| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 6/28/2007 5:17:53 PM | | From a guys point of view I prefer to email or chat for about a week to get a basic feeling of who you are then meet. I think it is important to meet to see if there is any chemistry there or not. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:32:52 PM | | I have much respect for some people who meet right away. After all, we are just typing on the phone. If I was able to meet someone quick I would hope and pray that it would not be a real fast nervous meeting. It seems like a real good way to meet someone. All these internet people, well, they all seem to know how to use their hands. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 6/29/2007 11:50:05 AM | Camarogurl...
I think your right... meeting soon is the way to go in my eyes also, for the very same reasons that you said... being a smart a** really dosnt come through right most of the time in mail....
  I like these ones.... | |
|
| |
IBThe1
|
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/6/2007 5:42:11 PM | Boo-Ya! Now you are going to get hit by one of my favorite rants. ;-)
I'm a Software Engineer by trade and I hate the inefficient design of these online dating systems. Why? Software always must be backed up by supporting procedures. Raw databases provide all kinds of capability to exclude someone but only based on very shallow assessments. There is simply no way one can get enough information about a person from a database. The information that needs to be processed is simply to massive in scale for modern data systems to be effective. Need convincing? OK, off we go.
I watched a show on the Discovery Channel where a professor researching human attraction *demonstrated* the human ability to select the most genetically compatible mate with 90% accuracy based on smell alone. When's the last time you smelled a database and even if you could which of us would go around sniffing them?
What about speech patterns? Does he talk like your beloved ant or uncle or perhaps your abusive father? Might this influence your thinking? It might. Can a contrived two dimensional image tell you that he or she is the spitting image of an abusive X you dated 10 years ago? Maybe or maybe not. Depends on how out dated it is. Does he drive a Maserati? It is entirely possible to drive a Maserati and be an incredibly dull person. You'll never find out till you meet .
OK, I think I've established that data systems currently available are insufficient. Hell, E-Harmony just about made me nuts. The bottom line with them was that if you were willing to go through the Hell of filling out their form (and then be charged a mint) then it seemed likely that you were desperate enough *AHEM*, I uh... I mean uh... that you must be ready to settle down. They like to tell people that there is actual science behind what they ask but I know a couple of psychology profs who spend a good deal of their time scoffing at Dr. Phil and this kind of pop psychology. You know... The kind where you fix your life based on 30 minutes of silly catchphrases.
So anyway, I'm all for meeting first and I sympathize with those who want to meet early. The bottom line is that there is just no substitute for the human touch.
Here is how I think it should be done:
1. Everyone meets everyone else at the same time and on a regular basis. It is great for psycho detection, avoidance and if need be banishment. It's also great for developing contacts and friendships with others you have something in common with.
2. After say, six months of this, THEN you get access to a database of information regarding the individuals you already have much of the more esoteric information about.
3. Twice a week, you might be called up by a professional from said organization and asked out on a date. This is a training run. Some you will accept and some you will politely turn down without saying things that might anger them or any hot friends they might have. Alternatively, you may call them up and ask them out on a date and so on. Most people just don't get enough practice doing this.
4. ...and so on.
OK, anyway. Stick a fork in me. I'm done for now.
Jim C. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:41:37 PM | I say lets get on with it. You can't really get to know someone through an IM e-mail or phone. I agree with whats stated by IBTHE1.
On the other hand I'm not to shy about meeting people. I also have an interesting job that exposes me to every nut, pyhco, and strange person that this world has to offer, so I feel confident in knowing how to deal with whatever comes along. I would be really, really, hard to surprise me, scare me, or make me run for the truck. 
It seems to me that people take meeting someone way to serious and get there hopes up only to be dashed by reality. How is it any different than standing in the grocery store line and making conversation with the person in front of you? Are you afraid there going to follow you home?
I think there is more good in people than bad, but we concentrate on the bad to feed are own negative beliefs.
Nick | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/9/2007 8:30:53 AM | Well, surprise! Meeting right away worked for me! YAY! The one I met the other night (tuesday) Is a great guy and we even had the same days off this last week. I had from wednesday until today off and so did he. It is going really well and I am going to put my profile on hold. Wish me luck           | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/21/2007 12:35:43 PM | I've only met one person on here thus far, and it was actually within a few hours of signing up. I found someone nice on my first browse, sent a message, got one back, and after a bit of talking, we were out on a date. :D
There's no problem with meeting someone right away, provided you don't get that creepy psycho feeling from them. Heck, it's better even than a blind date, because you know some things about them already, and people go on blind dates all the time. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/21/2007 7:44:31 PM | What do they say in their profile?
Do they want to date? Long term. Or is it more "Recreation Partner"?
Then again, how many people out there (men and women) been burned before, and now they are gunshy? | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/23/2007 5:41:58 PM | | I used to think writing to each other was extremely important. I now think a person should meet the other person as soon as possible. The main reason being.. You can get to know the person in person and decide if you really want to take it a step further. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/24/2007 3:54:29 AM | 'let ya know how it goes/went'...meeting quickly/slowly
WELL: had a lil 'back n forth' in zee forums
-E-mail
-Phone
-Letters(paper...what I call ~REAL~ letters)
-Cam
-E-mail
-Phone
-etc etc ETC
Thousands of miles between us,SEVEN months of correspondence,~REAL~
*Commitment* *Honesty* *Communication* *TRUST*
and, Y E S=...REAL ~LOVE~
all without/beFore 'meeting'
Finally, after seven months -we met
in the Flesh
tis almost a YEAR since our first physical meeting
we are still together, in ~LOVE~
best of warm *wishes* to YOU, YOUr new friend
 | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:40:49 AM | | I think the sooner you meet, the better. Attraction first, then meet in person for all the rest. You cannot detect nuances via written word. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/24/2007 9:42:30 AM | Ibthe1....tried to write to you but your profile would not allow it.
Just wanted to say you kick a&&. You are hilarious. Love your method of writing and what you have to say even has merit! HAHHA | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:11:51 PM | | Well, we dated for a few weeks and it didnt work so I am back. Have a great new friend, but no love connection. Oh well. I had fun and that is what counts right? | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:39:38 PM | camaro I noticed first you post suprise it worked for me then ... later post no connection but made a friend ...
This is why I wait to meet that way I dont spend all my time meeting all these people I dont hit it off with ..
Now ill admit emailing back and forth NO kinda hard to get to know someone .
But exchanging a name where you can pm back and forth you get more of a clue who you are talking with and from there is when I get an idea if im going to hit it off with that preson at all .
If you have good enough conversations in pm you can get a very good idea rather you would click with this person or not .. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:03:47 PM | I don't agree with you at all Christi. I don't think that pm'ing back and forth successfully is any indication at all as to what will happen in person. What happened with camaro is just the way it goes sometimes. At least she didn't waste countless hours on her computer.
Sorry to hear it didn't work out camaro. Time to get back on the horse I guess. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/28/2007 9:27:40 PM | PM back and forth gives you a good indication of what that persons views are if you have a good conversation with them and its not just small talk ...
countless hours ?? sheesh I dont mean to do it hours on end or anything .. but a few conversations before hand can tell you ALOT ..
example .... had a guy ask a friend of mine after pm 'ing for awhile if she had WHITE kids .. yea go figure .. guess what it was one person she didnt have to waste time with meeting ...
Myself I have had guys that put up a red flag for me when asking me , sexual stuff right off .. told me YUP they are lookin for one thing only ...
Pm back and forth a few times gives you a lil peek in ..
and NO it dont mean it should be done for countless hours | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/28/2007 11:07:58 PM | | There were no red flags, I have no regrets meeting/dating the man I dated. I would not change a thing. I am glad for the experience of knowing him. We had a blast! That is what dating is all about, you date someone for a while to see if there is the basis for a relationship. You can talk to someone all you want online and never know how spending time with them will be. Or how that one little annoying habit will drive you out of your mind lol. They dont tell you that online on the phone what ever. Just kidding he is a great guy, we just dont feel we are 'the one' for each other, and there is nothing wrong with that. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/29/2007 1:58:33 PM | | I think the main reason to meet as soon as possible is simply because a person can judge by a certain mistical feeling that creeps into one's heart and won't let go. You meet and wham it hits you. I don't mean indigestion but such a special feeling. wow... | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/29/2007 4:28:51 PM | Hey Camarogurl
I think that meeting in person right away is the best way. I have been single for a couple of years now and oin a couple singles sties. As has been said earlier, many people do not present theselves as they actually are. Im 45 and a few lbs overweight. Thats 5-10 lbs. Im al;so rather an active person, I have met women IM or chatted fro weeks prior to meeting them. And when we do meet, they are not at all the way the have represented themselves.
I actualy have a coffee date this evening with a new person of interest. We have only talked a few times and IM'ed each other. The first "date" is to see if there is 1) a physical attraction, 2) To determine if they are truly representing themselves. I have always viewed dateing as sort of a courting period.
Btw My late wife and I talked everynight fro as month before we met. but when we did meet she was exactly the way she protryed herself over the phone. And I knew we would be married the minute I laid eyes on her. So go figure
| |
|
| |
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/29/2007 8:06:16 PM | I think Dates are supposed to be fun.
I need at the very least an hour of phone time before I'm comfortable assessing the situation. A lot of emails can substitute for that hour on the phone. I'd probably turn down a sudden "lets meet up" from someone whom remains vague. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/30/2007 12:39:39 AM | | I have met people right away and a few after chatting it up on pm's or the phone. It's all the same to me. I am pretty comfortable with anything. I personally don't want to just meet right away. Some chat time is what I like. | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/30/2007 8:53:30 AM | Ok People, lets be clear. I don't mean I send out an email, Hi, I am Susan, lets go out. Geez people the emails I have gotten. I mean after a few emails and a phone call or 2. But not this emailing away daily for a month or more. One guy sent what amounted to surveys on a daily basis. I get an email or two, talk on IM, then the phone, he seems ok, then I meet. If they dont seem ok, I talk longer or move on. I don't want to email all the time, would rather chat on the phone a time or 2, then meet. I have a very busy life and to me, email is a waste of time, phone is slightly better, but meeting face to face for a cup of coffee is cool. Or I will just say hey I will be at Marco's on thursday night with my friends, drop in ask me for a dance. I guess I don't worry about the small stuff. If I get hit on at the club, Í know how to get the losers to lose interest and leave me alone, same with if I meet someone and they get to be a pain. But honestly I have had fun on every date, even when there was no chemistry. I had agood time and still talk to most of the men. There was only one bad date, and that was not terrible. besides it is a great story lol.  | |
|
| what do you think of meeting right away?
Posted: 7/30/2007 2:33:58 PM | I believe that 60% of all communication is non verbal : thus in e-mail , I.m. lots can be lost in translation .
Even Defining what you expect for "dating " verses " long term "
here is a thought : how about everyone consider posting in your profile what your preference is ?
Many do have it clearly spelled out ( Just want to have fun , meet great people )
If you expect sex on the 3rd date ( forget it ) or ( it would need to be in hawaii)
Or fill in the expectation or NEED as suits you .
Like: if we seem To "Click " after 4 e-mails , 2 I.M s and a phone call , then lets meet for coffee and see how we like each others company .
Or : If your into what I said in my profile after the 2nd e-mail you had best have dinner reservations planned : " or the wild night of romance is not going to happen."
feel free to change your profile ( I read many more than once , just to see what may have changed ) whats new and interesting " let it show " who knows maybe thats what will attract who your looking for .
It is better than just dropping a line with the same old bait and hoping the prized fish in the pond will be the only on interested . 
I'm pulling for ya all , we are in the same boat together : hopfully we dont get our lines tangled .
KAT | |
|
Home
login 
