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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/19/2007 7:37:50 PM | islgirl; you're right, it's gone on too long.
I have some insatiable need to keep talking (could it be my lack of adult interaction, being a single mom??? Hahaha)
Yeah, maybe I'm smitten. Eager, yeah, sure...I had a great time and would love to repeat it. Will I survive if Thurs isn't as good, sure...I'll be fine and still hopeful and optimistic that someday, I'll meet that special someone. I do move on quite well. (several years of being single and online dating has perfected that skill for me quite well
But really, I am cool. I think it appears I'm more eager or obssessive (sp?) because I keep participating in this thread I posted and updating y'all.
I'm tired now, have to work tomorrow, and I'll post on the testimonials if anything comes out of this, or perhaps update my profile.
Thank you all again for the good and bad advice. I'm sure more will post, but I'm going to check out of this thread now. I've already put a lot of time in it (was off for a few days) so, cheers everyone
 Have fun  Enjoy your  
I am going to sleep
Peace out  , Godspeed and
Buh bye | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/19/2007 9:02:37 PM | | I can't believe all the people chastising the OP for even considering a guy she met at a bar as someone she might want to go out with. I don't think anything sounded out of line. It seemed like 2 people hit it off and the only problem is miscommunication. Coordinating time for a date when there are 2 single parents with jobs and friends and....it can be very tricky. I think the guy has shown he's genuinely interested. I hope they get together and have a wonderful time and the OP can come back on here and tell us all about it. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/19/2007 9:21:12 PM | You will hear from him again. However, he is busy talking to several and trying to figure ,which one he wants at the moment.
He is asking you out, but not showing up or trying to make sure of time and place for chosen night? I dunno, some might think be more patience, but I would call him on his bs. Since he basically led you on and then nothing?
Now, many men( not all so ya'll do not fuss lol) do not like this, they like to act however ,and the woman should sit and play nice.
I would not. Life goes on.
I had a really bad cell phone that would not work most the time, but his works.
Take your dignity and move on. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/19/2007 9:50:14 PM | Aww geez.. first of all, why are you all reading minds and throwing up red flags based on one person's viewpoint anyways.. you're not mindreaders, neither is the op..
Flaky? yes. Awkward? Sure.. there's a lot of strange and awkward things going on here.. but the point is, what's the rush.. really? Is there any reason why you couldn't dial it back, get out on a few outings, but let him know how you REALLY feel? Let him know that you are or have been interested, but the awkward flaky way things are coming together or happening are maybe interfering with getting to know him, and that if he's willing to be friends, and take a little time, that you might find it workable?
The one thing I'll say, is that you don't just add water and mix.. a guy that's been single a long time, and with two kids to boot, isn't exactly on a predictable schedule.. not to say that it's time to discount the possibilities that he might be indecisive.. but ya know what? There's a lot of wrecked women out there with a lot of red flags in their pockets, pinning the wrong tails on the wrong donkeys. Dating is tough when you take your red flags with you.. I've met plenty of them in my time. Hurt, abused, scared, upset, etc..
The thing is it's not vulnerable to be honest and say exactly what's on your mind. I have never in my history seen people so afraid of going on a date, that are scared it won't lead anywhere.. plenty of you forget how our grandparents got together.. in the midst of a war marriages resulted via the postal service for pete's sake.
It is not a crisis to go on a date with someone, NOT have sex, enjoy each other's company, and have a great time. It's also NOT a crisis, to call them up again and to it all over again another time.. this whole 'one date is everything' thing is being handled like a crisis.. like the guy's entire life's gotta be open to criticism before he even gets an opportunity to spend any time letting you get to know why he's being flaky in the first place.
I'm not saying that this isn't a completely hopeless case already, but what I am saying, is man, do people ever want to rush this process these days.. No electricity the first date.. I'd like to think that someone worthwhile has the tenacity to be sure of what they feel, follow things along, NOT expect too much too soon, and let things flow a little bit making things clear.. It frustrates me that people are so absolutely afraid to be alone these days or something that only one person in their lives is all they need.
I know personally, it takes an awful long time to get to know me.. I'd like to think someone takes time to work past initial attraction to move forward in friendship and ease things into gear..
Dunno.. lots of people poppin the clutch lately and disregarding some pretty decent guys.. and no, I'm not whining about me lol it's just mind boggling to me how EVERYTHING is getting dumbed down to believing that the first date, is make or break contact. Fickle and shallow.. Then again, I have introduced at least half a dozen SUCCESSFUL couples in my years by tradiing in single life for group activities.. If they don't work for me, they still have fun with me.. and I get to know them, what they want, and introduce them to one of my buds.. hey.. it's a matter of not being so selfish you're out for #1 all the time I feel.. I dunno..
In some ways, quit being so selfish with the good stuff you have to offer the world.. the right person should be able to pick you right out of the crowd no matter what you're doing.. that is, if you're better to them than the rest of the crowd. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:14:01 AM |
I wasn't trying to attack you just pointing out that many of the posts were overly aggressive and unreasonably pessimistic. It's almost impossible to question these behaviors without someone taking offense that I'm attacking them. Jaded and bitter might have been over the top, but it wasn't directed at you specifically just the overall tenor of many of the replies. I didn't call you jaded and bitter I did point out your post as one of the many that was overly aggressive. I try to stick to challenging the behavior and not attacking the person, you sort of assumed it was you.
God! Where do I START?!?!?!
You'll have to excuse my "misunderstanding"...when someone quotes me DIRECTLY I tend to think they are TALKING to ME...DIRECTLY!!!!
Especially when they post RIGHT after me....
When you accuse people of being "jaded and bitter" or "overly aggressive"...AGAIN, you'll have to forgive the feelings of "being attacked"!!!
As far as "reacting from my own past experience"...Dam STRAIGHT I am!!! What kind of FOOL doesn't learn from past mistakes?!?!?
As the OP said/admitted, she herself needed to be MORE clear about HER communication, so now we will get to see whether or not this really IS all a product of simple miscommunication or not...
And I wish her the best of luck!!!
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:46:33 AM | Jesus H, what a bunch of cynical whiners! No wonder you people are all single. You've gotten to the point where you MAKE UP red flags so you have an excuse to run. Has it been so long since you had a date, that you sit there and find a reason to not go out? Even if it's completely ridiculous?
The guys friend called him a doctor. So what? My friend's gf introduced herself as a doctor when she was really just a receptionist at the hospital. he knew she was full of it so he said he was a lawyer. They dated for a year and we all laugh about it. It's just silliness. It doesn't make him a monster.
he called the night of the date and said he couldnt make it. How many threads are on here about people being stood up? This guy calls often, and always calls when he says he will. So a date was talked about but never happened. Run for the hills, the world is ending.
I swear most of you are so unhappy all you want to do is keep everyone else single and unhappy. This guy sounds pretty freakin decent. Good job, spends a lot of time with his kids, calls when he says he will. Some of you probably stayed with husbands or boyfriends who had no jobs, never talked to their kids, and never communicated. Buncha hypocrites.
You almost had the OP talked into giving up. Congratulations on trying your hardest. Thank God the guy has better character than most of you and called her again and talked her into setting up a date. And it STILL may not work out, but it won't be because he was a big player.
You know what's REALLY funny? Every time a guy posts a story how he met a girl with kids, but she hardly calls and dates keep falling through, you all jump down his throat KIDS COME FIRST!!! GET USED TO IT OR MOVE ON. But this guy, with two daughters and a busy job (works out of 4 locations) doesn't get the same consideration??
And I know that cupid guy wanted to say all this but was afraid it would hurt his chances. Don't worry buddy, I went ahead and said what's on your mind.
OP, I hope you guys go out and have a great time. He sounds like a guy with a busy life but always finds time to call. Some dates won't happen, but that's life. And of course he wants to get in your pants, SOME DAY. All these cynical people on here using that as a red flag is a bunch of crap. He's a guy with kids, so he's had sex before. Does anyone really expect that the guy never wants sex again?
Man, I'm seriously laughing at all the assumptions. He's married, unemployed, lives with his parents, lies 24 hours a day.......etc.......all this without ever having met him. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 5:51:17 AM | OP (and fun-in-the-sun)…While some may be saying run from this guy, I feel there’s nothing wrong with you’re giving this time and being cautious…As long as you don’t make excuses for him, but question something if it comes up and concerns you, that’s really all one can do when getting to know someone. His calling when he says he’s going to is good; your making definite time/day plans when he did call is great; and I also don’t think there’s a problem meeting someone in a bar…it’s the people involved who make the difference, not the setting. And you’re correct; going to a bar, meeting someone there, does *not* make anyone a whore.
But, while he may *not* have wanted a piece (insulting if that’s *all* one wants, but isn’t it also kind of insulting in a way when they *don’t* want a piece? lol), driving in separate cars really doesn’t mean much…you both could have dropped off your respective friends and met up later; people do it all the time…and going into too much detail here about him not wanting that gives it too much importance…All we’re saying is be aware that he may have wanted that, or may have only wanted that, just as you should be aware that he may have wanted to get to know you better, maybe start dating and maybe down the road things would lead to that. It’s not a case of looking at someone and suspecting one thing; it’s simply keeping one’s wits about them, looking at what’s there and not ‘what could be’. For me, the only reason the thought that he might be looking to get some was because you mentioned making out in the bar; it wasn’t meant to imply that he wasn’t interested in you as a person also – just as a note of caution (been reading too many forum posts on those who love ‘em and leave ‘em I guess ;>)
The only concern about his friend lying about him being a doctor, and him not clearing that up right then, but waiting till the next time you talked to do it is…if these guys are in our age range, it seems pretty juvenile, not to mention unnecessary, behavior…If they were simply joking around, most people would say not too long afterwards ‘no, I‘m just joking’. Sure they may have just been joking around, but, IMO only, that seems a bit weird for adults to do…and for some reason it still bothers me that he didn’t clear it up till later. Now, I could be blowing this all out of proportion…I’m only going by what you wrote an dhow you wrote it…it could be nothing at all…only you can decide that as time goes on…but as long as you have your eyes open, acknowledge any red flags/concerns you see, talk about them with him, and don’t build anything up into unrealistic expectations before actually getting to know this guy (‘cautiously optimistic’ is good) then you have less chance of being hurt….and I believe that’s really only anyone’s concern on here…most of us don’t like to see anyone get hurt.
funinthesun....I'd email you, but your preferences won't allow me to....I, again, agree with you...everyone is so eager to kick him to the curb and as you said, other than some communication and bad timing issues, (not entirely his fault, since I never got a time for the date)..AND I agree with your opinion, it's the 'initial bar BS' a lot of people get into (come on now, HOW many people are 100% themselves when going out to drink and dance???....We women get dressed up and put on makeup and THAT is not necessarily who we really are - I know myself, I don't do makeup everyday, or wear heels everyday either....I dressed the part. If he and I hit it off and something comes from all this, down the road he may see me with bed head, in sweats and without my legs shaved, right????.....)
I don’t see that many said to kick him to the curb…some did, and maybe that’s based on their experiences, but people are also basing their answer on *your* posts as that’s all we have to go on. As far as you not getting a time for the date, well he never asked what time would be good either…so don’t lay it off on you…Sorry, but if someone calls to ask one out, if they really want to go they’re going to ask what you’d like to do, when you’re available, and set up a time right then. While I do think that for *some* people online dating and having many people available offline can make them not as considerate, there are plenty of people out there who don’t treat potential dates as something they can take or leave.
As far as “HOW many people are 100% themselves when going out to drink and dance” I’m 100% myself no matter where I’m going… While I don’t go to bars and dance, unless I’m with a date, I do still go to dinner, concerts, shows, etc. And I dress how I please, wear or don’t wear the same amount of makeup depending on how I feel about it, and don’t give people a line of BS about who I am or what I do for a living. Why would I want to do that when I want someone to like me for who I am? | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:00:49 AM |
I forgot to look and see when that cupid guy joined POF. He may think he has to be polite or women won't date him. But you could tell he was holding back haha.
cupidstrikes is anything but shy ~ trust me on that one ~ I'm sure that he'll laugh when he reads that, wakedan
OP, I'm glad to hear that the majority of the presumptions from the masses were wrong. I don't think that anyone likes to be played, but it's also not fair to this poor guy, who obviously isn't ~ a player never would have called you on Monday...or Tuesday ~ probably not even the next day. if a player doesn't get what he wants relatively early in the game, he moves on to the next one. men that want a relationship ~ or even a friendship ~ are the ones that you hear from again and again.
so many ppl think that their failed relationships are the blueprint for everyone else, and that's simply not true. painting everyone w/ the same brush is pretty jaded, in my opinion ~ I assure you that I've met my share of players in my time, but I know that they're not the majority.
as I said before, good luck OP, and keep us updated. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:12:15 AM | Well the thing about posting a topic about your personal life in an open forum is that people are going to give you feedback...
SOME of which you won't like or agree with...
I guess SLAMMING those who DON'T agree with your particular point of view is considered valid if it can be cloaked in the guise of being "supportive" to the querent...
Ask a question, be PREPARED for the response I always say.... | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:53:51 AM | Lots of folks are saying that it's because the OP met this guy in a bar, that this is the obvious reason why she is having this issue.
It doesn't have anything to do with , meeting this guy in a bar. Wether she met him online, at church, in a store at a park, it doesn't matter where she met him, what matters is that he is a "man", that gives good men, with good intentions bad reps. It's men like him that make women not be able to trust in someone. OP, you came a cross a real winner, even if he eventually gets in touch with you, well I wouldn't take anything he says too seriously.
When a person has a true, genuine interest in a person, these stupid situations will not exist... He sounds like one excuse after another, with alot of hot air on the side....
We have all walked that road before, I find if you don't take is soo seroiusly, well the better off you will be..
JJ | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 7:47:00 AM |
It doesn't have anything to do with , meeting this guy in a bar...it doesn't matter where she met him, what matters is that he is a "man", that gives good men, with good intentions bad reps...even if he eventually gets in touch with you, well I wouldn't take anything he says too seriously...When a person has a true, genuine interest in a person, these stupid situations will not exist... He sounds like one excuse after another, with alot of hot air on the side....
Got to agree with this. Any one of these things separately doesn't mean much. Taken together, it's a big red flag:
1. go out to bar with girlfriend, meet random guy in bar who is hanging around with a wingmate
2. girlfriend hooks up (hormones begin flowing)
3. lady hooks up (hormones now in full flow)
4. beverages (judgment reduced)
5. guy's friend lies about job; guy goes along with wingmates story (what's the next lie?)
6. necking with random bar guy WITHOUT sex talk (very polished approach, hormones really flowing now)
7. guy follows lady, lady's friend, and lady friend's hookup to diner (polished approach continues)
8. at diner when guy realizes no sex hookup, states he needs to take care of his wingmate (excuse 1)
9. sets up date and breaks it due to "stomach virus" (excuse 2)
10. incommunicato after bagging out on date (excuse 3)
Meeting a guy at a bar isn't that big of a deal. Taken into account with these 10 other details, I'd have concerns. The whole is usually greater than the sum of the parts.
In the past I had a male friend, engaged to be married, we go out, basically he does all of the above WITHOUT a wingmate (I wasn't much help, he didn't need anyways) and WITHOUT lieing about his job (passing out his business card). He gets a lady all swimmy-headed, she calls him at work. Do you think he answered these lady's inquiries into dates? No, HE WAS ENGAGED. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 12:11:49 PM | Wow so many people just opening fire on the guy with the full broadside. It's crazy how aggressive may of these posts are. Don't take this wrong but a lot of these posters sound jaded and bitter.
"run for the hills", "just forget him", "well you met in a bar", "he drinks too much", "men just want to get laid" ...
If you give up on something you felt promising every time you hit a bump in the road you would never get anything done.
WELL EXACTLY!
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET ACROSS TO MANY.
Why do you think sites like these have so many users?
Why do you think so many people are single/alone?
Many times they are their own worst enemy with the narrow-mindedness they possess.
Like for instance I've tried to make people understand that even though they may be looking for "dating" or "long term" there's NOTHING wrong with meeting others just as friends. One never knows where OR HOW they meet their future spouse.
It may not be directly though a site like this or directly on their own but it could even be through one of their new found friends.
This world and life itself is filled with endless possibilities.
In life the only limitations we have are those we impose (or for a better word INFLICT) upon ourselves.
People are too quick to dismiss things if it doesn't follow their own personal way of thinking.
The mentality many people have these days is just so sad!
People on here are very jaded and bitter. If I'm not mistaken I even mentioned that in my first post on here.
It's rediculous.
It's funny how people are ready to give up and "throw in the towel" so quickly and easily.
Then they talk about ambition and success?
With ambition comes attributes such as DRIVE, PERSISTENCE, PERSEVERANCE, etc.
Attributes many seem to lack. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 6:09:02 PM | cupid, you wrote:
People are too quick to dismiss things if it doesn't follow their own personal way of thinking.
The mentality many people have these days is just so sad!
People on here are very jaded and bitter. If I'm not mistaken I even mentioned that in my first post on here.
It's rediculous.
It's funny how people are ready to give up and "throw in the towel" so quickly and easily.
Then they talk about ambition and success?
i hear what you're saying, cupid: if one is negative, particularly overly so, they'll never be successful in finding somebody cool.
yep. optimism is really important in all things, including finding love.
the thing is, one can go the other way too and be open to a fault, and, i am sorry to say -- i think it is being open to a fault to not have a problem with telling lies "all in fun."
i don't want it to work out with a guy who lies and thinks it isn't a problem. this is not the kind of guy i want to be successful with.
and i think you are forgetting that -- we don't WANT it to work out with just anybody, we want it to work out with somebody who is right for us. somebody we can count on to tell us the truth. somebody who is who he says he is. and so on.
how many people, cupid, wind up in really bad relationships because they blew off big issues early on and just "wanted it to work" or "just wanted a boy/girl-friend," etc.
all that said, whatever whatever whatever --
i surely DO hope it works out for the OP, assuming that he's a good guy. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 8:36:48 PM | Does it really matter how or where she met him?
If I listened to every one's opinion about where you meet men....... then I would not be here. For many have told me that internet guys are losers, players and social retards. I have met both nice guys and losers on the internet and the bar. It is the person, not the place.
I agree with Dan........ too many people are cynical and can never look at the bright side of things. It is the negativity.
My advice to the OP........ just relax, chill, see what happens. Don't think too much into things. I use to be that way and it can drive you crazy. Maybe that is part of the personality of us in the medical field... we over analyze things. 
Time will answer all your questions. | |
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