can, all
the better. If you want him/her in your life, just be positive, it'll happen when
and if you're both ready.
(jmo) Famous last words; "I need time away". Why are you backing off?, too
many to choose from?
No further comment except for gregory; 'spellcheck works'. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:30:19 PM |
You are not suppose to just id rid of a owman when you want." (get rid of a
woman?) spell check .We're not pieces to pick up and let go when the whim hits the man.
Pardon me. "terminate her interactions with him at a boy/girl level"
Well I dissagree. There are plenty of men and women that just plain need to get rid of. What makes a woman's head more valuable? Is there this secret code that we are suppose to be following? If he or she is a nut you just get rid of them. It's not a very complex procedure.
Are men "Pieces to pick up and let go", when the whim hits her? I think that it's the way things are. There's the way things ought to be and then there's the way things are. I don't get them confused.
So would you want to stay with a man that you were not sexually compatible with? Would you stay with a man that you found out had a temperment that you could not abide by? Well as far as he is concerned he was just a piece to pick up and put down. Doesn't mean it's so but he could just say "that bytch just played me and all kinds of men too." 
Note: I'm not even dating so this is just me playing devils advocate. :) I think the double standard is at play here. I saw a thread where a man posted that he was played and got roasted. I think men have way more of a gripe than women do. Women are doing exactly what they are suppose to do. Pick'm up, see if he fits, turn him loose. | |
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g54cs
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 280 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:18:51 PM | "Well as far as he is concerned he was just a piece to pick up and put down"
Aww, that;s just mean if some think this way. I'm not used to this.
I just thought coming on here I'd find the (so) for me. Too many
categorize because there are so many options. I just want to find him.
Keeping on topic, does that make me a player? I sure hope not.
and you didn't even comment on my spell check | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:10:41 PM | What is a player? I've read people that give clues as to how to identify these wrong-doers, and others that say what they are "not".
So define it already. What makes a player different from any other person dating? | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:30:54 PM | So define it already. What makes a player different from any other person dating?
The persons perception and which side of the equation that you are standing on. Thats it in a nutshell. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:49:01 PM | | jenlou67 you are 100% right. i know a guy that has a profile on here,but yet he has a good girl at home who has no clue to what he is doing. he is a real fonnie says he is honest up front guy loyal all the bull that goes with it. he.'s profile says single, well he's been in a 4 year relationship with this girl. and he swears up and down he loves her. but to see his profile you wouldnt even know he had a girlfriend. so ladies be ware of some . | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:53:20 PM | Honestly people...I saw something like what this hispanic woman was talking about on a tv show once on Discovery or one of those channels...about how throughout the animal kingdom, the males have to compete for the females. Right down to the birds, where the males have the bright colors, for wooing a female.
Only in the human species does the female primp and try to compete for the males. We do have it backwards from the way nature intended. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/5/2007 6:29:51 AM |
"Well as far as he is concerned he was just a piece to pick up and put down"
Aww, that;s just mean if some think this way. I'm not used to this.
I just thought coming on here I'd find the (so) for me. Too many
categorize because there are so many options. I just want to find him.
Keeping on topic, does that make me a player? I sure hope not.
I understand. It was rather blunt. It doesn't make you a player and it doesn't make a man a player either. So for anyone to cry foul is a bit dishonest is all. Nobody is making anybody take their pants off. People do it all by themselves.
and you didn't even comment on my spell check
:) I was working yesterday and when I would get a chance I would come in to see what threads I was following were doing. I write thousands of words every week. This is play for me. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/5/2007 6:35:50 AM |
Only in the human species does the female primp and try to compete for the males. We do have it backwards from the way nature intended.
In a way yes. We are all still individuals with hopes and dreams but yes we do operate with in certain parameters concerning breeding drives. Sure is nice to be us. Keep in mind that generally for us, males did not live long. There were more women than men. Also we do not have a breeding season. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 8/5/2007 12:20:07 PM | CJGregory, I once heard a joke about men not living as long as women...
Why do husbands usually die before their wives?
Because they want to.
Haha! | |
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ali823
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Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 290 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:21:23 AM | | Funny thing happened to me. Was chatting away/phone calls with a nice guy. We went out a couple of times and had a pretty good time. But then he was busy with work and not as much contact. Something felt off, and I asked a girl from here to message him (sneaky yes). As it turns out, he sent off EXACTLY the same messages to her as he did to me. I was a little put-off initially, but better to find out sooner than later! | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:58:13 AM | Going out a couple of times means dating and unless specified it doesn't mean exclusive. It certainly doesn't give a person the right to try some underhanded game.
We went out a couple of times and had a pretty good time. But then he was busy with work and not as much contact. Something felt off, and I asked a girl from here to message him (sneaky yes)
sneaky no , games yes
In no way can you justify setting up a guy and trying to brand him as a player.
You are the one who tried your little sting operation. The guy did nothing wrong (maybe pasting) other then doing what he is on this site for. Dating. This is a date site. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 4:47:34 AM | This is soooo true..all of it.They think they are one up and have a need to feel wanted with their sweet words and bs.It's all sweet and sincere (so u think)then poof....gone.....after weeks or months - as if they were never gone...wtf right?
I think they are guys that are afraid of real committment,they are lacking relationship skills-
so they just play online and tell the women what the women want to hear,it's easy to keep ones interest that way...at least for a little while.
As for them playing with your gf's on here- hah!Yeah that is when you n the gf's get together and give a little play yourselves hehe.
lol*wink*....There should be a section on here to warn others of these guys...just my suggestion. | |
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PandP
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Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 294 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 11:07:52 AM | First, it seems that we are labelling the male gender as the players when in fact, there are probably just as many female players. But us women (and I am NOT labelling myself a player) take things more personally and maybe that's why we tend to bash the men. It's unfair. It goes both ways.
I found it very interesting to read some of the "clues". One I don't agree on is the cellphone. I never give out my home number. Always my cell. Purely for my own privacy/security. But the ones that say "they always have an excuse" I can relate to. Or fall too quickly for you. Maybe they aren't playing you. Maybe they need to feel better about themselves. Could be they have an insecurity that requires them to feel loved. That they still "got it". I don't know, personally, I am done trying to figure out why men or women play the game. And that's another thing.... the word player. Can't we find a different term? Insecure one? One who lacks self confidence? User? lol....
I think that when you register on these sites, there should be a notice you should read before hand. "Guidelines/ warning signs to not being duped".
I feel bad posting on here because there are so many men and women out there that are on these sites for the right reasons. Unfortunately, the bad ones are ruining it for them because women or men become very bitter and defensive. Always looking for things to catch them on.
Go with your intuition. Your gut is usually right. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 11:10:29 AM | | My definition of an online player=HE wants/expects the relationship to be exclusive, ok, couple of weeks later fails to let you know that HE still has profile(s) up on multiple site's and there was no conversation of things not working out, or seeing other people, you get the idea...now this goes for women being players as well, however the op states "he"... | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 11:24:14 AM | Fantastic observations 'GreenEyez.' I would like to add that I keep a diary on when we met, when we went out, where, how it was, watching his reactions to various situations, must be a good tipper (was a wait person and I hate cheap people). ***There is a saying that says, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat a wait person.................so true, after 20 years of gourmet service, it's true!!!!!!
I love it when they tell me stories. I write out a short form of it and when they repeat it I compare. I have never met one man that did not repeat the story identically.
Now this might see overly cautious, rude, appauling to some or whatever, but a single woman today can not take too many precautions and I WON'T be taken again.
What I write is the truth so nobody has any reason for thinking negatively.
It also keeps me balanced as to what I am feeling in what period of time.
I must add that I have only met fantastic men on PoF. All very polite and kind.
Not very many sparks but 3 great new male friends. We have lots in common, just no spark.................we all won I think. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 297 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 12:51:24 PM | Online I think you have to go with your gut feelings and instincts a lot more than usual.
You really do put yourself out there,and you can become a taget to someone.
Once you start talking to them you may get a better idea of where they are coming from. But,turn your bullshit detector way up. Keep in mind what they put in their profile,and start doing a little grilling.In the end it's up to you to decide if he/she is worth your time or not.They might not be an on line player! Or from the begining,you can set up the rules.That does'nt give them room to move and, you can be a little more observant.This may be way overboard,but if you want clues to an online player act like an online player. jmo. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 1:08:21 PM | Online player vs offline player.
The online player has more anonymity, therefore there are more of em!!
Most players have a common goal, and I think most women/men know what that is.
The usual suspects are easy for most to pick up on, I call them ‘The Sprinters’, and then there are the career players. These are much harder to spot. They look long-term investment, much like a banker.
They’re not in any rush, and are the hardest to spot.
They are as smooth as silk in their approach, and tactics. Much like a spy, they infiltrate and gain the trust of the target. Then when the time is right they make the final move. Then once the objective has been fulfilled they quickly move onto the next one, always having a few on the go.
I’ve worked in the service industry for many years, hotels/restaurants/bars, and have met many of these types of personalities.
Nothing in life is guaranteed, and one can only learn from past experiences. I’ve been fooled a few times along the way, but persevere, as I know not all are like that.
Jaded is something you do to make jewelry. | |
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Posted: 10/8/2007 3:20:36 PM | Wow! This is the scariest thread I have ever read in a forum on the internet. It makes me not want to date. However, I will throw in my 2¢.
Ladies, the post above me is the best post I have read in this thread.
All the tips given about players in this thread are good advice and bad at the same time. I'm not going to specifically state them but many applied to me and I'm not playing anyone. You have to take the tips people are giving on here and put yourself in the players situation to understand why they do the things they do. why would he turn off his phone? So he isn't getting calls from other girls while with you. He will have another reason for turning it off, probably a good one, but its just BS. That right there is the problem. If you have been hurt and are now really cautious, I feel for you. I just wonder about how easy it will be to find love when you are trying so hard to not let somebody hurt you that you lose the openness needed to make all the things go just right to fall in love with , hopefully, the right person.
A "player" can only take from you what you allow to be taken. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/8/2007 4:09:53 PM | Its not always easy to tell if they are players, cos they get so good at it, youd never know.
In my experience id beware of the ones that are full on with the flannel, because if their telling you that you sound and look so perfect and so like them etc, they are probably telling that to every one else, its a chat up line. how the hell can you tell what someone is really like untill you get to know them a bit?
If your really worried ur meet a bad egg, Im sure you have mates online, and its interesting to see if theyve emailed the same stuff to them,. If they are so free with ther feelings to all and sundry then I think you have your answer.
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