daisie
| | Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 26 | |
| | My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start againPage 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | whatttttttttttttttttttt????? Your SOULMATE did all that?? Ripped out your soul?
Wow I''d report that soulmate to the International Soulmate Registry, or the State BAR for Soulmates, or Better Business Bureau, DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER or somebody!!!
Soulmates should not be allowed to get away with this behavior!!! | |
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phyn3
| | Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/11/2007 9:28:55 PM | No one can take your Soul, or break it. It is who you really are, who you are always, and "all ways". Be fully conscious of your role in the relationship, your behavior, your actions, your words, your thoughts, what you gave, what you took, what you learned, what you taught. You are not responsible for determining his role. He must do that for himself, and that is his choice whether he does or not.
Give yourself time to heal. All the time you need. Care for You. Be good to You. Being alone with your Self will teach you how to be all right with it. We've all been through it, and the only way through it is through it. You are never alone in that pain or experience.
You're going to make it through. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 4:25:45 AM | OP, if you break a bone, does it hear? Sure. Does it hurt while it's healing? Sure. Is that a bad thing? No. That's just nature's way of telling us that our bodies have to change in order to heal, and to be aware that this process of massive growth is not going to be there forever.
As long as you feel pain, you are growing as a person and healing your wounds. That means everything is working all right.
The minute you stop feeling pain, and you are NOT completely healed, and you realise that you are numb, that's when you are in trouble, because that means that you are not getting any better.
So for now, revel in it, and know that you will be a much, much, much stronger and more capable person for this experience.
Wow I''d report that soulmate to the International Soulmate Registry, or the State BAR for Soulmates, or Better Business Bureau, DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER or somebody!!!
Soulmates should not be allowed to get away with this behavior!!! Daisy, I totally agree. That's why I still believe adultery and abandonment should be illegal, but it should be cheap and easy to get a quickie divorce. Saves on the heartache. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 4:44:18 AM | I know and feel your pain, its a pain like no other,its like you want the whole world to stop and feel your pain......it gets better.
Our souls dont hurt, because our souls know that particular soul way before it came to this plane, it made a deal with that soul to be tought a lesson, and so the other soul had to meet you and perhaps teach you what u needed to know and grow. Only in hindsight can we look back and realise that the ex that hurt us so much was the one that tought us the most needed lesson of all, pain is hard, but lessons are needed......and rest assured your soul knows all this way before you were born.
I have found writting to be the best way to eliviate all the pain, allow your emotions to come out, go back to what you wrote in a few days and you will see that all your burdens seem to have dispeared, its always easier to look at things that apear infront of you rather then have them cluttered in our minds. all the best. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 5:40:04 AM | | this might not be much help but just remember that your not alone..thousands of people are goin through exactly the same,one of them being me...but have faith and take each day as it comes...chin up girl :) | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 6:20:23 AM | That which does not destroy us makes us stronger.
When I was in my teens and early to mid twenties, I was a romantic and an idealist. I found my One True Love(TM), and subsequently lost him. I wasted a better portion of 5 years mourning over the relationship.
Fast forward 12 years to present day, and glean the wisdom of a decade of hindsight to reveal this truth: Time heals ALL wounds.
There are no winners here. You both lost. I have no advice to soothe your pain. All I can say is, it gets better with time, even if you swear right now it never, ever will.
Wendy | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 6:38:58 AM | I was young, niave, idealistic, romantic, and pretty stupid about relationships and men in those days. Too many Disney movies as a kid, perhaps - I literally thought and believed with all of my heart that once you found that special love, you stayed together forever, fought it out against all odds, etc etc.
Now I'm a grown woman in her thirties, and hindsight has taught me how foolish I was in those days.
Don't make the same mistake I did. I never made that mistake again, and you don't have to either.
Wendy | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 7:15:42 AM | Your heart never breaks. It’s not made of china.
It may ache but that’s part of joys of life because if it never aches then you never know the difference between sorrow and happiness.
You appreciate your sleep most when you are extremely tired same goes with love.
Don’t lose your strength believe in destiny and what you thought was it, it simply wasn’t.
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 7:44:32 AM | Just wanted to say there are many soul mates in our lives, so one will come again. I to felt that there was nothing left in my life, when my now X married for 15 years and 2 children left for another woman, family. Hell he even left his dog only to get another for his new family.
You will mend, I know you don't think so right now, but believe me when I say there will come a time when you say Wow I'm better now than I ever was. I like myself and this was his loss. God has your soul if you let him, let him guide you. My Pastor told me thatI will find a better love, soul mate 10 times fold. I can't wait! I will someday. Right now I am just enjoying being ME. Hey I have found I really am a cool good person. Twoisbetterthanone YOU didn't blow it HE did. YOU won you just don't know it yet. There will come a day when you sit with your TRUE soul mate by the lake. BELIEVE IT! Keep your chin up, be strong.  | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 8:52:23 AM |
It is said that everyone has one soul mate.
First off dispel this notion that TV propaganda has proclaimed. I'm in a similar struggling mode as you albeit different. While I still miss my ex after a 29 year marriage there is no way I'll view her as 'the one and only'. What's the chances of the perfect partner being born and raised just 8 miles from where I was, (like she was)? This is one huge world and the likelihood of that is absurd. My sentiments tell me she was the one for me, my wisdom knows better.
I've read all the responses and it is clear it is given by those who have been through it before. While we are all unique, we are similar, we all hurt, we all love, we all heal. Time heals is such a cliche, but time and again, it's proven to be true.
While you don't state it directly in your post I sense you are also mourning some secondary losses that you are attributing under the loss of 'him'. The primary loss, (spouse), is often looked as the most important thing to replace and it brings about rebounds that serve a purpose, but usually don't last. May I suggest to you to consider your secondary losses. Your lifestyle, your familiarity of your comfort zone, your home perhaps, your hopes, dreams, visions, goals, and expectations. If you can get focused moreso on renewing these secondary losses your life begins to get in gear again. You can take more control on recovering/redefining these secondary losses vs. replacing that primary loss. Ideally, after these secondary losses are being attended to and accomplished, the primary loss just may be replaced as an added benefit.
You are thirty something, I turn 51 next month. I consciously set life goals at the age of 28 which have been obliterated, hard to accept, but accept it is all I can do. It affords me another go around. A new lease on life per se. The world has become my playground now, I simply must adjust from decades of being over responsible to one of smelling the roses along the way instead. Not a bad thing, surely different and probably better. Your life has changed, just as mine. It's up to each of us to pull on our strengths with the knowledge that we did it before, we can do it again.
Hang in there girl! The grief process is tough. It's the hardest thing I've ever encountered and I've climbed some pretty tough mountains in my day. We all go through it at a different pace, but the key word here is 'through'. You'll get there. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 9:30:08 AM | | The definition of a soulmate to me is someone who connects with you on the inside like no other person before..it is a constant exciting feeling of being part of a love with someone who is like you in so many ways but yet so differently beautiful in many other ways....I believe that soulmates can only be so as long as they are working together as life changes people, places and things around us and we all have to move in the direction that makes us all feel comfortable...for some of us...we change to a point where our commonalities, choices, etc...become different from the other person..all of a sudden one day..you find that you may be the only one there and that can hurt..on the other hand you grow and mature and become a more complete person than the other and personal issues and growth can go different directions...if you are not happy with yourself or your life..well then you cannot be happy with the person on the same level as you thought in the beginning...we all try to hang on to that magic we first shared...yes love hurts...there is no greater pain...but we have to learn to grieve and move on....often times it is for our own benefit to understand and appreciate that we will love again...you can not be the only one that gives in a relationship...but you can be the only one with a broken heart in the end if you do....I often think this is the meaning behind shakespheres comment...it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all...your heart will heal...and you will love again....only this experience will make you stronger and more aware of the things that were not completely mutual between this former soulmate and yourself...and one last thing...never look at yourself as failing in love...only that you deserve to be loved the way you can and someday the right one shall come along...and you will love again. | |
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| hi from Germany
Posted: 6/12/2007 9:43:59 AM | hi!....if u are looking for an honest and
blessed relationship u are welcome
2 take with me.
and make sure u contact with
me with my personal address that is merrygermany@yahoo.com | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:08:07 AM | Most of us have been there, and quite frankly it stinks. All the rationalizaiton in world doesn't even begin to compensate for that.
It stinks, it's rotten, you got hurt.
He hurt you then. You are continuing to hurt you NOW.
Ask yourself if that's what you want to do?
Maybe it's time to put the suffering behind you, your life is what you make it. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:22:05 AM | twoisbetterthenone,,
It takes time, I have been there,
Some times you may feel you are over him, you keep telling your self you are, you don't want to compare him to other relationships it isn't fare to them,
Just when you think you are ,there are things about the next relationship that just isn't the same, you find your self comparing in your mind, "you do hate your self for it"
I waited sometime before moving on, when I did ,I just got into a FWB relationship.
Like you said it does break you, it shatters every little tiny bit of hope one has had towards a lasting relationship.
It's like your heart is broken in a million little pieces.
Believe me , 'it will heal again"
I am now moving on after 9 months,,,,
I am thankful for the experience , and for knowing I had that opportunity of meeting my soul mate, Finding out what true love really is. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:24:47 AM | Yep, we've all gone through that...it hurts, it makes you feel angry, you don't understand, all that jumble of stuff, questioning everything we did, everything we are, trying to udnerstanding the meaning behind it all.
first, he is a soulmate because you believed him to be...soulmates do not have to be all light, airy and lovey all the time...pain is as much a part of life as happiness. so, for the next few months, take the time to figure out what you learned from the relationship, what things you did, what good you got from it, what lessons were there...like someone said, take responsibility--you can't control his actions or thoughts, you can only control their's. that's how you start again...and it is a hard, hard push start but you'll get there, just like we all have. time to regain your power--take it back! this isn't about him, its about you.
good luck! | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:24:50 AM | | hey hon I know where your coming from.My soul mate left over 2yrs.ago,but stopped loving me about 4yrs. ago because she had to have young single male friends.I'm at the point now,at my age,where I'm trying to start over but I'm scared.It seems that everyone has been hurt in one way or another and are very leary about giving people a chance.You just have to forget about your past and hope you learned from it.You also think that you will never find another love, but like they say..."There's someone out there for everyone." Why is it that when you meet someone and you tell them how your feeling...they RUN and don;t really give you a chance. | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:31:56 AM | | In your profile you talk about wanting someone to complete you. It's even there in your username. I'm sorry but if you are not complete in yourself, you have nothing of value to give anyone else. And just remember, all things pass, including all of us. Just give that some thought... | |
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| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:43:09 AM |
but if you are not complete in yourself, you have nothing of value to give anyone else
Whoa! A bit overkill there don't ya think? Even in our broken state we still possess something. My experience as a supervisor taught me even the worst employee has his/her unique skills that the best doesn't. We all have something to contribute at all times. | |
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hhey
| | Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 50 | |
| My soul mate has riped my soul out...how do I start again
Posted: 6/12/2007 10:52:15 AM | | From a guys perspective, it is not much different from that of a womens'. Having gone on that path, I remind myself that there were many that have gone before me and many will follow behind. That is the reality. My suggestion is to maybe withdraw from more serious relationships until you are comfortable being just you by yourself. None of us need a partner to give us anything except to be ourselves. We want to share our life and share in theirs but not be dependant or co-dependant. The winner will be "toisbetterthanone." Just think about the some of the great suggestions you have already recieved! | |
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