| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:04:25 AM | There is no code to crack Stonecastle when finding a woman, as there is no code for us women to find our Mr Right.
All this internet dating can be very frustrating for us all, because at the end of the day don't we all wish to choose what we want.
That doesn't mean to say we can have everything we wish for either. That's life i'm afraid you can't always have what you want.
You need to chill out a bit and like others said stop putting yourself down.
I know personally i wouldn't wish to date anyone that i would have to keep reassuring all the time.
You need to get some sense of humour going, maybe have some time out for a while from this internet dating as it's obviously getting you down.
Ask your mates, or family for some honest advice about you and see if you can make any improvements and then come back and try again.
I'm sure a happy face on a pic and a good sense of humour to go with it when chatting, would take some ladies eye.
Well goodluck anyway and i hope you listen to many that have sent you messages as some have said some very good points on here. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:21:02 AM | IF the perfect person for you was on every street corner you'd be able to pop out and just nab one... but they are not are they?
Nor is every profile going to be!
"Love" is actually a rare thing, its not something you can order online like a pizza.
If you think this site, or any other site is going to dump "love" in your lap you are very much mistaken and seeing it all wrong.
Sites like this are JUST another communications medium. Just another source for meeting new people. One day, one of the new people you meet, be it via the internet, or as i did once, by nearly running them over, will turn out to be someone special.
Just some advice though, take it or leave it, up to you.... try working on yourself before seeking a relationship. You clearly have some confidence and self esteme issues that i can tell you now will make you UNATTRACTIVE!
Most women prefer a man to be a man... self confidant, self assured, non needy and NON WHINGY!!! Whinging is a female trait (sorry girls), most unattractive in a man apparantly. So work on your inner self, follow some of the advice on this thread, and stop looking! Women can smell desparation over a mile away 
Good luck. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 8:21:07 AM | "It's not gender specific." well said that man!
Dont bother with" men are from mars"... bullshit.
Dont bother with "story of O"... crap! (Like she ever existed!)
Have you tried your luck with men Stoney? (ducks) ok.. ok ...just a thought!
Try a psychologist? ( i AM serious! )
Go to RELATE.. seriously, they may well tell ya where your going wrong mate!
( paces the floor scratching head and muttering)  Did you sort the nasal hair? ( very distracting).
I KNOW!!!! pretend your gay.. work at it.. ask most women, they love having mates who are gay. then when you got all these women inviting you round to help pain there nails or give advice..... ?? who cares. then reveal your not gay afterall.
THEN.. maybe.. just maybe, one of em. with think.. GREAT! and bobs your uncle.. ( .. or not as the case may be).
But hurry up.. cos me hat might be out of fashion b time you've cracked it.
Plentyoffish.. wedding of the decade! 
Your profile tells nothing about you stoney.. only what you want.
Be happy with yourself.. project that. who you are what your about.
Is'nt always about looks. not that there is anything wrong with your looks, or your pics..
but thats another avenue you could try.. get some more pics done, proffesionally if you have to.. the more varied the more someone will see of you..
good luck mate. x | |
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Naisy
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Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 55 | |
| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 2:39:15 PM | A psychologist wont be able to help me get a woman!
No, but a psychologist may be able to make you feel better about yourself, therefore projecting a more confident attitude which woman may find attractive | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 2:54:48 PM | Why do you have such a desperate need for a women?
Almost everyone on here would love to have that all empowering, all consuming love,
It really isnt going to happen unless you smile and really mean it,
I would run a mile if I thought some guy I was interested in just wanted a girlfriend/lover and not really care about who or what they might really be.
A potential partner will only be attracted to you if you come across as attractive, and by that I dont only mean in the looks dept, and whining certainly isnt attractive.
Having a women on your arm is only superficial in the higher self-esteem stakes it would soon wear off, and you would be back where you started!
You need to feel the sun on your face, take time to look at the world, be at peace with yourself, and then if you are very lucky, when you least expect it, it might just happen.
Daisy. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/22/2007 5:59:45 PM |
I would run a mile if I thought some guy I was interested in just wanted a girlfriend/lover and not really care about who or what they might really be.
This is the whole key to your situation. None of the women that I know want to be with a guy who just "wants a partner" ... I mean how special does that make them feel? "Oh you'll have me, so you'll do", well sorry but no-one I know would want a guy under those terms. They value themselves too much to settle for being a "you'll have me, so you'll do" deal.
Everyone is telling you that you need to work on your sense of worth. I am 100% sure you have individual qualities which will attract women if you work on how to feel good about yourself. I'm pretty sure you would make someone a lovely partner in the future. But for now you really should just start looking in the mirror and tell yourself what a nice guy you are and everytime you find yourself starting to put yourself down, stop and change it. It will take practice but eventually you will change the negative voice inside your head to a positive one and your life will change. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 6/23/2007 12:05:54 AM | You have some great advice given by folk on here and as mentioned before Stoney it baffles me to that you choose to ignore it.
Your only purpose seems to be to 'get a woman' and if it was me that you were chatting up I think I'd run a mile.
Being down on yourself and being needy are not attractive qualities.
Think about the kind of girl that you would be attracted to (I'm talking about looks, self presentation, sense of humour, attitude to life - the whole package) and then think of that in reverse. Would you be attracted to you?
Before anyone can love you you need to learn to love yourself and it seems to me that your first step would be to work on increasing your confidence. This means working on just you, liking you and being happy in your own skin.
Forget trying to find a girlfriend until you have cracked liking yourself first. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:00:11 PM | Rather than talking about Stoney - I'd like to keep on this thread and just echo many of the sayings of PompeysRabbit. Also
(1) there is a code
(2) most men AND women don't know this
(3) there are books out there that can help but Men are from Mars and Women from Venus is not one of them. This book is more about staying in a relationship and I also felt after I'd read it that Mr Gray was in for a divorce because he'd never had it hard and most of his advice was based on what he'd seen rather than actual personal experience.
His book Mars and Venus on a date was much better as now he could really understand what men and women go through.
For example I know this 52 year old guy - if anyone rated him here he would get -3 for looks yes -3 he drives a beat up old rover, he's short, fat and yet every week he has a new good looking girlfriend (ranging from 21-40). Now the even more amazing point is that his live-in g/friend (who is a close friend of mine) turns a blind eye to all of it after three years! He's cracked the code!
continued.... | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:12:34 PM | Be yourself & don't put yourself under any pressure to be in a relationship stoney.....are you considering what you as a person can bring to someone else or just looking for what you yourself would want?
There isn't really any special formula or code to meeting someone & things clicking into place but life experience would tell me that if you are wanting something for the sake of wanting it then it more than likely will not be fulfilling even if you do find what you consider to be right for you because invariably you'll still end up questioning it.
Let's be right about this.....we live in a country with 60 million plus people living here....approximately 50% are women....so you have enough chances to find the right one. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:19:42 PM | cont:-
In order to find this code or formula you need to go and get some advice from some of the Pick up artists who've slept with tons of women. Many have written books on it. However even after reading these books you will only be good at it if you use the seven stage plan below.
(1) you work on your inner self (as people have said)
(2) you practice
(3) you get help by working with other people (as people have already said)
(4) you understand at a very deep level that you cannot get a woman/man unless you are willing to walk away from every one of them
(5) you set small goals
Examples of small goals
eg for the first month go up to five ladies and just tell them how gorgeous they are AND then walk away - you are walking away because you are just trying to make someone's day rather than thinking about what you want.
- Do this to ten ladies/men the following month and keep increasing the goal
- The next goal would be to go up to them and say hello and have a conversation - you are not allowed to ask them for any details or even try going on a date. In order to do this you need to think of ten things in any situation that you would say to a complete stranger without frightening them. You must have three successful five minute conversations a month (this may amount to having ten failures as wella s the three successes).
- The next goal after that would be to get three numbers a month (now you'll probably get duff ones) and so on.
(6) You follow all the advice people have given in this thread (apart from the one about reading John Gray's book )
(7) If any have a huge negative self image - don't try and short cut the system.
----------------------
Ok so what's the problem then? The hard parts are
(1) having the balls to practice and find out that the rejections aren't going to kill you.
(2) as someone has said already finding the right person for you. I'm not interested in finding any woman - I want to find the one who is special to me. This is the problem the pick up artists have - is that they can be with a different girl practically every day 'cos they've cracked the code but many cannot tell you how to find the right person for you as this is not as easy.
Personally I have other things to do with my life than chat up and shag a different girl/man every day and I would just find the whole thing so wearing and boring. In addition I'm still at the baby stage which is actually creating good conversation. For me personally I'd rather have tons of friends male and female until I find one of the many girls out there that are special to me. (I don't believe there is only one right fish - I think there are about a hundred swimming in a pool of several million - hee hee). | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:24:50 PM | You get to know her as an invididual,as you do this,then you will know what makes her tick.
Cant get any more simpler then that can it?
We are not ment to fully understand each other,if we did there would be no challenge,and it would be very boreing.
I think half the problem is we put too much energy into "trying to suss/work out" the oppisite sex,instead of looking at things as they are,and taking it as it comes.Over complicating,in other words.
Most women dont want you to TRY,they just want you to be yourself and see what happens. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:36:04 PM | Lilxcx thanks for your input - it reminded me about some stages that i often miss out and so fail but am getting better. Before you get to know her, you need to know the following:-
(1) how to approach her
(2) how to create an initial attraction
(3) create a bridge or framework which will help her feel secure that you are not trying to use her/treat her as an object blah blah blah
(4) then listen and get to know her
I'm working on (2) and (3)
Finally whatever you do - do not be yourself - but do not lie either. Nobody is interested in who you really are in the first meeting and they will think you a bore if you try to be. Instead choose some positive aspects of yourself and be that and play and have fun. If you have no positive aspects then don't initiate any conversation with anyone until you find out what they are or else you will have a 100% failure rate. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/16/2007 6:36:51 AM | Stonecastle: - It's not written by a woman, he's had inspiration from his wife, but totally written by John Gray himself.
Another book i found great and quite amusing was:
'He's just not that into you' (the no-excuse truth to understanding guys) by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccilo - sex and the city style, gives insight for men and women, and what they actually mean when they say something!
i soooooo agree ^^^^^^
thing we ALL tend to forget is that women are emotionally driven, and men logical.
i found the chapter of John Gray's book on the elastic band theory quite enlightening.
you know the hot /cold thing that men do. all over you one minute and pulling back the next!
MEN!! we don't like it TRUTH!
we also don't like being let down, if you say you're going to call DO IT ffs!
I don't believe in the age old thing of "treat em mean to keep em keen"
smacks of double standards,
remember one thing if nothing else.
Treat a human being (note genderless) exactly how you'd like to be treated.
above all be honest in your intentions, if its just a date/fling etc SAY so, we can cope HONEST!
don't play games with emotions thats why there are so many f*cked up people in the world.
i'm in no way a needy clingy demanding person, and i don't do "assuming" i prefer to be told exactly where i stand instead of waiting and waiting and.....................waiting! | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/16/2007 12:52:37 PM | Look guys John Gray's book is not for dating - for dating it is  I respect the guy and as I've pointed out previously you would be better off reading "Mars and Venus on a Date" but not Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - both have a different mentality and choice system to when they are in a relationship - hence the two books. Now although Mr gray's second book is much better - he still does not truly understand what the average person goes through because when he had his divorce and had to go on the dating circuit he was...famous so a lot of his work was already done for him.
In addition his books do not tell you:-
- how to start a conversation.
- how to tell if a someone likes you.
- when not to approach someone.
- how to create attraction.
- when to walk
- which people to start with
- how to take baby steps and grow in confidence
- how to practice
- how to set dating goals
- what types of goals you need to set
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus does however tell you the differences between men and women already in a relationship. Look at it another way - if his book was so good then why are you ......
here......
I'll get my coat. | |
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Ecky2
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Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 70 | |
| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:25:02 PM | | My ex bought men are from mars,women are from venus before we split, need i say more, lol, a load of twaddle,,when that didnt enlighten him he bought "How to get a life",,,my kids still giggle at that one.. Guess he had his head wedged so far up his rear end, he never took the time to find out wot makes people tick..life experience is better than any book,,u make a mistake u learn from it,,like fallin off a bike, rub ya knees and get back on.... | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/16/2007 3:47:05 PM | | u missed the point women are tempermentle like acar ha ha no i dont mean it but they cant help it like we have our limitations too they are always there to be chased and still are i been after one in partic but she thinking about going bk to ex hubby i been in same situation before but i hope i find the right one soon | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/16/2007 4:16:14 PM | Well you may be right unless you learn to create attraction in which case there is no chasing or game playing because both partners are mutually attracted and the issues such as who makes the first call - how long do you leave before calling after a date and all that rubbish don't come into play because the object of your desire wants to hear from you just as much as you want to hear from them.
The code for women (like men) is overall the same with a few variances. However remember that the code is different depending on the situation - for example once in a secure (eg married relationship) the code will be different from when she/he is single. However no-one wants to be treated like a formula so pay attention to the variances and the specifics of what makes each person unique and special. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/17/2007 2:05:39 AM | MSG 48
The pursuit of romance via the internet can seem a daunting task , as you will be dealing with the Gold Standard of British women. An infinitely superior class of ladies compared to real life women. Presumably therefore the rewards and sense of achievement will be greater. This is the challenge you have taken on.
Whilst I agree that on-line dating can be a challenge, there is no difference between women on here and those in real life. Neither has a defining characteristic that separates them, save the fact that the former group have chosen to widen their search for a partner, and the latter should not be viewed as being 'inferior' as a group.
Further, the OP requested information as regards books which might help him 'crack the code'. Whilst I have told him that I don't believe there is a code to crack, the other posters have offered assistance. | |
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| Cracking the code - trying to get a woman
Posted: 8/17/2007 2:36:03 AM | Further, the OP requested information as regards books which might help him 'crack the code'. Whilst I have told him that I don't believe there is a code to crack, the other posters have offered assistance.
I recently visited Bletchley Park famed for breaking the enigma and lorenz cipher the enigma code had I think 150,000,000,000,000,000,000 combinations. Now the human brain is infinitely more complicated operated by chemical an electrical signals and in the case of women somebody obviously wired them up wrong to complicate matters further. So you need to find the right combination of buttons to press to get the the right result and in most cases you will be unsuccessful then just when you think you have pressed all the right buttons and things are going well the dodgy wiring kicks in  | |
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