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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 10:30:33 PM | High maintenance has nothing to do with appearance. It's about emotional instability in everyday life. A very picky attitude that when not appeased noticeably changes ones mood.
I'm sure it was said repeatedly, but I'm saying it again because I need to post something once every 30 minutes or the cranial bomb goes off. 
http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso?did=content&content.article=276
^ Article on emotional dependency. I think everyone would have better relationships, and not be so down on being single, if they really tried to follow that articles advice. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:04:26 PM | Well written and good info, but I'm beginning to think men have different ideas of what this term "high maintenance" means. I think they heard it somewhere, like in a movie, and now just say it, putting a different meaning to it depending on the woman they are thinking of. What you described sounds extreme to me. I would not want to even be near a woman like her. So I think this kind of woman is rare, not the norm as most men seem to think we are all "high maintenance".
It's all relative, I think. If a guy is a bum and uses coupons 2 for 1 to take you to burger king, but he's a VP at a well-known national company (this actually happened to me). Then he thinks you're high maintenance when you'd rather not keep seeing him. He assumes you want a rich guy who showers you with luxuries. Well, some guys who make a lot of $ are more stingy than the guy who's a maintenance man. Turned out he was pinching pennies to save for some fancy foreign car, so he was a very self-centered person, anyhow. I was married to a rich man, but Id rather be with a mechanic who makes enough for us to live on but would treat me well instead of abusing me like the crazy rich guy did. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:15:44 PM | | Exacxtly! If a woman looks too good, men seem to assume she's spoiled and used to being pampered without even getting to know her. They don't know that she worked hard for everything she has, that her parents gave her nothing and she joined the military just to be abole to afford college. She does her own hair, nails, shops for bargains, buys good fake jewelry, works out 3X/wk for 3 hrs ea. just trying to keep up with what the men expect her to look like. They don't speak to her when she looks bad, but when she looks great, they think she's too good for them and still dont speak to her! | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:36:23 PM | I agree with most of the guys here, that it's essentially how difficult it is to keep a particular girl 'happy'. That can be in terms of her requiring intense emotional support, or it can be in terms of wanting lots of stuff bought for her to stop her whining or getting upset - which is why you might seem to have different definitions here. They all boil down to the same thing. Extensive demands or requirements (either physical, emotional or mental) which if not fulfilled, will result in her being upset in some way.
As for being labelled high-maintenance just from someone taking a glance at you, they are obviously being judgemental, but the reasons are likely to be:
1) You were well-presented, expensive clothes, makeup, etc
2) You did not look happy and playful.
These two can combine to give the impression that you're not someone who's not easily kept happy - or alternatively, someone who IS easily offended or upset. Either of those would make you high-maintenance.
I notice, for example, that you describe yourself as independent (and I should put this next comment in the 'independent women' thread). This quite often translates to 'I will become offended and difficult to placate if you make any gender based-jokes, or I perceive that you challenge/question my independence in any way'. This = high maintenance, and is a big reason a lot of men will avoid women who describe themselves as independent. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:40:10 PM | I'll tell you what "taking care of myself "means to me at almost 60 and with all my experience with men:
First of all it means having a secure, safe place to live where I can come home not feeling afraid I'll be jumped on, criticized, expected to wash the laundry, mow the yard and cook his dinner while he naps on the sofa because he's tired and doesn't give a s--t I also worked all day.
Taking care of myself is learning to use birth control wehn I was young and not having any kids, and not having to put up with his kids or any damned grandkids running through the house and making me nuts.
Taking care of myself is sleeping with Big Dog and Smith & Wesson next to me.
Taking care of myself is being able to go to the store and buy what I want with nobody complaining what it cost. That includes the Brie and fruit I had just last night by myself. Or the vitamins and supplements, or essential oils I've found to be good for my skin that I order on the net because I know they are helping my health. A man would complain about that "maintenance", so there is no man here.
Taking care of myself is being able to get on the net at 4 am if I want to to look up something . Or being able to stretch out in the bed and sleep late with nobody in my way or making gross noises, or expecting me to get up and make breakfast until I'm ready.
Taking care of myself is being able to keep the refrigerator stocked with food, Not Beer, and No Annoying Sports on the TV, and the thermostat where I'm comfortable at all times. No sweating allowed inside the house!
And don't forget ....nobody to force himself on me when my eyes aren't even open and his breath smells like a dumpster full of dog crap. And nobody to get pissed and throw things at me when I say No because he's so disgusting, yet he acts like it's my fault.
Taking care of myself is not having to fear what kind of disease he'll give me because he's unfaithful.
Taking care of myself is not having to worry about what stupid, dangerous or wasteful thing he'll do next, and either maim or kill himself ,or cause us to go bankrupt.
Taking care of myself is saving some every month for my later years when S.S. won't be but a drop in the bucket, and no longer having to worry that he'll pull it out of the bank and waste it on unnecessary crap like a boat or motorcycle, or plane he doesn't need, or a trip to "see his daughter" but he's really seeing his ex wife (because the daughter tells me all about it and emails photos).
Taking care of myself is having a spiritual life, reading the Bible, praying and all that stuff he thinks is "dumb" because he's a heathen and will burn in hell . | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:45:14 PM |
Taking care of yourself means: Looks good, Wear nice (not expensive) cologne and clothes, shoes. Gets her hair and nails done, goes to the spa and exercises, keeps her figure, maybe even a little surgery, eats right etc.. Do you have to wear the most expensive shoes? No. But look good
Wouldn't this be the very definition of high maintinance??? Even a little surgery? | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:58:44 PM | | I don't see the paradox here. A woman taking care of herself IMO has nothing to do with being high maintenance. I have met high maintenance women granted they might take care of themselves, but they have the attitude to go with it, that turns most men off, myself included. But please ladies take care of yourself, buy yourself an outfit at least once every two weeks, get your nails done, oh yeah buy a pair of shoes with your new outfit. But leave the stuckup, sh!t don't stink attitude at the door.. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 1:34:05 AM |
Why wouldl you call her high maintenance if she worked and saved up for her surgery and it had nothing to do with you? Would you be jealous that she could have surgery? Afraid she might look so good she could get someone better than you?
No.. actually I would wonder why A) she isn't happy the way she is and B) wonder why instead of surgery she didn't op for something less evasive...
Plus it really isn't what I think that matters.
It just is suprising that "maybe a little surgery" falls into the low maintinance category.
People often wonder why women spend so much.. and then are called high maintinance. Going by the suggestions by many of the men.. to just by "maintained" you need to:
Purchased a new outfit EVERY two weeks : $40-$150
Purchased new shoes with the outfit (and we get made fun of for having too many shoes): $15-$100
Maincure & Pedicure Every two weeks : $55
Plus tanning, hair cut/dye/whatever, massages every month: $100-300.
Most men would say $900 a month just to have new outfits, shoes, hair, nails would be excessive and consider girl "High Maintinance" not even including any possible surgeries...
This of course, not including the gym membership or personal trainer, or health food.
Just seems a little crazy to me, or at the very least a double standard. I have friends who do all of this, but are very sweet, but are often labeled high maintinance for similar behavior. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 1:54:42 AM | You want a good example of what a lot of men consider to be "high maintenance"?
Go look at how Paris Hilton acts.
A lot of males would agree with me here.
It's the snobby, "I'm entitled to whatever I want" attitude that tends to get people the "High Maintenance" title.
Look at how she responded to getting locked up. (The idiot sheriff let her out?? Sounds like he was paid off.....guess what, the judge didn't agree, and had her dragged back in front of him, and forcibly made her do the whole sentence......her response was to cry..."Mommy.....do something."....like she, or her parents are above reproach....) That's the attitude most guys don't like, and usually earns people the title of high maintenance.
Now, "taking care of yourself", in general means you are able to live your life how you want it, financially, and mentally stable, and are a decent individual.
This is just my opinion. Maybe it'll give you a bit of insight, maybe it won't. But I'm a youngster in this thread...(Or so it looks) so I just figured I'd give my viewpoint. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 7:10:14 AM | Yes, they are two distinct things. High maintenance has been well-defined by other posters, and typically involves an excess of money and attention, and often drama.
A woman who takes care of herself is a healthily-balanced person. She exercises and maintains a healthy diet to stay in shape and maintain an appropriate weight. She sees the doctor and dentist regularly. She probably doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, and drinks moderately. She also probably has a job and a means to support herself, but doesn't work to excess (she can and does know how to relax and have fun) - there is a balance. It also has nothing to do with cosmetics, spas, clothing, or fads. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 7:28:31 AM |
Going by the suggestions by many of the men.. to just by "maintained" you need to:
Where are you finding these guys..............The VAST majority of men do not think this way
Purchased a new outfit EVERY two weeks : $40-$150
I have NEVER EVER heard a man say this in my life. I've never even read that a man said that until now. As Long as a woman is appropriately dressed for the occasion I am happy, If I were in a relationship, and an event came up that a new outfit was NESSICARY I would take her to buy one.
Purchased new shoes with the outfit (and we get made fun of for having too many shoes): $15-$100
I have NEVER heard a guy say "That dress would have been nice if you had just bothered to buy the proper shoes. COME ON NOW ....... If you have black in all the appropriate heights, teenies and a pair of boots, your covered !!!! Now I like to see women in sexy shoes, but not having them would NEVER keep me away.
Maincure & Pedicure Every two weeks : $55
Now I HAVE heard guys say this, and it is very nice........But as long as the nails are clean and trim I'm not going to ding her for not doing it.
Plus tanning, hair cut/dye/whatever, massages every month: $100-300
Hair care ....Yes Most guys want your hair cared for (We don't care if you ever dye it, some vain guys do when the grey starts)
Tanning .......only a few guys care about this. You won't catch me under those food warmers so I don't expect you to either.
Massages..........I've never known a man that rejected a girl because she didn't get regular massages, I mean how could you tell, reality check. I make sure the lady with me is properly massaged.
The majority of men like minimal/no makeup (check the POF forums approx 80%)
We don't care about jewelry unless we bought it. ( that doesn't mean that nice earrings and a well placed necklace isn't a plus, but it won't change if we date you)
Gym membership is a good idea ........If you use it
Personal Trainer........COME ON that is a straight up LUXURY
Health food............Grocery shopping is Grocery shopping, buy junk food, buy heath food, it's a choice
Surgery is appropriate for health and mental well being, not to get a date.
If your in reasonablely good shape for your body type, dress nice, clean, smell good and #1 Have a great personality .............Men will line up to go out with you | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 12:42:26 PM | I didnt trash anyone (yet) - you trashed yourself by posting such ignorance. I Will trash you some at the end of this message, after I box your ears and try to get some sense into your head. When are you going to learn to read, process and remember the words that just scrolled past you?????
I posted this question because I wanted to see what men answered, not that I didn't know what it means (to me). I'm a psychologist and therapist - I like to see what people are thinking.
Since I am not like the awful spoiled "girls" you little boys here are describing in your definitions, then Yes, that does make me better. If you're dumb enough to go for a girl just because she "looks good", you deserve the hell she brings into your life. I'm a real woman, not the spoiled girls you obviously are dating. I already stated I am 59 yrs old ,and all of my life have had to work for everything I own. I was never given anything, even when I was maried. I decided if being with a man didn't make my life any better, and I still had to pay my own bills, why not have the freedom of being single? So I am, and loving it. Thinking I dont "get any"? Well, I do when I want to, and it's so much better not Having to because it's demanded or expected.
I went into the military to get some of the best training in the world and a chance to go to college when I got out. Did you serve your country? Probably not, coward wimp! I lived in an $85.mo garage apartment with no a.c., and walked to school the first two years while working, too.. I maintained a 3.8 GPA and eventually earned 4 degrees and two professional licensses. Taught adult education at TX A&M for a while, then went into curriculum development for the US Army and was awarded the civilian outstanding performance medal. (getting medical personnel ready for Desert Storm was one accomplishment). Then I went back (in my mid-40's) and got another MA in Psychology and Counseling. Currently I'm writing a book about my life, which is a story you would not believe.
But you still think You are better than Me???? And think those skanks you date, who waste so much money on themeslves, are better than ME??? NOT ! Instead of wasting on beauty treatments I can do myself, and that new outfit every two weeks (OMG, I can't believe one of you guys condoned that!), I invested and have more than you can imagine in my retirement account. Yet I also have tons of clothes, because I kept myself the same size for several decades and didn't just throw things out because I was "tired of them". Now I have some Real retro stuff from the '70's and 80's, and a fur jacket from the '60s.
I don't waste time , money or my health on smoking or drinking. I bet plenty of you do those stupid activities. House and Car paid off. All By Myself! Nothing from any man. Now That's Taking Care of Myself! I can get up and look in the mirror every morning and know I am not a whore who has used men to pay her way. Wake up guys - this kind of girl you're describing is exactly that - a whore. Don't help them out. Let them sit on the curb and go hungry until they wake up and get a life.
I have Never paid for a manicure or pedicure. I do my nails at least once a week myself ,and currently wear them in a subdued (natural look) french manicure. Yes, I taught myself to do it. Those girls you're talking about who Need the beauty shop are just Lazy. I have probably been in a beauty shop for a haircut about a dozen times in my life. I did some modeling while in college, and cut and styled my own hair. I will continue to do my own grooming as long as I can.
I get compliments all the time on my hair and makeup. Other women, and most of the men I've dated end up wanting me to cut their hair. I'm very careful to make my look natural, but it is not the really "expensive" stuff. So if Imeet a guy and he gets scared because I look "too good", and is afraid I'm used to a man giving me money to buy this and get that done at the "shop", it's his loss. He's just lost a chance with a Good Catch.
I'm not done up at all in my photos, which are very recent shots of me just in the yard washing my dog, or on the computer.
I never had a personal trainer at the gym, but just talked to the guys and learned as I went. There's always guys dying to show you some tips and "spot" you. I had other women come up to me and ask me questions, thinking I was an employee. When the employees were busy or short, I did show new members around and how to use equipment. I was asked to represent them in a body-building contest, but I said "I'm not a body builder". They still insisted I was good enough to represent my class. I decided against it with all the time and expense it would take. And when they decided to do a poster with different aged people on it, they asked me to represent the middle-aged. You should have seen the couple in thier early 80's who were also asked. She looked damn good in the locker room - naked!
So if you think YOU are better than a 59 yr old ,very educated disabled Veteran who has problems just sitting here and typing because of daily pain, look me up and I will kick your damned ass, and Your Mother's too,for raising such a rude, thoughtless, stupid son.
YES, I am better because I've used the sense God gave me and not wasted all my time and money on buying "Stuff" and partying, doing drugs, etc. That's ignorant High Maintenance for you. Some day you'll wish you'd listened to me and saved up for the hard times when you get old.
OR do you just plan to die young from all the alcohol and drugs that obviously have already burned out most of you dumbass brain? | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 1:26:21 PM | a woman "who takes care of herself" & high maintenance aren't really the same things.
They want you to be clean, fit (probably) and dressed well in all honesty.
This high maintenance stuff is the emotional stuff. They want you to be drama-phobic, calm-ish and they don't want to jump through ridiculous amounts of hoops just to date you.
EDIT.. OYE.. wish I'd read all the way through before posting.. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 1:31:03 PM | Interesting.
You have received several well thought and well worded answers to your original questions. Several have offered you a definition of High Maintenance, and yet you are all over the board in trying to fit THEIR answers to YOUR definition.
I would agree that "takes care of herself" and "High maintenance" are two very different things.
Sorry to say this but you come off sounding very bitter and angry. (At all men.) | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:18:18 PM | | I don't understand why if a woman "takes care of herself" it has to be with a mans money....as the OP implies. Thats not the case at all. I know plenty of women who make good money and look great, and take pride in themselves, their health and their appearence with out a dime from a sugar daddy. Thats a pretty low opinion of your female peers OP. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:35:42 PM | Thank You. Finally a post that makes (some) sense. That's exactly what I mean - A Real Woman who earns her own money and uses her own money instead of leeching off a man! A woman who does anything less is a whore.
A woman who dates (or worse marries) a man because he will "support her" is nothing but a no good Whore with a Captial W. Sorry, but this includes a lot of our lazy kniving Mothers and Grandmothers here, including mine!
Well, I've had enough of these ignorant children on here. Going to seek an area with grownups who have some education and an IQ over 20. Maybe the computer tech area. I Love Nerds!
Outa' here..... so if you want to go on with your nonsense ravings and attempts to insult each other, then Rave on! | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:47:28 PM |
Men and Women - what do you think about the conflicting statements of men wanting us to "Take Care of Ourselves", yet Not be "High Maintenance"? Can it be done? Please Tell Us How????
A lot of people have answered well enough that "high maintenance" is an attitude more than an appearance, so I'll just say I agree with them. For most of us it's an unappealing trait, though I'm sure there's a minority who actually enjoy the drama and neediness.
And I really don't believe that so-called "high-maintenance" and "skankiness" are remotely similar. The few truely high-maintenance women I know are total prudes. Fooling around is too messy an activity for them.
Finally, "taking care of ourselves" doesn't have to be expensive. I spend money on clothes and shoes because I like fashion, but eating right, exercising and grooming doesn't cost a lot. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/11/2007 3:54:06 PM | Did she just make a extremely stupid generalization about us all being alcoholic drug addicts?
Maybe she forgot to read my profile. Poor her. Just because you are old(Oh damn, she brought out the big guns, so now I'm going to have fun.) and bitter, doesn't mean that everyone fits into your neat little generalizations.
I don't drink, smoke, nor do any drugs.
I sure hope you don't counsel/perform any therapy sessions for anyone, because you'd make a horrible example of what NOT to do as a person in general.
And for your information, I AM one of those "nerds" you're talking about. Someone with a brain, who bothers to think before I make retarded rants, like the big one you made.
You wondered why people were making the assumption that you were high maintenance, and then your attitude proved WHY.
You think you are special, just because you've lived life "fully"? 
I'm 22, I'm in the beginning years of my life, no, I haven't had all kinds of "grand" experiences.
As for joining the military, it's not always about being a "coward". Sometimes, (And you SHOULD understand this, if you are really disabled as you claim...), it's about being disabled, and not allowed in the military.
Your whole..."I'm better than you all" attitude is what is turning people off, and it SHOWS in the way you carry yourself in life, I.E. the reason you get people calling you "High Maintenance" before they've even gotten to know you.
I'm sure most guys, after reading your little rant up there, wouldn't touch you with a 100 ft pole.
Fixing your attitude problem, should be your main goal, and then maybe you'll become more attractive to people.
I'm sorry, but I'm sick of people who ask for a honest opinion, and then get snippy when given one.
This is my honest opinion after reading your posts.
Do with it what you will. | |
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