| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 5/2/2005 6:47:11 AM | | oh! one more thing...mandrake...ruggedly handsome in ky terms, means i could definately envision you baling hay, stoking a fire, able to carry 130lbs effortlessly...preferably in private, and you know what appetite means....oh yeah...and you would have to be up for a challenge--can you screw in a light-bulb, and kiss simultaneously? We country gals like a man who can multi-task... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 5/2/2005 9:47:34 AM | I have several requirements that I adhere to...
1. He needs to be a non-smoker...sorry - I don't do ashtrays.
2. I am more attracted to men under 6' and under 175 pounds.....just my prefs. (I am only 5').
But the really important one -
3. There has to be a spark....has to be some magik, some connection. We can have next to nothing in common for interests...that can be worked thru if there is chemistry. Altho I don't golf...
Squeak
My kids have always told me I am wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too picky...but I look at it this way - THIS IS MY LIFE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. I won't settle...ever. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 4/26/2009 12:32:27 PM | You are notc razy in the least!..There HAS to be that spark..afterall sex and physical attraction are major in a relationship..those that say sex and affection don't matter are nuts!..it is that bond that connects two people..otherwise you are nothing more than friendly roommates!..Hold out for the one that makes your heart jump when you see her..the one that her smile fills a room and it is directed at YOU..the one that will not cheat..that will respect and love you..and the one that you can't wait to wake up to every morning to! | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 4/26/2009 1:40:06 PM | | You'd have to have pretty low self-esteem to just settle for someone you're not attracted to, and neither would be too happy in the end. Of course, attraction is different for each person... For me, it's a matter of a slender build combined with a sharp wit (a little more emphasis on the wit, perhaps 45%/55%); others think it's purely physical or purely mental, or anywhere in between. Sometimes money comes into the equation, too. Bah, it just has to be complicated, doesn't it? | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 4/26/2009 1:43:16 PM | Uhm don't know how this didn't get deleted as soliciting attention....but anyhooo......
No you're not crazy, there HAS TO BE a spark.
Or nada. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:03:37 PM | I am a man that loves to hear the friends first statement. The trick is not to let a woman know that. Its ok if they " women " want it that way but not for you by/with the average woman. It as best, is a feeling out process and at the worst a manipulating experience in manipulation that you will be better served to find out early on.
I suggest to any man with dating problems to lower his early expectations. If she is apealing then relax...it either works or it doesnt. Most women have their process and for what its worth ,f your interest level takes you there she will process you out. You do your best to enjoy the ride and it again works or it doesnt.
There are too many people in the world for folk to strain up where relationships are concerned. It all goes around comes around..........and that is fact and another shot at heaven is " always " just around the corner.
The truth is most of us make better sex or activity partners than mates any how so squeezeeee the lemon for what its worth and move on.
Heres a well learned lesson for any man........watch how women handle the dating process ...........and learn! If you do I promise you will thank me for that bit of info...  | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:23:35 AM | Never just settle.
You are too young to spend the rest of your life with someone who isn't the best one for you.
I settled for less, stayed 16 years because it was easier than being alone, and won't ever settle for less than I want again! I would rather be alone than just settle again. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:46:19 AM | Funny, when women are picky they are applauded for standing up for what they want but with a guy, he's too PICKY.
I too say hold out for the person you want or think you would be happy with. In the meantime, date others that you wouldn't normally date, you might be surprised!
(this goes to the women too, we aren't all Brad Pitt/George Clooney/Robin Williams) | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:49:25 AM | 3. There has to be a spark....has to be some magik, some connection.
Sorry, I have to laugh. You do realize that spark is just a chemical reaction right? I bet if you went to your doctor and asked for an injection of endorphins right before a date with a total loser, you'd be all over him like white on rice.
Funny thing too about sparks: they are bright for an instant and then gone. I'd rather live the rest of my life with someone I enjoy everyday with than someone I felt a spark with for 4 yrs and then they're gone.......
Here's another analogy: For me, I think a redwood forest is a true thing of beauty. It last for millions of years (ok thousands) it takes a millenium to grow. Then you have a rose garden. Plant it, it looks beautiful for half the year, then dies.....
what do YOU prefer? SOmething that will last forever or something that lasts just a short time then is gone? | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:58:47 AM | | Here is the question you have to ask yourself. Are you great, or would the kind of woman you want have to settle in order to date you? What are you bringing to the table here? You admit that your looks are average, does that mean that you are looking for no better than average looks in a woman, or do you have something that can make up for your looks? Sorry but humor, creativity, intelligence and smile do not balance out average looks, do you have an above average bank account? What it comes down to is that it doesn't matter what you think you deserve because everyone seems to think they deserve better than what they have to offer, do you believe that women should settle for you, but your don't think you should settle? | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:00:08 AM | Well the op here is long gone but the whole idea of settling is offensive. How dare anyone think themselves so wonderful that they would lower themselves to be with someone who they think is not good enough for them. What does that type of behavior say about the person who believes they are settling? First of all it says you are delusional, arrogant with no good reason and that you are just not a very good person.
If average jane or average joe does not want to be with anyone less then mr or ms hottie body then fine,but all means chase those people until your legs fall off. Just remember though if you do land them you do know that it is only because they are settling for you.
what do YOU prefer? SOmething that will last forever or something that lasts just a short time then is gone?
There is a happy medium here you know. No relationship will be sunshine and roses all the time but if you work at it and the both of you are committed then you can make those roses bloom over and over. Oh and just because you are injected with endorphins will not make you fall in love with the first person that falls across your path. Sure you will feel blissfully,wonderfully,dreamily,amazingly on top of the world ,but it wont make you fall in love with someone. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 10:28:56 AM | | The real question should be are you getting any? Perhaps you are hiding insecurities and inability to pick up girls on this picky thing. Perhaps not. So tell me, what is it? | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 6:05:13 PM | There is a happy medium here you know. No relationship will be sunshine and roses all the time but if you work at it and the both of you are committed then you can make those roses bloom over and over. Oh and just because you are injected with endorphins will not make you fall in love with the first person that falls across your path. Sure you will feel blissfully,wonderfully,dreamily,amazingly on top of the world ,but it wont make you fall in love with someone.
Sorry dear, but while endorphins won't make you fall in love, it most certainly opens the door wide! All the time we hear about women looking for that "spark" and if it ain't there? Pffft next.....even though that guy you just pffft off could be the one to make your toes tingle and give you 30 yrs of happiness.....
What you're talking about is the difference emotional state of being in love as opposed to falling in love. One falls in love because of the chemicals in your body, nothing more. You can romanticize it any way you like but it is a scientific fact. Once those chemicals wear off, many if not most these days, hit the road running. Back in the day when those chemicals wore off people stuck it out because of social pressures. Now it is commonplace for couples to divorce after only a couple of years.
As you say, couples have to work on it, but you know, I've never had to work on anything with friends (even those female ones who came with benefits) so my theory still stands: I'd rather spend 30 happy years with a friend than 2 - 4 yrs with the lady that sent skyrockets into the air and work for the next 26 years.......
So, how's the looking for that spark workin out for ya all? Obviously not well else those 10,000 (guestimate) ladies wouldn't be here...... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:29:24 PM | | well now you just can't force yourself into a relationship with somebody who totally doesn't do it for ya. on the other hand, one can easily fall into the cesspool of being too picky for your own good. sparks are important and they're the glue that cements a new relationship and elevates it to something more than just every other person you've been dating. then you have to get some long-term goals together because the sparks will wear off or at least fade into the background from time to time. i think i like the 80% rule.... 80% with sparks. the 20% is the margin of error below the perfection zone. a little compromise is good. because you'll never get through a relationship without it. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:02:10 PM | | Humor, intelligence, creativity and a smile coupled with "average" looks, whatever that means, are more than enough to gain the love of many women if the man is also a caring, real man. Every woman is not looking for a hot bodied hunk who has a large bank balance. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:08:04 PM | We all have are preferences in what we look for a partner and there's nothing wrong with that, nothing wrong with knowing what you want.
I think you need to actually like the person on a romantic level if things have a half of a chance of working.
Really it's up to you if you want to adjust your perferences or not. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:37:23 PM | I really love this bullshit about ``not settling,'' since it's coming from people who have mostly been married at least once and from others who post about the losers they've ended up with in relationships by ``not settling.'' I think ``not settling'' could be accurately stated as ``too stupid to know when to stop looking for something that is too good to be true.'' Markus is probably right where he notes that most people are confused by too may choices. They can't pick what they want because the next person might be ``more.'' Oh and there's also the type for whom settling means accepting someone whose hair is parted on the wrong side.
You'd have to have pretty low self-esteem to just settle for someone you're not attracted to, and neither would be too happy in the end.
It's not any smarter to have thousands of people from which to choose and not find at least one every now and then who will go on a date, either. It ought to make one wonder if perhapse he/she could do something to to improve his/her own marketability. The more someone wants, the more one needs to offer.
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:17:27 AM |
too stupid to know when to stop looking for something that is too good to be true.
You da man, I'm so with you on this!
This reminds me of a time I was on lavalife chat and pm'd a woman and her response was: sorry, I'm looking for a man with a full head of hair....my response: good luck with that, ....frankly I'm looking for a woman with firm boobs but in our age group, that will be hard to find " lol...she replied: that's kind of harsh.... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:33:16 AM |
The more someone wants, the more one needs to offer.
I agree with this - I even think what you want is the SAME thing you should be able to offer. I also agree that your level of settling depends solely on how much you don't want to be single. If you want off the market quickly, you have to shorten your list. If you don't care if you ever date again if you don't find what you want, you can have a list a mile long. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:03:45 AM | | I try to be realistic and want no more than I can offer. However what one offers is a moot point sometimes. I am an average/cute woman to some men, some men find me pretty and some men find me unattractive. I am short and plump, which puts me out of the running to many men, however I have no problem with dating average looking men, since how dare I notice an attractive man since I am not attractive to most men? ( a man said this to me once, he was all in a huff when I said a friend of his was attractive, and since I am such a plain Jane why did I say that since the man would never notice me)... he asked me if I thought his friend was handome, guess I should have said he was dog fugly. Intelligence is subjective, however I try to have at least a modicum of intelligence, and seek the same. Here is where it gets difficult for me...I am an educated professional woman, and seek the same. He can have street smarts, book smarts, etc. I use the term professional loosely, as I do not require a man to have a certain type of profession, just that he is happy with who he is and what he does and pays his bills. I am a bit of an intellectual nerd as far as some of my interests I suppose, and the men I have met at art galleries and music venues and poetry readings and bookstores have been gay (nope, I am heterosexual), and/or yuppy types who would never give me the time of day as far being attracted to my appearance or married men and I do not do married men. Most of the responsed I receive on POF are from men who like motorcycles and NASCAR and fishing and hunting, and that is fine, but I am not into those things and if he expects me to get all excited and persue his interests with glee than he is barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. Almost every one of these type men have opined that since I am a short fat woman who has not been married I should be glad that they would be willing to date me. ( these comments were expressed prior to me saying "thanks but not interested, hope you find your biker babe" when he heard the dreaded "I have not been married and do not have kids" from me since he did not read my profile. I am going to start saying that I am an alien from an undiscovered planet and have been married 5 times and have 7 children and spent most of my life in a leper colony and that would be accepted I think. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:25:47 AM | Sorry dear, but while endorphins won't make you fall in love, it most certainly opens the door wide!
Sorry dear but you are wrong. Those endorphins will make you feel great about yourself and your life in general but they wont make you inclined to bond with the nearest person.
As you say, couples have to work on it, but you know, I've never had to work on anything with friends
Apparently you don't know what "working on it" means. I suppose you ignore your friend, take advantage of them and generally treat them like crap? No!? Oh well then you see dear that means you have been working on your friendships. You see dear human beings are inclined to be selfish.It's the nature of the beast. We are social animals though so we do things for those in our social group in order to reap the rewards of our labor. If we were to all be true to our nature we would not do a damn thing for anyone other then ourselves . When we help a friend move or look after their kids no matter what anyone says there is always and expected payback in some way shape or form. Anyone who says differently is a liar. No one goes on and on forever throughout their lives giving and never receiving. Even the dreaded "nice guys" explode after awhile and demand something in return.
Oh and the spark worked out for me just fine. I had a ten year marriage and through those ten years there may of been dry spells but it always came back. As for where he is now I am sure you will ask, he is no longer in this world.
Seeing as you will take anyone who is suitable then how is that working out for your seeing as you are still single? | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:36:42 AM | | Be careful. Maybe your expectations are a bit extreme. If you are a 6 but think your an 8 and wishing for a 10 to walk into your life, you might wind up very lonely. You said you are an average man but obviously looking for someone who brings more to the plate than you. You might be waiting a while. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:44:36 AM | Fifi47, I'm with you... Apparently we're from the same planet... Why is that professional women are expected to "dumb down"? I've worked really hard to get where I am and I really don't appreciate being told that my job makes me "intimidating". Seriously? It's a completely lame, lazy statement.
My thoughts on the original statement: Never settle for second best because you're not second best. | |
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