PandP
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Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 301 | |
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Posted: 10/8/2007 5:33:39 PM | Well said "I am Chris". A "player" can only take from you what you allow to be taken.
We see the warning signs. We turn a blind eye to them. A deaf ear. But in the end, we choose to stay. Or to run.
The saddest part is hearing about the emotions that those being hurt are going through. They take it personally. They begin writing everything down, rereading messages to see if the "player" has slipped up. It's sad. It's sad that another human being can lower the self-worth of someone. We should all be proud of who we are. What we have accomplished in life. And when some pathetic excuse for a human being comes around and makes someone second guess themselves, well, it's simply mean. They, the "players", prey on others. Sometimes it's the weak. Sometimes not. But be rest assured, you won't be their last. You think you are the only one? Watch their favorites lists. Watch their numbers rise. Be strong enough to walk away. And pray that their next "victim" has the strength to walk away as well.
Ever heard of Karma? Google it sometime... I have it tattooed on my inner wrist.... | |
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Posted: 10/9/2007 3:45:42 PM | There are those that are players..but they meet for real and just use what they can get from those that they meet. An example is someone I met last year, he was in along distance relationship that was not going good. I at the time was not looking for a relationship. We both agreed it was an FWB relationship. into our 6th month, he asked me if I had feelings for him. I was very fond of him, yes, and was fighting with myself as to whether my fondness was something else..I was very glad I told him no when I was asked. He changed and within 2 weeks, he gave me the dear jane letter and said he was changing and going to be faithful..within 3 weeks he was back on here looking, and when I questioned him on it, he said he was here for his ego and just friends. I was not born yesterday and knew what he was up to. This year I come to find out he was seeing the daughter of someone I know. But this was after we chatted on msn after almost a year and he told me he was with someone and she was a sweetheart. one week later he puts up a profile on a site that was not a dating site..but what it said made me bust a gut laughing. he was looking to cheat. End of summer I met them at a party and held my tongue cause I knew what he was up to. and he pretended he didnt know me, which I thought was rude. Here a bit ago, he comes emailing me on here, I knew it was him right away. When I confronted him, about what I knew, he deletes his profile from here. But I know he will be back with a new hidden profile.
Now I am telling this only because, do you think there should be a place where we can warn others...male for female and female for male players? Cause I do know it happens to both sexes. Not to flame them..but to let others know to be leary of them.
I know there is a site out there called dontdatehimgirl and you can put your story..maybe gals you can start looking there...I am sure there is a site out there for the guys to do the same thing | |
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Posted: 10/9/2007 3:53:39 PM | "We both agreed it was an FWB relationship."
Sorry, I am confused. What was the game in this case and who was the player? | |
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Posted: 10/9/2007 4:26:15 PM | | He is the player as he has dates one...and cheats on them with others. Puts his profile up as single. Not sure how I would be the player on this when it was me keeping to our agreement. I must have hurt his ego when I said no. | |
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Posted: 10/9/2007 4:32:20 PM | Did the FwBs contract include exclusivity provisions?
(that could be a matter for the Competition Authority, and they do not like monopolies, oligopolies, cartels and exclusive agreements)
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Posted: 10/9/2007 4:44:23 PM | | I think you read that wrong up there...there was no exclusive contract between us...I was saying he commits to one, and cheats on her with others. He cheated on his long distance relationship with me...then he is dating my friends daughter..suppose to be commited there..yet looking and cheating on her. | |
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Posted: 10/9/2007 7:55:24 PM |
know there is a site out there called dontdatehimgirl and you can put your story..maybe gals you can start looking there...I am sure there is a site out there for the guys to do the same thing
Maybe you should check that site out before you recomend it.
It is full of reports that show vindictiveness and hostility. Want to know the reason most are actually posted on there.
The poor sap's rejected, dumped or just flat wasn't in someone who thought he should be, | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:42:51 PM | Too true and unfortunately I found that out with a guy on this site. We talked for 3 weeks then he "finally plucked up the courage" to ask me out. The first date was amazing, we got on like a house on fire. He text me all the time, called me numerous times everyday. Even on our first date he text me when I went to the ladies "My God I really do fancy you" each time I went!!!
We saw each other only on a Saturday as he had his daughter on the Fridays but come the 3rd weekend - after telling me he was in love with me, I'd saved him, he wasn't going anywhere, I was stuck fwith him for life, talking about me moving in with him etc he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't think he ever would be. He hated himself for hurting me blah blah blah but he just wanted to spend time with his little girl who hadn't been the same since he split up with his wife and just basically wanted to devote 100% of his time to her and would forgo his own happiness just for his little girl.
And there's me telling him how much I admired him for what he was doing etc. When I log onto POF who do I find....yes him - under another name spouting on about how he was back again and still hoping!!! He drools on and on about how he is looking for miss right, he has a daughter but he wanted to share himself and his life with the one Miss right Love of His Life!!!! He even has the cheek to say he "lives to fall in love one more time" and "we can't all stay single forever"!!!!!
Watch out girls, this guy is a major player. He finds your weakness and so loves breaking down defences and once that is done and he knows you are starting to fall for him and his charm and believe you me he has oodles of it but not in a smarmy way, he is VERY good, he dumps you. Then moves on to his next victim.
He knows I know he is on this site as I put him as a favourite so he would see that I was on to him - I haven't emailed him or text him asking why because he would love that and I am not giving him the satisfaction. He is now plastered all over Bebo and on a name and shame website - serves him right.
I just hope no-one else gets hurt by him - he shouldn't be allowed on this site. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:09:28 PM |
Maybe you should check that site out before you recomend it.
It is full of reports that show vindictiveness and hostility. Want to know the reason most are actually posted on there.
The poor sap's rejected, dumped or just flat wasn't in someone who thought he should be,
I had looked at the site..and yes I imagine there are alot there that are vindictive posts...but some are truely reasonable...
yes, these women post because they have been hurt...hurt bad too. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:23:52 PM | | Personally I think ....no picture posted...there's a reason...probably a wife or girlfriend..who might find out. Secondly if they can't have a phone call....and the player I met on here...was very good at keeping me interested...heck i'm still interested as he moved on... but one must learn from bad experiences...and I believe in karma...very much. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 1:24:28 PM | | Like I have said before and if we can be adults about this and though I know many of us are bitter about knowing what we end up finding out about the person[both male and female] There should be a place to warn others on this site about those that are suspected players..and if the person that sees it and does not heed it, then be it on their head and heart their hurt. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:10:11 PM | Clues that he's an online player ..?
If he is male, chances are he is a playa, right?
And it is better to be safe than cheated, so why not assume all men are players until one is proven innocent?  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:21:41 PM | curlygrl sez:
I think the term player was born in the minds of women
who allowed men to get away with bad behavior towards them
Never heard it said better. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:27:20 PM | A dead giveaway is the won't answer the phone when you're around. But they pick it up to look and see who it was. And yes not being available at night. Is he married? Or has a girlfriend? And when you IM is he sometimes suddenly rushing you off the computer? Get's quiet and then says, busy ...gotta go. There are creative ways to look for the clues. But you'll figure it out in time. Suffice it to say that if you think it's happening ... it probably is.  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:32:51 PM | All I can say is after compiling a list of what you ladies have defined as a player, yikes!!! really, I think you ladies should go back and read some of what was written. I will now go empty out my vacuum canister, can't have multiple hair colours or lengths in there.
What if a person was to answer the phone and take the call in another room, I have been brought up that, that is the proper thing to do...its a personal call and none of anyone's business except mine. I just say excuse me but I have a personal call to address. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 2:55:58 PM | | There is no player if there is no one who wants to be played. You can't never get the real person from the Internet, they are always hiding something. While chatting with you they are also chatting with 10 more people. The game is circular. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:07:34 PM | LOL Hey Nick I think you got the right idea. I think I've got a player chatting me up on this site. He doesn't call at night. Says he's going offline and doesn't when we're chatting. Lots of excuses for what he does and doesn't do. And he hasn't even met me and from the get go he's said we're a good match. Etc,etc,etc ... hey thanks.
I'll cut him loose now! lol
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:15:06 PM | Good advice verygreeneyez. For me, as far as the "separated" guys go, I steer clear.
You never know if the guy is going to have a sudden change of heart about his "nearly divorced" status.
Or he may be in a sort of a perpetual "almost divorced" state. I went down that road with a guy. For the whole 4 months we were seeing each other, he was "going to file next week". I should have been wise to it after the first week or at least after the second, but I guess I was too busy being smitten with the guy at that point.  ..... Lesson learned. 
That kind ...you know the string along types..(don't get upset, guys..I know it happens on both sides) anyway..this kind of person will string you along if you let them and then when you bring up the subject with a " say...how's that divorce process going? " will try to make you feel like you are being over bearing and putting undue stress on his already stressful situation.
I say ...if a person is in the " middle of a divorce", he or she should probably hold off getting involved with someone else and expecting that person to sit quietly on the sidelines waiting and waiting for the whole process to finish..or even start for that matter.
wow..sorry folks didn't mean to send this conversation off on a different path, I just felt like responding to "verygreeneyez' wise advice about looking out for the "separated" ones.
soleil | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:32:34 PM | Re post 321:
Well thanks, but do consider that this advice is coming from a man, ie a de juris player since all men we are players until proven innocent, and I have not, have I? Thus the poster is willing to take the advice of a player? Hm! That does sound logical?
Nah, I am just playing, so do/do not take my advice!!! Or treat it like a Delphi advice (which was worded so as to come true in either case).
No mind games, no playing, dating has become soooo boring. lol lol | |
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faour
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 322 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:44:01 PM | I totally agree with cjgregory, in message 277. I am truly interested in meeting many of the people I meet on-line; being exclusive or staying with any of these people, though, would take a lot more interest, and true compatibility.
It does seem as if some women on this site feel "played" if the guy doesn't have the same amount of interest in her as she does him. Some then go on to vilify the man they think has "wronged" them, when all's he did was change his mind, which is completely within his rights. What if WE had to marry all of the men WE agreed to meet, or chatted with on this site? Yikes. I'd rather be without a mate for the rest of eternity.
Why is it that when some women decide that a guy is not the right man for her she's being selective, but when a guy does it, he's called a liar or a player? | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 3:59:51 PM | It's impossible to say...
Some of these things could be accurate...but c'mon most people only have cell phones, and remembering every detail about someone is very difficult in the beginning, esp when people are social and talk to a lot of people all week at work. I got railed one time because I thought I told someone something, when I'd actually told it to one of my friends at work. got mixed up, sorry. And I got accused of talking to tons of girls. Joking, fine, but there's truth to those jokes, and they get annoying. It shows baggage. And I walked. Now she's probably saying I'm a player, because I 'disappeared.'
And not taking calls when you're together? C'mon, he's spending time with you. He probably got crap for taking a call in the past from one of his friends and is trying to be respectful. If they disappear...they probably didn't like the way it was going. There's millions of explanations for it, and it seems women on this site and these forums are intent on bashing men and chocking it up to 'player'-dom.
Don't be so hard on guys, there's probably less 'players' out there than you think. Don't go into a situation thinking someone's a player, that's called baggage. So a lot of the advice given here on this forum is untrue. go with your heart and guts. Be mature, it's life, we all find out the hard way sometimes. And that's called learning.  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 10/11/2007 7:29:44 PM | | For starters, consider running his user name through Google. Lots of times guys use the same name on different sites. You may be able to determine how many other dating sites he's on. I did this with a guy I recently went out with who claimed to be interested in a relationship. In about 20 seconds, I was able to learn that he was looking for group sex (he'd joined a swingers group) and he had left messages on a message board to a married woman looking for "relief". Also, you can look on a very popular adult site to see if he's a member. This guy and several others on this site were dumb enough to post their photos on there. Boy do I feel like a dope for thinking this guy was a good one! | |
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