CSIN
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 76 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:42:44 PM | | I agree with your testing of her answer... Her answer was very mean, tasteless and cruel. If a man so suffered EDD with her, then trust him when he said it "was" her, not him. There are men 80 years old that still smoke and can function normally, she could not function normally with a Blow up D Doll! | |
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CSIN
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 77 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/4/2007 7:48:33 PM | | Think "Blockage" either mental or physical, but it ain't your problem! Move on towards a man with more self confidence who would tell you up front what he was dealing with. A real man would then ask you could you or would you feel comfortable with this until it has been dealt with one way or the other. From this dialect you both can now build a foundation from which truth and honesty can grow, or you will be apart. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 10:11:04 AM | Speaking from personal experience, sure its embarassing to talk about it. Suck it up and do it anyway as soon as possible after that first kiss! She might be out the door but, dude, she would have been there soon enough anyway! Some ladies don't like beards, either. On the other hand she might appreciate your honesty and even share her favorite book about how to please a woman, the one with all the bookmarks. Wise ladies learn to prefer a lad that pays attention to them and will do whatever they can for as long as it takes. It is not a disability so much as an opportunity.
For goodness sakes get to your doctor tomorrow and see what's up (or not, as the case may be). In my case, diabetes + knee problems -> lack of exercise. With no partner in sight, I put it off; so now I have a willing partner and call my doctor's office daily to move things along. All of the nurses in his office smile when they see me and I smile back! Get a sense of humour about it, it eases the tension. When that pretty young nurse asks why you are there, it's a great chance to practice talking about it!
Leave a lady hanging?? Twice?? OMG what despicable manners! No excuse for that. Not while any suitable part of my anatomy is still working! Ladies if this happens to you just grab whatever part of his person is handy and use it. Show him what to do and how to do it, where and how long and how fast. Thank him when you are finished. In other words teach the poor bugger whatever you need him to know. Trust me, he will learn to enjoy your pleasure so much the more when his own is not at issue.
Most of us really enjoy an enthusiastic lady showing us what to do. If he doesn't, throw him back and go  | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 4:58:54 PM |
... but it is a very sensitive issue to talk about so I'm not sure how I'd go about bringing up the issue (no pun intended) if it were me. Hmmm ... I've seen several men post on here about the fear of talking to a doctor about ED or talking to a potential "intimate" partner about it ... IT being a "sensitive issue".
Cripies ... men think it's a sensitive issue to get a prostrate examination ... something that could just be life-saving for a man, but laugh at the ladies when they complain about the cold speculum that we must endure for similar life-saving exams.
Good grief guys ... GET A DOGGONE GRIP ALREADY!!!! Do you want to have a complete relationship with your lady or just a half-a$$ed relationship ... based on whether or not you can have an erection. And ladies, don't give me any of that crap about how you can have this really satisfying, gratifying relationship without penile penetration (at least from time to time) ... I'M NOT BUYING IT.
If you are close enough to consider exchanging "body fluids" with someone, do you talk to them about STD's? (Now THAT is a sensitive issue.) IMO, if you can exchange such personal information related to STD's, then certainly there should be no problem relating information about the possibility that there may not be an "erection" tonight.
There are so many more devastating things that we could encounter with our partner ... Cancer, Stroke, Heart Attack (the list goes on) ... this should be the least of our worries when medicine has made so much progress where this is concerned.
I admit, I used to joke about it in that I would say, "HA!!! If ED was a female problem, medical science would still be in the stone ages about it. But this is a male problem ... and look how medical science is right on top of it. They still have no way of easing the pain of labor (child birth), we still have women reaching 'middle age' and have never experienced an orgasm, but if a guy is having problems getting an erection ... medical science comes up with a solution." Sounds pretty cold ... right? But that was when I was much younger and had no medical background.
Now that I'm a nurse and do realize that this has been a problem for men for many years and it does have a direct impact on my sex life ... you better believe that I want to know everything there is to know about it and will encourage any man I know to get help.
ED causes enormous amounts of depression in men. They end up having to take medication to treat the depression which further adds to the problem. ED is a side effect of many of the anti-depression drugs that are currently prescribed. Same thing goes for many of the heart medications that are being consumed by our men ... ED. A diagnosis of Diabetes is a sure diagnosis of ED for most men.
In the mean time, I have changed my tune (yes we do mature along the way) and right now after having 4 babies, I must say that I have little if no memory of the labor pain I experienced. I do still think every woman should experience orgasm at some time in her life so I guess I'm gonna have to hold a class on that for the young men of the world.
GUYS ... you need to communicate with us about ED before the clothes come off ... do it while you're talking about the Test for HIV/STD's that we all should have before we start exchanging body fluids with each other anyways. You know, it could go something like this. "Have you been tested for HIV lately? By the way ... I take pills that will ensure you the utmost in sexual pleasure ... would that be a deal breaker?"
I don't know about you other ladies, but I personally like lots of foreplay ... I have no problem spending the time it takes for a pill to kick in with my man ...   | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 7:35:53 PM | Having been involved a 2 and 1/2 years relationship with a sexually dysfunctual man, whom I loved with all my heart and soul, and after reading this whole thread, all the pain, hurt and heartache I went through just came flooding back.
When I first met my ex, after the first "failed attempt", he blamed it on too much beer. After the second time, he blamed it on lack of sleep. After the fiftieth time, he FINALLY admited there may be a "problem". We finally broke up in August 2006. His final parting words to me were " You are causing me too much stress about sex "....
During those years, I blamed myself, joined ED support groups, researched causes/cures for ED and basically put my own sexual needs on a shelf. All I ever wanted was for my man to want me.....
I used to come home after trips/weekends with him, take my clothes off and stare in the mirror crying at my reflection and wondering " why am I so repulsive to him"?
I lost so much self respect/confidence it was pathetic.
In the end, it was all about him. He had always known he had ED but didn't bother to tell me, instead making me think it was me that caused it....
The pain of that relationship took a long time to go away.
Since then, I have come to realize that it wasn't me....I did not cause his impotence nor his lack of interest in sex.
This post brought back many painful memories for me, but also reconfirmed that I was not the cause of his sexual problems.
~~weeone~~
PS: The only advise I could give these days to any woman that is falling in love with a man who may have ED/sexual dysfunction, please, please be careful!! Unless he readily admits to these problems and is actively seeking medical help, don't let your heart be broken like mine was | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 10:03:00 PM | LOL ditto to the above poster - similar smaller scale occurence - dated a man who didnt tell me - so I took the Issues to be he found me repulsive and ended up having a woman scorned screaming fit at him over something else 
Turns out he had ED all along - tis was not me. Why not just tell them I mean If I knew WHY I woulda been fine with the situation. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 10:27:16 PM | | i dealt with 2 men who had it. neither told me,one denied it till after we parted,the other admitted he had problems and eventually sought medical treatment for underlying issues which helped it along. it is so hard if they want to blame it on other things,but once its acknowledged it can be some relief. i admit,i still had issues with feeling like i was inadequate. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:09:54 PM | Ten years ago I was in a 1 1/2 year relationship with a man that had ED. He told me very early on ... before there was any intimacy between us. I was okay with it and it never created any issues as the above two posters experienced. We went our separate ways and are still very good friends. BTW ... his ED was a result of both a heart condition and Diabetes. The "little blue pill" was not quite on the market at that time and so that was not an option for him either. I know we discussed it after we split up and he told me the pill was still not an option related to the heart condition.
A couple of years after that, I was in a 5 1/2 relationship with a man who did not have ED when our relationship began, but I believe was beginning to experience it related to his age and late onset Diabetes as our relationship was coming to an end.
Even though I had the experience with my friend who was basically impotent previous to that, it still hit me like a pile of bricks when this very sexual man began to appear to lose interest in me. As the other women described ... I began to think it was me and that he simply had no more interest and began to think that perhaps he found me repulsive.
He would not discuss it with me and other events within the relationship further added to putting still more space between us and I finally left him ... still thinking he simply lost interest in me and that I was physically no longer appealing to him.
I'd still be willing to have a relationship with a man who has ED but only if he was not in denial and was fully communicating with me about it ... BEFORE the physical aspect of the relationship began.
As I said before ... communication is essential.  | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/28/2007 11:41:23 PM | | I like to think I'd be upfront about it. I'm sure its a very hard thing to do as a guy. And getting the wrong response could be really really bad. Not sure I'd even be looking for a women until I had a handle on it. But I do know if my junk stopped working I'd calling the doc lickity split. I'd rather be embarrassed in front of the doc once than go through it a woman I didnt know really well. That would be way scarier for me than the doc would be. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:07:52 AM | As a man who has been a diabetic for most of my adult life and has a borderline low testosterone level, I have experienced varying degrees of ED for over 10 years. I have no problem talking about my problem and always work it into the first conversation where the topic turns to sex.
During these 10 or so years I have learned other ways of satisfying my partner and do so willingly. Still there are women I hear about and had one experience with, that get upset or angry and blame themselves when it won't get up. In my case it is a MEDICAL condition and something I have to deal with.
I am in the beginning stages of what I think will be a lasting relationship. Thankfully she is a nurse and understands totally. I also went to my doctor and talked with him to which he gave me samples of ALL the ED pharmaceuticals and said try them and let me know which one works best, then I'll write you a script.
To the guys, get over your male ego, talk to any potential partner about your problem early on and talk to your doctor. ED can be a symptom of a much larger problem or it can be something as simple as a medication imbalance. Any man who refuses to do this, is in my opinion, an idiot. Come up with different ways of satisfying your partner when it doesn't work. A pocket rocket and talented tongue can make a woman climb the walls in ecstasy!
To the women, be willing to listen and understand. A lasting relationship has to be about more than sex. You can only screw so much. Like my girlfriend says, if everything else is right and good, great sex is just the icing on the cake. Personally I would want nothing to do with a woman who was so shallow as to discount a man for what is a minor medical problem in today's world.
JMHO | |
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Case1
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:36:53 PM | | Ladies him getting it up and you getting him off, starts the same place with you. I can and will allways will get it up ? Is can you get it off, if you get it up. Give me a break and let me give you a clue. Remember how hard the boys tried in high school to get you all hot and bothered? Remember? No different here except the table turned. Your only feeling and wondering what all these men did back in high school and twenty thirty years later sounding like some high school boy's ****ing about oh.. damn how do you spell prood screw it you get the point. If your not now your heading toward your prime and we are heading away. Want some Ketchup with Mustard? | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:33:59 PM | And ladies, don't give me any of that crap about how you can have this really satisfying, gratifying relationship without penile penetration (at least from time to time) ... I'M NOT BUYING IT.
Cotter, I usually love and agree with your posts on here, but you are dead wrong on this one. Perhaps *some* women can't be happy without getting "poked" -- and I don't know that any kind of study has been done on the subject -- and I know they exist. And are able to make fellas with ED really miserable. . . . Aside from which, the human body is equipped with an amazing amount of "pokers". . . . . some of which are capable of doing stuff the "original" never dreamed of. . . . .
Sometimes, absolutely *nothing* medical works. Would be nice if it always did, but it sometimes simply doesn't. Or works so erratically as to be useless: e.g., my previous mate used Viagra -- to masturbate when he was out of town. When he was home, because it took between six and twelve hours to work, we'd always already had sex by the time it kicked in. . .
I have to tell you that the very best sex of my life, by *any* standard has been with guys with some degree (sometimes full) ED. My experience? If they are able to come, and you are; if they are still willing to try and want to try, and you do too, that totally amazing things can and DO happen. Way beyond what I would have counted as excellent sex in my thirties and forties. And I in no way consider myself "low maintenance" sexually.
And now that I've embarrassed myself to death, I'll just shut up.
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/3/2007 4:30:07 PM | | To Mr Way....... here. I guess when you are 64 and there some health problems it is much more understandable.... Whe some boys are in much younger age and do not have a list of medical problems you have mentioned it feels more strange... | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/7/2007 3:20:04 PM | | Sometimes it really is different with different women lol. Girls, I know it's hard to believe but a cack doesn't just stand up because you're in the room. C'mon, you have to admit that some guys in your past just did it for you and others didn't. It's happened to me for this very reason. That's why it's important not to lie to yourself (or others) about how attracted you are. You have to feel the steamy demon bubble up inside. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/7/2007 10:10:52 PM | 
How long do you allow a guy your dating to feign ignorance or ignore ED all together before you can bring it up? I know its a touchy subject...but why would anyone want to keep setting themself up for disappointment when a simple conversation could possibly help take pressures off and it could be a step towards everyone being satisfied.... Sex is important in a relationship. PERIOD. That fact is not changing.. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/8/2007 3:56:29 PM | | I am usually up front about my ED on the first date. Most women don't want to have sex on the first date anyway. When I share my ED, I also tell them that I thoroughly enjoy giving women pleasure orally. Many light up and say, that's great, I love receiving oral. Some don't want to talk about sex, especially on the first date, and they interpret my disclosure as a sexual come on and are turned off. Or they simply don't agree to another date, and that's OK with me, because I don't want to get to that point and get rejected. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:15:25 PM | Somtimes the little blue pill simply does not work for every man or the little yellow one. I went with a man that was diebetic and the pills did him no good. In a relationship at this time in my life sexual experience is very important to me and I need a man thats functional...Id be very happy if he told me right up front so we could remain friends... | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:26:38 PM | Iffn a guy's pecker is not gonna cut diamonds, ya know that you ain't doing it for him, this erectile dysfunction bull$hit is just that unless you are like 80 and have a hard time keeping the blood flowing. Poor excuse for not being turned on.
KB | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:05:46 AM | I think it depends on circumstances and situations.
2 examples: Same partner
1: Scenario: We had until that night had a good and healthy sexual relationship. We went to bed and I was 'hungry' and he was 'limp'. And no amount of coaxing was working. I threw the bigggest TANTRUM and got up and went to walk out of the room, crying and saying if he didnt find me attractive to the point where THIS happened, then what was the point???????? Result: He shot out of bed and grabbed me by the arm as I was running out the door, spun me around and I landed on the end of the bed. He pinned me there while I fought like the living harry to get up and leave. Me carrying on like a pork chop the whole time and saying GET OFF ME! I'M LEAVING! Followed by some of the best sex we ever had!
2: Scenario: Man is unusually quiet and uncommunicative, but gently attentive and very loving. Just the smell of this man was enough to get me going but it was obviously not going to happen. (what I didnt know was that he had work stuff going on). Result: I started to masturbate (yes women can and do) and said "I need you to hold me" which he did. He waited for me to finish but was kind of moving with me too, and then afterwards, he had an enormous hard on and we had sex! But because of the worries he was having, it didnt stay hard and I was a little too relaxed after orgasming. But..it was ok and neither of us worried about it. Next morning all was ok.
So there are 2 times and 2 situations between the same 2 people. Both entirely different. One felt like rejection for some reason and the other didnt.
So is it ED or the perceived undesirability/rejection thats the issue? | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/9/2007 4:21:56 AM | | Hmmmm.... if it's something that happens every time, yes, he should tell me ahead of time. Not days ahead of time, but before the initial act. If, however, it only happens occasionally, then there's no need to tell me in advance as it may not happen. | |
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| Being upfront about erectile dysfunction
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:38:15 AM | | You might think it was inconsiderate. I've been in this situation. Men take this very personally, and they keep hoping it'll just go away, or this time will be different. Give the guy a break if that's all he's done that you feel is inconsiderate. Hey, at least you can be sure he's not using you for sex, right???? | |
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