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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:32:56 PM |
We've been out together 4 times since I posted. He has been calling me everday since the day we met (sometimes twice). We went out to an Italian restaurant (which was $$$, romantic and had fantastic food). After that, we went to see "Knocked Up" and laughed our asssses off....We have been out dancing since, out to lunch, (even did some bar hopping in a trendy neighborhood with a couple of HIS friends - I've met 2 so far....)
I haven't been HAPPIER IN AGES.
that's wonderful news, OP! i am VERY happy for you!!!! being happier than you've been in ages -- that's what it's all about. very glad to hear it...
and btw, i was one of the people being nice to you on this thread (unlike some others) and was simply trying to answer your questions and tell you my perspective on things -- i am a bit surprised by these negative responses from you.
oh well... not important.
best of luck with the guy!!!!  | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:42:34 AM | Oh, enigma, I am *SO* happy for you! I'm glad you're having as much fun as it sounds like you're having - that to me is the first step in a great relationship/friendship, whatever it turns out to be!
....you've given this old romantic some hope for the rest of us....
I hope it continues just as you want it to - good for both of ya!
PS - I'm glad you followed my advice, too! :wink:
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/30/2007 5:29:18 AM |
seems this is another one of the OP's threads to whine, sorry but I have read them before and they end up full of contradictions and confusion. Maybe like the dates ?
I'm sure we will hear it all through the valley of ups and downs, deep lows and highs before the final curtain of all the emotional conflict and turmoil over every word and possible meaning.
I'd rather eat sand than try to keep up with yet another dating prospect of the OP's.
ugh
Drama, drama, drama.
Wow! Just plain MEAN! What was to stop you reading this soon as you concluded it was "another one of the OP's threads to whine"? You did read on until the end, didn't you? And then you must have thought, Well, I've got nothing better to do so let's see if I can insult this person. How much you want to bet you come back for more of "the valley of ups and downs, deep lows and highs before the final curtain of all the emotional conflict and turmoil over every word and possible meaning"? | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/30/2007 6:42:17 AM | | so he text messaged you and said call me,jeese,what a case,,getting you to call him,why,to save him long distance charges? why doesn't he just pick up the phone and call you dammit,this convoluted round about way of communicating is to me childish and whats with this hold on crap when you called,talking to his gay little buddy there,he should have waited till it was quiet and call you,I hate people who call when others are around,and don't even go in another room to talk one on one,,tell him ,"you sound busy,I'll let you go, call me when your alone",don't compete to talk to him,let it go the once but no more,just a thought.this way you'll play hard to get just enough to make him straighten up ,and use a little more chilvary to court you,the lie about the doctor wasn't cool,once someone lies,you'll never be able to trust,remember ,you'll want a romantic story to tell you friends and kids about how you met,"well kids,gather round,it all started with your dad bullshitting me in a bar the night we met"hehehehehe,gotta go | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 6/30/2007 4:42:02 PM | (Message 71:”I wasn't trying to attack you just pointing out that many of the posts were overly aggressive and unreasonably pessimistic. It's almost impossible to question these behaviors without someone taking offense that I'm attacking them. Jaded and bitter might have been over the top, but it wasn't directed at you specifically just the overall tenor of many of the replies. I didn't call you jaded and bitter I did point out your post as one of the many that was overly aggressive. I try to stick to challenging the behavior and not attacking the person, you sort of assumed it was you.” )
This is what’s happening here in forums,I did the same assumptions and attacks also,unknowingly,
And witnessed many others have done the same.
I hope I’ll learn to use this site and the forums in the best possible way.
I love cars,but road-rage has never been any good to nobody.
I remember I took the O.P. in my favorites-list just to catch up with her inputs.
I like her writings,it’s for sure I can not keep up with her on that,she is good.
It’s her saying that she’s not after meeting someone over the internet,yet she has spent a lot of time on and made some friends here.And I believe she just wanted to share her feelings about someone she recently met with others whom she cares.
(I’m surprised by her interest in cars;Message 12)
The cars and the road-rage.thread went out of the way sometimes but the girl is allright.
I’m in a good mood today.
Just broke up with the girl I’m dating for three and a half months.She got me go up and down,a few times nicely.I feel okay,I know I did my best to keep it going.We wished well to eachother last night.
This is not a forum starter.
Have a nice weekend. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:16:11 PM | Hey bucsgirl! Glad to see you again!
NEW UPDATE;
I'm sure there will be a bunch of people who will say "I told you so", blah..blah...blah..
BUT it appears as this guy and myself..well....it's not going to go anwhere. In that I don't see a future and/or, even seeing him again. HOWEVER, it's not because of any intial lie, or for any reason I've seen people suggest on the thread.
Basically, we did go out again, 2 more times. I met some of his friends (two 'dates' we made turned out to be 'get togethers' with his friends showing up) I DID have a GREAT time...he is funny, basically a good guy, BUT I've learned in these past couple of weeks that he and I live two different lifestyles. Because he doesn't live with his daughters, he is able to make plans spontaneously. On two occasions, he again didn't give me a time (I learned from the first incident...not to necessarily expect a 'date' when he sugggests one or asks me out - which I know is NOT GOOD) Anyhow....I've learned that he seems to be the type who needs to always have friends around, is always doing something adventurous (he went hang gliding yesterday) AND he really isn't willing to commit to a time when he plans or wants to see me. AND that just won't work with my lifestyle.
BECAUSE; my kids live with me. my situation is that I need at least a DAY, if not two...to arrange for someone to watch them. It's kind of hard for me to be spontaneous. On two occasions, he asked me out, but didn't commit to a time...and on both of those occasions, we ended up not going out. He just called me too late.
I suppose on one hand there IS a communication gap...but it's not my fault. He isn't one for talking on the phone for more than...oh,say 10 minutes, 20 at the most...AND...well since the last two times we were out, friends had joined us....there was NO opportunity for me to discuss it with him...
SO, I'm moving on to the next fish. (hopefully there will be one soon)....I'm not broken hearted, maybe a little disappointed, but hey.....that's part of dating. One thing that came from it, is that I met a female friend of his, she's divorced two (and a nurse, just like me) and her and I hit if off (we even went shopping together and I've been thinking of a couple guys to set her up with)....now, I'm hoping I have another single friend to go out with, since I only have ONE SINGLE FRIEND LEFT....and she's a soccer mom, a gymnastics mom, and always has one daughter with her (because the girl won't see the dad, refuses too and so does the dad) So, I'm kind of glad that I have another 'party buddy'.....it opens up my 3D life for more things to do, having a 'wing man'...
So, that's the story all....both of us had 4 days off since Sunday and we haven't seen each other...tonite he goes down the shore to see his daughters (they're with their mom) for the holiday....I don't need someone to spell it out for me that 'He's just not that into me'......
Just thought I'd give everyone an update!!!
Have a great July 4th all!!
Happy   | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:26:20 PM |  Sorry it didn't "work out" BUT loving the positive note. After all, every person comes into our lives for some sort of "reason"...whatever it may be.
Sounds as though the maturity level was off-kilter for the two of you....great that you recognized it from the beginning, rather than later...
And Cool! A kindred spirit-new friend you DID meet, and sounds as tho she IS on the same page as you!
Have a feeling the guy will end up being a friend as well... 
Keep on  ! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:34:25 PM | Well, my dear, at least you gave it a shot!! Glad you made a new friend, that sounds terrific. Just a suggestion, but you may want to see if there's a Parents Without Partners chapter in your area. I joined one hear right out of my divorce, and met many great friends. It's a good group of people and they do lots of activities, some for families and some just for the grownups. Just a thought!
Best of luck with your next fishie!! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:09:28 PM | | Anenigma........ You never know unless you try! You gave him the benefit of the doubt and gave it a shot. That is what counts. Sorry it didn't work out. It is always disappointing when you meet someone you are attracted to, get along with and have fun with, but they just don't match up in lifestyle character. Maybe it is the single mom thing..... they don't understand how we have to live a scheduled life when we are the ones doing it all. When a person "wings it" in life, sometimes they aren't that responsible in other areas of life too. So at least you found out sooner than later. I usually find out later than sooner. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:55:38 PM | | I'm happy for you Anenigma. You had some fun, found out that even though he is a decent guy (not the scum of the earth some wanted you to believe) he's probably not the one for you, and you made a new friend. I think your instincts from the beginning were pretty accurate. You knew he wasn't a dishonest bum, but you were concerned with his failure to get some kind of a plan together. Just keep going with your instincts, you're a smart woman. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:08:34 AM | Hi All.....
I feel today I should post in light of something I found out last night.....SO HERE'S
ANOTHER UPDATE;
Went to the bar last night where the guy in this story and I met....(I went with my girlfriend, the one who I went with the night we met)....FYI her and I live 10 min from there and have been going for 1 1/2 yrs now....
Anyhow, I see the guy who introduced he and I..his name is Anthony. As soon as Anthony sees ME, he aksed me "Where's my man Tom"...and I said (and I have NO IDEA where this response came from in my head, it just blurted out) "I don't know, but you might want to ask his wife"....and Anthony (the friend) says to me (now there is loud music playing and a lot of ppl around us) replies "How'd you find out he was married?"....Operative word being 'was'. It could have meant that 'yeah, he was married, but isn't now) or that he IS AND REMAINS MARRIED. Anyhow, I simply said to Anthony "I didn't, you just told me now....I was bluffing"....his face turned beet red and he tried to redeem the statement saying "He was married, but he is divorced"...blah, blah, blah...
So, to all the nay sayers and 'negative' people on the thread, I felt I owed you all this much....to those who suspected he was/is married, you were right...I was wrong...that sux for me, but I should give credit due where its due
I'm kinda bummed out. Not so much because of HIM per se...but because I trusted him and didn't suspect it. I feel more stupid..considering I'm 40 yrs old and probably should've seen that. You think I would have after all the dating experience I have (5 yrs now of being 'single')
THEN...ON TOP OF THIS....(FEELING COMPLETELY DUPED AND STUPIFIED....IN WALKS A GUY I met online almost 4 yrs ago, who pretty much blew me off after a date, who I was 'into' and never understood why he never followed up. BUT rather than leaving, I just danced and danced and finally went up to this guy and just said 'Hi'...(he had been staring me down since he walked in) and he and his cousin, my friend and I, well we all went out to breakfast and had some good laughs....
Please tell me, Look at my profile and let me know if I have "JERK MAGNET' tattooed to my forehead somewhere that I'm missing?????
Hahaha...Wow, how many frogs does a girl have to kiss?
Well, to those of you who were right...I'll say it for you..."I told you so" and "Yeah, yeah...I know"
Have a great day,
Peace out | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/7/2007 11:32:12 AM | We all want to give people the benefit of the doubt at first. If we don't, then we are called bitter, cynical, non-trusting, etc. Then the time we don't do it, it is the nice guy and bites us in the ass. Just always look for the red flags. It doesn't take long for them to surface.
You found out sooner than later. Don't kick yourself too hard. You didn't invest anything, to lose anything. That is what counts. Just remember there are more "evil" people than nice people in the world and you are one of the nice ones. The nice ones just get walked on more. But one day the "evil" one will get run over by the semi. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/7/2007 2:52:36 PM | enigma, as you would probably guess, i am not surprised (which i say only based on everything you had told us about him in this thread), but you don't need to apologize, we were all just sharing our guesses and opinions and assumptions about a person none of us, including you, knows much about.
but, let there be no doubt about something: when someone says, as his friend did:
"How'd you find out he was married?"
that means he's married. if he wasn't married? anthony would have said, "what do you mean? he's not married." or "oh well he used to be but he's divorced now," or something like that. he would never have said ""How'd you find out he was married?". not a chance.
best of luck with the fishing, enigma, and no -- you don't have a jerk magnet. :-) you're just a very sweet nice person who is maybe a wee small bit too trusting.  
take care, my friend! | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/10/2007 7:21:50 AM | | Wow, I totally did not see that coming. I guess I'm guilty of being too trusting and not wanting to believe that people are just flat out lying. He must be at least seperated? How did he manage to spend that much time with you and involve you with his friends? I still think your instincts were pretty accurate. You knew something wasn't right and something must have provoked you to blurt the stuff about "ask his wife." It speaks volume of your character that you are willing to admit what you found out, after all the heckling you got from people on here. If you find out what the whole story is, you have to let us know. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/10/2007 7:38:31 AM | tough break, OP ~ best to find out now, though. you were right to give him the benefit of the doubt, but also wise enough to keep your guard up (no doubt, this thread helped w/ that). I still wouldn't count him out, personally ~ the way I read your latest update, what his friend said could be misinterpreted (his friends seem to have a track record for saying the wrong thing), but I don't have the benefit of having seen the friend's reaction to the conversation, and that speaks volumes over all else.
continue to trust, as it's the only thing that guarantees you'll be ready to accept the genuine man that does eventually cross paths with you. best of luck. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/10/2007 9:12:38 AM | You are in the states... I dont know why you go through all this drama when you can go look up people on public records and use other free or cheap options that are out there.... I concluded some time ago from this and other posts that you must not know any other way to go about dating except to muddle through things on your own, which seems to me like roller coaster ride. To date successfully you are going to have to change the way you do things... as your judgement is not very good, so you should look into other ways to deem if a man is date-able.. unless of course first meetings and a few dates is all you can hope for, then keep on doing what your doing.
I think maybe you talk more than you listen on dates if your posts are any reflection of your personality.. a big no no when meeting a man. You do not date wisely. | |
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| A strange situation..Can someone makes sense of this PLEASE? MY DATE FOR TONIGHT THAT ISN'T!
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:22:35 AM |
You are in the states... I dont know why you go through all this drama when you can go look up people on public records and use other free or cheap options that are out there.... I concluded some time ago from this and other posts that you must not know any other way to go about dating except to muddle through things on your own, which seems to me like roller coaster ride. To date successfully you are going to have to change the way you do things... as your judgement is not very good, so you should look into other ways to deem if a man is date-able.. unless of course first meetings and a few dates is all you can hope for, then keep on doing what your doing.
I think maybe you talk more than you listen on dates if your posts are any reflection of your personality.. a big no no when meeting a man. You do not date wisely
toenailclippings, thank you for your advice. I will be the first to admit it, when I'm wrong...I initially said I didn't see any major red flags, and evidently, thanks to some on this thread, there WERE AND ARE....I'll also take constructive criticism in a heartbeat, if it's warranted. I'm not perfect, not in the least. I'm also not the best judge of character either...I will definitely admit, I trust people far too easily. Only recently, say in the last 5 yrs, have I ever been 'single' for a length of time. Up until I was 36, I was always, always in a relationship.....long term relationships..(with the exception of 21-24...when I had a shore house in Sea Isle City, NJ....and back then...I didn't want one, it was way toooooo much fun to be in a relationship then)...
HOWEVER. You can't not discern how I date from how I post. In fact, you have really no idea.
No. 1...I love to write...it helps me sort out my feelings...posting on the forums is almost like keeping a journal with other people adding their thoughts....
No. 2....when I'm out in public, meeting people..I am extremely shy...especially around the opposite sex. In fact, I probably NEVER would have had man/boyfriend in my life had one not spoken to me first. It takes a while for me to feel comfortable to talk to a guy...when I'm around my friends, I'm often the one that cant' get a word in edgewise...
INCIDENTALLY; I did do a background check on this guy. Yup, I antied up and I paid for a service that was 'supposed to' give all kinds of background info on people. AND GUESS what...it gave me just about everything on this guy..his address, date of birth, phone no., properties, criminal records (or lack thereof) YOU NAME IT..I got a ton...EVERYTHING BUT MARRIAGE RECORDS AND DIVORCE RECORDS...One of my best friends is an attorney....and like he told me (He suggested I do this, which is funny, considering he was unfaithful to his wife and was separated for YEARS before finally getting the divorce) MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE RECORDS ARE COUNTY RECORDS. You really have to know the county someone was married in to find that info...In Pennsylvania, there ARE A TON of COUNTIES....I tried the one where most of his addresses are....AND GUESS what.....none of them have marriage and/or divorce records ONLINE. They all require written request or request in person.
I'd just as soon NOT date this GUY then drive to HIS COUNTY and request records...he's not worth that much trouble.
We could go on about why my dating life has been unsuccessful. I for one, believe it's because of where I've been meeting people...with the exception of this guy, anyone I have dated, I've met online. And personally, I think it's a crappy way to meet people (hence why I'm only here for the forums)...
There are over 800 dating sites out there. Over 40 Million AMERICANS are on these sites....And how many success stories are there???? A spit in the bucket compared to how many people are online.....
Not that I have to defend myself to you, or anyone...but I face the same problems a lot of people do (and some more than others....I have two kids, and I work alone, my only contact with humans at work, much less males is with SICK PEOPLE.....two issues that complicate meeting people)...EVERY SINGLE ONE of my friends is MARRIED.
One is separated. I have been set up on a blind date ONCE...and he was so drunk before we all went out, he threw up in the jeep....(thank you very much Tim!!!)....
After that, no more blind date set ups.....
If you've got any better ideas...I'm all ears.
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