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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 4:15:54 AM | I work on the 3 strike rule also. If a girl asks me to call her again, or we make plans to go out the following week, I will usually call 2 times that week. If I get no reply, the first time (usually early in the week) I make back up plans. I'll call the second time the day we planned to go out. If I do not catch her on that call, I go with the plans I have made. I'll call one more time the next week either to hear a really good excuse or just nothing at all.
More than 2 calls in 1 week from someone you are trying to avoid starts to feel really creepy, in my opinion. Also, to make the end of the night less awkward, I have told girls to call me and not called back...nevermind honesty, if you do not want to see the person again, why end it bad? | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 5/4/2005 4:37:39 AM | | Dont call me, Ill call you! | |
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, "Sure, give me a call."
Posted: 5/4/2005 5:32:24 AM | This is classic:
I said, "I had a nice time, let's do this again next week."
And she said, "Sure, give me a call."
You brought up the topic of a second date. She took the path of least resistance. You gave her the call. She didn't respond. So why are you still dwelling on it? If she was interested in you, she would have returned your call (s). You know this. Or she would have emailed you, or made some other effort to contact you. You need to think better of yourself, instead of clinging to someone who's not interested, and wasting your time trying to find arguments within your own mind to justify the pretense of not clueing in -- because I am sure you have clued in and know utterly and completely that she is not interested in you -- get over it!! Grow up! Move on!!
As for the guy who said it's not that I don't like hurting people's feelings, but just that I'm not woman enough to be there through it when I do, this is rubbish! We are talking about a date, not a broken engagement, or the loss of a limb!! How lame is it to expect the person you went on the date with to be there to hold your hand through it when and because after spending a few hours with you they're decided there isn't anything there to pursue?? Plus, to be honest, I genuinally don't like hurting people's feelings. Most people don't like hurting people's feelings. And then there is that other factor, namely argument!! It's never enough to simply announce "I'm not interested," because then people want to know why you're not interested... they want to do a fine and lengthy forensic analysis of it, kind of like what has gone on here with the post which asked the inititial question. The only explanation a person needs when someone they've been out on a date with doesn't return their calls, is this: They haven't called me back because they've chosen not to. And that explanation has to come from within. Actions speak louder than words. The fact they're not calling you back says loud and clear "I'm not interested." Thier silence and lack of response speaks volumes. You guys who are making an issue of a woman not seeking you out for a repeat date all know this. Just ask out somebody else. Move on!! << This is called self-esteem!! And it's a very attractive trait!!! | |
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 1:31:35 PM | -- Cool Kitty,
I am in agreement that if someone doesn't return their calls, chances are they aren't interested. However, I give it more than one call...3 strikes and your out of there.
In some cases, just one call, because of other issues. But, sometimes, there can be exceptions to the rule...I have had people encourage me, or at least knew this person well enough that she could be very well preoccupied with other things, even to not even return THEIR calls as well.
Ever hear of someone that said, "I'm not good about returning phone calls?" Plus she has no internet access...so emails out of the question. I just have her cell and home phone.
Also, Cool Kitty, it depends on the person....I decided to give it ONE more go ahead (A third call) when I found out through her friend that I wasn't the only one she had been neglecting to call. After all this is her best friend we're talking about....as far as covering for her...it's possible, not probable...considering they are both 40, and that's more on the Highschool/College level. But, of course, the 40 is now the NEW 20's...or something that the media is saying these days.
Actually, I wouldn't have a problem if she said she wasn't interested or thought we'd just best off being friends, in fact, she dated a guy for a year, they broke up...but they are still good friends, she has alot of guy friends....
I have heard through her, she has alot of guy friends, we went out more as friends, I paid though...which I was okay....hell if that's the case, she owes me a dinner.  Perhaps she didn't want to include me in her "Circle" of guy friends...who knows what she's thinking.
Cool Kitty also seems to assume that men can read minds apparently. LOL
Notice Cool Kitty, as with most women like herself, denies accountability...putting it on the man to take responsibility for a woman that basically "Lied" to him about getting back together, and then shirking responsiblity, and getting irritated that the guy calls her more than once.
Perhaps, if evolution takes man to another realm, we will evolve into "Pychics", and actually read another woman's mind!
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 3:31:51 PM |
Notice Cool Kitty, as with most women like herself, denies accountability...putting it on the man to take responsibility for a woman that basically "Lied" to him about getting back together, and then shirking responsiblity, and getting irritated that the guy calls her more than once.
the man just calls 'em like he sees 'em.
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 4:40:56 PM | Hey, if she owes you a dinner call her up and tell her to quit being such a twit and call back. Then say something along the lines that she's not taking you for a dinner and then getting out of buying the next time by simply ignoring a few phone messages. I think you get the idea. Basically, saying that she owes you dinner for the next date and she's not going to get out of it by not returning a few phone calls.
If you've ever heard of "the Rules" book for women one rule is reported to say to "never call him and rarely return his phone calls". This came along with a bunch of other rules and this stupid book was a bestseller. I haven't read the book but, rather, I've seen lists of the rules from the book and from the lists I believe this is true.
I say;
Call her till she tells you to stop.
Call her till you get ahold of her.
or
Call her till you can't be bothered with her anymore because you're too busy with someone else.
As I've said, what have you lost? Five minutes of your time each call maybe? Just don't be needy about it. Keep doing your own things and date other women if you meet them. | |
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north9
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Joined: 2/19/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 5:20:38 PM | Vandalia, your analysis and thinking process of the whole situation should be revisited. You met a person and went for dinner, exchanged numbers. How many days did that take?. I will guess that it took less than a week.
Not everyone does translate words or become honest in what he/she says. The first thing is to be able to understand how true a person stands behind their word. In your case, the person has a friend who work in the gym. You called more than twice. You have not yet got any replies. You have tried to get hold of the person, but you should not keep calling the person again and again, because you do not how the person is honest in what she says. Liars are good promises often. I am not saying that this is lying. But save yourself headaches, do not call the person again. There might be a contradictory view of the relationship you had with this person.
Take the fact. You called and the person did not call you back. There is no another evidence. This is what you have to accept. I would have said differently if you have known the person well. But in this case you just met a person. So do not take the words she spoke as a contract. There are many people who have less commitment to thier own words. Think how much can that person commit to you, if the person have less commitment to her own word?. | |
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 5:41:41 PM | thank you north, kitty and limo...(love the 'don't call me' attitude, works nicely for me)
try 37 calls, that's A N N O Y I N G !!!
Van, she was being flippantly nice, give it a rest, please don't bother her anymore... she has YOUR number. This IS 2005, OK?
Don't read so darn much into it. Believe me if she was that hot to jump your bones she'd have looked you up immediately. Save yourself some frustation, and give the poor woman a break! | |
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/4/2005 6:41:50 PM | --Yellow:
If you've ever heard of "the Rules" book for women one rule is reported to say to "never call him and rarely return his phone calls". This came along with a bunch of other rules and this stupid book was a bestseller. I haven't read the book but, rather, I've seen lists of the rules from the book and from the lists I believe this is true.
:: Well, some book, eh? Never call him and rarely return his calls....wow, I bet that author set the golden rule for morality.
Actually, I was being a bit facetious about the whole her owning me dinner.
North and Salamander....
I'm not sure if you've read what I said, but I thought I said I only called her 3 times after the date....1 time during the week, the 2nd time ON the week we were suppose to get together that weekend, then a 3rd time....only a good while later (about 3 weeks I would say, letting time pass, which is a good thing).
You're right, if she was interested, she would've called. And I have been giving her a break.
You make it sound like I'm some sort of wacko calling her 37 times.
North: Different order...she asked for my number....I gave mines to her, she decided to give me her number anyways, THEN we went to dinner, and THEN she said to call her.
Peeps...only only made an EXTREME exception, and made a "long shot" with this woman. Now I know apparently she's not interested. You're just assuming that I'm being a pain in the rear.
What made it different was
1. She initiated us going out to dinner, she brought it up.
2. She asked me to call her at the end of our date.
Either there is not difference, OR....I am so damned shocked that a woman even asked me for my number, much less get together (being asked out by a woman). Somehow I thought the situation was a bit different. Figuring any woman that asks a man out, has to have the hots for him.
Besides, I have alot of competition...she is a social butterfly apparently, and of course has alot of "Male" friends.
But, the best thing that came out of this, was being asked out by a woman....something to put in the history books.
Yes, its true...people have less commitment to their own words...that's how society is unfortunately.
And it doens't just go for women, it goes for my "male" buddies as well, majority of my life, it is ME who calls someone to go hang out, or just calling to see what they've been up to.
If I stopped calling them....guaranteed I'd never hear from them calling me to say, "Hey Van, whats up bud!" No one ever really has people on their mind anymore, people aren't really into "their friends" as much as they used to...much less girlfriend/boyfriends. | |
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| re. it doesn't take a mind reader
Posted: 5/4/2005 7:32:05 PM | | Cool Kitty also seems to assume that men can read minds apparently << It doesn't take a mind reader to figure out that if weeks pass and the woman doesn't call you back despite 3 attempts on your part to elicit a response she's not interested, not in a romance with you, and apparently not in being friends either. You're blowing a date way far out of proportion. She isn't handling your tax dollars, she isn't your doctor, she doesn't have to account to you!! So much judgement, thought, and huge lengthy posts, all because she said, "Sure, call me," when you asked for a return date and then didn't return your calls. You've taken a solitary date and poured all this time and energy into analyzing why she said "Sure, call me," if she didn't intend to return your call. Was it really worth it? I mean; at the end of it all, was it worth the time you spent pondering it and analyzing it? Talk about sweating the small stuff!! It was just a date. Do yourself a favor, get over it... move on to the next adventure because, who knows, maybe the next one will be as interested in you as you are in her. But if you grind to a halt dwelling on one who didn't reciprocate your interest in the long term, you are just limiting your own chances of meeting someone who maybe will dig you. | |
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| re. it doesn't take a mind reader
Posted: 5/4/2005 10:18:12 PM | | You should never call a woman after a date. She may be busy and not want to be disturbed or she could be on the computer talking to other guys. She also may be thinking about the date and wondering if she should go out a second time. Or she may be thinking of ways to avoid another date with you. What to say or how to break it to you easy. Best bet.....just have her call you after your first date. | |
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| re. it doesn't take a mind reader
Posted: 5/5/2005 3:22:03 AM | Man....it's great the way women rationalize how lying isn't wrong. And denying accountiblity.
Also, I didn't dwell on anything. I just called her 3 times...of course I had been talking to other ladies as well.
And is 3 insn't that bad. | |
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| re. this type of mentality / And she said, Sure, give me a call.
Posted: 5/7/2005 10:37:17 PM |
Actually, I was being a bit facetious about the whole her owning me dinner.
I just wanted to comment on this. You said you paid for the dinner. So, call her a brat and tell her she owes you a dinner. You message should have said in a fun way that she's not getting away with using you for a dinner and then losing you so she needs to call you and take you out for dinner. | |
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| re. this type of mentality / saying call me when I'm not interested
Posted: 5/8/2005 6:38:15 AM | I truly don't know how many phone numbers is "allowed" these days. It seems like a guy can be called an ***hole if his calls are infrequent, and a stalker if his calls are. Thats why alot of guys use the stupid 3 days rule ( sometimes 1 week rule), or are reluctant to call at all. What is worse, being thought of as an ***hole, or a stalker? I think most guys would rather be perceived as just another jerk, than a psycho. I wish people could act like the adults they proclaim themselves to be, and just be direct... no dating game rules, no buzzwords, and no spared feelings... just a little tact.
Anyway, I don't think it is so much a question of the level of involvement in dating... but simple common courtesy. Just because you are dating somebody, doesn't mean you can treat them like dirt. Talk about objectifying people for crying out loud... as in such that you think of them as "just a date" in the sense that lying and then leaving them without any sort of response or closure is completely fine. Saying that it is just a date does not justify that, yes it is just a date, but they are still people.
Ironically, women usually complain that men don't call after the first, second, third, whatever date... proclaiming that said man is a jerk. Perhaps it is your own personal opinion that what these men do is okay, cool kitty, or perhaps it is a double standard. | |
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| re. this type of mentality / saying call me when I'm not interested
Posted: 5/8/2005 6:46:12 AM | Wow, Caffeine, figured this thread was left for dead on the 20th page or somethin....lol
Yeah, Cool Kitty seems to have the wrong idea when it comes to this. What kind of BS men have to go through. I actually feel foolish calling, when she told me to call. Sometimes I get nervous just pickin up the phone to call a 2nd time ,"Just in case" she MIGHT not have gotten my message.
Some "overly sensitve" women have brought men up on stalking charges for such issues. We men have to be careful even when corresponding with women, for you might run into the wrong one who is a little too paranoid, and you could wind up in jail or even a restraining order. Only because you couldn't "take a hint".
So she is under this foolish notion that men should be mind readers I suppose.
I dont know if I gave this situation before, I had a friend of mine, ask a woman out as a friend to a restaurant..he was an easy going laid back guy, nice guy....actually he had real no romantic interest in her, just wanted to have company that night, only this person was woman, instead of a guy he usually hangs with.
Well, she stands him up....oh wait she did NOT stand him up, because it wasn't a date, right? LOL
Anyways, he heard through a good friend of his, she went someplace else to meet with her girlfirends, and told them that this guy that asked her out, was "moving too fast"
LOL...talk about laughable....he just asked her to dinner, and that was it....moving too fast....LOL. | |
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| Don't call!!
Posted: 7/22/2005 10:49:11 AM | | 1-3 calls on weekends, 1-2 call weekdays! or just show up over her place w/ like 4 dozens of roses n' she'll start calling you 500 times a day! | |
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