|
|
|
|
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:31:32 PM | As always...it never ceases to amaze me that people who won't "settle" seem to find it inconceivable that anybody would be "settling" for them.
I guess that ruins the illusion... | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:34:00 PM | | Ok hubby dearest... *lol* I don't know how to explain my "taste" as far as looks go But perhaps you have just came across too many women that have Very unrealistic dreams. *shrugs* *lol* I can very well see where many of the men I have dated (or men I think are cute, etc.) may be perceived as many to be a 5. But there has to be that "something about them" (their look) that makes them a 10 in my eyes, thus my taste. Maybe if I were like some of the azzes out there that state they would date a "less than average looking" person, than perhaps this would be ok in your book? Well I wont Because what others may see as average may already a 10 in my book. Well anyway, kinda feel like I am babbling. *lol* So maybe just look at it this way... If you're already a 10 in my book, given the right personality, you'd become a 20 even faster. :yay: | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:38:52 PM | It's not about somebody being a 5 or a 10. It's not about what is brought to the table. It is not about pheremones,endorphins,hormones. It's about connection and chemistry, on not just physical, but mental and emotional levels as well. Chemistry can exist among members of a sports team, a task force, a group of friends, between a human and an animal athlete team( I'm thinking primarily of horses and dogs here) Obviously with a man/woman romantic encounter, there is a sexual attraction
component that probably ISN'T present in the other examples I gave.
And yes, sometimes true chemistry IS somewhat of a delayed reaction/slower developing. A truly strong SO type partnership is going to require both people to evaluate the object of their affection and desire,to make sure there isn't blatant evidence of a factor commonly known to wreck relationships( addictions, financial improvidence, untreated mental instability,poor ethics,etc).
I do believe in the concept of "growing on someone". But to acknowledge the OTHER side of the coin, there is such a thing as "delayed decision to settle", which might arise out of any number or combination of factors. Sometimes these partnerships last as well as those based on mutual chemistry/connection factors, and sometimes they don't.
Most people who sign up for online dating sites,etc these days are NOT desperate people looking for somebody,anybody! to be with. They want to increase their options of meeting someone with whom they share real chemistry, whether it's immediately apparent or something that needs a little time to develop. That depth of emotion can't be MADE to happen. What can happen is a concious decision to settle. If that's OK with you, more power to you.
Cindy O | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:42:18 PM |
As always...it never ceases to amaze me that people who won't "settle" seem to find it inconceivable that anybody would be "settling" for them.
I don't find it "inconceivable" I find it "insulting". | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:45:15 PM | OP>> You're not TOO picky... I'm totally with you on that one. What is wrong with not wanting to waste your time on people you know you don't have a future with?
I'd love to settle down but that doesn't mean I want to "settle" in order to do it. I love being single and I'm fine on my own so until I do find the right person... I'm going to keep being picky!!
What is wrong with being single, anyways? Why do we have friends who feel the need to make us feel inadequate because we're taking a little longer to marry? What about those people who enjoy being single and have no intentions of marrying? I think the friends who think we're being "picky" are the friends who will be divorced within 5 years because they weren't picky enough! | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 1:55:08 PM |
I don't find it "inconceivable" I find it "insulting".
That is hilarity. You aren't perfect. You aren't perfect for someone, someone may love and care for you very deeply, and you'll be the most special person ever, but you'll never be perfect. They will ALWAYS be settling in one form or another. If not, they wouldn't be open to compromise would they? That sound like a relationship you'd want?
And your confusion on the 10 thing. I always assumed that it was on a sliding scale of 1-10 with 1 being never ever consider being physical with them and a 10 being i can't imagine NOT just jumping his bones he's so hot.
I didn't know, if they were remotely attractive they jumped to the highest number, my bad. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/22/2009 2:14:05 PM | Dang right I'm not perfect & believe me, I am my own worst critic of course so yea I know this.  But I will agree to disagree, as I do believe there is someone that is perfect "for me & I for them" out there in the sea. 
The 20 "in my eyes" Very much would be someone that I couldn't imagine not jumping his bones! Ahh but see that's why they must be a 10 "in my eyes" to begin with. The plus 10 comes from the personality, if he "seems" to feel the same about me, as I do him, etc...
If that's hilarity to you then enjoy the chits & giggles.  | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/23/2009 6:38:28 AM | Sorry DEAR but there have been many many scientific studies where they show a person a photo of someone, and get no response, then fill the air with pheromones which creates the endorphin effect and show them the same photo and get a physiological response.
Making you feel euphoric when you're with a member of the opposite sex IS the reason people are open to allowing themselves to become emotionally attached. I said it will make one open to the possibilities, and that is precisely what it does. Sure, there has to be intellectual, spiritual connections as well because we complex beings seem to require that.
At least stick to what you originally said instead of back peddling. You said nothing of it just being a possibility only that if someone is filled with endorphins and sent out to spend time with someone they will fall in love with or at least hook up with that person.Originally you "claimed" that fill a person with endorphins and send them out with anyone and they will hook up with that person,or like you said "be on them like white on rice". So I guess they fill you up with endorphins and send you out with your best bud,your sister or your mom,the elephant man,an 800 pound woman with severe acne and no teeth or hair, and you fall in love with them according to you. Yeah sure I believe that one.
As for taking advantage of friends for our own goals. That's BS of the highest magnitude. So you use your friends for your own gain? I certainly don't. I have friends who I have housed when they lost their home, fed them, given them money and when they got a new place, leant them money, given them bedding and furniture, helped them move in with their SO, helped them move out when it didn't work out, etc etc etc and in 10 yrs I have never asked them for a thing! How is THAT using them for my own goals? I also have friends who I have helped them continuously by building things for them, helping them fix their car, picked them up and driven them home at 2 am because they are too drunk to drive, picked up female friends who have been on bad dates, Oh yeah, I guess I'm a liar then because the only thing that I have received is friendship and the social interaction that goes along with my friendships.
Yes exactly you are a liar but I suspect you do not know or quite understand how you are a liar. You don't see that humans will expect "something" in return for their friendship and good works. You expect friendship back. Friendship is something. It is a very big something.Well true friendship is anyway ,not that unequal symbiotic type of friendship that according to what you have written are what you have.A pleasant relationship so that you will not be alone in this world is very valuable. Human beings do not do well alone in this world due to the fact that we are social animals.Receiving friendship is receiving something back in return. If you were truly this selfless giving person, this person who never expected anything back ever, this male mother Theresa then you would not even expect friendship back.Not even a thank you or even the slightest sign of appreciation. If you were what you claimed to be you would just go around giving to everyone in your path receiving nothing in return. So you see yes you,me and everyone expects "something back in return.
I wonder though how self righteous you would be and how you would feel if you lost absolutely everything in life and not one of your so called friends would so much as give you a corner to curl up in so that you would not be out on the streets.After all you say you would never expect anything in return ever for anything you have done. Within the bonds of a true friendship if one friend is truly in trouble then the other will be there for them doing whatever it takes to help them out. These bonds are only forged when both are equally giving to each other in many ways. It would seem you have yet to of forged one of these bonds. I feel sorry for that. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:00:04 AM | | I don't think anyone should "settle" but if you haven't been on a date in the last year, then you need to be a bit more forward and meet more people, and not take YOURSELF too seriously. Just because you go on date with someone doesn't mean you're telling them that you want to marry them. Just date. Sometimes connections surprise you and you don't see them coming. You may be too timid if you are assuming girls you like put you in the "friend zone." If you are comfortable and casual and have fun when you are flirting, it makes a girl feel comfortable and casual flirting back even if there isn't a strong interest right away. It's not going to work if you "lower your standards" and go after girls who you are not actually attracted to. But maybe you need to be a bit more manly and flirtatious with the ones that you DO find attractive. Everyone goes through dry spells. Keep your chin up. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:26:05 AM | | I don't know, but isn't it more about the 'connection' you have WITH that person? As I read through these posts on here, my question in it is this: what are YOU being picky about? If the connection is there physically AND psychologically, that IS what is important-at least IMO! When you are 20, the 'grass looks greener on the other side' perhaps could come into play, but me-I'm in my 30's and have worked in healthcare for many years, with the older population. EVERYONE gets old, so it comes down to YOUR values and what is important to you. It is of my belief that everyone makes compromises and sacrifices to be with another, and that goes for all relationships-whether that be your children, your family, your romantic partner, or your friends. It all takes give and take. I think it comes down to maturity and knowing yourself to know what IS important to YOU. To each his/her own, but for me it's all about the connection on all levels. If that's there and we 'both' are 'ready' for that in our lives, that will be the day I meet 'him'(the one I settle down with) and I will not settle for less, because then I'd be searching for what I am missing. It is of my belief that that aids in divorces these days(based off of my own experiences), and honestly-even though divorce rates are high, 'we' as a society are the ones who have done that. So, if you want to label 'that' as being picky, then it is.....but what is it YOU are being picky about? My parents told me after my divorce, make a list of pros/cons(good/bad) about yourself and then the MUSTS and MUST NOTS about the person you desire in your heart. Decide for yourself what truly brings you happiness, going through that list and crossing off the less important things. What is it YOU are willing to bend on, because everyone makes sacrifices every day. I do it everyday when i make my children their breakfast and when i decide to get into my vehicle and go to work. It's life! JMO, of course. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/23/2009 9:38:29 AM | Well, you sound downright conceited. You're in your prime where you can still date 20 year olds but wouldn't throw a hot cougar out of bed either. But here's a word of advice.
Nobody's great!!!! Everybody has some shortfall. Yours is your overblown ego. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:55:24 AM |
I wonder though how self righteous you would be and how you would feel if you lost absolutely everything in life and not one of your so called friends would so much as give you a corner to curl up in so that you would not be out on the streets.After all you say you would never expect anything in return ever for anything you have done. Within the bonds of a true friendship if one friend is truly in trouble then the other will be there for them doing whatever it takes to help them out. These bonds are only forged when both are equally giving to each other in many ways. It would seem you have yet to of forged one of these bonds. I feel sorry for that.
No, sorry, I am NOT a liar because you see, since you are too dense to understand, I DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. Getting something and expecting something are two totally different things. Define friendship, according to you it sounds like it is a "thing" to be gotten or expected. I don't. I treat people the way I do because that is how I am. If they reciprocate, then great, if not? BFD. I do a heck of a lot of nice things for total strangers and expect and GET nothing in return (other than the good feeling that I have for doing something good).
As for backpeddling, come on now. Be a little reasonable. I never once said anything about endorphines making you fall for a member of the same sex if you're hetero.
When I have the time I will post links because obviously you read too many harlequin romance novels to understand what actually goes on in your own body......
As for losing everything in my life and not having anyone there to help. WRONG. Been there and done that and no, didn't expect ANYONE to help me. I picked my a$$ up and took care of myself.
You just don't get it. Just because YOU expect something in return doesn't mean everyone does.....I just have to think: do your so called friends realize what a shallow, self centered, beotch. No, I'm not mother theresa, never said I was, and you have NO idea who I am or what I do, and for you to judge me the way you are, just reinforces how little you actually know. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:23:07 PM | you are too dense to understand, I DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN
And you are too dense to understand thatfriendship is something and expecting that in return is expecting something. When we do things for our friends and family and do not so much as get a thank you or some smidgen of appreciation, then most normal human beings will no longer help out that person. So you see even though your refuse to admit it that everyone including youexpects somethingin return even if that something is a thank you, friendship,a feeling of satisfaction etc.... Only someone who enjoys being used as nose wipe does things for everyone without ever receiving anything at all in return. By anything I mean friendship and appreciation as well.
Oh and doing things for total strangers while receiving,"supposedly", nothing in return, you actually do receive something out of that,and it is satisfaction and that warm and good fuzzy feeling.If you,me and every other human did not get that warm fuzzy feeling when we drop off food at the local soup kitchen or make a donation to the salvation army, then we would not do it. Whether you want to admit it or not human beings are inherently selfish creatures who do things that will benefit us even when that benefit is a rush of the warm fuzzies.
I never once said anything about endorphines making you fall for a member of the same sex if you're hetero.
You said that inject someone with endorphins and send them out with anyone at all,even a total loser and you would be on that person" like white on rice". The only way that could be interpreted is that inject someone with endorphins and they will fall for anyone at all that they spend any amount of time with.You said it sorry but too late to back peddle now. Being hetero is just a label and more then one hetero person and homosexual person have at some time found themselves having feelings for someone outside of the gender they usually go for.
As for losing everything in my life and not having anyone there to help. WRONG. Been there and done that and no, didn't expect ANYONE to help me. I picked my a$$ up and took care of myself.
Everyone including yourself has had to except and ask for help at some time or another. No one is so completely self sufficient that they can do their entire life without any help at all. So I suppose if you are in a car accident and lying gravely injured on the side of the road you wouldn't expect ANYONE to stop and help you? You wouldn't need ANYONE to at least call 911? Would you "pick up your a$$ and take care of yourself" then? As I said the friendships you have made have obviously not been ones of strong bonds and ties. Everyone needs help at some time or another in their lives and youare no exception.
Had you ever in your life truly been in the situation of being out on the streets with not a penny to your name then you would of had to accept help from someone to get back on your feet. So your claim that you have been there and gotten out without any help from anyone is bogus. You would of had to accept food and lodging from organizations that are not government funded, (ex.. salvation army),so you would of accepted help from someone you see. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/24/2009 4:54:20 PM | | I don't think people should settle for someone with whom there's no sparks. What's the point of being with someone if there's no chemistry? That's what friends are for. And who wants to be intimate with someone they're not attracted to? That being said, someone who is "average" in looks should not expect to get someone who is really good looking. Most people try to find someone that is equal in looks and personality. So basically, the key is to find someone who is equal in looks and you are still attracted to. | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/24/2009 5:56:53 PM | Nope! You are not picky! I personally wouldn't settle for less. Funny, because I've been on here for around 3 months & actually found just one guy from many that viewed my profile that met my standards. I'm really happy that he contacted me because he was just my type! Hope you find the ONE! | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/24/2009 6:04:07 PM | You know, all "picky" really means is that a person KNOWS what they want...That's the positive light to being picky.... | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:23:47 AM | Listen annie pokely, and this is the last time I will respond to you because you obviously like to edit, rearrange and frankly, misquote me:
I specifically said:
I bet if you went to your doctor and asked for an injection of endorphins right before a date with a total loser, you'd be all over him like white on rice.
I did NOT say "anyone at all", EVER. And I mean, even a doorknob such as yourself would realize that if a woman is dating a man, vis a vis HETEROSEXUAL, then obviously they would not be interested in an ANIMAL or a HOMOSEXUAL encounter. But alas, some people are just too dumb to realize this and fill in the blanks.
Furthermore, no, I do NOT expect FRIENDSHIP in return for doing things for others. I EXPECT nothing in return. get it? I EXPECT NOTHING!!!! In fact, because I have a pickup truck, I am often called on to help people move. I DO so knowing I am GOING TO HATE IT which would be the exact OPPOSITE of getting anything out of it. In fact, I recently helped someone move and it COST ME FUEL and I expected and GOT nothing in return....Why are you so narrow minded that you refuse to accept this fact? In fact, yeah, I got something out of it, A SORE BACK from carrying a fricken 3 seater leather sofa up 3 flights of stairs...OH JOY OH BLISS JUST WHAT I WANTED....
I know, because you live in your own little fantasy world in your deluded mind I did get something out of it, but in your deluded state you'll twist my sore back into somehow a BENEFIT.......
As for asking for and EXPECTING help, which is the KEY to this discussion: No, you are 100% wrong. I DO NOT EXPECT HELP if I ask for it hence why in the past 20 yrs I DO NOT ASK FOR IT. As for your inane example of lying on the side of the road, gimme a fricken break...really. Yes, I expect the EM services to provide the services WHICH I PAY FOR.
BUT and this is a perfect example: I severely cut my hand while doing a metal work job. So bad it needed at least 10 stitches. I called around and all the clinics and hospitals were either fully booked until closing or had a 3 hr wait. So a) I tried to stitch it myself but my sewing needle wasn't sharp enough and b) I closed it up with duct tape and went back to work because I was on a deadline and if I missed the deadline I wouldn't be paid. So put that in your pipe and smoke it......oh I know where you will go with this: I expected to receive medical assistance but you'd be wrong. I didn't expect to receive medial assistance, I expected them to be FULLY BOOKED which is what typically happens in cases like this. So sure, you will argue that I expected them to be fully booked so I did in fact expect something......
Go ahead, have at it, I get something everyday: I expect to be able to breathe oxygen as a reward for helping people, when I pay for a service I expect to receive that service, when I hire a person and pay them to do that job, I expect them to do the job I'm paying them for.....
Jesus, no wonder you're single.....
| |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:08:58 PM |
But I will agree to disagree, as I do believe there is someone that is perfect "for me & I for them" out there in the sea
There is still no logic in that..no one is perfect for another person...there will ALWAYS be one thing or another that the person does or how they are etc..that you don't like about them...even if its a "minor" thing....the word perfect means "without flaws"..and one one person can be "perfect" for another person..and you will NEVER find a man that is "perfect for you"..that is impossible...
Not trying to bring you don't or anything..just point out to you you cant find perfection in anyone... | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/25/2009 2:39:13 PM |
But I will agree to disagree, as I do believe there is someone that is perfect "for me & I for them" out there in the sea.
There is still no logic in that..no one is perfect for another person...there will ALWAYS be one thing or another that the person does or how they are etc..that you don't like about them...even if its a "minor" thing....the word perfect means "without flaws"..and one one person can be "perfect" for another person..and you will NEVER find a man that is "perfect for you"..that is impossible...
Not trying to bring you don't or anything..just point out to you you cant find perfection in anyone...
Oh trust me, you're bringing me down...
Check out this link, maybe then you will get it... Geez! http://tinyurl.com/cmy37v
Get it?
I repeat, he will be "perfect for me"...  | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 7/25/2009 3:42:03 PM | Well, I haven't read the thread, so do forgive me if I repeat someone. Because its the last thing you said, and fresh in my mind, forums shouldn't be used as bait. But I do hear you clucking big chicken. I refuse to settle also, and everyone should. That said, great doesn't always start as great. Some relationships, are built. Someone you meet and IS great, well...that's the best its ever going to be. How exciting is that my friend?! I would much rather meet someone that I'm not quite sure about. Our time together, compatability, will go one of two ways. Get better, or just go downhill. If it starts off as truly great, the best thing ever..it has nowhere to go but downhill. No matte who you meet in life, from your best friend to worst enemy, we all have faults. And we all have amazing traits that make us US. Beauty, in all forms, really is in the eye of the beholder. Do not settle, but don't knock someone off because it isn't "great" enough. I fear, if you do that, you will remain single for a very long time.  | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:28:35 AM | | Double standards I would say. If you see yourself as average then look for an average partner. If you don't think you have anything above the norm to offer why would you expect those who do to be interested in you? | |
|
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:35:33 AM | Original Poster,
You are not being picky by wanting what you deserve, because no one deserves a better life than you. It doesn't matter what they've done what they've achieved, no one on this planet deserves a better life than you. So if you refuse to settle for someone then you my friend are striving for the best in life. Remember if you are not saying no to something everyday of your life you are selling yourself short.
As a 42yo man I too am striving for the "great" relationship and if the timing is right I will meet that person who completes and brings out the best in me. If that day never arrives and I go to my final resting place I will do so with a calm heart knowing that I have lived my life the way that I wanted to. | |
|
|
| Page 4 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
