| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:45:50 AM | not settling= being alone
Why try to sugar coat it? Just say "I am picky and would rather be alone." Don't say you don't want to settle, because that implies that you are single only because you are better than the people who would go out with you.
I don't believe that you are "settling" just because the person isn't the man or woman of your dreams. That may be true if they are WAY below your standards or if you marry them or stay with them a long time. But if you just date or try some people out for a while, it is not settling.
So just say that you like being alone. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:52:56 AM | You probably just haven't met someone that riles your fancy. My ex taught me a lot about what "I had been looking for". I could find NOTHING about him that was what I thought before would be a match for me - but we deeply connected on the soul level. He was kind, thoughtful, caring and compassionate and deeply profound just like me and that made me fall head over heels with him. It is strange that just based on that I would never have picked any other guy in the world over him yet if you showed me his "resume" on a piece of paper I would never even have taken a second look at it.
I guess for me settling would be something akin to ending up with a schmuck. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:27:46 AM | Settling=better than being alone. You'd seriously stay with a person simply because the alternative(being alone) is worse off?
Being picky=would rather be alone. Do you date people that you are 1) not attracted too or 2) have nothing in common with? So if you answered no to either of these question then you too are "picky."
I doubt that the OP thinks that he is better than the people who would go out with him. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:58:55 AM |
because that implies that you are single only because you are better than the people who would go out with you.
It has nothing to do with being "better" than some other person or persons. It's about truly feeling a connection...resonating with one another. And even if there is a sexual attraction/resonance( vital for a truly healthy/functional relationship) if there are other significant personal/practical/philosophical "disconnects", a wise person will not act JUST on physical attraction.
just because the person isn't the man or woman of your dreams.
I can't think of too many things MORE soul abrading, than to be with someone you've "convinced" yourself to be with because wanting genuine love is unrealistic.
Trust me, lots of people DO accept relationships based on "well, he(or she) isn't the person of my dreams, but I feel compelled to be with someone because... insert your own rationalization(s)...
Or those who actually PREFER a relationship where someone wants him or her MORE,because that gives the person "more power" or "the upper hand".
It's not a matter of "like being alone". It's a matter of knowing, in the long run, remaining alone until you encounter one of the men or women your Higher Power wants you to be with, is better than rationalizing yourself into being with someone you don't share love with.
Cindy O | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 12:29:03 PM | | I don't want to be settled for. The only thing I laugh at with picky people are the ones that complain about others being picky. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:31:32 PM | | I don't want to settle with just anyone. I also want the spark, interest, intelligence, loving, sexual and respect in one package. I don't think I am unrealistic. I am making plans now to get my own condo and I am OK if I don't find the right person. I don't want to settle, I don't know if I did that with my second marriage, I thought we had a good marriage until about two years before we divorced he was caught cheating thought we worked that out but I guess he didn't and cheated again, I don't want that. I deserve better, at least, I didn't cheat on the marriage, kept the house clean, did his laundry, etc, paid the bills ahead of time, got his credit back on track, helped him pay off his first wife (he negletted to tell me about that until he was served papers after we married) and as soon as she was paid off the cheating started, luckily we both worked , he refused to have sex with me (now I know why), I guess I did too much. I really want someone with good qualities, I am tired of the games. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 1:49:14 PM | | Just get used to the idea that what you give you get in life. Average looking fella with more than average humor, creativity, intelligence and smile will probably attract the same in a female. If you're looking for more than that then you need to up yourself accordingly. Stop whining and moaning about the women who turn you down and start concentrating on the women who do find you attractive. If you want to push the boat out further then up yourself according to what you want to attract. Stop having double standards. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 2:02:52 PM | I think also that those of us that are divorced have learned a great deal from our experiences. Through those years we have gleaned much into what we are looking for: responsibility, dependability, dedication, loyalty, good credit(financial responsibility), and the list goes on. I for one have no intention of dating a party girl. My last was into the club scene and so my opinion of the whole matter has soured; oh I enjoy going out but I refuse to date anyone that has yet to get that out of her system. I am into physical fitness, walking/hiking working out and so I am looking for someone that is as active as I am or at least trying to be. So does that mean I am picky? Yes I guess it does. Will I settle for a woman that is still into going out three times a week? No because I am not about to wait for her to stop being a 20 something when she is in her 30's. Will I settle for a woman that doesn't give 100% to the relationship or takes advantage of my generosity? No
I know that some folks may say that I have still have issues with my ex and what has transpired....But I beg to differ. To be perfectly honest I should thank her for opening my eyes and finally allowing me to become the man that I am today. Confident, self-reliant, and holding onto the concept that "only you can make you happy." | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/5/2009 7:27:52 PM | It's better to be alone than in bad company. Why would I want someone who would make me miserable? When I was younger (and skinny), I was very picky - I liked the pretty boys in suits with nice cars. Well - you see where that got me. I'm still single. I made mistakes but thank god I never married them or had their kids. Now I'm VERY picky in a very different way, but I don't care about any of the crap that I used to. I care more about their mind, their personality, how they treat me, and others in general, and if I love what I find there, they are the sexiest man in the world no matter WHAT he looks like. I think too many men are so focused on packaging and looking for perfection there, and they just don't move beyond that. The way I'm EXTREMELY picky now is that I don't accept unacceptable behavior from a man. Too many people are terrified of being alone going from dysfunctional relationship to dysfunctional relationship. It sucks to be them, or their kids. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:42:26 AM | Transatatory things like looks, money, and shape are quite a bit like the weather...Here today, maybe tomorrow, but gone by next week...
I shouldn't repeat myself again but what the heck why not....Think about this boys & girls; each and every one of us is going to get old, unless we get run over by a bus, train, car, or any other unpleasent sort of accident of life there will come a day when we won't look as nice as we do now...
When the sex is over, the looks have faded, and we're sitting in the room alone how many of the picky people are going to ask themselfs. "Why am I alone? why didn't I find someone?"
When in fact they had a hundred chances and passed on everyone looking for "the right one"
Ok, that was today's sermon... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:37:27 AM | | I love my own company far to much..Sometimes I wonder if I deliberately sabotage potentials because the love affair I have with my own space...sigh | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:43:49 AM | To settle is to lie. To lie is to not be you. Not being you eventually makes you homesick. Good at juggling? Not anymore, that was the old you. I'm thinking...who wants to give up what they can do to lie about what they can't for the rest of their lives?
A relationship on this basis is doomed or wholly contractual and a lie. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:16:19 AM | I think we should be picky...Who wants to settle down with someone he/she not 100% into?
If two people doesn't share same interest, don't have fun together, settling down would be a big mistake.
I would rather be alone, than come home to someone who isn't "my life".
Not talking about looks, money, etc.
~To settle is to lie~..Agreed | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:46:43 AM |
When the sex is over, the looks have faded, and we're sitting in the room alone how many of the picky people are going to ask themselfs. "Why am I alone? why didn't I find someone?"
When in fact they had a hundred chances and passed on everyone looking for "the right one"
Well, you've convinced me of the error of my ways.
I'm so looking forward now, to latching on like a leech to the next creature possessed of a Y chromosome, so I can sit there someday, when the sex is over, the looks have faded, looking at some guy I beat myself over the head "with do you want to be alone" "you have no room to be picky or have expectations" and asking myself how I came to be here, old, ugly and sexually dysfunctional, with this man who I can barely tolerate the sight of? Hmmm, I wonder if I can get the doctor to say I have to be in a nursing home..."
Dude, I got news for ya because I've been there and done it...when you meet someone with potential to be the right one(unless there are obvious dealbreakers already in play) you will not "pass" on them. Now, this is not to say that after some time spent with this possible right one, it might not live up to it's potential.
But for heaven's sake give people the credit for being able to sort out "not gonna happen,period!" from "possibilities" from " definitely could be one of the persons the Universe deems "partner for me" material.
Cindy O | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:07:17 PM | But for heaven's sake give people the credit for being able to sort out "not gonna happen,period!" from "possibilities" from " definitely could be one of the persons the Universe deems "partner for me" material.
Only problem is in this day and age (in real life too) it is click/next click/next click/next click/next.......there will come a day when you'll go click and there will be no more next.........
for eg: I wrote to someone recently on here with a brief intro msg. She was nice enough to reply (a rarity here lol) and said "she didn't see a connection". Connection? How the heck could anyone see any sort of connection via a profile? I mean seriously....if women here are looking for a connection I'm deleting my profile and leaving this place forever because that is just unrealistic...... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:35:14 PM |
But for heaven's sake give people the credit for being able to sort out "not gonna happen,period!" from "possibilities" from " definitely could be one of the persons the Universe deems "partner for me" material.
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Only problem is in this day and age (in real life too) it is click/next click/next click/next click/next.......there will come a day when you'll go click and there will be no more next.........
for eg: I wrote to someone recently on here with a brief intro msg. She was nice enough to reply (a rarity here lol) and said "she didn't see a connection". Connection? How the heck could anyone see any sort of connection via a profile? I mean seriously....if women here are looking for a connection I'm deleting my profile and leaving this place forever because that is just unrealistic......
Sweetie, if it came down to being "realistic" we'd just find some single person in our neighborhood, our church, or general acquaintance and say, "you are single, I am single, we are in the same age range and live in the same community,I guess we might as well become a couple".
But we are talking about romance, love, attraction, compatibility...and yes, sometimes those can be RULED OUT on a dating site,without wasting each other's time. People are looking for relationships here...someone of the opposite gender one can RELATE to, not just an opposite gender companion to hang out and have sex with.
Cindy O | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:43:25 PM |
Sweetie, if it came down to being "realistic" we'd just find some single person in our neighborhood,....
LMAO so you admit people are being unrealistic? lol... that's funny (not sarcastic funny cuz I can be that lol)
a) how do you know if you can relate to someone by 10 lines (ok 20) on a profile?
b) how do you know what a prson's core values are?
c) how do you know all the other million things that make up a person?
I know the answer, just no one wants to admit it: your heart doesn't go pitter pat the second you see a person's pic........
I mean, I can see people clicking if there are obvious problems like religion (foolish if you ask me but...), location (I don't care hot great a woman is, if she lives in zimbabwe forget it lol), I can even understand size (if she's 100 lbs soaking wet and he's 340) or age (if he's 59 and she's 22). But really, I find that people look for, say, someone 48.7 yrs old, if he's 48.5? FORGET IT! LOL
So, maybe I should start a poll: how many women here are looking for a connection from a profile.....make MY life a lot easier.... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:32:06 PM |
Cheers Ruth..... I guess I'm worried about being 34 35 36 and still waiting..... Funny thing all the girls I feel a spark for shoot me to the friend zone right away grrrrrrrr.......what's up?
I am going to go out on a ledge here, but maybe as wonderful as you are they didn't feel a spark??? lol | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 122 | |
| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:43:22 PM | nothing wrong with being picky man.
I'm 26 got all my stuff together Im a little old fashioned and a Pretty Good Looking dude and I dont waste my time or anyone elses, seems as though some of the women ive encountered are looking for A Male model, It may come off as**** but I know who I am and what I want Im confident in myself and my looks so I feel I shouldnt have to feel like Im not good enough for anyone.... | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:55:57 PM | | mandrake181071 you sound like you know exactly what you are looking for and just is not happening. I want that spark and wow in the person. I have been looking for a long time and I feel I am picky. Going on 31 and still have not found anyone. You should be able to find a person with all that you are looking for. I usually pick someone that does not like me that way and vice versa. | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:07:55 PM | Nope Your Right, You shouldnt settle for what you dont want. I will not settle till I get what I want. I settled for less in my last marriage and I did try to make it work for 12 yrs But in the end, It was really a waste. So Yea Dont settle for Less then what you want. Keep Fishing Fishy | |
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| Too picky? Just don't want to settle
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:47:32 PM |
LMAO so you admit people are being unrealistic? lol... that's funny (not sarcastic funny cuz I can be that lol)
No, I'm suggesting that people are trying to give themselves a larger group of options, rather than just "hoping" to encounter someone IRL(and I've met guys that live 5 miles from me that it would have been very unlikely to meet in the course of daily real life or local activities)
a) how do you know if you can relate to someone by 10 lines (ok 20) on a profile?
b) how do you know what a prson's core values are?
c) how do you know all the other million things that make up a person?
You may not be able to always know about people with possibilities, but it IS possible to rule out complete disconnects or deal breakers,with or without a picture.
And that doesn't imply that there is something bad about, or something wrong with the ruled out persons. I'm fairly certain that men click past my profile every day because I'm a NASCAR fan, or because I'm involved in the auction/resale industry. and think that means I'm a crook. Or they read my profile and decide I suffer from insanity. Actually that assessment couldn't be more untrue, I ENJOY every minute of it
But really, I find that people look for, say, someone 48.7 yrs old, if he's 48.5? FORGET IT! LOL
Now that is somewhat ridiculous, and not everyone is that rigid.
As far as connecting from a profile..., I've had that happen. Even profiles without pictures. However, thus far most "connections" just weren't strong enough and mutual enough to create a serious relationship.
But signing up to an online dating site does NOT mean that people resign their option to pass on profiles of members that just don't appeal to them,or to say "thanks but no thanks" to a contact.
rentahusband, I do GET what you are saying, and I went through exactly that same bout of being utterly BAFFLED...mine not so much because nobody contacted me or rejected my contact, but after a first meeting did not result in a dating relationship( and yes my pictures were current and honest, my profile was truthful, and I'm speaking of meetings with nice normal men, not creeps/jerks/fakes/whackjobs.
It is what it is.
Cindy O | |
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