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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:31:09 AM | | Heres a question, how come some people can post 5 messages in a row, but if I want to post more then 2 out of the last 10, it stops me??? | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:19:24 PM | | Emarald post was def right on... Couldn't have said it better myself... RDCNORM.. Good post as well.. There's always the negative people that can find negativity in anything and everything.. They could win the lotto for 10 million and bytch and moan because they have to pay a million in taxes.. LOL There's always gonna be haters out there. A lot of times Big people think theyr'e not liked because of their weight, when most of the time its the negative attitude that a lot of them have. Nobody likes negative I don'tcare how sexy and hot you are... " Oh he turned me down because of my weight" is alwyas the first thing that comes out their mouth when it could have been someth'n totally different... And I have a question for the LADIES... I have a very good friend, we go out to the clubs all the time have a great time we hang out a lot. He's a little fella 5'8 about 155, but he only likes BIG women... He will not talk to a girl or give a girl any play unless she's about 250 and up... A guy who ONLY likes BIG girls, is that viewd as being shallow ?? I've asked this question a few times, but I've yet to get a reply hopefully one of the ladies can help me out on this one.. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/1/2008 8:44:13 PM | | I've run across men who wouldn't date me if I lost weight and I do think that's shallow. I think it's fine to be attracted to a certain size, but that doesn't mean you get to make fun of other sizes. This includes big women who make fun of small women to. There is being attracted to someone, and there is being rude to someone that doesn't fit your preference. Hope that helps Hero. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:27:51 AM | I'm confused... are you saying that if a person were roughly 20 pounds overweight (which may mean more depending on size in general), and they lost it, they all of a sudden become attractive? Like a switch... of the light variety (sorry, but being as I'm really lame and stuff)?
This is something I'm going to have to cry and moan about, like when they bring out the big manila envelope on the Maury Povich show... Thank all the demi gods in the pantheon of the interwebs, that I'm not this thread's daddy...
the giggleparts - Still the best deal around, fat or no fat | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:35:02 AM | | Shallow is taking over the world, I wouldnt bother sending him a pic, enjpy yourself, wouldnt it be better to find a man who likes her as she is, and of course her health is the only reason to lose weight isnt it........ | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:32:51 AM | Hey talksalot02,
You know, I understand the last sentence: "I think after she gets in shape (she's already lost 5 lbs) and gets hot looking, she should send him a pic, then turn him down for a date!"
That would probably feel like a great payback, right? He wants to wait until she proves that she's serious about losing weight. Then he'll talk to her then, right?
But there's a big problem with this, isn't there? Is there really anything wrong with his disposition on the matter? If your friend loses weight, she will be more "hot looking", right?
You see, there's a problem with the idea of making myself more attractive to the opposite sex, and then essentially punishing someone for not finding me to be attractive at a time when I was not attractive to them. That is, I am saying "You should have found me to be attractive before I was attractive", and that is illogical. Perhaps some people are attracted by what a person could be than what they are?
Here's an example:
I'm not earning much money. I barely make ends meet right now. My buddy in L.A. keeps reminding me of this by asking me "Are you making any money?" every time that he comes to visit me. Fortunately, he knows what I'm going through since he's been nearly broke before.
Going with the territory, most of my clothes are run-down, out of date, etc. Worst of all, I have only one decent pair of shoes, and they're sneaks. So I neither have money (I'm probably making the equivalent of $9/hr., and I live in downtown Chicago...I hope my landlord isn't on this site, lol), nor do I have nice clothes. I usually get good ratings for my face (typically 8.5 to 9.0 on hotornot), but I know that it takes a lot more than that to attract attractive women.
So, I would love to pretend that it doesn't matter how nice my clothes look or how much money or status or charm I have, but I know that it does. I remember going to a club once and I definitely wasn't dressed well. I couldn't get any girl to dance with me, but every guy who looked sharp wasn't having any problems. EVERY guy, including chubby guys, short guys, you name it. At the time, I was a bit disillusioned, but I thought about it and said "DUH! What did you expect?"
So what happens when everything I'm working on now comes through? What happens when I'm making lots more money than the average guy, when I'm earning as much in one month as the average household earns in one year? Assuming that this happens, what will I do then?
Well, I'll probably do exactly what you mentioned: I'll go nack to all of the ladies I met while I was still getting my career together who didn't have interest in me because I just didn't have enough going for me then, and I'll probably gloat.
But so what? By making a lot of money and being proud of it, I'm proving that I am in agreement with them. Besides, what if they weren't as attractive as they used to be? Am I going to want them as much as I did before?
That's reality. And keep in mind that most women do the same thing. It's usually not about looks, but something else. A guy will say "I'm getting myself together. I'm going to go back to school and get a good job". The girl will probably say "Hey, that's great. Let me know how it goes, OK?", and then just keep him on the back burner until he's done what he said he'd do. Then she'll take a serious look at dating him. She won't date him at that time unless he's already attractive enough for her.
So my point is simply that if she likes this guy, then she should respect his decision and come back to him after she's done what she planned on doing. If at that time she doesn't feel that he's worth dating, then don't date him. And promises aren't guarantees. I can say that I'm going to make myself more attractive and sincerely intend to do it, but that does not insure success. Just because someone is working towards a goal doesn't mean that they'll achieve it. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:55:09 AM |
Women are attracted by a man's looks, his wealth, and his social status as an Alpha Male. You can forgive on looks some but you'll need more wealth and social status to do it.
I don't think it's asking for much to expect a woman be in good shape. Really I don't. Because we expect a whole damn lot out of men, usually far more than they expect out of us.
Emerald,
It's funny to hear a lady say that. I'm impressed by your candor.
Women do seem to expect much more from men than men expect from women. I can't say if that is a problem or not, but I'm convinced that the best thing that a guy can do for himself is to become a strong expression of whatever he is. That is, if I'm into cars, then I should get as immersed into the car culture as possible. If I'm into being a badass, then I should become as badass as I possibly can. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:20:29 AM |
emeraldteardrop ur 24 and ur main thing is to think u know what all men want and u even go so far as to say that looks are what attracts someone to another.You are speaking about ur generation and yes ur generation is heavily consumed with self.I am afraid this is going to blowup in ur faces pretty much like it is doing already.It reminds me of a popularity contest in high school.You know where they will say whatever they think others want to hear to make themselves more popular.The thing is that u could leave ur house tonight and get in a wreck that cuts ur face all up and leaves u with scars or u could lose an eye.If this was to happen do u think anyone of these guys that are claiming u r sooooo smart would stay around u?I bet u would be able to weed out the real ones from the buttsniffers then.What if u woke up one day and couldn't see urself in the mirror,how would u start to feel about urself then?Everyone has flaws and noone is perfect.How we treat ppl is a choice and that includes how we talk to them.If someone isn't interested in YOU because of You and wants You to change You for them then they never saw You or knew You at all.Oh yea It can be sugar coated to seem like it is really above board but exactly how deep can someone go mentally when they can't get past physical.Ur personality is the last thing they want to know about.Does that make them shallow,I don't know but what I do know is that I don't want anything to do with them and that ends it there.You have alot of growing to do so don't be in a rush as some of the most important lessons you will learn will more then likely be stumbled upon by u.tc
While you are on the this mythical road trip called "Accept me for me", did you ever stop to wonder if you accept everyone else for them too?
I'm sure you have rejected plenty of men in your life. For all kinds of reasons. None of which you have to justify to anyone. Because it's your life and you should live it as you please. So why are others denied that same right if they desire a fit mate?
Why is mental and physical attraction mutually exclusive in your book? Why can't someone be physically attractive and also mentally stimulating? Why can't people desire to pursue both in your eyes?
And when your road trip ends, when you reach your destination called REALITY, you'll find people have to work hard to get what they want in life. If you want a larger range of men to be interested in you, well you have to appeal to what motivates them the most - physical attraction, including level of fitness.
Deep down, I doubt that you or I or anyone else in this world truly and completely accept others for who they are in life a pure 100%. If you and I and the rest of the world can't do it, how can we demand it of them?
Enjoy the view on your road trip. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:04:02 AM | | personally I think the Alpha male philosophy is overdone. people want someone they can relate to, rather than a "type". For example in the movie Rocky, was Adrian really looking for an Alpha male, or someone who "got" who she was and loved her for it? | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:18:02 AM | | oh my goodness the little girl has spunk well good for u cause u will need it.Care to explain to me how u came to this level of reality as u know it to be?Are u saying that I am lying when I said that I do except others with their faults?Are u saying that if one talks about nothing but the physical that that person is indeed interested in the mental capasity of another?U can't harp on one thing and then change ur nature of topic because it didn't sit right with others.That has a tendency to show a level of deceptiveness.U and I are two entirely different ppl and what appeals to u I am sure doesn't appeal to me.Once again speaking for urself is not out of character for alot of ppl and some of the most valuable life lessons that u have still to learn(if u haven't lived ur life already)will probably be stumbled on.Good luck in YOUR life and keep that scanner set to wide open and I am sure u will appeal to everyone on some level. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:27:09 AM | | Let me add that what some percieve to be a negative attitude is at best a level of disagreement.When one person is constantly condemning another because they disagree with this ones attitude about a certain subject by saying that not only is that person not like them in appearence but supposedly also has a very negative vibe about them in their attitude is a level of game playing that is at best called emotional abuse.These same ppl are the exact same ones u would see in high school sitting around saying don't talk to them because their not like us.On here,the computer,they can't hide behind their shield of popularity because of the number of ppl that were always around them.On here they have to prove what they say about another and we have the opp. to use our adult minds to hear what they are truly saying.To some it will always be a popularity contest but to others it is life. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:00:05 AM | TheEmeraldTeardrop.
Something about you reminds me of Britney Spears but obviously you are 100x smarter & much better adjusted than her.
Well, keep up the enlightning posts kids.
Later. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:28:39 AM |
you don't lose weight to please someone, you do it for yourself Sometimes losing weight just for yourself/because you want to is not enough of a reason to make those lifestyle habits necessary to make it happen. Having a catalyst can be very helpful -- someone that cares enough about you as a person in general to stick by you as you go through those changes. For a guy to just write you off over the shallow issue of "weight" speaks more about his deficiency as a person, than your unattractiveness.
Personally, I have fitness goals for myself, and fitness expectations in the woman I date. Unless you are into that sort of thing, obesceity is not attractive (nor is emmaciation!) Everyone has a preconceived notion about what is attractive to them -- nothing wrong with that, just an amalgamation of ideals and experiences that dictate our present tastes. However, if you are attracted to "fit" individuals, then you have an obligation to be "fit" yourself. If I am going to take the time to take moderate care of my physique, then I expect my partner to do the same. Move on to someone that can accept you for you, or do your damnedest to become the best you can be! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:22:57 PM | Dear Ms. Emerald Teardrop.. i know you already are strong, but don't let the dissers drag you down.. you're awesome and you know it.. everyone has the lovely freedom to choose their own path, and fulfill their dreams profoundly.. you have fun within yours, it's so awesome and obvious, and inspiring. keep stretching
peace and blessings.. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:52:39 PM | | You have just re-inforced the guys point of view by saying "when she gets hot looking" AFTER losing the extra weight. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:08:16 PM | Spearheadfish,
I fail to see your repeated need for slamming TheEmeraldTeardrop. That young lady has repeatedly expressed her views on the subject clearly, politely, and eloquently. I go so far as to dare say that she speaks to the mindset of my generation, since we are almost the same age, and I for one second her thoughts on the matter - Intellectual, Spiritual and Physical development are not mutually-exclusive lifestyle goals.
Some of us actually try to excel in all three categories and improve ourselves in ALL areas to the best of our ability, under the belief that by pushing the envelope on all fronts, we will achieve the widest growth possible in life, and in doing so, possibly attract the most suitable mate. 
However some posters like yourself seem to remain mired in the "Accept me as I am, no matter how far I choose to let myself fall" mentality, listing a bunch of possible horrible freak accidents that could affect our lives as justification for not even trying to maintain ourselves as best we can... 
FYI I could disfigure myself horribly from slipping in the shower and smashing my face on a faucet, but the remote possibility's existence does not preclude my striving towards fitness ideals the other 99.99999% of my life that will likely be accident free. That's like camping out indoors with a safety helmet on in the off chance something might fall out of the sky... Pure lunacy in my humble opinion... 
In closing, for the love of all that is holy woman, try introducing some paragraph structure in your posts! If you're going to spend your time railing against the evils of becoming fitness-obsessed, the least you could do is flex some intellectual muscle and learn how to use a carriage return...   | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:26:29 PM | | My personal problem with Emeralds statement is that she embodies what I consider to be the less desirable qualities amoung women in that she is placing emphasis on a womans looks and a mans ability to provide. In this era of independent woman, this is becoming an outdated ideal. It does still exist amoung a certain group of women who don't really aspire to more than having a man take care of her, but there are a whole host of us out there who pay our own bills, work hard, take care of ourselves, and don't depend on a man to be the provider. I lack respect for people whos goal in life is to be attractive in order to catch a man who will take care of them. When I ask her to speak for herself, rather than all women, I mean it. I niether want nor need a provider thanks. I do that just fine on my own. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:34:33 PM |
Are u saying that I am lying when I said that I do except others with their faults
Being over weight is not a fault it's a result of poor diet and lack of excersize. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:41:26 PM | Having preferences isn’t a bad thing, that is what makes us who we are, and hopefully we will be lucky enough to find someone that matches or comes close to them. So it doesn’t matter if you like fat people, skinny, short, tall, a certain nationality or religion, hair color or none, it doesn’t matter if your kinky or the opposite or somewhere in between, and what ever else. That is what attraction is all about. You can’t please all the people all the time, you just need to be true to yourself.
I don’t think this is a preference issue, I think it is more of what kind of person he is. When someone thinks of themselves so highly that they allow a preference to be stated that could hurt someone else, that action is what makes them shallow. Most people will get hurt or take offense to someone saying they don’t like something when that something also reflects on them. (i.e. something as simple as someone saying I don’t like short hair and you just got a hair cut and it is short.) Someone could take offense, so why say it. The situation could have been dealt with in a more tactful way, I don’t think the preference is shallow but it seems more like the person is shallow/self-centered. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:02:32 PM | placing emphasis on a womans looks and a mans ability to provide.
Well said. I do agree with some of emerald's post though since I too strive for the lifestyle goals Tiger mentionned. But I can expect what I can offer.
I'm not looking for a man to provide for me and I want to share my active lifestyle with another, not just be arm candy (not that that is always the case but you get my drift). For me being with someone active and athletic keeps me active and athletic - it's much more fun to work out with someone than alone! They egg you on and push you and they "get" it.
And if you think about it, when you are with someone you not only strive to look good for yourself, but for them too. I know I appreciate and like it when a man notices the physical things - even little ones like the fact I painted my toenails. I don't think many women when in a relationship would argue this point. We get all "girly" lol | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 271 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:05:22 PM | Being overweight is the result of faulty thinking, not a character fault. There are so many great people that are overweight who are kind, loving, thoughtful etc etc. And there are so many people that are overweight that are just plain asswipes!
And the exact same thing can be said for people who are fit and in shape. And it is certainly not at all shallow for those fit types to expect the same in a partner.
Just as a drunk always has a good reason to drink, overweight people have a plethora of reasons why they are fat. The drunk blames everyone else for his misery, the fat person blames eveyone else for not 'accepting me the way I am'.
There is no good reason on this earth for being overweight. Unless you got some real bad medical luck with regards to metabolism or whatever else there is, a person owes it to themselve to stay fit & trim. It is just plain laziness that keeps them that way and they want everyone else to accept it!
Human beings are far too complex to be summed up just in terms of their physical appearance. BUT.........
If I don't like the way you look, that's MY perrogative! And I know there will be someone who IS in shape, does take pride in their appearance, expects the same in a partner (and will hold me accountable in that area if I slip) and will also be, (now hang on to something, this one is hard to believe!), a very real & sincere person with lotsa love to give and able to recieve it in return!
All that said, I've got fat relatives & fat friends that I love dearly, but that doesn't mean I have to be romantic with a fat girlfriend  | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:23:29 PM | Hal, I said I wasn't going to go into my story. It sounds way to "poor me" and I'm not looking for pity, but I think maybe it's important for people to understand how these things come about. BTW, I don't expect everyone to be attracted to me so it's not about being attracted to heavy people, but rather knowing there are other factors than just "diet and excercise" involved.
I first started dieting around the age of 14. I was 5'7" and 135lbs. I though I was terribly fat. Of course, that's silly because even at that age I had hips and D cup breasts so I was never meant to be very thin. At that point I was trying to reach the unrealistic goal of 120. I yo-you dieted until I was 16. At that point something tragic happened in my life and I developed bulemia as a result. Got over that, went back to yo-yo dieting. Went on meds that helped me gain weight, suffered through depression, marraige, divorce, ect... Basically, I dieted myself up to where I am today and screwed up my metabolism so bad in the process that I spent over a year working out with a trainer 5 days a week, at least an hour a day, and following a strict diet and lost a whole 10 lbs. So, it's not always as simple as it appears. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:01:41 PM | "There is no good reason on this earth for being overweight. Unless you got some real bad medical luck with regards to metabolism or whatever else there is, a person owes it to themselve to stay fit & trim. It is just plain laziness that keeps them that way and they want everyone else to accept it!
Human beings are far too complex to be summed up just in terms of their physical appearance. BUT........."
I would have to say these two line totally contradict themselves! So are you saying that Human beings are far too complexed to be summed up just in terms of their physical appearance, except for drunks and fat people because they aren't complexed, they just don't have a good reason for their exsistance as they are? | |
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Hal54
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Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 274 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:16:45 PM | Geez........
Ya have to spell some things out for people sometimes! Just because your'e fat doesn't make you bad. Just because your'e an alchoholic doesn't make you a waste of skin.
Neither one is attractive to me. It's neither bad, nor good. It's just me......and it looks like, a few others out here as well!
There's a lot more to a person than fatness or drunkness and THAT'S why it's 'complex'! People have issues. Some have a hard time with those 'issues'. BUT, me finding people with 'issues' unattractive in no way implies I'm shallow!
"Love the sinner, hate the sin"!......ya, it's complicated, I know. But not contradictory! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:46:19 PM |
My personal problem with Emeralds statement is that she embodies what I consider to be the less desirable qualities amoung women in that she is placing emphasis on a womans looks and a mans ability to provide. In this era of independent woman, this is becoming an outdated ideal. It does still exist amoung a certain group of women who don't really aspire to more than having a man take care of her, but there are a whole host of us out there who pay our own bills, work hard, take care of ourselves, and don't depend on a man to be the provider. I lack respect for people whos goal in life is to be attractive in order to catch a man who will take care of them. When I ask her to speak for herself, rather than all women, I mean it. I niether want nor need a provider thanks. I do that just fine on my own.
I do not place an emphasis on a woman's looks, including level of fitness. Nearly all men period place an emphasis on a woman's looks, including level of fitness. How is this not obvious from what happens in everyday life? How is this not obvious from the way we see people interact with each other for basically our whole lives?
We aren't defusing an atomic bomb here, it's not that difficult - The less attractive you are as a woman, including level of fitness, the fewer men are likely to be interested in you romantically.
You know, this "I'm so independent" blanket defense is really getting old and it makes all of us look bad. For many, it's just a code word for unreasonable ball buster. Lots of people out there pay their bills and work hard and take care of themselves - it's called survival. It's what people do to get by. Suddenly people should be pinning medals on each other for what they are supposed to be doing anyway?
Wait, wait, let me pin my "I Go To Work Everyday" medal next to my "I Breathe Oxygen, I Must Be So Special" trophy and on top of my "I Actually Feed And Clothe My Children Instead Of Locking Them In The Closet And Beating Them With A Baseball Bat, Someone Should Throw Me A Parade" ribbon.
You "lack respect for people whose goal in life is to be attractive in order to catch a man who will take care of them"? Did you ever stop to think that being fit is a fundamental component of someone actually respecting themselves? That there is a component of personal pride and self worth in presenting yourself as best as you can and putting your best foot forward in all instances in your life? Is there something wrong with the concept of being the very best you can be in life?
And who are we kidding? Walk into any public setting where a man is trying to woo a woman, one of the first five questions out of her mouth is going to be - "So what do you do for a living?" And it matters. It matters in so much as everything matters in the courtship process.
Yes, there are some out there that just want a free ride. That's unfortunate. Then there are just some of us who don't see men as the enemy and don't see the entire dating spectrum as a pure war where somehow the battle for senseless pride comes at the cost of common sense. There is a difference and it's a bit unsettling, but mostly sad, that you apparently cannot make a distinction between the two.
By telling men they are shallow for not wanting overweight women and being honest about it, you are invalidating their right to what they choose to find attractive. The demand for total acceptance and the complete inability to reciprocate it is a far worse "offense" than someone saying no thanks to a heavy dating prospect.
Some people I know might be ok dating an overweight person, very few people I know are ok with dating a hypocrite. | |
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