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 orareroseo
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 51
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?Page 3 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
bottom line is..........NO ONE has the right to harm anyone else.........I see this first hand.....believe me....it's sad to see a woman come to jail after she fights back....but....I love dealing w/ wife beaters when they come in....I try and push their buttons...see if they make the mistake of tryin me on...not some little girl that's like 5'4" and 105 lbs....can you say beat down???.......
 SweetCarolin
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 52
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:59:54 AM
I would certainly hope that women don't use abuse as a form of attention! I was in an abusive relationship for most of my adult life (12 yrs),....however, I don't dwell on it, I have received therapy, healed and moved on....I talk about it, not everything I can tell you, but I don't have the 'oh poor me' personality.....it was a part of my life, and I'm through it. As one person pointed out, you would be surprised to see and hear what goes on behind closed doors.....there are men out there that have the Jekyll and Hyde personality......sooooo sweet infront of family and friends,...........and oh so NASTY behind closed doors.

Makes my hair stand on end just thinking about it....
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 53
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:06:51 AM
east side eddie, we are all responsible for our own actions. A women is not your property, if she cheats on you,you walk away. You do not have a right to strike anyone. Take responsibility for your own actions.


Can you people read? Isn't this English I am speaking?

Nobody cheated on ME. I did not physcially abuse anyone. Someone asked why it happens. I gave 2 scenarios.

Where do you get off with responding to me that way?

Read the whole post, not just the parts that hit your buttons.

I defended myself one time from a knife attack, and in doing so did not strike out, only neutralized a situtation. 11 years of martial arts training taught me to act under control and to neutralize a situation. Taking the knife from her hands an getting her out the door before she could stab me was hardly abuse as the feminazis have apparently interpreted it to be.

Take responsibility for MY actions? That's not even a logical next step to what I said.....


I was in an abusive relationship for most of my adult life (12 yrs)


Okay I'll ask. Why did you stay 12 years?

I had to live with a family situation where my sister's husband was mentally and occasionally physically abusive. She would not call the police because, are you ready for this, "I have 4 kids and I need his paycheck." So she traded money for abuse. I eventually got involved and the physical stuff stopped (it cost me a lot of money in court but it was worth it), but she stayed for years because she had 4 kids and couldn;t support herself without him.

How many women do this? How many times have I heard women say they would rather be divorced but "he won't give me one"? And the truth is more that they don't want to give up the material things and face a hard road alone, so they stay and contune to be beaten. Divore isn't "given". It's taken. If you want out, you file, and it's done.

OJ beat Nicole for years until he finally killed her. How much money did he have for her to put up with that?

That ranks right up there on the stupidity meter with "We stay together for the kids". Good move. Raise the kids in an atmosphere of anger and hostility. The corect way to word that is "Neither of us want to give custody to the other, so we will keep them here as leverage for a while." Never once thinking about the welfare of the kids....

Where do you women come off insinuating that I condone abuse? I am on your side!! Christ! Read!!!!
 SherTenn
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 54
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:14:12 AM
Nawwww.. they just make it up.. drama queens, each and every one..

One time an upstairs neighbor woman scratched on my door. She had gone so far as to smear blood
all over herself, makeup to make her face look all puffy and cut, and had this cheezy fake "broken" arm..
I went up to her apartment.. hell, her boyfriend could not have done what she said.. he was passed
out drunk.

One time the newspapers carried a story about the mayor's wife. She would walk into doors, and then
claim his Honor had beaten her.. Just wanted attention, is my guess.. She finally got all she wanted..
dumb broad put a shotgun to the back of her head. Happy to say the poor Mayor got over it tho..
he re-married two weeks later.

Hell, I even have a friend who actually entertains with the story of how her ex put a rattlesnake in her bed..

Nope.. it's all that Womens Lib stuff..

orareroseo :

> I love dealing w/ wife beaters when they come in....I try and push their buttons...see if they make the
mistake of tryin me on...

and I hope you get it all on video..:-)
 blondeandhappy
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 55
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:18:25 AM
Or could it be that a lot of women downplay the extent of the abuse that took place. Make excuses for it. Blame themselves. Or even pretend it didn't/isn't happening. At times a person puts up with the abuse in order to eliminate a situation from going any further. There are all types of abuse, emotional and verbal.

My ex husband was very abusive to me....he is remarried and now he is the one being abused. I feel sad for him as I know how it feels. I have often reflected upon why? Why was he abusive to me.....I tried to be the perfect wife. Do things exactly how and when he wanted but that was still not enough. In reflection, I now realize that part of it was that I was very passive and he felt he could walk all over me and part of it was that "HE" had a problem. He was very insecure. In "HIS" eyes I was beautiful, good, kind, caring, etc. and he was afraid of losing it. We have discussed part of it since our divorce and those are the things that he indicated. The woman he is married to now is very domineering. Very pushy. Very abusive and abrassive. Since my marriage. I have realized that I am too appeasing, too worried about what others think, what they want, how they want things. When I make a stand and make it known in a diplomatic, but kind and firm manner that I won't tolerate being abused, someone being unkind or hurtful to me...then I note I am not abused. I am not saying that we let people abuse us...as at times even when we are firm and let it be known that we won't tolerate it, it happens anyway.

Most women do keep it quiet when they are being or have been abused because they are ashamed and they, a lot of times, blame themselves. For many, many years..neither my family, nor my friends knew why I left my husband...finally one day after sitting and listening to my father go on, and on about how wonderful a person, husband, father my ex husband was I told him exactly why I left him...my father, and brother at that point wanted to go over and kill my ex. They finally understood and were upset that I hadn't told them what was going on. They felt the need to protect me but how can they protect you from your husband who feels it is his every right to degrade you, call you names, tell you that you are ugly, that your legs look like chicken legs, that no other man would want you, your stupid, you don't do anything right (like his mother), feels it is ok to choke you, hit you, slam you into the wall and wake you up with a gun pointed to your head. So do we make this stuff up. I don't think so but I do think a lot of guys who do the abusing delude themselves into believing that it didn't occur. It is also sad that the legal system can only do so much to help, usually the help comes AFTER THE FACT or not at all. You can call the police and ask that the abuser be removed from your home or the situation but they can only be held for so long...and guess what..once they are released they just come back to do more damage. I have worked in the legal system for many years and have seen this happen time and time again.

I don't dwell on the abuse nor do I talk about it. But at the same time, I am more cautious about what could/or may set off a situation wherein abuse may occur.

I just know that it is sad as my personality is to be kind, soft, caring, appeasing, etc. and it gets very tiresome to always portray myself to be tougher than what I am in order not to be pushed around or abused. It is a shame that people cannot just truly be themselves.

No I don't think that women make out abuse to be bigger than it is. I think that most women actually down play it .

No one, whether it be male or female has the right to hit, strike, push, strangle, mangle, hurt physically or emotionally another human being.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 56
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:19:15 AM
Ah!! Tough guy!!

Whatever your job is, you should be fired immediately. That is completely inappropriate behavior.

Can you beat a gun, tough guy? With so many people carrying guns these days, you go out of your way to incite and instigate? Try to evoke and angry response?

Talk about feminazi.....
 2matchingsocks
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 57
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:23:39 AM

And to whoever posted the extremly feminazi skewed statistics to try and feebly make her point

EastSideEddie - When someone posted government stats on domestic violence this was your response. I'd call it confrontational. When I post a response to you telling two situations where the victim is supposedly at fault, with my own story, you see that as confrontational. Maybe we simply have different ideas about what confrontation is.
I was under the impression that this thread was a few people having a discussion.


Wife #2 once came home extremely drunk and attacked me with a large knife from the kitchen. Knowing how badly I COULD have hurt her, I did nothing more than kick the knife from her hand, take her by the wrist, spin her around and push her out the door. Then I called the police.

And that's the way it should be handled. But in your examples the man didn't walk away, he didn't react as you did with wife#2...in your examples he hit. I commend you for reacted the way you did. In every instance, when faced with violence, if you can keep yourself safe without having to hurt someone to defend yourself that is the course to take.


Your situation was sad and tragic, but why were you with such an emotionally unstable person to begin with? "Follow orders"? Are you a trained animal from a circus act? Orders? Normal men don't give "orders".

So was it your fault that he tool the coward's way out and harmed you? Of course not. But again I ask, why were you with someone so prone to violence, because an incident of that magnitude simple can not be the result of the first time that temper flared.


I know you don't like domestic violence compared to war. But for just a moment, hang with me. By the time violence takes place there's usually been months, if not years, of brainwashing occurring. Many studies have likened it to the brainwashing of POW's.
The SLA used the techniques on Patti Hearst. Monsters used it on Elizabeth Smart. Once brainwashing is complete, you can open the door...and the victim will not walk away, will not try escape.

Was my husband violent when we got married? Of course not! Marrying a man like that knowingly would not be something I would do. In the first 3 years of our marriage he was a kind, loving, gentle man. Then something I've never been able to put my finger on changed. Trust me, without that change, followed by several years of brainwashing, before the violence started, I would have been out the door at the broken pelvic bone!
But I can understand why Patti Hearst didn't run, why Elizabeth Smart was discovered walking calmly down the street and denied who she was at first, and I can understand why my brother-in-law came home spouting communist nonsense. I understand...


"Follow orders"? Are you a trained animal from a circus act? Orders? Normal men don't give "orders".

You will notice, in my previous post that the quotation marks were mine. Why? Well, most would have assumed I did that because those were HIS words at the time. Not because I saw myself as a trained circus animal. That was insulting and degrading. Personally, I believe an apology is in order for that one.
 Lady_Kay
Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 58
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:26:15 AM
Every case will be different - some may scream emotional abuse when it was really emotional neglect (their partner just wasn't there at all), some will scream abuse even though they were equally abusive... physical abuse is easier to prove but emotional abuse is impossible to verify one way or another. It has more to do with perspective than anything else.

If you are meeting a lot of women who say they have been abused in their past you may want to look at the "kind" of women you are drawn towards (or your friends are drawn to)... do they need rescuing? Because you may just be a hero kind of guy who needs that element to a relationship (to feel valued and needed for saving them). Men have always been drawn to the damsels in distress - it gives them a chance to prove themselves as men - but it isn't always healthy to be the one running to the rescue.

You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves - eventually you will end up being the abuser (or so they will accuse you of to their next hero) because you didn't rescue them from their lives - you couldn't, only they can fix their lives.

I know there are some legitimate cases where women (and men) have suffered abuse in their past but if they haven't gotten help in dealing with it then starting a relationship with them isn't a healthy choice. One cannot move forward in life till they have come to terms with the past and moved beyond it. There is a huge difference between an unhealthy victim mentality and a healthy survivor mentality.
 sunsetbeach07
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 59
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:34:47 AM
Any kind of abuse is not acceptable weather it by a man or a woman. Some women do get abused really bad and some men can't look past that and accept a woman for what has happened. I was in am abuseive relationship when I was young it was no fun . I was beaten held hostage even faced death. It took me a whille to even get over what had happened. Its up to the person weather or not they want to believe what happened. Its not always the man a woman can be abuseive also but mort of the time its the man.
 mechrema
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 60
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:58:41 AM
again not condoneing abuse but i see where east side eddie is coeming from ,overall though i dont know, the examples seem not as blaming of the victom as they could have been.

this girl was one of my me and my ex girlfriend's close friends ( i say this so im not accused or assumed to be the person in this relationship as certian people here dont know how to read) we had to stop tlaking too for a long time but she was a cool person outside of the relationship. her next relationship she found herself a sensitive guy who she procided to make cry on a constant bassis and have sex with and then throw out right after as she had more important things to do than cuddle !!!

this couple that was just nuts. the girl would flip off the handle over shit that the guy could do nothing about (like his family) and was pretty psycolgicaly abusive in screaming at the top of her lungs in a accusitory mannor in general and becoming enraged when she could not get sex !. in the begaiing this caused the guy to simply go form what was decribed as sinsitive and sweet by her in the begaining to probly a state of denail and insucurity as he was stoned out of his mind for the mid part of the relationship.

then he started flipping out when she would hound him and went as far as holding her down sitting on her and smashing her head on the kitchen floor - when she flushed his only form of escape down the toilet, his pot - while hitting the back of it with his fist. beatin her bloody all the while she was returning the favor by picking him up and throwing him in the bathtub when he came home drunk and in genral kicking his ass. nevermind, treating him like a peice of meet sexually which started early wih her getting angry if she wasent satified or diddn't get any.

no who is the initial victom in this and who is the inital abuser ? was the guy acting worse than the initialy abusive girl ? if you look at this form the latter point of view you woud deffinitly blame the guy.



But society tells males to "suck it up" and "deal with it", so that is what men do.
Besides, a rule that a friend told me was true: if a woman tells a man she has been abused, a man will be likely to still want her anyway. But if a man says that he has been abused, the woman sees the man as weak, and no longer wants the relationship to continue. In fact, a lot of women actively pursue abusive men as partners, because they are seen as "strong" in today's society.


exactly, this is showcased so well in LAST EXIT TO BROOKLYN by HUBERT SELBY JR. in a scine where a transexual is seeking an incredibly violent gang member as he personafies "manly" to complemnt her "feminity".

the bad boy persona; a man who is hard and "strong" with everyone else but is sweet and loving with YOU! if you think you are the exception to his behavior you feel like you are truly special and bring out a side that NO ONE else gets too see.



This will continue until the government enforces classes on how to deal with your emotions and personal issues in schools, and makes abuse as socially unacceptable as a chain smoker. Only then will this cease.


big brother is watching you !!!
 SweetCarolin
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 61
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:11:06 AM
Hi EastSide Eddie:

WHY did I stay 12 years? Hmmmm, good question.....the answer at the time was BECAUSE it's all I knew. AND FEAR. He had beaten my self confidence into the ground, so many things I have chosen to block out, I couldn't even if I wanted to, remember. "No one else would want me" was a personal favourite of mine.....I was a stay at home Mom with two children, and sorry to be such a cliche, but yes, it was for the income and for my children. I didn't have my own income, I had to ask for $20.00 and give him the reason as to what I needed it for.....

Funny you mention Nicole and OJ,....because it was THAT very incident that I was FINALLY able to look into my own life and see what was going on. I decided that if I did not get out of that situation, I was already dead inside, that eventually I would be dead for real. (when I finally did leave, my ex even made a comment to me that if he 'ever caught me with another man, he'd do an OJ' on me).

So, I left.....although it was not a picnic at the park from then on in......it was a couple of years until he finally left me alone, for good.....People who have not suffered through such a situation have NO CLUE. It's so easy for someone to say, 'oh just leave!'..........tell that to the millions of women (and men) who are dead and buried and their children are left without a parent, simply because they tried to leave but their partner made good on their promise to kill them.

Not such an easy decision, sorry to say!
 2matchingsocks
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 62
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:18:11 AM

when I finally did leave, my ex even made a comment to me that if he 'ever caught me with another man, he'd do an OJ' on me


Mine had a pic of OJ set so it was the first thing I saw when I sat at the computer. It was just a little reminder of what he said he would do if I left.
 SweetCarolin
Joined: 5/9/2007
Msg: 63
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:31:32 AM
I'd just like to add, that abusers can easily identify the 'type' of person that they can abuse...once my ex saw that I wasn't going to take his shit anymore, he realized it wasn't something he was going to get away with anymore.
 dreamcatcher39
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 64
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 10:53:49 AM
Eddie, yes i can read. I was using your scenario to make a point. To say, a guy is so hurt he has no other option then to strike out, is just trying to justify the behaviour. There is never an excuse for violence. the scary thing is even though u state u dont agree with striking someone else, there are some men who think it is acceptable to beat someone that cheats
 richard2007-2
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 65
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:13:02 AM
You need to take every case as it comes.
My older sister was in a relationship where the father of her youngest was beating her regular, we never knew until afterwards as he would do the damage as body shots so we never saw anything.
When she did see sense he kidnapped her oldest daughter to get her back. He got 18months (not enough imho).

She still insists it was because he loved her nearly 20 years later so I know there is brainwashing going on as she is still deluded about him now, he can't show his face as it became my business when he kidnapped my niece.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 66
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:36:09 AM
Evilblueyes99 - interesting topic, but unless you have walked a mile in those shoes and been directly involved with being an abuser or being abused - its pretty hard to judge.

There are men and women both that abuse and have been abused by a parent, partner, sibling or bully. This has gone on for decades and will continue to as not enough is being done to break the cycle. Threads like this where it is brought out into the open is what is needed to make changes and get the conversation/topic on the table so to speak. Abuse and other topics that are considered "Tabu" will remain unchanged util they can be openly discussed and the problems dealt with in the open.

Like everything else, there are those who only try to stir up the pot and cause problems for others by calling wolf - like the Aeosop's fable. There are women and men who have called/charged and challenged others in court about being abused when in fact they were not. This is unfortunate, but such is life.

There is a lot of abuse out in the world - maybe not in your immediate world, or mine for that matter - but it is out there. These are social problems that started when women were considered chattle or property of men. That allowed men to totally treat a woman or children any way they wished. Now if a man was decent, there was no problem but you can just imagine how hard life could be for women with an abusive man. That is what started the womens movement - it happened long before women burned their bras for sexual equality in the 70's.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 67
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 12:38:25 PM

Mine had a pic of OJ set so it was the first thing I saw when I sat at the computer. It was just a little reminder of what he said he would do if I left.


That in itself is mental abuse. To make someone live with that unspoken threat every day is not acceptable.

Let's ask about the male side of this. How much are men expected to take before they take ANY kind of action, violent or not?

Obviosuly a man should never lash out with violence just because he lacks the intelligence or patience to calmly discuss an issue. If a man settles things with his fists, he is stuck in the neanderthal stages of evolution and you should be gone immediately.

My recent ex (not the knife wielder - that was 20 years prior) was a mental abuser. I just tuned her out until the point where I had enough, and then I moved out. The only physical confrontation was initiated by her, and she swung something at me trying to hit me with it because I refused to entertain her by taking part in the argument she was trying to have. I just stepped back out of the way and reminded her that she was making potentially a career threatening decision (had I called the police she would have lost her job - she was a rather public figure), and she backed off.

It's really amazing how many people don't report abuse. Even more amazing what some people consider abuse on both ends of the spectrum. My recent ex was nuts, so EVERYTHING was mental abuse to her. I once asked that she not throw her clothes everywhere and please use the hampers for her dirty stuff rather than the floor where she happened to be standing when she took it off. She said I was harassing her. And in the next breath would want to fight about how the house was messy.

I left that situation while looking for a job, having income only from a self emplyment situation that is sporadic at best, suddenly taxed with paying 100% of the bills rather than 50%, and it was the middle of a cold winter so I was walking in to an old rented house where the gas bills were $250 a month.

Okay, it wasn't easy, but it had to happen. I now have a very good job again., have this house pretty much the way I want it, and life is good. t took 2 1/2 years, but I knew it would be a challenge. A little bit of planning, a little bit of guile, and a willingness to roll up my sleeves and do whatever ti took got me through that time. Anybody not looking for the easy way out can do the same.

Whatever it takes, if you are in danger, you get out. Money and such will have to take care of itself, but YOU have to take care of YOU.

PS She remarried in early May. They are ALREADY seeing a marriage counselor.
 thecommonloon
Joined: 5/13/2007
Msg: 68
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:18:50 PM
Eddie you do make some valid points. I think some of the men might be feeling a little intimidated by all the uproar here and want to make a point that men suffer from domestic violence as well. And this is true; however, the question in the beginning was "do women really get abused as much as they say they do..." Perhaps we should have another thread that would say something like "Why does society ignore the plight of men who are abused by women?"
Earlier you said it was obvious that I must be a victim because I had the statistics right on hand-- well, Google can be anybody's friend. So to be fair I tried to pull some good stats about men that are abused. Apparently society still is not taking this situation very seriously as it was hard to find good information. I'm sure if I went to a real research site I could find some, but using Google it was limited. However, here is some info from Wikepedia. They did not have references for all their material so I don't know how good the information is, but its food for thought.
++++++++++
There continues to be discussion about whether men are more abusive than women, whether men's abuse of women is worse than women's abuse of men, and whether abused men should be provided the same resources and shelters years of advocacy, money-rasing, and funding has gained for women victims[citation needed].

Martin S. Fiebert of the Department of Psychology at California State University, Long Beach, provides an analysis of 195 scholarly investigations: 152 empirical studies and 43 analyses, which he believes demonstrate women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men. Fiebert also argues that women are more likely to be injured, but not a lot more. [4] This claim is not supported by US national statistics which show that in 1999, 1,218 women and 424 men were killed by an intimate partner, regardless of which partner started the violence and of the gender of the partner. [5]

A problem in conducting studies that seek to describe violence in terms of gender is the amount of silence, fear and shame that results from abuse within families and relationships. Another is that abusive patterns can tend to seem normal to those who have lived in them for a length of time. Similarly, subtle forms of abuse can be quite transparent even as they set the stage for further abuse seeming normal. Finally, inconsistent definition of what domestic violence is makes definite conclusions difficult to reach when compiling the available studies. (see this article)

Both men and women have been arrested and convicted of assaulting their partners in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. The bulk of these arrests have been men being arrested for assaulting women. Determining how many instances of domestic violence actually involve male victims is difficult. Male domestic violence victims may be reluctant to get help for a number of reasons
 aikijin
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 69
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 5:19:58 PM
eastsideeddie

That ranks right up there on the stupidity meter with "We stay together for the kids". Good move. Raise the kids in an atmosphere of anger and hostility. The corect way to word that is "Neither of us want to give custody to the other, so we will keep them here as leverage for a while." Never once thinking about the welfare of the kids....


Maybe, maybe not. It's always dangerous to make assumptions, especially about someone ELSE's situation.

MY ex wanted a divorce (who knows why? She had never even hinted anything was wrong) but the kids were very young, I was not rich, she had no skills, I couldn't bear losing the kids, did not want to see them living in squalor in some drug-infested neighborhood, and I didn't want them to grow up without a dad. So, I stayed longer than I should have, hoping I could somehow improve the situation.

However, it takes TWO to tango, and two to make things better.

But it takes only one bitter, resentful person to make life miserable.

As they say, hind-sight is 20-20. But I still don't know what I would have done differently, other than not getting involved with her in the first place.

BTW, she was the abusive one. But everyone believes HER. It amazes me. Even the kids, who lived in that house, believe her, and not what they saw and heard. She was a master manipulator, and played the victim card quite well. There were times I felt that I was being set up, but could not understand what was happening. Years later, after the divorce, what the kids told me filled it all in and I finally knew.

Go figger.
 marelee
Joined: 4/16/2005
Msg: 70
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Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:15:01 PM
I can assure you, that in situations that the Police are notified and respond to a Domestic Violence Call, they are never, just listening to the poor woman claiming she has been assaulted, they must actually see, marks, bruises, bleeding so forth.
There are many situations where both husband and wife are responsible for the what we can refer to as the fight, or fighting. But, a true Battered Wife, or Husband because I have seen both genders as victims. Is what is referred to as Co-Dependent. By the time the Police are involved, the violence has reached the point that it is life threatening. Many Battered Wives have received more broken bones, contusions, facial damage, even losing babies due to the beatings. Gone to the Emergency Room numerous times, and always claimed they fell, they hurt themselves, refuse to tell the truth that they have been beaten. They believe in their hearts that their spouse loves them. That after each beating, the world is anew, their spouse is so sorry, so tender and swears this will never occur again. The next beating begins with dinner not on the table at the hour required, or the shirt still had a small stain, or the children were crying or running through the house, or maybe she rolled her eyes. One thing on this topic is a must.. Never generalize and allow yourself to believe that Domestic Violence is a game, and that women probably deserve it. When a Man or Woman go to Jail because of the violence, they really need to be there. Something is wrong with a person who would abuse the one person in their lives they have vowed to love and protect. And one other tid bit.. In this country, the highest cause of death for Pregnant Women is Murder by their Spouse.
 jtriple7
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 71
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:33:23 PM
Well, when my husband (now ex) was giving me black eyes and calling me a slut, or worse, I never thought I deserved it because I was overbearing or demanding.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 72
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:47:38 PM
Eddie, yes i can read. I was using your scenario to make a point. To say, a guy is so hurt he has no other option then to strike out, is just trying to justify the behaviour. There is never an excuse for violence. the scary thing is even though u state u dont agree with striking someone else, there are some men who think it is acceptable to beat someone that cheats


I don't believe his statement was meant as a justification, but more as a reason why men break. Physical abuse is horrible, but I think a lot of people forget that emotional abuse can be just as damaging to the psyche, even if it's coming from someone who isn't really strong enough to take it to a physical level without some sort of weapon.

...and maralee, I'm not sure about that. My mother kicked and punched me once during an argument when I was in high school, and stood in the only exit to the room afterward. It didn't really phase me, but I moved her out of the way and left the house. There were no bruises, and I've never hit a woman in my life (actually, I haven't been involved in anything physical since elementary school). Just her word against mine, and I still went to juvenille hall for the night and had to do community service and go through anger management for a couple months to avoid having it show up on my record. To this day, she goes on and on about how horribly my father, my siblings, and I treated her.
 sparda9
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 73
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:10:16 PM
From what I gather, most broads tend to have a victim mentality. Which is cool, I guess, if they really are victims. Only problem about that is, they fail to recognize how many men THEY have hurt in the process. Then they play the blame game. It's some guys like that too though, but still.
 LeSportSac
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 74
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:22:28 PM
There are good man. There are bad men. Good men can make women feel like queens. Bad men can make women feel like hell.

 Rhett1
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 75
Do women really get abused as much as they say or do they make it seem worse then it actually is?
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:03:03 AM
most broads tend to have a victim mentality
Wow. Coming from a man who has posted as many whiny threads as you have, that's an ironic statement.
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