| Dating rules
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:58:51 AM | Should a girl ask the guy out after chatting for a while?
Sure why not?
Who should inititate contact?
Either.
Do you think it should be an individual thing and just BE yourself, and if they don't like it, lump it?
YEP!
Do you think there should be rules to dating?
Only rule... let the guy persue you. Don't chase after guys. Even if they tell you that they don't mind... deep down if they like you they will persue you.
Wait a while for physical stuff.
Do you think you should be able to ask a simple question and get a simple answer rather than wondering what they are actually thinking?
YES! Communication is key. Just ask.
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:45:00 AM | | ^^^^^ Good advice and simply put. OP I would listen to what electrablu1972 said and you will do well over time. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 4:31:29 AM | Just one rule for dating......treat others how you want them to treat you,
Nicki x | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 4:59:57 AM | Just one rule for dating......treat others how you want them to treat you,
Yes, hm, but what about different strokes for different folks? Not all people like to be treated the same way!
So, there are 2 options I think:
A) The above quote, but provided that you are lookung for someone who has the same "treatment" preference as you, aka "likeminded" in that "dept." (that makes sense)
B) Read the profile not just the photos and if you are interested in treating a person the way that they indicate (in the profile) that they want to be treated (many POFers do, mostly women but men too), go ahead! It may be different from the way YOU want to be treated. Of course, that assumes that people who state in their profiles who they want to be treated, actually MEAN that (eg honest, good hearted, good guy, opens doors, etc etc etc).
Some people do the opposite: Thet treat people exactly the opposite way than teh way they say they want to be treated in their profiles! They operate under an assuption which is a tad "sickly" (for the person who treats and for the person who is treated). I would not do that. I refuse, on ideological premises!
The other thing is not to assume how one wants to be treated via "hints" or "clues" or "signals" eg whether they have revealing photos, or etc etc etc. Do not go for such signals, because signals are very SUBJECTIVE and many times lead to VERY wrong conclusions.
C) The other, bold, option is to ask them!!!! A tad innovative, but .... these are bonkers times we live in! Seriously.
I would NOT recommend the trial and error approach!!! LOL
Because each person is unique thus an "experience/learning curve" has no real value here!
>>> Treat each person like a unique human being (unless they expressly tell you otherwise, eg "I want to be treated like a princess" or "like a caveman would treat his woman" or "like I am worth a million bucks" or "like John Wayne would treat a woman", or "in a macho way" or "me Jane, you Tarzan" or "me goldsigger, you gold owner", or "me trophy wife, you trophy seeker", etc etc etc). lol In some cases, make sure you get it in writing and signed with 2 witnesses or a notary or a pre-nup. LOL
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:16:48 PM | I agree with everything that electrablue has said except for the "don't chase after guys" bit.
I do think that you need to be realistic about the dating world and your value in it. Women over 35 have a much harder time of attracting men then when they were 20, especially if they've let themselves go or have kids. Taking a passive approach and letting the years zip by is tantamount to becoming a cat lady.
Op - you're in your 30's and you've got kids, which for most guys is seen as baggage like it or not. Use your common sense. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:28:44 PM | Hi,
I don't think there's anything wrong with intiating contact, it takes tw o to make something happen. The problem I have found is that many people say they are not looking for intimate encounters on here and they are. I am so frightened now that I will probably take myself off here and live single, a real tragedy because I am a lvoely person. People have cheapened the beauty of an intimate relationship for the purposes of love to a recreational activity that they expect before even going through the dating process. If you want an intimate encounter hire a prostitute. I am a lady and have not been treated so on here.
Sincerely
Angelina | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:47:18 PM | Apply the following
"This above all: to thine own self be true" (thanks Will)
(proviso - you need to know thine own self)
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
IMHO, anything else is BS | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/22/2007 12:59:21 PM |
Hun there are no rules, its life. Just like any other social interactions you have the choices are ultimately up to you whether you make first move or not. Do what is right for your morals and values.
Actually there is one rule. Be yourself | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/23/2007 11:46:31 AM | "Op - you're in your 30's and you've got kids, which for most guys is seen as baggage like it or not. "
Hmm. I've over 30, overweight, with a child, and I don't have any trouble getting dates. I wonder if it's a perspective thing? We put all these modifyers on ourselves, like - I can't date him because he's gorgeous, or He'd never date me because I'm fat. But the thing is - everybody in their 30's and 40's has baggage of some sort. Everybody has insecurities. I've gone out with some of the best looking guys I've ever seen and discovered crippling self esteem issues. None of us are perfect, so everybody's worth talking to and getting to know.
It's also a numbers game - the law of averages. You really do meet a lot of jerks for every genuinely nice person you come across, or at least that's been my pattern. I just don't take the jerks personally, and keep moving forward. That's what works for me. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:01:12 PM | There are lots of good ideas on this thread, some helpful & some not, depending on your
individual situation. Theer's a book out there, called "The Rules Of Online Dating".
Someone mentioned it here once & I picked it up from the library & thought it was a hoot!
Lame, stupid, very dishonest & manipulative. After readin this book, I posted my own "rules",
simply for fun & to give a different, more modern perspective. Here's a link to that thread: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6923195.aspx
You might also consider doing a thread search, to see if there are other threads on this topic. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:06:33 PM | | oh, dear god yes.......dating isn't complicated enuf///lets make "rules" for it now... | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/23/2007 4:58:22 PM | rules for dating- now the Plenty of fish and other internet sites so popular; Be careful what you put on the sites- it will be there along time. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/23/2007 5:11:49 PM | My not so humble opinion is that RULES = GAMES, and I can't stand games!
You have to be safe, sure, but other than that, every individual relationship, every individual human needs to be treated individually. You cannot apply the same rules to everyone. What you do with one person is not necessarily what will work with another. Gotta go with your gut, and be yourself. That's all. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/24/2007 6:19:23 PM | | Yes, there is actually a book called "The rules" it's very popular probably worth checking out. I don't follow it but I hear it's a interesting read. | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/27/2007 6:29:11 PM | | Other then using common sense, there are probably no iron clad rules. We all have different wants and needs, criteria, etc... so as long as you take your time and don't rush into anything, the only rule that applies, is that "There are no rules." | |
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| Dating rules
Posted: 6/28/2007 8:54:29 AM | | I have a interesting conundrum for pondering: If all is fair in love and war, then why are there rules of engagement? | |
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