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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:49:53 PM | SmartBlonde; Yeah..I definitely agree. Medical professionals tend to over analyze situations..I know at times I do..working in Cardiac Intensive Care, well you need to really pay attention to details, so (and I'm not saying this is right) it's second nature for me to always be in the critical thinking mode.
I'm quite relaxed all..lol...took a nap today after work (as I do sometimes when I have a long day) listened to my iPod (which I love to do TO RELAX) and basically, I have decided to look forward and not backwards...in that I'm going on the date and I'll see what happens. Just because I don't necessarily think there are serious red flags doesn't mean I'm not going to pay attention to how he acts, treats me, and when we talk and get to know each other, pay attention to WHAT he says, as far as being honest. The good thing is, I have a lot of great friends (offline) who know me well, and who I talk to all the time....they all help keep me grounded.
Maybe people will surmise that from my post I'm so 'in need of a boyfriend' I'm willing to overlook things, or make excuses, but not when it comes to the long term, or giving my heart to someone. Basically, I posted to get opinions on a situation that was brief and in reality, I really know NOTHING about the guy. I'm in no rush. I've been single for 5 yrs, dated online and offline and if I don't think or feel that he's an honest, good guy...I will move on. I know I myself, wouldn't want to be judged or written off too quickly, before someone gets to know me...so....I am going to go ahead and go out with him.
I'm amazed though, at some of the people on this site (and not necessarily who posted on this thread, but more so on an email I received by someone who didn't have the balls to post on my thread in the public forum, but thought he'd do it in a private email...check this out; here's the email. Verbatim.
<div class='quote'> Babbling on and on shows you are an idiot.
Obsessing on some phone number exchange in a bar?
Also changing the story/adding more to it each time you post.
Mental patient?
We think yes.
I give out my number all the time and I could care less if they call or not.
Maybe that's why they do.
Now go play in traffic
Ok bon.fire; I'd say what I really think, but this is a public forum and I don't want to get myself in trouble and not play by the rules. I would have to say that someone who emails someone personally to insult them either REALLY NEEDS A LIFE AND IS A SAD PATHETIC PERSON WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS OR JUST HAS A SERIOUS ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIORAL DISORDER.
Also, your impression of 'obsessing'??? That's YOUR OPINION. This is a forum on a site where tons and tons of people post to run things by others...I don't recall 'obsessing' about a phone number exchange, I was unsure about the circumstances surrounding a 'date'. Not calls.
I never changed my story, and if you participate in threads as any one with half a brain knows....more information is added only because to initially post every word of ever experience would take boatloads of time, and you don't always know what is relevant to getting your story across
Mental patient????? Oh, ok. I'm running out the door now to the closest psych ward. Is someone projecting here? Are you posting from your psych ward because you have nothing better to do???
I'm wondering if you give out your number because no woman in her right mind would give YOU HERS???, if they all call, as you say...what are you doing on here??? why is it your not busy taking them out and/or talking to them instead of reading threads on a dating site????
NOW GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC ....well that's just mean. If not intended to be literal, but sarcastic, you should perhaps change your sarcasm to the philosophy to 'keep it all in fun', otherwise it makes YOU the IDIOT.
AND to think this was a second email telling me "I HAVE DIARHHEA OF THE MOUTH"
I know I should have just deleted your email, instead of giving you the satisfaction of responding, but I thought perhaps there was a misunderstanding in the tone of what you read and wrote back to me....damn...must be my faith in human nature that not everyone out there are ASSSSHOLES, and just write people for the mere pleasure of insulting you.
Sounds like you, bon.fire..... NEED to get a life dude, you need to get a girl or something...you're just bad people and I hope, for the sake of myself and all other women out there that we don't find ourselves on dates with the likes OF YOU
Like I said, I'd say some things to you here, but 1. I'm a lady and 2. I play by the rules on here.
To the women on this thread, beware of the sick puppies out there. Not only are they in bars (I agree there) BUT they're also on POF too (don't forget the sick puppy who was on the news from this site)
Peace out. Goin to bed, gotta get rest for work tomorrow so I can be fresh and alert for my patients....
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:00:44 PM | Enigma,
Your a smart woman, but sometimes you worry too much. On an earlier thread you worried about saying no before you were propositioned. Now your worrying about a guy potentially playing you when the evidence isn't conclusive.
Play it by ear. Your smart. You know what you will allow and won't allow. Your analytical enough to look at the possibilities, but if you like the guy let things go a bit. If he's playing you you'll know soon enough. Perhaps you'll feel like a fool if he is. But thats life. Most of us have been played the fool more often then we're willing to admit while waiting for the perfect catch. You need only ask yourself if, based on what you know right now, he might be a pretty good catch? If yes, then relax and let things play themselves out. If no, then move along and see what else comes along. Most dates ultimately end in the "no" column. Sooner or later "yes" comes along. We're all rooting for you to have a "yes" experience. If you don't there are plenty of friends here with shoulders to cry on. If you do, hope you still stay around for some of us to cry on your shoulder till we have our "yes" experience.
BTW My mom is current going through the BC experience. I really appreciate your T shirt. Even at age 84 she is really missing hers. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:12:01 PM | i had similar thing with guy here in england about a month ago ..he kissed me on our first date after about 30 mins and was really sweet, complimentary and attentive during dinner and time in a bar afterwards and really keen to see me again - in fact he asked me out again for a few days later...and sent me text messages that night/nxt morning ...called me on the following day then made excuses about seeing me again and could be postpone....
seems to be just a man thing...i never heard from him again until a week later when he called to see how i was and i told him to get lost
men......why do we bother girls?????? i dont know | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:02:08 AM | I think some guys' problem is, they get used to interacting with their friends in a certain way, and it carries over to their dating life.
Guys don't call each other every day. I call my friends maybe once a week to make weekend plans. If I'm not going out, I don't call them at all. Guys think nothing of not hearing from their friends for days at a time. They don't think 'well i guess he doesnt really want to be my friend anymore'. We dont sit at home thinking 'man, why hasnt my friend called me? is something wrong?' Speaking for myself, I really dont think about my friends until the phone rings or i see them in person. Or if i want to ask them a question.
I think many guys forget women are different in that regard. Some women need reassurance in the form of attention that the man they like, likes them back. The whole time, the guy is thinking 'wow i really like that girl...cant wait to see her again' but we are used to just waiting for the weekend to talk to them.
I've tried to change that, and call women i'm interested in more often. Its just a guy thing, doesnt make us horrible people.
Of course, some guys can't put their phone down for a minute, so im not speaking for ALL of them. | |
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mefein
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 105 | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 4:51:11 AM | Reminds me of this joke:
Two Sides To Every Story
HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he's STILL acting a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it's me or something else. I ask him, and he says no. But you know I'm not really sure. So anyway, in the cab back to his house,I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don't know what the hell this means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I'm wondering if he's going to dump me! So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I'm going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we make love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???....
HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
Shit day at work. England lost at the footy. Got a shag though. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 7:50:29 AM |
the red flag isnt the doctor thing, it's him being
nonchalant about a definite date....
i think it's both actually, and there are several more red flags besides.
i mean how would you feel if some woman you were interested in had told you she was a doctor when really she is a hairdresser? wouldn't this put everything she had said in question? wouldn't this make you question her character and whether or not she will be honest with you in future? perhaps worse, wouldn't this make you think she was just trying to get guys into bed?
i mean, it's pretty obvious that that's why "players" -- both online and in bars -- tell people they're hitting on that they are "doctors" or that they are "independently wealthy" and things like this. because they know that it increases the chances that this person will be interested in return and sleep with them. (and i think it DOES work! sadly.)
however, somebody above (prof?) said something about letting things run their course, letting time tell.
i think that's wonderful advice, as long as the OP is not banking on this guy being for real. as long as she will not be devastated if the red flags prove true. then, go for it, see what happens.
but as for me? i'd NEVER EVER ever start something up with a guy who lied to me about something as important as his career. (i mean, it's one thing to 'lie' and say you're 6 - 2 when you're really just a smidge over 6 -1 --- it is another thing entirely to completely misrepresent who you are.) i'd rather be alone than be with a guy who would do that and have NO interest whatever in attracting such a guy.
how can you be best friends and intimate partners with a guy who started out by lying to you like that?
nah...two thumbs down.
ciao all!   | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 8:20:47 AM | I think you should have got red flags when you discovered that he was lying about being a doctor.It is obvious that he just wanted to get in your pants.Even a blind would have seen it!
I skip some of what you wrote because it was so long,but I got that he was just doing sweet talk and that he wasted your time.
At least he did not got in your pants on the first date maybe that's why he kind of played you.Specially that you told im that you worked for the same company in the previous year maybe he realised that his lies would not hold on.
Keep your ears and eyes open, you will be more cautious next time.
take care | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:40:01 AM | | Okay so I made a flippant remark earlier but what I was trying to say is that I think you're reading too much into things and deliberating over things that you can come to no conclusion over until you know the facts. It could be any number of reasons. Maybe someone he knows has died, maybe he's got food poisoning, etc, etc. There could be any number of reasons that you're turning yourself in knots over. Sounds to me like he's keen. Why try and fathom out what's going when you have so little facts at your disposal that you can never come to any definite conclusions? | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 11:24:47 AM | Up to 5 pages already, it amazes me how many people jump in calling him a player, broke, unemployed, married or whatever.
Are people on this site so blind that they are not willing to make any effort other than look for what can be considered red flags?
Op took a chance, she met someone that might be a match. What harm can come from taking a little time and see what happens.
Try it, you might just surprise yourself and find somebody!! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:18:51 PM | It's not amazing to me anymore. All these single people hate the idea of someone finding happiness. So they tell other people that THEIR situation is full of 'red flags' Man I'm getting sick of that term. red flag run away, red flag kick him to the curb, red flag shoot him in the head.
People just don't understand playfulness. So his friend said he's a doctor, and he later said it was a joke. red flag he lied. red flag he didnt clear it up sooner. red flag hes too old for that.
I would bet anything most of these Red Flag Nazis have either dated or been married to people much worse than this guy. We've got a lot of perfect people on these forums it seems. I'll freely admit I'm not perfect but I won't have much company. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 12:34:02 PM | in response to:
deliberating over things that you can come to no conclusion over until you know the facts.
and
All these single people hate the idea of someone finding happiness.
fact: he lied saying that he was a doctor. this was a lie he did not immediately admit to, smiling, making it clear that this was a joke. that woulda been fine, but that's not what happened.
fact: some of us are pointing to this as a problem because a question was asked ("can someone make sense of this please") AND precisely because we are nice people and do indeed hope the OP finds happiness. many of us do not believe that one will find happiness with a man who lies (not about small insignificant things, but about big things like what he does and who he is), some of us regard the possibility of any future with such a man a virtual impossibility.
please don't belittle people, and call them 'cranky pants' types or ill-wishers, simply because they are trying to give what they consider to be sound advice to someone who, after all, has asked for advice.
peace y'all!  | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:36:37 PM | Too often people are out there looking for something to fill a void...and as soon as we see a glimpse of what might be what we want but not necessarily what we need our brain sort of goes thru a circuit break and we start to negotiate our desires. This is where we get lost in the "what was I thinking" vaccum.
I say go catch up on your laundry and if he turns up in your sock drawer without a match...toss him out. This clearly has been on your mind for WAY too long. Yes, there are a lot of red flags...but there are also factors to which you are not privvy.
I agree with some of the other posters...bars are not optimum places to meet quality people...there is a reason those people are hiding in a dark, dank and smoky room...they usually have something to hide. Do yourself a favor and RUN...run like HELL!!! Life is too short to ask for stress in a highball.
-Susan
keep on  | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:39:05 PM |
fact: he lied saying that he was a doctor. this was a lie he did not immediately admit to, smiling, making it clear that this was a joke. that woulda been fine, but that's not what happened. actually his friend told the lie and he might easily have been too embarrassed or uncomfortable to correct it (or just buzzed) but in the very first phone call he corrected it. If he wanted to just get her naked he might have tried to sell the lie but instead he came clean which probably points more towards a line of reasoning something like this: "I better fix this if I hope to have a positive relationship" | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/21/2007 4:51:32 PM | fun in the sun, i think this view is simply about trying to make it ok to lie. you're taking the same nonchalant attitude about lying that the OP decided to take. but of course that he corrected it later may have had everything to do with the fact that this woman is a nurse and that it was probably obvious to him that she'd figured out he was full of it.
as to your point about how it was his friend who lied and not him -- well, i'm sorry, but i think you're splitting hairs big time. not only that, he KNOWS his friend tells this lie. look at what he actually said to her (and no, it wasn't the first call -- he called back later to say this):
He called me a couple hours later on Saturday and he told me "Oh, by the way, I'm not a doctor...my friend gets a kick out of telling girls that when we go out, I'm sorry about that, but it was all in good fun".
it is clear from these comments that this is something he knows his friend says, in other words, it is something they say (in general) to women to help each other get laid. what nonsense!
anyhow after the friend told her this, she approached the dude and:
Now, I wasn't sure if I should believe him, so I 'tested' his MD knowledge and kind of new he couldn't have been a doctor...(couldn't answer some questions)
so, the guy had every opportunity to fess up. or, if he's not in on the deceipt, then simply to say -- "oh my gosh, i wish he wouldn't say stuff like that! he's so full of it!" or something like that. that would have been really easy to do, no embarrassment, and no lie.
it's one thing to be understanding, it's another thing to justify shitty behavior.
why is it that young people today seem not to value honesty the way us old forty-somethings do? fun in the sun, the OP and the dude she met at the bar all seemed to think that it's ok to tell big lies in the process and later fob it off as "all in fun."
my arse.  | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:11:08 AM | I am positive if there was no 'doctor lie', that every one of you naysayers would have just focused on something else in the story and called it a massive red flag, enough to murder the guy over.
Merf says you are just nice people, simply offering kindly advice. So, when you state as a FACT that the guy is married and unemployed, that he's a big player trying to sleep with as many women as he can .... and there hasn't been a shred of evidence to support it, how is that nicely offering some helpful advice? I mean merf, if you are going to speak for the entire crowd (saying you are all just nice people), you have to be prepared to defend their actions.
I see no proof that this guy and his friend tell lies to get each other laid. he sure hasn't been acting like it, staying in touch with the OP and trying to arrange a friendly 'out to dinner' date. If he was trying to get laid, he would ask her over to his house. Of course since you all have an excuse for everything, you would say he's just extra smooth, making THIS date out in public to lower her guard, etc etc. You will always find a way to turn his actions into a negative.In fact, I bet that if he HAD fessed up that night, you guys would back up and say 'he should have fessed up instantly'. Then if he had admitted it instantly, you guys would back up again and say 'well he shouldnt have said it in the first place'. Everytime you offer a token 'if he had done it this way, it would be ok' you don't mean it. deep down the entire night was just a play to get in her pants, in your view.
If Merf had her way, and the 'do not date list' was a reality, she would say that guy should be on it. He's a danger to the public, better kill him now before he gets drunk and pretends to be a doctor for a few hours again. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:27:45 AM | wake dan, i am not going to get into a 'thing' with you here, which it sounds like you are trying to start. but, honestly?, you sound like one of those guys with a guilty conscience -- you are simply trying too darn hard to make it seem ok for guys to lie to women in the context of romance.
you said:
If Merf had her way, and the 'do not date list' was a reality, she would say that guy should be on it. He's a danger to the public, better kill him now before he gets drunk and pretends to be a doctor for a few hours again.
by no means. a danger to the public? er, um, just a WEE bit of hyperbole there, dan?
don't belittle and mock the actual, real dangers women face in this way. have more respect for us than to make a mockery of such things.
obviously this is not a post about 'danger' but one where the OP is trying to figure out if the guy is cool. go back through the thread, wake dan, and look at the number of people who share my opinion.
no, it is not the opinion of a deranged feminazi.
have a beautiful day! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/22/2007 6:17:40 AM | is lying a smart thing to do? no
does it happen? yes
do the odds of it (lying) go up significantly when alcohol is involved? yes
do men say things like that to get laid? yes
however.....in this case, the "doctor" didn't get laid. he talked w/ the OP the following day, and has been doing so throughout. he admitted that what was said was a lie (and she, being a nurse, knew that he was lying), and in my opinion, that's when this stopped being a potential one-night stand.
only time will tell ~ but I, for one, am keeping my fingers crossed that things went well w/ the date last night. | |
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