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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:40:49 PM | Northeast, I don't think I could handle any more attention. I wonder though, if the difference in your perception and mine come from the fact that I don't have an issue with confidence.
That might be true. Or maybe my experiences have been different than yours. Not necessary any more or less accurate. I have seen plenty of chubby women who get a lot of attention from men. But I have rarely seen a morbidly obese woman who gets attention from a large percentage of men at a particular place or event. Maybe this depends on geography, culture, the types of places that a person usually goes to, or other potential factors. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:44:23 PM | | I told a girl that unless she gets in shape, I'm going to dump her, and she hit that gym. Now she is big on the health stuff and dancing. She tried to pull that turn me down stuff once she got in shape, but it doesn't work if the attraction is already there. Also, the fact that I changed her life for the better is also a factor. When someone tells you to do something and you do it, there is no turning the tables. You are under their control unless you planned on doing it anyway. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:45:25 PM | Shallow hal: 
I would find a picture of my hottest mate, send the pic to him a month later saying p**s off you jerk you 'snooze you lose'  
R.O. - who dies and left you being God, how shallow are you? | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:01:13 PM | I'm not saying gaining 20 lbs is good for you. However I don't think losing 20 lbs will necessary change an average looking or below average looking women into a super model.
I agree. A woman that is thin, average, or athletic ( especially a tall woman like myself ) will not become morbidly obese after gaining 10-20 lbs. Maybe she might become slightly overweight. There are many attractive women who are slightly overweight. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:12:00 PM | I don't think I could handle any more attention. I wonder though, if the difference in your perception and mine come from the fact that I don't have an issue with confidence. I'm a wonderfully attractive woman with a good career, a good mind, my own home, and several other qualities that I am very proud of. My self worth has not been wrapped around my physical qualities for several years now. Confidence is sexy, regardless of physical size.
Bingo.
It's about how much YOU love yourself and where you're at - regardless of size. I know many thin, attractive, even athletic women who are bottomless pits of approval - men run just as fast from them. I also know a lot of women who are a bit heavier that love themselves and the way they are, and they are constantly dating, getting hit on, lining them up. It's not how you look, it's how happy you are with it that determines your dating (and job and friend) options.
If people would focus more on the way they feel about themselves and less about the way others see them, it would change. If you (honestly) aren't happy with your weight (or height, or job, or apartment, or personality, or talent, or anything like that) people pick up on that, and because no one knows you better than you, they will believe what they sense YOU believe.
Naturally being fit and healthy is a good thing, but ultimately it's down to what a person really wants. If they want to smoke and don't care if people like it, then it won't affect them too much - same with weight - if they feel sexy and attractive at a heavier weight and don't want to lose it, they will be because others will think they are too.... | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 231 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:18:51 PM | It's not how you look, it's how happy you are with it that determines your dating (and job and friend) options.
IMO it's a combination of both things ( looks and confidence ). A man could have all the confidence in the world, but some women may not be interested in dating him because of his height, weight, race, being bald etc. The same thing applies to women with confidence. There are some men who wouldn't date me ( regardless of my confidence level ) because they prefer blondes, overweight women, Asian women etc. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:31:35 PM | | ^^^True, no amount of confidence will make a man date me if he likes blondes - but if a man does prefer Asian women for instance, he's more likely to date an Asian woman who's happy and confident than one who's not happy she's Asian, or thin, or whatever it is that's causing her to be less than a content and upbeat person. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:35:17 PM |
It's not how you look, it's how happy you are with it that determines your dating (and job and friend) options.
IMO it's a combination of both things ( looks and confidence ). A man could have all the confidence in the world, but some women may not be interested in dating him because of his height, weight, race, being bald etc. The same thing applies to women with confidence. There are some men who wouldn't date me ( regardless of my confidence level ) because they prefer blondes, larger women, Asian women
I think what you may have missed in the first quote is "it's how happy you are"
It's how happy we are as a person, how confident we are,,if someone else doesn't like it,, basically,, screw them,,
who are they to tell me/us that I'm to thin, fit, fat, short, tall, etc etc .. I like the way I am,, so confidence in ones self, can not be affected by negative views,, | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:52:10 PM | | Fitness is in, folks...Whether you like it or not...We all have our little quirks about what we are attracted too...I personally like a woman that has a little meat on her bones (slang, sorry)...The Olive Oil look (skinny) is gross...Woman should look like woman...Curves...Jus my opinion and mine only...I feel for the heavy people that either are too obese and have no hope, or have thyroid conditions or bad genes...Some are pretty lucky...As we get older it is tougher and tougher to keep that tight little boody...But with enough effort, it can be done and is worth it...Im not putting anyone down...OK...Please excuse if it sounds that way... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:07:01 PM | | I dont date fat men. I watch my weight and work out why would I want to be with someone who does the same????? That is just one more thing we have in common. Like I like men who read, dance and likes animales. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:20:09 PM | | I have lost eleven pounds. Not trying. Just sick but would like to lose 30 more..... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:24:15 PM | I think people have to be realistic about how dating fundamentally works.
Men are attracted by a woman's looks. Other things are nice, but looks are the big draw.
Women are attracted by a man's looks, his wealth, and his social status as an Alpha Male. You can forgive on looks some but you'll need more wealth and social status to do it.
I don't think it's asking for much to expect a woman be in good shape. Really I don't. Because we expect a whole damn lot out of men, usually far more than they expect out of us.
We want them to be taller than us. We want them to make more money than us. We want them sensitive when we desire sensitive and rough around the edges when we want that and expect men to understand the difference by reading our minds. We want them to tolerate our mood swings, our PMS, our outrageous demands. We want them to have a car, even if we don't have one. We want them to own a house, even if we don't own one.
We basically nitpick for every single thing with pretty much no consistency to it.
Asking for us to be in shape and look our best, our most valuable dating commodity, isn't really asking for that much in the grand scheme of things.
Who are we really kidding here? We want almost complete acceptance from men for who we are deep down inside and yet we almost never give back the same. To ask a man to accept 20 pounds would force us to accept a man for his flaws too. How many are really going to do that? Or ever do that?
Yeah, I didn't think so either. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:34:21 PM | ^^^^
TheEmerald,
Smartest and most honest woman on POF. Thank you.
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:34:31 PM | EmeraldTeardrop, "You have a lot of wisdom for such a young woman"...Thats great...Hang onto to it for the next 20 years....Very good response...Cool...
I realize men can be fat, slob, classless , beer chugging, goofballs but there are of plenty men that believe in keeping in shape...It jus takes effort and drive...The results are great...I know plenty of over 40 men that could show up any twenty something ANYDAY...No one is perfect but being in shape has a lot to do with pride in ones self...Again, Im not here to put anyone down..OK | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:43:42 PM | TheEmerald,
Smartest and most honest woman on POF. Thank you.
Yep.
Marry me. I'll bring home the bacon and you just keep looking fine. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:51:11 PM | | I am one that does just that.Perfection is not obtainable in these skins.I don't ask anyone to except anything.I am who I am and that is all I am,not going to change for u and I don't want u to change for me.If when I get up in the morning and I come to my door thinking I am all that and a bag of chips then I hope I get struck down before I can take another step.See there are some ppl that are so arrogant that they honestly are under the impression they can take one look at someone and determine what their true problem is.Before u can except anyone else u have to except urself with all ur flaws. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:56:39 PM | I am one that does just that.Perfection is not obtainable in these skins.I don't ask anyone to except anything.I am who I am and that is all I am,not going to change for u and I don't want u to change for me.If when I get up in the morning and I come to my door thinking I am all that and a bag of chips then I hope I get struck down before I can take another step.See there are some ppl that are so arrogant that they honestly are under the impression they can take one look at someone and determine what their true problem is.Before u can except anyone else u have to except urself with all ur flaws.
True as well but see I did something about one flaw. I got up off my fatass and lost the weight. Others can too if their intentions are to not settle. I for one will not because I know that I won't be happy. Losing the weight is one step in the right direction to reaching that goal. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:19:49 PM | | emeraldteardrop ur 24 and ur main thing is to think u know what all men want and u even go so far as to say that looks are what attracts someone to another.You are speaking about ur generation and yes ur generation is heavily consumed with self.I am afraid this is going to blowup in ur faces pretty much like it is doing already.It reminds me of a popularity contest in high school.You know where they will say whatever they think others want to hear to make themselves more popular.The thing is that u could leave ur house tonight and get in a wreck that cuts ur face all up and leaves u with scars or u could lose an eye.If this was to happen do u think anyone of these guys that are claiming u r sooooo smart would stay around u?I bet u would be able to weed out the real ones from the buttsniffers then.What if u woke up one day and couldn't see urself in the mirror,how would u start to feel about urself then?Everyone has flaws and noone is perfect.How we treat ppl is a choice and that includes how we talk to them.If someone isn't interested in YOU because of You and wants You to change You for them then they never saw You or knew You at all.Oh yea It can be sugar coated to seem like it is really above board but exactly how deep can someone go mentally when they can't get past physical.Ur personality is the last thing they want to know about.Does that make them shallow,I don't know but what I do know is that I don't want anything to do with them and that ends it there.You have alot of growing to do so don't be in a rush as some of the most important lessons you will learn will more then likely be stumbled upon by u.tc | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:29:40 PM | Women are attracted by a man's looks, his wealth, and his social status as an Alpha Male. You can forgive on looks some but you'll need more wealth and social status to do it.
I don't think it's asking for much to expect a woman be in good shape. Really I don't. Because we expect a whole damn lot out of men, usually far more than they expect out of us.
We want them to be taller than us. We want them to make more money than us. We want them sensitive when we desire sensitive and rough around the edges when we want that and expect men to understand the difference by reading our minds. We want them to tolerate our mood swings, our PMS, our outrageous demands. We want them to have a car, even if we don't have one. We want them to own a house, even if we don't own one.
Emerald, please speak for yourself. Looks are a bit of the equation but wealth and social status don't enter into it. Most men don't make more money than I do. I've never expected anyone to read my mind. I have my own house and car thanks. I am sure some women looking for a man to take care of them feel like you do but there are a lot of independent women like me out there with a different set of priorities so don't speak for all or even most women, thanks. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:58:59 AM | As someone how has been down to the very negative depths before and now super positive I can tell you that NOBODY (man or woman) is interested in someone negative.
I have often been complimented on my "positive vibe" by others and I do get more attention from everyone when positive.
As for what I can expect? I can expect what I can offer.
I'm fit and I work out regularly, I want someone who follows a pretty similar regular workout schedule - I'm doing a type of cross training and I train with weights. I'm not looking for someone who considers ping pong a sport - not that ping pong isn't fun, but I'm using it for the analogy. I'm looking for someone who understands the whole working out philosophy and people that don't work out don't understand it. Besides, it's way more fun working out together.
I own a home, I don't care if he does as long as he doesn't live with his parents. I come from a big city, most people didn't own. I've dated one guy ever who owned. Besides, it's almost like it's holding you down if you want to just "go". Owning means nothing to me. I own because I wanted to help someone basically.
I own a car, he should too because of where I live so we can share the driving. I don't care what kind of car it is.
I make a certain amount of money to do the things I want to do, hopefully he will make as much as I do and share that lifestyle with me - so we can travel together etc.
I can expect what I can offer.
And for the record, some of us have just as hard a time gaining weight as others do losing. Not all of us want to look like Olive Oyl....lol | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:41:04 AM | Emerald
Thanks, your right..for the most part.....
It's too bad your getting criticized by several woman posters. They appear to be less tolerant of your statement,, because, you forgot to add (some men and woman, or not all men and woman) Why do so many have to jump on someone because of their choice of words, is beyond me. (I've done that my self, yet I try to avoid it)
This is really one of the problems, with many men and woman who **** and complain about the opposite sex.. Those who are less confident, not secure in who they are, the ones who have had bad experiences. It doesn't matter what body shape you are, how tall or short, whether your a man or woman. Many lack some very important qualities,, They are,, your confidence in your self, your attitude, you might feel rejected because some one is not interested in the way you look,, etc. etc.. but really how important is that.. You may be interested and the other person is not,, deal with it.. On the other hand a confident secure person, no matter who they are, might just say,, OK no biggie,, I won't take it personality.. Then the less secure person, they somehow need to be accepted, and it's portrayed in a negative attitude, therefore it shows up as/ and to the positive person as we are shallow because we won't stroke the ego that you lack,, we will not build your self esteem,, only you the negative person can do that,,
I'll use me as an example, I know exactly what I'm looking for, from body structure, looks, personality, even what I would like to see in there heart, I also know whether I want someone with children or with out children. Right down to, if they are divorced, widowed, single, or separated,, I can also isolate the job I prefer them to be in,
( example there might be, I would prefer a teacher over a woman whos job entails extensive travel..) very few thing I listed are cast in concrete,, but some are,,
I will only consider some one who is fit and attractive, the interesting thing is, it's what I see in that person is what is important..not what they want or hope I see in them,,
I expect the same in return, if I'm interested in some, and I'm rejected, yes, I may say to bad, she looked like my type,, however, I certainty not going to **** and moan because of it,, I'm confident in what I want and desire,, therefore I accept they are too.. So we move on.. without the negative attitude,, oh I must be to thin , to old,, or I have a child,,etc etc..
Dam I lost my point here I was getting my son ready for school....
Got it,, so in Emerald point of view,, she is showing a positive attitude, a mature woman who hasn't been scorned, still up beat,, My hats off to her.. , but that attitude is not accepted, because of the negative comments she received,, I would suggest, if more men and woman had a positive out look/ attitude, dating would be a hell of a lot better..
one last comment,, if some one feels rejected,, it's not about you or me,, it's about what the other persons wants and desires,, it's when your in a relationship the needs and desires of the other person should be considered and taken with heart..
Just my view......... | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 247 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:42:53 AM |
I think what you may have missed in the first quote is "it's how happy you are"
It's how happy we are as a person, how confident we are,,if someone else doesn't like it,, basically,, screw them,,
who are they to tell me/us that I'm to thin, fit, fat, short, tall, etc etc .. I like the way I am,, so confidence in ones self, can not be affected by negative views,,
I did not miss "it's how happy you are". I said it is combination of looks and confidence. Confidence can help, but confidence alone is not going to get a person dates. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:03:14 AM | | I think some would like pics to just be scratch and sniffs of butts then their looking would be better time spent or should I say sniffing around?Oh and pls feel real free to accuse this of being _itchy | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:11:23 AM |
I did not miss "it's how happy you are". I said it is combination of looks and confidence. Confidence can help, but confidence alone is not going to get a person dates.
I hope I didn't offend you, not my intent,,
I don't think it really matters if we/I get dates or not,, we all date for different reasons. We all get rejected for different reasons..
Confidence in ones self is not to achieve a goal to acquire a date,, it how you feel about your self, both in the way we look and attitude,, therefor not getting a date, we can say,, it's ok,, it's not about me,, because I'm happy with who I am,, do I really need a date to be happy, No,, would I like a date, sure!!! ,, but,, by not having a date, that will not change how confident or how happy I am,.. nor will I let it effect my views about me..
That's just my perspective of confidence and how it affects my happiness.. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 250 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:24:45 AM | I hope I didn't offend you, not my intent...I don't think it really matters if we/I get dates or not,, we all date for different reasons. We all get rejected for different reasons...Confidence in ones self is not to achieve a goal to acquire a date,, it how you feel about your self, both in the way we look and attitude,, therefor not getting a date, we can say,, it's ok,, it's not about me,, because I'm happy with who I am,, do I really need a date to be happy, No,, would I like a date, sure!!! ,, but,, by not having a date, that will not change how confident or how happy I am,.. nor will I let it effect my views about me...
I wasn't offended. I'm not saying the amount of dates a person gets should affect their confidence. I'm also not saying the primary reason for having confidence is to get dates. However a few people have stated that they get a lot of dates largely due to confidence. I didn't complete agree with that. Confidence can be a factor, but it's not the only reason why a person gets dates. | |
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