|
|
|
|
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:32:07 PM | number one most important way to know you are being played (or there is an intent to play you) is that they rush rush rush you, and they are very pushy. as far as i'm concerned (and i HAVE met a couple of players) that is the thing that gives them away.
any guy worth his salt is going to be patient, kind, not-pushy -- he will not rush you into either meeting or giving him your number.
if you say "oh i'm not ready to meet just yet" or "i like to get to know you a bit better before giving out my number" and in response to this he either: insults or belittles you (even in what seems like a joking way) or (worse) becomes clearly annoyed by this and pushes you to do what you have just said you don't want to do -- know that this guy is playing you and move on to the next guy.
if he is a gentleman, if he is the good man he represents himself to be? he will not rush you. trust me.
the strategy of a player is to get into physical company with you as soon as possible because if he isn't in your company he obviously can't get you into bed. so there is this rush rush rush to meet as soon as possible. and that sometimes involves making you feel 'stupid' or 'silly' about wanting to take your time.
other clues: 1) he doesn't do what he says he's going to do (call you, etc) as a pattern; 2) he has his phone number blocked or otherwise is very careful to conceal his identity; 3) he does not leave voice mail messages.
many players are married and looking for 'something on the side' and so they won't leave voice mail messages because that could later be used as proof against them (it's their voice, after all). the first guy i met? (when i was stupid and naive about online dating) we talked on the phone for a long period of time (at least 4 weeks) and after a time i realized -- the guy never left me one voice mail msg. always just called and called and called til i answered. now that i have some more experience at this, i now see that as a key indicator of a player or a guy who is otherwise spoken for by somebody he's cheating on. once i got an e-mail message from the woman a guy i'd been talking to (and had planned to meet that day) was living with -- that guy too -- he'd never left me one voice mail message.
all that said -- most guys in online personals aren't players -- altho because there are so many fish in the sea of online personals sites, that also means there are loads and loads of players... so, look for the signs and avoid them like the plague.
cheers!  | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:42:10 PM | | I have met two types of players on this site. One is the type that uses humour and sarcasm and the other is the type who seeks validation from many woman. When they use humour and sarcasm they're trying to take the focus away from what is really happening. The one's who seek validation have very low self asteam but will try and make you believe they are great. They do use your thoughts and feelings to accomplish their goal. They will charm woman to make them comfortable. They'll even use manipulation. The bottom line is...a player will use any means to get to his goal.....which is sex and only sex. All woman can pick out a player...it's all about listening to your instincts. When you get that feeling something isn't right or you feel you're being lied too....listen to those feelings....some players will even chat with you on msn with a cam but are texting others on his cell phone at the same time. No woman\man should ever feel bad if they've come across a player...if you learn from the experience you do become a better person. One thing to keep in mind...players are very selfish people and don't care who they hurt. Eventually it does come back to haunt them. What goes around comes around. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:54:02 PM | "Or when a man tells you he'll never divorce his wife and they'll always be friends and any woman he meets will have to deal with this...to find out that his wife has full access to his home, he drives her everywhere, spends all holidays and her birthday together."
to me, this type of man is honest I give him credit for that, although, I would never date this type of guy, even though I appreciate his honesty.. to me, a player is a guy who says: I will do anything to make this work I will take down all my ads, becuase you are my world, and I only want you in my life, I will do anything to make this work, we are a family, then behind your back, has other ads out under other names, but says if you see them let him know, and he will remove them, tells his online gf's not to call on the weekends cuase he is traveling, when he really is with you and had another personality that you are not aware of.. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:09:44 PM | Whoooo Boy, am I gonna get blasted for this, but ladies if you were held to these standards you would ALL be players.
I’ll pick a few “clues” from page 1 and let’s see where this goes shall we?
Gentlemen, a woman is a player if she;
(Reverse the genders if you really need continuity to follow along...)
.............................................
They usually can't remember specifics you've told them about yourself, your life, etc.
You can be chatting away with them, then like clockwork (meaning there is a pattern, such as at the same time every time), they get really busy for awhile, but always have an excuse...what they are really doing is meeting up with one of the others.
Like the others said, once you start talking & meeting clues are:
they disappear with no explanation
they don't answer your calls and are screening them
they don't want you to see anything on their computer
they don't take calls when you are together
they get their facts about you mixed up
they may have a lot of 'friends' they 'hang out' with
When you're IM'ing, they take forever to answer, because they're online with about 20 other people. If they are in a relationship, or married, they will suddenly just go offline in the middle of a chat. They will give you some pic from 1000 years ago, or something they found online.
You'll find a lot of them have been on here for years so they've had a lot of practice at the fine art of deception and knowing exactly what to say. Of course, if you're as gullible as I am sometimes, I have a hard time even figuring them out in person ...
1) They are on every free site, even ones you never heard of.. especially under different IDS, names and locations
2) They cant call at certain times, or dissapear for days, saying they are working, out of town, or have been very busy.. and only leave thier cell
3) only want to meet on thier terms when they can, , text alot and spend alot of time in the bathroom (usally texting) .
4) turn thier messenger OFF then IM you..
5) always on the computer picking up woman even at work..
6) clear out thier history constantly
7) dont see thier friends, parents, kids, or shares his life with you. just sees / calles when its convient for him
..................................................
To be honest and fair, I only picked quotes from the FIRST page that supported my argument, but by no means all that I could have.
NOW, on the surface these indicators are all reasonable clues as to how to spot “a player”.
Kind of makes sense actually.
However, just below the surface, if you REEEEALLY look at these clues, the vast majority are behaviors that I and probably most other online dating MEN see from women on a regular basis.
SO…
Are these actually signs of an online player?
Maybe.
I suppose that first you need to define “player”.
My definition is someone who uses you and breaks your heart JUST because they can.
Maybe I’m lucky, but I have yet to meet a person, male or female, who was that callous.
This may be out on a bit of a limb (ok way out) but I personally believe that there are FAR more “playees” than “players”.
If it doesn’t work out and you weren’t told before you became emotionally attached, you were played.
Right?
If you made love and broke up shortly after, you were played.
Right?
I bet if you remove those two scenarios from the equation you’ll end up with a whack load of people who didn’t find what they were looking for, and maybe a couple players.
Maybe.
To answer your question blonde, your first reply is the best one…
Follow your gut instincts. Online is really no different than in person, with the exception of there being quite a few more choices to wade through.
Words I live by:
You can’t be played if you’re not in that game.
Jeez that sounds cynical, but all it really means is keep your eyes open.
That’s all the clues you need. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:19:58 PM | | Maybe I should of added a little more detail to my post....this man said he had to move a friend on the weekend of his wifes birthday... he wouldn't be home for the weekend because he would be drinking and would stay at the friends house because the one he was helping move lived out of town. I called and his wife answered the phone....she told me he went to the store for a minute....when he called me the next night he told me he went drinking with his buddies...in my opinion one of them wasn't honest and dishonest for a reason. This type of relationship is just too convenient. He didn't go on the site all that weekend. There is alot more info to this man who is still looking for someone special who is lying about where he lives and using someone elses name as his user name. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:27:37 PM | I kinda see where you are going here, there are woman who do this, and there are those who believe they were played when they were not going into this with thier eyes open.. For example, the scenerio I mentioned where the guy said, I dont want a relationship, I want to fool around.. those arent players.. I guess I was referring to myself, where I was not the one being played, but saw what he was doing behind my back, under the guise of being exclusive with me, he said I was the only one, and these other online girls were being strung along.. I do believe to this day that he loved me but is very insecure..
I had a gut instinct, and I was right, so I left him.. But I am the optimist, he was the only one who did this to me, I have met many great guys on here. so there are probably not that many players.. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:39:21 PM | Op
I know what you mean and frankly women do this too. I have experianced this and even been effected by this and sometimes it didn't come to light until later on, but we all can be affected by this as I was recently.
I would keep my heart and mind open and yet exercise caution. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:43:36 PM | I've never been crazy about the term "player"...I am 37 and I suppose this is something the generation just a little below me likes ....I don't feel I've been "played" too many times in my life. I'd like to think I can spot it well...but maybe I've just been lucky...but I will say in past year I met two different people and I feel that both "played " me for their own selfish reasons....I was kinda emotionally vulnerable on both occassions...so I feel I was not as sharp as I normally would have been....but the experiences have made me sharper for spotting these types of people in the future....One guy showered me with attention...best romantic attention I'd ever gotten...and then just disappeared off the face of the earth it seemed....I finally ran into him some months later and found out he was married....I finally understood his behavior then and it made a big impression on me.....On another occassions I met a guy and talked with him a lot...he seemed so unusually sweet and layed back.....it wasn't until later that I realized he was adapting his behavior to what he thought I would respond to best...the guy totally played me...and that experience also left lasting impression.....he was a very good lier....I didn't see it at the time..but hindsight is revealing....I caught him in a lie and when I confronted him with it and used logical reasoning with him....he did not know how to respond....was so revealing to his true nature....he disappeared cause he knew he had been caught....he just tired contacting me recently and I didn't respond....I guess he had run out of people to "play" with....lol...no fun playing alone I suppose....I even think he had resorted to dealing with women that were not that physically attractive...cause he had run out of "playmates"....lol.....I am know back to dating more normal guys, but I've had my spells of running into these types....I'm learning how to deal with them....it's funny when can do the "reverse " playing...I had a lil sweet revenge with the guy that was married.....but it's my secret how i did that....lol.... | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:48:57 PM | Yeah women are players too,not just men.I once was with a girl and everything and she ended up stealing something from me.After friends and people I knew found that out they passed the word about that so no one would talk to her or help her in anyway.I'm not a "player" but I had some friends joke and call me a pimp.They just said that since most of my friends were girls but they were girls too so idk   I say don't trust anyone,even more so online.Don't give them anything no matter how much they beg or say.Also I really REALLY hate those "fake" girls that put up a profile saying they're looking for "nice good guy" but turn out to be some woman trying to get you on to some site.....I hate that! | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:50:40 PM | Wow, Great replies here, Knowone has viewed all us guys as players. I agree go with your gut, if it takes 10 minutes for a reply, and its not just guys, maybe they're not worth chasing. I was chatting with someone lately, lots of chat at first then it died off, I'm not going to waste my time, There are many women out there that are truely interested and sincere with their intentions. It's pretty easy to tell. If they keep putting of meeting you then there is likely someone else they are more interested in.
I've been doing this long enough to know how things work, I don't let it get to me, Just go with the flow and respect great people you do meet. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:57:00 PM | Clues that he's an online player......
He's online!
We're all players to an extent. Guaran-fukkin-tee'd .... every single person on this site has told at least ONE little white lie. C'mon - doesn't take the blood of Einstein to figure out the obvious. | |
|
| |
| |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:08:57 PM | The lie I was referring to earlier from "player" i'd run across wasn't a white lie....it fell more into category of a "stupid lie"......I mean it was a dumb lie......if that clears that up....lol ... | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:13:58 PM | Players - this word is also confused wth
someone who does not want to be with you- thus labeled
a player around here-
That does seem to be a recurring theme on these forums. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 10:02:55 PM | Women are "players" also!
Twice I have had women pursue me, only to have them reveal the existence of a boyfriend they have been with for quite some time *after* they get spurned, as if to say, "I wasn't flirting with you, really".
It's part of the "trade up" game "players" ... play, male or female.
Another girl just started out by ... ah you understand. Online or offline, "players" male AND female prowl for to strip you of your dignity, make sport of you, and make merchandise of you. | |
|
| |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 10:54:07 PM | Gorsh darnit.
I thought this thread would be tips on helping me find a partner for
http://www.swangames.com/main/index.html | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 11:37:46 PM | The "online players" tend to make a bee-line for the new girl, so be extra cautious. Now that I'm more experienced with this, I have become the picker, rather than the pickee and tend to chat and/or date with guys that I contact first only. There have been some exceptions, but as a general rule this seems to work for me.
Unfortunately, with the players (if they are good), you most often have to get to know them better before you determine whether or not they are a player. I just don't want to go there anymore, so I do the picking. Keeps it simple. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:17:07 AM | This thread has been hilarious on most of the answers.
A real player is not going to lie to you. Nor willl they fumble their lines as so many believe. They don't have to.
They just have to make you believe what you want to see .
In other words they use your own gut feelings and your own words to trap you.
They just don't correct the misconception that you have of them. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:28:13 AM | | Well missanthropic, there are lies and there are lies. The guy who neglected to tell me of his live in girlfriend of two years, that was one helluva white lie! Or how about the one who said he was going on holiday with his mates when he was actually getting back with his wife! So don't tar us all with the same brush. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 7:28:31 AM | There are different kind of players.
The guy that goes out with lots of different woman and is honest about it. The other girls know but still think they'll end of winning the prize. At least this guy is honest. Not my type but some girls love the challenge.
Then there's the kind that tell you that you are the only one, want to make a life with you, blah blah while seeing other girls behind your back. | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:10:21 AM | i agree with whoever said that players don't tell white lies, they tell big fat ugly lies. yep. and yes indeed, they lie through their teeth. i ask a question, they give an answer = lie.
and no -- to whoever said just because the guy's online he's a player? no. and that all of us are players and tell white lies? NO. you might do that stuff, sweetie, and good luck to ya, but don't (as someone else also said) paint everybody with your brush in order to convince yourself that "everybody lies" in the same way you do -- no. in fact, that's what one of my suitors said to me when i met him, a guy who was completely bald other than one wee piece of hair sticking out of the middle of his head even tho the pics in his profile were of a guy with a full head of hair, and was 6 years older than he said in the profile, he said to me, 'oh, everybody lies about their age!' to which i said, 'no, they don't. i am going to be 45 in july and that's actually true.' (that was last july, this july -- oh my!! -- i will be 46! ugh!  anyhow...)
i think some of us are working from different ideas about what a player is. to me it automatically means someone who deceives in order to get sex...
allritenow, you wrote:
There are different kind of players.
The guy that goes out with lots of different woman and is honest about it. The other girls know but still think they'll end of winning the prize. At least this guy is honest. Not my type but some girls love the challenge.
Then there's the kind that tell you that you are the only one, want to make a life with you, blah blah while seeing other girls behind your back.
i am glad you said this so that we can start teasing out what this really means.
i don't actually view your first definition as a player -- that's just somebody being honest about what they're doing here. that's cool. then i know to avoid them and move on to somebody else. i don't have a problem with what anyone does as long as they're honest about it.
your second definition matches my definition of a player.
and yes, to whoever said they hit on people NEW to the sites they're on? YEP. exactly -- and that's because they think we don't know the score and don't have enough experience to be able to spot players.
the first guy i met was one of TWO players i have met since i started meeting guys this way. which means that (using my stats only) less than ten percent of the guys online are players. the problem is just that there are SO many guys online it just seems like there are so many players when really it's a small percentage of men...
cheers!   | |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:25:28 AM | I am playful but I am not a player or an "investor". I may be a playboy, lol, because I love women, not just sex with them! I do not lie, white or fat lies. I do not wish to get married or be in an LTR for the sake of marriage or an LTR, unless unless, it is with a woman who neither WANTS to get married or an LTR. And I am not into 1-niters either or a slat. And I am not into dating "games" or into mind games (or mind ... sex, give or receive). I am neither a nice guy or a bad boy. I am ME. And I am tired of all the "men players" threads. At least, people should come up with a better term for what they mean when they use (in error, IMO) the term "player"!!!
| |
|
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:41:47 AM | hi Curlygrl,you strike again beautifully.In addition to yours;
I would suggest,there's no particular sign of a player on line.
Profile pages and a couple of pictures,wouldn't always tell everything about the person.Computer is good for the introduction only,and it's not easy to recognize the compatibility until meeting in person.
I mean meeting a few times,to be able to understand completely,
with no intimate interruption of course. | |
|
|
| Page 2 of 15
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 |
|
Home
login 
