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| | Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall manPage 10 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) |
when your grand father was a young man the men had to pay for the dates because they had the jobs that were giving them the finances to pay for dates
when my grandfather was dating women werent even considered persons under Canadian law - THANK GAWD times have changed!!!! Didnt they have slavery too? I dont see what my grandfathers dating patterns have anything to do with dating in 2007. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:37:58 PM | The chair thing was just plain rude of him.
But personaly, if a woman ordered a drink, and EXPECTED me to pay, I would get up, pay, bow, say "was nice to meet you, see ya." and leave.
I have absolutely no problem with paying when the mood strikes me or when I have spare money, but to have it expected. Sorry but the last person that exxpected me to pay for things, used me a her damn personal wallet and it's not happening a second time.
You can be a gentleman without having to pay, and anyway, both people paying their own way leads to no expectations on both parts. A date should be about getting to know one another and seeing if there is chemistry there that can lead to a something more permanen.
If I wanted to pay for "the pleasure/priviledge of having a woman's company" I would go and find myself an escort. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/23/2007 7:30:11 AM |
Please stick to the subject
The subject is:""Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man-The subject is not what your abritrary decision-making has decided it to be.
You might want to consider taking some of your own advice on sticking to the subject, since your message 229, 182, 184 and 186 and especially 190, are all off topic and simply attacks on other posters that dare to have a differing attitude or opinion with your sister.
Since when is a confident woman who is proud of her body because she worked hard at is a slut?
Maybe try working on your reading comprehension skills as well while you're at it. Your sister was never called a slut by me in my post.
Here's what your sister said:
OP:... there were a few red flags... also, he did bring up sex a few times on the phone, which I just blew off.
msg12OP:I'm a lady and expect to be treated like a lady...Had he told me from the start that look "I'm poor and have no manners" (he's 45) from the start, I would not have met him.""
So we'll try it again. See if you get it this time. Let me think now. Let's say someone is looking for a 'lady' to date. I'm curious how many 'ladies' would walk 20 blocks in the rain after having being talked sexually to a number of times on the phone?...and then, I wonder how many MBA's would say, gee if I'd known he had bad manners, I would never have met him.
What was insinuated in my post was that your sister did not use any of her seemingly educated critical thinking skills....either that, or she's a 'lady' that enjoys being talked sexually to a 'number' of times by strangers.
She either isn't the 'lady' she wants us all to believe she is. Why else would a 'lady' that spots a 'number' of red flags, as well as having had to 'blow off' his sexual overtures a 'number' of times still decide to walk 20 blocks in the rain to meet this guy? Please...Or...She didn't use her noggin in the first place and should have skipped the date altogether.
I actually took the route in my post that your sister just didn't think it thru too well in the beginning decision to meet this turd...and he was obviously given the wrong imression by her by not actually living up to her own belief that she's a lady, and goes and meets this guy that talks sexually to her a number of times.
If you're so into sticking up for your sister, go back and find where I called your sister a slut. I didn't. So knock it off with all your over-reacting accusations and allegations. Your starting to sound like a bit of a ditz with all this defending of her. Other people are allowed to post, and allowed to post on topic...and yes Val, we're allowed to post our own opinions relevant to the subject of "Shortest date ever-With a very tall man.
At least I've learned a new modus operandi to attract a 'lady' to meet if your sister's example is of any credibility.. Just talk to a 'lady' sexually a bunch of times on the phone, and she'll walk 20 blocks in the rain to meet, or date, whatever.
His talking sexually to her was considered a red flag to her. But still she went and met the guy. What, was she honestly trying to kid herself that this was a gentleman she was going to meet for a drink? Please.
You weren't there either Val, and up until a few pages ago, you didn't even realize this woman was your sister, or that she was even on this site. But do your family thing in protecting her from the mean ol' posters on here...some of who were trying to point out the flaws to her logic.
As for thudpucker, he can say whatever he wants, just like you can, and just like I can. Funny how you jump on everyone for disagreeing with your sister and suggest that everyone's being offensive and, to quote your own off-topic message 184 ""...a form of harrassment and bullying and can be reported. They can be banned from forums if they take it too far. You are not here to be insulted nor abused."""
I guess you should have added the caveat that these insults are offensive unless it's someone that agrees with you or your sister...cough..cough...can you say double-standard Val? You might want to learn that phrase. You've certainly given exemplary credence to it through your posts on this thread.
Have a nice day. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/23/2007 8:37:17 AM | I've been fortunate that most of the men I've seen are gentlemen
One time a guy I met for the first time had me pay for part of his meal - he only left a small portion and he was a strange little worm of a guy | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/23/2007 9:22:59 AM | Seems to me you should be quite happy that this "date" was so short. Even happier if it had been even shorter yet. The only thing long about it was the walk.
I would never make a "date" with a guy I had never even met, for "happy hour", IF I were expecting an old fashioned type "date". Happy hours, especially in NYC I would imagine are crowded (hard to find a seat) noisy and not what I would consider a romantic setting for a first "date". And by the way, do "happy hour" (s) go beyond 7 PM in NYC? They do not in my neck of the woods.
Odd that 2 pages worth of posts have gone "poof" on this thread. Like the post where the OP accuses me of "stalking" this thread, because, gawd forbid, I have returned. They are 1,000's of threads, I use the "my threads" feature to return to the ones that are current. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/23/2007 9:04:42 PM | I would never make a "date" with a guy I had never even met, for "happy hour", IF I were expecting an old fashioned type "date". Happy hours, especially in NYC I would imagine are crowded (hard to find a seat) noisy and not what I would consider a romantic setting for a first "date". And by the way, do "happy hour" (s) go beyond 7 PM in NYC? They do not in my neck of the woods.
Did people forget this is a "free dating site"? POF doesn't advertise itself as a "meet and greet" site. It specifically advertises itself as a "free dating site". Not implying anything about your intelligence but I didn't know you needed half a brain to figure out the Internet only innovated the concept of dating. It didn't chance the concept of dating. You look at profiles with photos. You send e-mails to profiles that you like and if two people are impressed by each other they exchange phone numbers and personal e-mails address to discuss meeting for a date.
In the past I have been willing to "meet" men from the Internet that didn't even have photos and I've never had problems getting drinks from them. Hey! I even had one man buy me a stuff toy from FAO Swartz and we only spent a day talking to each other in the city. If I had my ID with me we could have gone to a bar in Bryant Park for drinks. Sad at the age of 25 I couldn't go to a bar without my ID. He was a really nice man. I'm know he would have paid for my drinks.
Who knows why that guy didn't offer a drink. You could be right maybe he wasn't impressed by her and didn't care to buy her a drink. But the guy really sounded like a rude man with an attitude problem. I don't think the OP has anything to regret about the date. And it's bad that some people may even want to try to blame the OP because she couldn't figure out how to keep the date for the night. Or quite honestly just offer bad rationalizations on how she could have made this date work if she was willing to compromise her standards.
I also know there were a couple of people that responded to me and I don't care to respond to them knowing I don't care to debate with them about dating. I just know if a man sincerely likes you he will pick you up at your house, take you out, buy you drinks and meals. I say this from my experience at the age of 30 years old. Feminisim didn't change men in that respect and there are men my age that understand the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry, so that what even makes this debate so awful to begin with.
The sexual revolution is a different story because I think the sexual revolution messed up a generation of men that can't or don't know how to fully appreciate a woman for her friendship and companionship. Even when a woman is with a "nice guy" that tries to act like a gentleman on a date the sexual aspects always feels forced. The chemistry rarely feels natural. And I don't think the sexual revolution did anything to empower the good girl that wants to attain her virginity. All it did was allow the bad girl to have sex without guilt.
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/23/2007 10:06:00 PM | wow, your ignorance never ceases to amaze me.
In the past I have been willing to "meet" men from the Internet that didn't even have photos and I've never had problems getting drinks from them. this implies the purpose of a date is to "get something" from a man. By definition that kind of makes you a... well you know, or if you don't everyone else does and really I'm not writing for your benefit I'm writing for their amusement.
I just know if a man sincerely likes you he will pick you up at your house, take you out, buy you drinks and meals. most people don't invite strangers from the internet to their home on the first meeting/date. It's not particularly prudent. Once again the focus of a date for you seems to be getting a man to spend his money on you.
Feminisim didn't change men in that respect and there are men my age that understand the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry, so that what even makes this debate so awful to begin with. Someone please translate this into a coherent thought so I can poke holes in it. Is she implying that finding someone to marry is dependent upon money spent on you during dates? I feel so stupid spending all this time getting to know people when I could have just cut you a check. ;)
The chemistry rarely feels natural. And I don't think the sexual revolution did anything to empower the good girl that wants to attain her virginity. All it did was allow the bad girl to have sex without guilt. it's rarely natural when the chemistry you're seeking is between you and my american express card... can you attain virginity? lol are you striving to attain it at 30? The rest of you women who engage in premarital sex are now all "bad" but on the upside you're welcome to be bad guilt free... ;)
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 1:26:07 AM | Stysterling, Since now you are attacking me, unlike my sister, I don't put up with that whatsoever and don't mind being blunt about it!
First, I too walk 25 blocks to get to where I want to go because I don't have the patience to wait for a slow smelly bus and gave up my car years ago for public transportation (I have a motorhome that is getting safetied and since I work from home as well, I don't usually need a car)....during good weather walking is the only exercise I get because I am in front of a computer all day and I'm working on being healthier and losing weight. Sometimes, I too have been caught in the rain. I won't melt and my make-up is waterproof.
I am disappointed in you, I've seen your comments before and thought you were above this type of behavior, but demeaning a woman's degree (and my sister worked full time while putter herself through school full time, paying for it herself, to a master's degree...nobody gave her anything she didn't earn), making snide remarks of her being a slut and "princess" (I take it wasn't a term of endearment) shows that you are an angry woman hating man with a short term memory (You like them dumb, fat, subservient and frigid women ). And let's not forget you consider yourself a mind reader (although speaking in 3rd person is a manipulative ploy to insult without taking responsability). *I've included your quote further down to refresh your memory.*
Truely verile straight men think about sex quite often. Sometimes they say what's on their minds and women assume they can be trained to behave or that these men don't know better because no one ever told them. My sister is in HR and she trains and manages people for a living. This guy gave her the whiny sob story about never making it to the second date. Did you ever think maybe she wanted to give him a chance to redeem himself and improve assuming he just didn't know better? She said she ignored his comments which means she changed the subject and was a lady about it.
Heck, I've had to set the one I'm dating straight myself when I didn't agree with his behavior. I crack him up because I do it jokingly and he now knows what I am expecting. Unlike my sister, I don't hint because most men don't get it or are out of practice. I just tell it like I see it, take it or leave it. I think she was too nice from the beginning. She gave the idiot a chance and he blew it and once again, didn't make it to the second date.
Here is the quote I am referring to:
I've read all the pros and cons on the drink thing...I would have to agree with the old school that he should have bought her drink for her, but judging from her tone thru this thread, about paying for sex by buying drinks, and having a rocking body, and having pre-ordained expectations of other's behaviour, ...
So the girl with the brain obviously wasn't using her's because he probably figured he was meeting a slut, which is how it kind of sounds to me....then when he realized it wasn't a real slut, just one that led him on to believe he was probably getting some, he left.
So please take responsability for your statements without hiding behind your mind reading inabilities.
Lesportsac and Fun in the sun; the mixed messages our society dictates found me seeing both your points of view and feeling like I was watching a ping pong match!
It's a tough call when reading both your arguements. This is definitely hitting a nerve in the war of the sexes.
But like I've mentioned before, a woman seeks a provider for her family (it's instinct) and likewise she finds herself in a nurturing and vulnerable mode. The tradition of buying a drink is due to economic and traditional factors. Sales people do it for clients. Friends do it for each other. Bosses do it for their staff. Men often do it for their dates (male or female although I guess for gays it's whoever plays the role of the "wife" vs "husband". I don't know much about lesbians but I would assume a masculine/dominant woman would do it for her femme date).
I think it should be disclosed on all profiles. "I am a gentleman and like to provide for my date and make her happy." And for women," I am a lady and don't mind accepting the kindness of a gentleman if it makes him happy."
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 7:13:38 AM | First meeting should NEVER be considered as dates..... You date someone that you have at least met once. If you haven't met them in person before, it's just a meeting, no more.
You are reading WAY too much into a first meeting with someone from the internet, for sure. Personally I pay my own way, provide my own transportation, and have NO expectations at a first meeting other than to see them and talk to them in person for a short.
After that, if they want an actual date, they will ask for one  | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 7:24:18 AM |
Once again the focus of a date for you seems to be getting a man to spend his money on you.
I don't think so - she's talking about men buying drinks for her because that's what the OP talked about. Just staying on topic
At any rate, so what if that is her focus? Some people focus on getting laid - why should anyone else care or make it an issue? | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 8:35:34 AM |
speaking in 3rd person is a manipulative ploy to insult without taking responsability
wrong again Val:
"""Third person, objective...This is used by journalists in articles—it only gives the facts, from one fixed perspective.
Third person, omniscient/dramatic...there is no character. The third-person omniscient narrator is usually the most reliable narrator...
Third person, limited allows for more formal prose, sinde it follows the thought processes of the central character, but is not constrained to the character's exact diction. """
So there are actually three different types of third person narrative...none of which happen to apply when a writer uses terms like:
...which is how it sounds to me...or...I've read all the pros and cons ...or...I would have to agree with the...or...Leads me to believe...
that's called first person narrative, or sometimes, first person interpretation.
So again, amidst all your flaming and attacking, why don't you show me again where i said your sister was a slut. You can't Val, so stop flogging a dead horse.
Anyway, you seem he11 bent for leather now in getting your sisters thread eventually deleted here with all your flaming attacks on people over the last couple of pages. But, rather than help your cause in this, I'll cut you some slack on your deficient reading abilities...
The quoted phrase could actually be somewhat ambiguous the way it was written...Ambiguous yes perhaps,, but, no "double entendre' was meant to come of it, so for poor writing skills on this one, I will apologize. But i won't apologize for saying something i didn't say...that would be foolish...as well as being an empty apology.
Perhaps if the phrase said something more like..
""...which is how it sounds to me, coming from a male perspective...""
or, perhaps let's try another variant:
"""most male players, that talk sexually to strangers a number of times, that are indeed successful arranging dates with female stranger, will undoubtedly not believe they are meeting with a lady"""
(that by the way, is third person narrative)
let's try another one:let's just dissect the actual sentence that you're having so much trouble with:
""...because he probably figured he was meeting a slut, which is how it kind of sounds to me"""
In common English this is called a past participle and an article...
(he probably figured >>>> is how it sounds to me) is what it is...it is not implying from me she's a slut. Try reading it again from this point of view. Again, apology for the ambiguity inherently arising from this citation.
So it was my intention originally to interpret a common understanding amongst most men, whether they be of your virile self-ascribed type, or whether they be the type that your sister unfortunatley met...
Maybe try this: Start a thread and ask, """If a man; a stranger, talks sexual to a lady several times before meeting with her, do you think that that man thinks he's going to meet a lady?""" And is the woman wrong to presume that she's still a lady in his eyes before they've even met. And, how many women would still believe they are meeting with a gentleman after these sexual talks to a stranger? If you were to start a thread along those lines, you may witness the point i was actually trying to make.
If you start that thread, I'm sure you'll see the answer that I was trying to get across. I was not calling her a slut, I was explaining from a male's perspective, that first off any man truly looking for a 'lady' is not going to be talking sexual a number of times. That is hardly behaviour of a gentleman. And to me, just call it an opinion, but to me, any woman that puts up with that crap, is probably not the lady she wants everyone to think she is....either that or she's hard up for a date, which your sister doesn't look the type to be that hard up.
So rather than keep flaming people when they're actually trying to give the Op a bit of sisterly advice, since her own sister doesn't appear to be interested in taking that route...this poster tried, like a number of others tried as well, to get the point across that if all these things were red flags; Why go meet the turd in the first place?
The princess part is still sitting there in black and white. Any woman, be it your sister, my sister, my best friend's sister, my mom's sisters, my neighbour's sisters, whatever; would be described by me as a princess, if, thru the course of a forum thread, we found her definition of a good man to be one that buys drinks, and a crappy man to be one that doesn't. That's a bit too simplistic of a brush to go and try paint everyone with. Anyone that does agree with this sentiment would also likely fall into the princess category from my point of view. hence the comment, and no, there won't be a contraction on that statement.
So, you can keep looking and flaming away and attacking in hopes of getting an apology for calling your sister a slut, but it won't be happening today, tomorrow, or even next week. Your sister showed no evidence thru the thread of being slut-like, and hence did not get labelled as such. What was trying to be put out there, was a sentiment from a male perspective, albeit not a good one since I'm not known to talk sexual to strangers to get myself a date, because I'm not looking to just get laid.
Before i go, just one small correction again on your English usage.
Your statement:"
Stysterling, Since now you are attacking me"""
should actually read:
"""Stysterling, Since now you are counter-attacking me""" since it was you that started the attack on me.(See message 225)
""A counterattack is a ... tactic used by defending forces when under attack by an enemy force"""
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Counter-attack
=====
Understandably, blood is thicker than water, and Val, you do deserve kudo's for soldiering on in defence of your sister who seems to have left the building. You're doing reasonably well in defending her honour I must say, but really Val, if she was my kid sister, i would tell her the next time you have as many as 6 red flags staring you in the face; don't expect to hooking up with a gentleman.
Your sister said he had a number of other red flags...plural, and usually a couple, or two, or a pair is used if the number is less than three, which quite often the word 'few' is used...
He also talked sexual a 'few' times which she openly admits were red flags to her as well....so we can safely presume, good mind-reading skills or not, that there were at least a half dozen red flags waving brightly and recognizably in front of the OP's face, but still agreed to go and meet this clown.
Frankly, she should consider herself lucky this time. NY's a big city, and the next time she goes to meet a man that towers over her, and has a host of red flags with him, she may not be so lucky. I hope not for her sake and for her loving sister's. Measure twice and cut once. or An ounce of prevention can be worth a pound of cure.
A girl making 6 digits with her MBA should be able to kick it up a notch in her choice of dating partners, and hardly seems the type to need to meet this kind of creep. All things being said, the thread makes little sense based on your sister's background.
Again, have a nice day.
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 10:38:24 AM | Le sac said, "Not implying anything about your intelligence but I didn't know you needed half a brain to figure out the Internet only innovated the concept of dating. It didn't chance the concept of dating. "
You are implying that I have LESS than a 1/2 a brain, however, I do not believe the Internet innovated the concept of dating. I will assume you then meant, it didn't CHANGE the the concept. I agree. The concept changes with time, due to factors.
When telephone dating lines came into being, people began to make 1st contacts without seeing one another. The Internet continues this way. The first in person "meeting" is an oppotunity to see if we can even stand to be in one anothers company.
The OP can choose to either take this as a learning process, or continue to seek validation from outside of herself by trashing guys who reject her.
Roll with the changes or let the changes roll over us, we get to choose. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/24/2007 11:40:15 AM | slysterling,
I didn't bother reading your entire diatribe because you bored me with your attempts at sounding intelligent with subject matter that had nothing to do with the issue at hand.
We don't care how smart you think you are and what your average journalist thinks nor does nor how he infers to 3rd persons. We are not here for a grammar lesson neither...so spare us unless you're including taquilla!
I was referring to YOU and YOUR rude behavior and the hypocritical way you hid behind your mind reading abilities by using the 3rd person.
Sweetie, take a chill pill and go back to your t.v. because I can't think of a woman who would put up with your attitude unless you paid her.
P.S. She would be called a therapist (get your mind out of the gutter)! | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:34:34 AM | One more thing...
My sister is in Florida visiting our 71 yr old dad who's computer plays solitair at best and the concenpt of the internet has not yet clicked.
Don't worry, she'll be back when she returns.
There is life outside of POF. | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:34:11 AM | Is it just me or this Thread is a bit of a Flamer?....
Looks like everyone who had valid opinions on the Original Post have said their pieces.
Now, can we just let it R.I.P. ?? 
Topic: I think we all agree that the OP is a smart woman who made a bad choice but will be more careful in screening her next potential dates. And the guy appeared somewhat rude in not offering her his seat. End of the story.
Now can you people please stop arguing so much over so little??? .  | |
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| Shortest Date Ever - With a very tall man
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:53:53 AM |
At any rate, so what if that is her focus? Some people focus on getting laid - why should anyone else care or make it an issue? The context of this slightly off topic discussion has been about if the guy is obligated to pay for a drink or everything on a first date. Many here, including myself, agree that men usually pay for the date but the sense of entitlement and expectation that men have to pay for everything is a little outdated and unattractive. Men are apt to take offense to this line of reasoning because we may feel used if that's the focus of your dating. Many women on this thread have taken umbrage with this notion as well, saying something similar to "it's this behavior that gives women a bad name". You even made my point by suggesting an alternative behavior that women find similarly unappealing and some men also feel gives the entire gender a bad name. If you can't see how people could find this line of reasoning less than inspiring about the dating pool, I give up.
I think most men expect to pay, but no one wants to feel unappreciated and used. If your focus on a date is to get as much out of our wallet as you can it's pretty hard to imagine how any other result is possible. | |
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