| Drinking over 45
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:37:13 PM | buzzdav, that’s an interesting and likely accurate way of analysing alcohol and abuse problems. (msg #149).
There is or were (in my ex’s case) issues to do with lack of any sort of spirituality, poor self-esteem that was turned outward and became almost a vicious attempt to defend himself from any statements or achievements (mine) that made him feel stupid or lacking in some way.
He did see an anger management counsellor but I don’t know that she ever suggested to him that he give up alcohol. I was surprised at the time but did learn that giving up alcohol, as you say, would not solve the problems – would not fill that void, as you call it. He was able to learn about the ways in which his childhood had affected his ongoing problems – things he had never seen as problems but did explain his defensiveness.
Even so, alcohol certainly did amplify the behaviours. Some things, he didn’t remember doing (he said). I’m not sure that’s possible after just a couple of beers.
Featherstroke, I don’t know that using your line helps to understand how someone else’s drinking habits compare to yours.
"I am not much of a drinker, is this a problem for you?" .
‘Not much of a drinker’ is probably a social drinker and that would be open to interpretation. I’d expect most people to answer either ‘No problem’ ‘Great, you can be the designated driver if I have a drink’ ‘Neither am I.’
I still wonder if I’d be able to spot signs of problem drinking but getting to know another person through shared experiences rather than deciding who he or she is based on the response to that question seems to be a possible but not sure-fire answer.
Here’s a funny image that’s left burned in my memory bank as something that hit me as odd: when he’d pour the last glass of wine, he’d shake the bottle to get the very last drop then he’d lift the bottle up to his mouth to lick all around the bottle lip to get every remaining molecule – every time. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:15:06 AM | Never have been a big drinker. Even as a young woman I drank rarely due to my migraines. I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or cooler in the summer. Bailey's in coffee is a treat in the winter..it is also the only booze I can't stay away from. I have actually thrown out alcohol I found when I was moving and forgot I had.
My last relationship was with an alcoholic. Never had been with one and will absolutely never do it again. My dad went to AA at 72 and stopped drinking. My ex was 54 and had been a drinker all his adult life (which he denied). He lost marriages, relationships and jobs over alcohol. When I would see him drunk...rarely had a beer in his hands but hidden all over house..he would deny it and say I was "imagining" things. Thought he could mask the smell with Halls....didn't work!! Finally got fed up when I saw he had no desire to quit drinking and didn't believe in AA. Drinking was the only thing we fought about but knew things would never change. He was also a very nasty, aggressive and miserable drinker and I was afraid of him. I will never date an alcoholic again...now I know how the story ends and at my age not willing to put up with someone who can't/won't get their life together when they have lost so much over booze. He choose the booze over me and that is fine..but was a real eye opener for me.  | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:08:04 AM | | shoot and I thot they were raisin the drinkin age again to over 45! whew | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 7:56:25 AM |
He choose the booze over me
That's how I had come to see my ex and the drugs when I finally filed for divorce. I drank fairly heavily on the occassions I did drink waaaay back in the day but I had reached the point I drank just a few times a year and usually not to excess (tipsy without the hangover in my book). But after I filed for the divorce I kinda went off the deep end. I drank excessively and frequently which only amplified my negative feelings. I was determined to try cocaine cuz I had never touched the sh** yet it had ruined my life, but d***ed if I knew where or how to get any which probably was a good thing. Eventually I got it out of my system and settled back down.
Then the ex died and I my alcohol consumption increased somewhat. I was fortunate to know someone who "lived in the bottle for a year" following the death of his wife. He took good care of and watched over me. Now I have a drink or 2 most evenings. He knows I didn't used to drink as much and asks if I'm concerned about my consumption. So far I'm not. But I've also learned not to assume that everybody uses substances in the same way so I'm leary of others and their habits. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 10:34:54 AM | For a 15 year sober person I just move on and move on quickly. I am sure there are quite a few folks out there who can drink three times a week without an issue but my question is why and how much do you drink in those three times a week. Social drinking is ok by me, in fact I will act as designated driver for bar parties as I have no desire for booze anymore, but to me its one of those things that a potential problem is there and why go into a situation where you personally see a potential problem, just avoid it if it can be avoided.   | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:31:40 AM |
I am sure there are quite a few folks out there who can drink three times a week without an issue but my question is why and how much do you drink in those three times a week
What if it varies? One night I may not drink at all. The next night I might have a drink (a stiff highball or a weak 12 oz. tumbler). The next night, again, I don't drink. Then, say the next night is the ending Friday of a stressful week at the office and I may drink from the time I get home until 1 or 2 shots shy of pouring me into bed.
I know I totally freaked myself out last Friday night cuz I had had 2 drinks earlier in the evening. Then storms rolled in and I'm a weather spotter so I got kinda busy. My house is at a great location for spotting so I rarely have to leave home but that night the crew coordinator was closer to a northern area that needed to be checked so at 11 p.m. he asked me to drive into town to monitor the radar and radio traffic at the police station while he went north. So I was driving into town when I thought "Oh sh**! I probably smell like I've been drinking and I'm going to the police station!" Luckily, I was not under the influence and I had some gum. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:36:36 AM | What do I do when I run across a profile that indicates the man drinks 3 or more times a week? (Being a woman, I only look at men's profiles.) What do I do? I keep on truckin'.
In my experience, it's easy enough to trip over alcoholics unannounced. Although alcoholics generally do not advertise.
I don't drink at all. That's a personal preference, not a standard for others. But since I don't drink at all, then at best I would be most comfortable with someone who also did not drink. Second best is someone who drinks occassionally.
But for me...just speaking for me, I would not be comfortable with someone who drank every week or 3+ times a week. Someone else might, but not me.
There's my 5 cents. (We have to allow for inflation).
Kind regards to all fishies...
...Barbi  | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/18/2009 3:00:09 PM | | I was in a LDR for a while some years back with a man who lived 450 miles away from me. Usually he came to see me since he traveled in his job but once I drove to see him. I was very thirsty when I arrived and went to his fridge and grabbed a bottled water. I took a big swig and spit it out immediately...it was VODKA!!!! I didnt know this about him. Evidently he filled his water bottles with vodka and took them on the road with him when he traveled. I would say that is just a little too much drinking for my liking. I was married to an alcoholic, and my last BF didnt drink at all. I like it that way. My profile states a social drinker and for me that is a drink when I go out to dinner, or a shot on girls night on Fridays, or a beer at a BBQ, but I hate to get 'drunk'. Social drinker is defined differently by each person, so who knows! | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/19/2009 8:54:08 PM | I am not interested in controlling anyone elses behavior I have to many things I want to do and don't have the time for that but: If someone says they drink more than 3 times a week I pass.
Why because this is what I have found to be true in my life and maybe it is just me but here goes. If a person belongs to a culture that mostly drinks to socialize and have fun than sometimes they miss out on all the other things in life.
When you are looking for things to entertain you and enrich your spirit of adventure and drinking is not on the list because you need to be at 100% sometimes it is amazing the things that you can find to do to make your life fun and exciting.
I limit my drinking more now than I did when I was younger because :
it hurts to have a hangover and I want to ride my bike.
My mind needs to be spot on when I am working not getting over the night before. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/19/2009 9:34:32 PM | | More than 3 x a week could mean a glass of wine a day, which is recommended, BTW, as a healthy thing to do. You've got to write (if you're interested) to find out what they exactly mean by more than 3 X a week. When I read that, I have two thoughts. They could be a drunkard, they could be a moderate daily drinker (glass of wine each evening), but most certainly, they are honest. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:35:56 PM | having loved some alcoholics in my time, i'm very leary of repeating. anyone who drinks even every week, i'd have to think twice...
it's not just the awful evenings-- the third drink and then the bottle has the cap off for the next pour, the slurring, the romantic bleary hour of brotherly love, the later anger, and the possible danger (on the way home or even just up the stairs to sleep)-- it is heartwrenching watching what some people do to themselves, and not being able to help.
at al-anon they tell you that the person who is alcoholic has to hit bottom and they need to realize they have a problem. yes. yes, this is true. and i've never wanted to be telling anyone else what they should do, anyway. but to me it's like someone is flooring it at 80 miles an hour directly at a brick wall, and all you can do is watch. unfrackingbearable.
run, forrest, run.
yikes, we all need more love in our lives. i truly think that then addiction wouldn't happen. | |
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| Drinking over 45
Posted: 6/19/2009 10:53:26 PM | About once a month (or less) I have about 7 oz of burgundy wine. I really should drink some more often but seldom think about it. Just don't think to have some.
If and when I do have it - it is usually with either pizza or pasta.
I've never drank very often but - a few time in my life I did drink too much.
The last time I drank too much was around six years ago on a New Year's Eve. I sat here on my computer - jabbering away on a dating live chat - webcam site and was having fun and just kept drinking. I was drinking manhattans ..
I ended up paying for it big time ....... I burned my stomach lining and it hurt like hell until ....
A couple of night later I was whinning about my stomach (on the same site) and a nurse gave me a tip - I hope I never ever forget.
She said "drink some aleo vera ... it will fix it."
Boy was she right. I got some drank some and presto - problem was gone instantly.
I don't think I have an ulcer but ... I bet that would sooth an ulcer flair up also. | |
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