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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 8/24/2007 2:54:59 PM | "Takes care of herself" to me means that she makes an effort to stay in shape and eat a healthy diet. Good hygiene is also a huge plus.
"High maintenance" describes a woman who blows a lot of time and money on their physical appearance via make-up, hair styles, dye, clothing, shoes, etc... It also suggests a dislike for playing rough, getting dirty, or breaking a nail.
I also agree with previous posters concerning the thought that high maintenance refers to the amount of attention required to keep her happy. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 8/24/2007 3:22:39 PM | | I don't know how that will answer my question..... I seek a partnership. We are social creatures and thus I have that drive to have a partner in life. I accept the possibility that I may be one of the millions of single women that may remain alone but, that desire to share life with a partner is there. I need no financial support, no help taking care of my home or land (remodeled my home myself, plumbing, electrical, etc.), and I have some wonderful female friends that offer emotional support when needed..... don't see how that makes one "high maintenance"! | |
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RufioX
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Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 78 | |
| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 8/24/2007 5:08:39 PM | Ok... I'm going to be honest... wich usually gets me in trouble, but I dont' care because I'm not going to bicker about how people feel about my opinions.
Anyway - I may only be speaking for myself here, but the impression I get from some of the mens responses implies that I'm not just speaking for myself.
When I say that I want a woman who "takes care of herself" I mean that I won't date a big woman. "Taking care of herself" is my nice way of saying that I care about how much weight a woman is carying and I just don't want to call her fat. Being Called "fat" is offensive and I never intend to be offensive, but at the same time, I do care about a womans size.
Like I said, I'm not going to bicker about how people feel about my response, so this is all I'm going to say about it.
As for being "High maintenance" I don't think any more needs to be explained. Other guys posted some good answers to that. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 8/24/2007 6:09:28 PM | To me high maintenence means wanting to have a guy on call ready to be with her 24 hours a day, having to talk to her at least once a day, tell her what hes did. Just a very annoying, intrusive woman.
Now a lady who"takes care of herself" is a lady who dresses well. She is concerned, but not obsessed, with the way she looks. Also someone who cares for her health and mind, as in seeks to be well read and knowladgeable, and eat right and exercise. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/12/2007 11:33:53 PM | I admit that I tend to label a woman "high maintenance" if she's walking down the street with perfectly-coiffed hair, expensive clothing, etc. Why? Chances are these are things that are important to her, which tells me she puts her personal appearance at a very high level of priority in her life, meaning she has certain financial expectations as well. Whether I can meet those or not, I don't want to be with that type of woman; I'm the guy who prefers that a woman comb her hair out straight, put it in a ponytail, puts on a t-shirt, maybe a baseball cap, some jeans and sneakers, and we can just go. No makeup, no lipstick, no hairspray, no perfume. If a woman showers regularly, then she smells good, case closed.
But traditionally speaking, "high maintenance" refers more to attitude than appearance. Most men want a woman who they're physically attracted to, but the physical attraction element isn't what causes us to label her "high maintenance". Being overly demanding, being unwilling to accept anything other than top-of-the-line anything in life, insisting on doing some things or being around certain people because she's concerned about how others will perceive her (as though most strangers in the world even waste the mental energy to form an opinion of someone they haven't even exchanged a single word with; in short, most people don't care about others' perceptions til those people become involved in each others' lives to some degree)... these are the things that make her "high maintenance", and the things every man should run from.
Because honestly, the sugardaddie dot com ads I see on this site just anger me to the point of teeth-gnashing every time I see them. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/13/2007 9:22:57 PM | you can tell if someone is wearing a $500 shirt instead of a $40 one? With all the copies out there, you must be an industry insider to be able to know all the differences. And remember its free to style your hair, and do your makeup and nails.
Also I know quality when I see it, and I appreciate it, and buy it when possible. Does that make me high maintenance? No. It just means that what I buy, or what we buy together, isnt going to fall apart like the cheap stuff. For most things, I look for the best balance of quality and price. Not the cheapest.
Take shoes for example. A $20 pair of shoes is definitely going to fall apart faster than a $75 pair of shoes. At least in my experience, anyway. My dad had shoes that were $200 a pair but lasted him 5 years each time. That is more sensible than spending $20 every 6 months to replace shoes that fall apart. And even if it evened out the same, who wants to be at the shoe shop that often just to replace crappy shoes with more crappy ones?
But there are ridiculously priced Hollywood-league shoes that are in no way better than my dad's I spoke of. We're talking a $1000+ pair for 1 or 2 evenings, with another 200 pair in your closet . Now thats high maintenance. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/13/2007 10:05:30 PM | OP:
She looks good? Wears nice cologne and clothes, shoes. Gets her hair and nails done, goes to the spa and exercises, keeps her figure, maybe even a little surgery...? If she has the time and money for all this, she's probably being kept by a sugar daddy or husband.
That is ****ing HILARIOUS! Had a guy said this, it would have been deemed extremely offensive, and rightly so. You basically said that for a woman to dress nice, have good hygeine, and be fit, then she needs a man's money. Hilarious! Because I mean, guys acheive these goals pretty regularily without needing a woman's money. I actually don't think I've read anything more offensive towards women on this site, and it came from a woman who is completely unaware of what she said. Awesome! | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:58:19 PM | OP,
Interesting thread. For me I want a woman who "takes care of herself" but is not "high maintenance" What does "take care of herself" mean to me? A little goes a long way for what I consider that to be in a mate. I want a woman that is not put off by spending some time each and everyday putting on makeup, doing her hair and nails and putting on some night sexy clothes. A woman who takes the time to do these two things, tells me two things.
1. She cares enough about herself and has the pride and confidence to doll up and look her best each day.
2. If I'm with a woman in a relationship, by her doing those things it tells me that she loves me and wants to look her best to please me as well.
I don't feel those things have to cost tons and tons of cash each week for a woman to do those few things to really doll up and show she cares and looks her best.
What is high maintenance in my eyes. A woman who needs to wear expensive jewlery all the time, buys the most high end expensive clothes and lots of it on a regular basis. Can't just have 4 or 5 pairs of shoes, but she has to have 50 pairs while half of them she will never take out of the box. When going out to eat, she is not happy unless it's high end places all the time. These are a few example of a high maintenance woman and thats not required in my eyes for a woman to look her best and still take very good care of herself.
What matters is that she puts on makeup, wears some sexy clothes (does not have to be 50 pairs of shoes) teases up her hair some, a few dabs of perfume and wa lah. We have a woman who looks very sexy, shows she cares and a woman that I would personaly be proud to have on my arm.
I don't think either person should be a huge spender either when it comes to money. That will create problems, communication is key! if there is respect, open communication and a heap of love involved, then both people will be happy I feel. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/13/2007 11:58:57 PM |
Deb this has always confused me. I often wonder if it is because so many men have truly no idea how much time and effort many women put into their physical appearance. I am beginning to believe that there are 2 types of mirrors out there, 1 for women and 1 for men. I am also quite surprised by the men that are demanding a women that takes care of herself when clearly the last time he put any effort into his appearance was when he was living at home and his mother wouldnt let him leave the house looking like he did.
Yes thats correct -- I just wave a magic wand each morning and walk out of the house looking like this because it takes no effort to be in shape - especially approaching 40 | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:11:28 AM | To me high maintinence means , financially somewhat, but most of all emotionally
An emotionally high mantinence person is the most draining type of person you can have in your life.
You cant even put a dollar amount on the energy, and time they will require or the negativity they will bring into your life.
But Iv'e noticed that alot of the financially high maintinence women are also emotionally high maintinence | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:10:21 AM | Let me explain the differences in the two statements...
"Takes care of herself." - meaning:
Showers daily and wears her hair in a style other than a bun or pony-tail. Cares about her appearance in that she will dress like she is not living in Wal-Mart or a trailer park. Dresses like she is doing something important every day. Not evening dress important, but appointment important. Some make-up gets applied. A little here and there...not full face painting. In other words, you know people will be looking at you today and although this isn't what you dwell on, you make an effort.
"High-maintenance" - meaning:
I get my hair done every 3 weeks...at a $300 plus salon. I have fake nail that I change weekly. I have a little f*cking dog that I keep in my purse. I deck myself up in full make-up every day. This takes hours. I dress in all labels, not because anyone can SEE the label...I just like to talk about it. I have 50 pairs of shoes. I wear only 4. I go for Botox because I don't believe laughing or smiling is a natural thing for the body to do.
And when I date you, you wind up being constantly late for everything because I take FOREVER to get ready and much of what I do once I'm with you, I'll forget my wallet for.
Takes care of herself - you're a down chick. You understand the world, and how it works.
High-Maintenance - You're a neurotic mess. You probably feel ugly no matter what you do. I have no use for you. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:52:12 AM | Wait a minute
The majority of men like minimal/no makeup (check the POF forums approx 80%)
This has NOT been my experience...ever. I don't always wear makeup...it feels gross a lot of the time, plus I'm just too busy to bother and like having clean skin. But guys be honest...I get WAY WAY WAY more attention and appreciative looks if I have put on makeup. I have even had employers request that I wear makeup at work, "to look professional" (how does makeup make me more professional?), I worked in service for a long time and I'll tell you that my tips increased by over 100% if I decided to apply makeup, and do all that REALLY EXPENSIVE stuff that women do to maintain themselves.
Makeup is bloody expensive (I should have asked that employer for an expense account) A tube of lipstick can run 30$ or more, my whole makeup kit is probably worth about 600$...and that doesn't include skincare. And makeup comes in tiny tiny little packages which have to be replaced often (thank god for my optimum points) Hell, I even get treated better by SALESWOMEN if I have my face on. The only time I have had any man tell me he prefers me without makeup is when we are going steady or otherwise committed...which I think speaks alot about him not wanting other men to notice me. He seemed to like it when we were just dating...hmmmmm (?)
I understand not liking a woman to look like RuPaul..but get real. It's like those photos of celebrities without makeup on and everyone goes...eeeewwwwww.
I do understand the "high maintenance" that a lot of the posters have described...it's basically a self-important b*tch. That's what I'm getting here. And I agree wholeheartedly... I don't like prissy broads myself. But guys get real about the makeup, because the actions don't jive with the words. If men didn't show more interest when we were made up than when we are au naturel, women wouldn't keep slathering that stuff on. | |
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Tasu
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Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 90 | |
| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:51:26 PM | | for me, taking care of oneself does not include wearing makeup. i find it more interesting when women don't wear makeup, or, if they do, just that amount that underlines (non native speaker - maybe that's not the right word here :-), accentuates?) what is there. when a woman wears heavy makeup, i get the feeling she wants/needs to hide something, physical or otherwise. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 1:46:51 PM | The majority of men like minimal/no makeup (check the POF forums approx 80%)
This has NOT been my experience...ever. I don't always wear makeup...it feels gross a lot of the time, plus I'm just too busy to bother and like having clean skin. But guys be honest...I get WAY WAY WAY more attention and appreciative looks if I have put on makeup. I have even had employers request that I wear makeup at work, "to look professional" (how does makeup make me more professional?), I worked in service for a long time and I'll tell you that my tips increased by over 100% if I decided to apply makeup, and do all that REALLY EXPENSIVE stuff that women do to maintain themselves.
Makeup is bloody expensive (I should have asked that employer for an expense account) A tube of lipstick can run 30$ or more, my whole makeup kit is probably worth about 600$...and that doesn't include skincare. And makeup comes in tiny tiny little packages which have to be replaced often (thank god for my optimum points) Hell, I even get treated better by SALESWOMEN if I have my face on. The only time I have had any man tell me he prefers me without makeup is when we are going steady or otherwise committed...which I think speaks alot about him not wanting other men to notice me. He seemed to like it when we were just dating...hmmmmm (?)
Ravenstar66,
I have to say that I'm not one of those 80% of guys that say they like a woman with little to no makeup. Everyone has there preference, but mine as always been I like a woman who takes the time to doll up and looks sexy. Ok, for some woman looking sexy is no makeup, I just don't find that sexy at all. As I have pointed out before, there are very few women in this world that can pull off the no makeup thing and get by with it. IMO. Thats not anykind of a putdown to women either. If you take a woman who does not look attractive without makup and she puts on lipstick and eyeliner and whatnot. All of a sudden she can look very sexy.
The reason most women get way more attention when they have makeup on is because I believe IMO that no what matter what, women are much more sexy and attractive with makeup on. I also agree that yes it does make a women look more sexy/ approchable and professional if she dolls up and puts on makeup.
Example.. Let's say you walk into a nice store and there is a woman behind a counter who is selling makeup, perfume etc. If that woman had no makeup on, just plain clothes and her hair was a bit flat, neat but did not have that dolled up "sales" look to her then I do feel that sales and business would be less because she is not looking attractive and at her best for a professional market. For the sake of seeming like this is all about women.. Example 2. A guy with long hair, and maybe a few days growth on his of facial hair is working at a new car sales lot. Beside him is a guy with short hair, nice suit, clean shaven and is ready to sell a new car also. Who will get the most sales? Who is the most approchable in that type of business? The clean shaven guy, and for the woman it's the one with makeup who cares about taking that extra effort.
As far as price. IMO a woman can look very beautiful and not have to buy a lipstick tube that costs 30 dollars for one tube. Yes there is some money involved, but I feel a woman can still look very sexy and not have to break the bank in the process. Besides, things like 2 or 3 pairs of nice shoes and skirts for example. Yes it maybe a bit of money upfront, but they will last a while also. A person does not ever have to buy something to wear and have brand new every other moment to look her best.
From my point of view, the facts are sort of there no matter what a lot of men on this site may say. Many men including myself loves a woman who looks like she belongs on the cover of a magizine. It's the effort that counts. I like thin women, does she have to be a perfect 10 for me personally to be happy? Not at all, but that same woman if she dresses a bit sexy, wears non baggy clothes, puts on her makeup. WOW that makes a huge impression on me. Thats the kind of woman I want to call my girlfriend/wife someday. One that does all that for herself to feel good and for me because she knows it makes me happy also. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 1:58:08 PM | Okay, I didn't even bother to read the other responses(because they are usually PC bullshit!)
Woman who takes care of herself:( translation) not fat, shapely and will stay that way. Will continue to care about her waisteline after she has landed her man.
High maintenance: Likes expensive spa treatments, hair and nails and expects you to pay for it.
Needs constant reinforcement and attention that she is the center of the universe.
Got it? Good. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:41:52 PM | Ok, I didn't read all the posts, but here is my 2 cents.
Woman who take care of themselves = They workout, they watch what they eat, they try to look nice all the time, get peds and mans
High Maintenance - May include some of the above, but also expect you to pay for it, are whiny, and always need their way
I am all for the woman who take care of themselves. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 8:43:01 PM |
But just because we look good doesn't mean we're to asking you to pay for it
I married a man who had a job paying more than I'd ever made, so I assumed if I had savings, he should as well. Not! He ended up blowing his salary & trying to get into my savings and spending it, too.
just reverse the roles of man and women in the 2nd argument and you know why people think "we're not asking them to pay for it"
You have answered your own question here or maybe should I say there seems to be some contradiction in the arguments here. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/14/2007 10:59:34 PM | Wanted to take a different tack and address a question that has been asked, but not answered.
"If 'high maintenance' is defined by attitude, how can someone look at my picture/profile and say I'm high maintenance?"
The definitions given here for 'high maintenance' are correct...it is about having an attitude of emotional/material entitlement. Now, I can't speak to all cases because some of them may have been excuses, but it is possible to tell (tell? nah, more like guess) if a particular person is high maintenance. There are cues you can take from posted pictures, such as glamor shots or photos from dress parties. If mixed with regular activity photos they don't stand out as much, but if they are the only photos there it's a red flag.
-edit-
If she doesn't mind, I would like to use kari4566 as an example...she does have a glam shot posted, but this is balanced by the barrel pictures. Nice hat, btw. :)
-end edit-
The profile itself can hold clues as well, not just what is said, but how it is said. Without a profile to hold up to scrutiny (I will not be mean and use the OP), I can't give specific examples. General examples include an overall tone of materialism, arrogance (not confidence...fine line, big difference), and again, entitlement.
However, as this site's title suggests, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I am sure there are men out there who are attracted to the high maintenance lifestyle. However, when you aren't finding that quickly enough to suit your tastes, please count to 100 before posting on the 'ask a guy' forum. It will save a lot of unnecessary flaming. :) | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 9/16/2007 4:50:43 PM | Etourdi (post 97) has it right! I've had these dates tell me they like my looks--my nice clothes, nice furniture, figure--because it all shows I take care of myself.
...but they quickly start whistiling a different tune somewhere, like one guy seemed to think taking me out to a restaurant was a bowl of clam chowder at Applebees (I see no reason to spend more than $6 for a meal--hey, the lunches at our subsidized cafeteria are more than that!
So, when they see that "taking care of yourself" involves some costs, they freak. I've never asked a guy for money, and certainly never for MY STUFF. But if the guy is skimping, fails to bring a bottle of wine, even, for dinners--I draw a line with housekeeping, cheapness, and general consideration. Then they may arrive at the "high maintenance" view.
However, attraction, whether physical or mental, dies in the stark light of a basic inequity of values and priorities. I don't think the OP is overstating anything: there ARE these high maintenance guys who sit back in the Barcalounger or stretch out on the couch and expect to be served. Oh, and if they look for a remote (or a TV set), well, that might not be the end of the date, or the last date, but it certainly presents some disturbing parameters that choke any chances of a relationship. | |
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kantos
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Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 100 | |
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