| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:26:36 PM | More than likely, men with that sort of problem are either on some type of medication that affects their ability or they have mental stress (maybe even due to the fact of wanting to please you and being nervous right before having sex). If it's medication, it may be antidepressants or something and he might not want to tell you that he takes that sh*t.
Could be anything. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:17:21 AM | Viagra seems to work really well for most men who have ED issues.
I think if a man has ED and is unable to perform, that is an excellent time to sit her down and talk about it. Before that happens, it is strictly optional imo. As a side note, if both partners are willing to discuss sex to a meaningful depth, most likely the issue will surface before sex happens anyhow. I don't think it is fair to ask a man to disclose information that is too personal unless the female is also equally willing to disclose similar information.
For instance, say a woman has this pattern of having sex for about a month with a guy then completely losing all her drive. Happens everytime. That would be a nice little tidbit for the man to know about before getting into a relationship, but I can't exactly say it is her obligation to tell him until she feels ready. And the skillset of the partner you are with can sometimes completely turn around the notion of erectile dysfunction =D
ED has degrees and there are so many ways to attack it. I have seen very few cases where it isn't reversible under the right circumstances. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:44:56 AM | Yes, acgoat, that's the problem.......he left me hanging both times with no explanation. He did tell me later that the reason he has ED is because he's Type II diabetic and has other health issues that he takes meds for.
What is worse? Someone that had an ED problem leaving you hanging our the poor guy that is having to deal with a very serious problem? This guy got left hanging as well, by his own unintentional fault and also has to deal with the fact he can't perform as a man should. Double whammy for him. I guess he could have just stopped seeing you and make you think it was your fault but he was upfront about it. He is obviously attracted to you if he saw you twice in a romantic situation.
There are a lot of reasons he could be having a problem. Some could be physical reasons such as smoking, drinking, etc and there could be a mental issue as well. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:51:52 AM | Blue ~~ My experience sez isn't that it's lack of "consideration" -- it's fear. Fear of the reaction of the person they've taken to bed. At that point in time, you have amazing power to devastate him. If he's younger than you, there may also be the hope that you will turn out to have the majik c*nt, that will make everything work, and then he won't have to tell you at all.
I think it's a bad mistake, but one you can't change, and he's not likely to. Being upfront, and talking about the "bad stuff" (both parties' bad stuff) early leads to the kind of emotional bonding that makes it possible to get through the bad stuff, and turn it into "good stuff." It takes a lot of experience and maturity, however, to be able to do so.
And just a note: not being erect doesn't necessarily mean non-orgasmic. Good to talk about that, too.
Cheers | |
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| thought I was screwed (no not screwed actually)
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:27:01 AM | I met a great guy, in every way and then... we moved it to the bedroom. And... it was sooo small and he could not get hard and even though I felt unattractive I kept up a brave and supportive front. (But I was thinking, "I don't think I can be happy with an inch long penis. I KNEW this guy was too good to be true!)
After 2 weekends of this he cried and came up with excuses and told me that actually that tiny thing could get huge. (Yeah right). But still I kept up a supportive front and encouraged him to see a doctor.
And guess what... he had a pinched nerve, got some meds and... Holy crap, I didn't know A 1 inch weiner could actually grow to 9 1/2 inches, but it can! And now he is a wild animal, 3-4 times a day and no problems.
And I guess the best part is, because I was so supportive when he was at his most vulnerable he has fallen for me hard. (No pun intended, really!) And I am super lucky to have a guy who makes me happy in every single way. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:38:23 AM | OP, your added information about this man's sexual demands and needing to find out right away if you were compatible --totally changes my response. yes, he should have added his personal contributioin to his concerns about his sex life and still, if it were me, i would not have jumped that quickly just because of his demands. maybe it is not for all, but i have found that having a kind and hearfelt relationship with someone where you can be upfront, speeds along the sexual aspect. both i and my partner had a lot to "tell" and both had our rejection fears, but we handled it first. furthermore, we really had a strong chemistry from the beginning. well, almost the beginning. we needed to start dancing first as he was really obnoxious. but later, i found that was part of his defensiveness and worry.
however, if it happens again, which it probably will as you get older, unless you go through the teeny bop phase and midlife crisis  , i think all the more you should try to cover topics in general such as this, to see where both of you are on the page. also, it's important to know about the ramifications of disabilities. mine, for example, can be up and down devastating with pain and/or fatigue. but the sexual aspect if anything helps alleviate that! so , we deal with the rest and adjust to each other's cycles. also, if there are psychological variables from the past regarding the erectile issue, you need to wait out the ghosts in order to let your own unique situtation with each other register. make it known that you want a good sex life, but don't expect it on demand or at least to always culminate.
my particular discovery, which is backed by a lot of literature, is that if he's "into you" (not literally  ) , he will keep coming (not literally) ) back for more and it might take some hours or a few days. however, the journey versus the destination, is what keeps the relationship hot!
again, given the added info, yes--it should have ALSO been discussed--in my opinion. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:12:42 AM | i think it may be kind of cruel to be upfront about my bouts of erectile dysfunction...
What do you want me to say... "geez... shave that damn thing!... Go put your clothes back on!"... or... "My d**k isnt a RIPCORD!" or "Teeth actually DON'T feel good" Or.. "my b*lls are to be gently squeezed... they aren't a stress reliever!".. or "Something doesn't smell right!"
No I'd rather say it was from too much drinking. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 7/11/2007 11:46:35 AM | Theres nothing wrong with a woman who has a healthy view of sex, fact is Its the one area men would wish more women would indulge more into
I most definately concur with that!
Yes my answer to most everything is JEST GET LAID, but hey..You dont have to sleep in my sweet little wet spot now do you?
:roll:
I could say something but I won't. I'm going to behave.
It seems I'm spoken for these days.
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 5:34:21 PM | | My 2 cents go in here. ED is definitely a very sensitive topic for a man. Yes, there are some medical conditions as high blood pressure and spine injuries that may cause it. In many cases (especially in young males) it is psychological. And whatever the last lady told a guy and how nasty she was can be still fixed through cognitive-behavioral therapy. I am not sure why if someone is aware of this issue they are not trying to look for help. Professionally trained people are not going to make fun. I had students after Iraq with a solid PTSD. You can reroute them toward a normal life. It does take time and effort but fixable....Help is out there! | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 6:23:27 PM | This guy has a sensitive problem which he did discuss with her and all she can think about is herself and how he was sooooooooo inconsiderate of HER because he waited until the second time in their entire lives ever spent together intimately to discuss it with her........ Ooooohhhh the pain he inflicted on her ..............
How DARE he wait THAT LONG and.....................
HOW DARE HE BE SO INCONSIDERATE TO HER !!!!! 
Can anyone spell " selfish, whiney, self absorbed b*tch " ??? | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 8:49:29 PM | This is no lie, I had just met a guy after we had communicated a while through email.
When we talked on the phone, he sounded so good and romantic, but when I met him for the first time, we talked a lot and then boom, it hit. He had mentioned that he had some health concerns, so I was thinking , high blood pressure, something simple. Well it turned out that he had just had heart surgery 8 weeks earlier and that he was diabetic.
So I said okay to myself, that everything would be alright and I had started liking him. But the converstion came up about sex. And he said that he could do anything for me, just not have sex with me in the traditional way because he was impotent. Now I am thinking that where have I heard this word before and it was like a blurr. I have never been told that before and I respected his honesty about the whole thing. It gave me
a choice whether I could be with him or not. Well after that,honestly, I did not see him after that. And it wasn't as much as him being impotent,but he had just had a heart operation and I was scared to try anyhting with him. So I was happy about it all, that he had the guts to be upfront with me and I think in the case of erectile dysfunction that he needed to tell her upfront about his problem even before trying to have sex
with her. I feel that it would been the right thing to do. | |
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Alzena
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 64 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:14:01 PM | DENIAL Don't Even Know I Am Lying... He is conviced it'snot his problem and if the women just works harder, or he finds the right woamn he will be fixed... And who has the most ED? Alcoholics.... Denial of Denial... Could be worse he could use Viagra and drop dead in the bed. Every old ladies night mare? An old man that smell like ear wax with a 4 hour hard on... | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:16:04 PM | I find it upsetting..... I met someone whom I truly enjoyed spending time with and he then admitted all of the women he had tried being with after he got married, he could not perform with. (both he and I are in open relationships)......
He knew this and time and time again went through the process. My question is why bother????? After 20 years, chances are its not a fleeting problem - I don't think it was a problem at all but rather the love for his wife made him impotent. His problem was continuing to look and upsetting women along the way..... | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:27:04 PM | | Blue, If you're doing your part right, erectile dysfunction is not an issue. The trick is learning before assuming that you know how a particular man 'works'. Having confidence, but not thinking that your so-far learned approach, should help. Women distain arrogant men, well I've news for you ..this man doesn't rise to the occasion w/a woman who comes across as arrogant or non-forthright w/ her own particular desires. This is why communication, even for those 'darkest itches needing to be scratched', is so very important. | |
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Alzena
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 67 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:39:54 PM | | You are between Scylla and Charybdis . If she is to fat and out of shape why are you fornicating with her? Sounds a bit mesogynist. Does this mean you tell her you have ED before you tell her it's her fault cause she is fat? Such a romanic.... | |
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Alzena
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Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:43:56 PM | | Gee honey, if it smels so damn bad why you draggin it to bed? Could it be that you judgment was just as impaired as your penis? Why is it a woman fault when the big head is so impaired that the litlle head won't perfom? | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:28:28 AM | Any long term relationship is going to have issues arise. Any relationship requires trust, and if it's moved to the point of sexual intimacy then honesty is paramount and should already be established. Talking about EVERYTHING is important. Especially something as traumatic as ED. Many women consider themselves to blame when this happens and it's not until they get meaningful communication can they help with the problem instead of both people feeling bad about it.
If it's a big deal to either partner, then maybe it's not a good match. A lot of maturity is required if someone is going to be an intimate partner with someone and that means taking the difficult with the easy. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 11:00:06 AM | | I would absolutely tell someone I'd had a mastectomy before I ever let him get me out of my clothes. There's no way I'd spring something like that on anyone, it would make us BOTH uncomfortable. I'd rather give him a choice to go forward with things knowing the truth. And if he chose not to, I might need to rethink having a relationship with him. Because a mastectomy is permanent, it's always going to "be there," even if you have reconstruction. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 1:59:49 PM | A friend of mine confided in me that he is taking Cialis. It's supposedly good for 36 hours and kicks in after about 20 minutes. He pops one before going out with his girlfriend and she has no clue. I think there should be total honesty in any relationship but it is a very sensitive issue to talk about so I'm not sure how I'd go about bringing up the issue (no pun intended) if it were me.  | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 3:48:44 PM | | My ex-husband when he turned 40 (by then we were married 5 years) had ED--couldn't get it up except once in a while, and when he did, he went soft , leaving me high and dry. (I was 28 then) We did talk about it--he tried Viagra, it did work, but gave him high blood pressure. He had to quit taking it. Then when he brought home the crabs, I knew that he was getting it elsewhere! The last 17 years I thought it was me--and it wasn't. Obviously I'm not with him anymore--- | |
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