|
|
|
|
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:55:13 PM | | If I'm not attracted to someone, no matter how rich or how handsome he would be, I simply wouldn't date him. I've got to be attracted to a man on ALL levels (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) for me to date him. Period, end of story. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:07:00 PM | Emerald,
Great post,,  Now if I could only find your twin, but at my age... great spirit, open mind,, young in heart,,and yes attractive... | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:50:48 PM | OP,
I think some level of devotion to something in their life is a key sign to the chance that they could be equally devoted to something else (namely me). Some here may disagree but I see no problem with judging people by how driven they are, and keeping fit is a very important part of that equation. I say this as a person who at one time was 226lbs and I am now a fit 175lbs, the reason for the weight gain had to do with what happens to many of us after graduation from college.
I was so focused on my work and career that I neglected my body, which up to graduation was a top priority. I paid for that by gaining over 50 lbs of work baggage. It took me a few years to force myself into the work out habit again but I did it. I realized that all my excuses were just that and if I wanted to feel and look my best I would have to pay the price. So if I met someone who was diligent about losing weight and did everything to make sure they achieved their goals I'd have no problem dating them. It is very important to note that when I decided to lose weight I did it for ME first, I was not doing it to attract women though that became a side benefit, the main person that needed to be proven wrong was that little devil of me sitting on my shoulder. It should always be that devil , since in my view that devil is the most evil person we know. It is the first to accost us with doubts of our abilities, first to fill us with fear, first to force us to procrastinate on completing important tasks. Your friends should be doing the weight loss plan for herself first and foremost, not to impress guys. As for the friend of your friend, well he has a set preference and he's sticking to it, at least he was honest about what he wants physically in a woman before he will deal with her. Lots of guys go into things with problems already in mind but figure because they are only in it for one thing, it won't matter, after they get that one thing they are poof like the ghost. I am one of those guys that thinks it is very important that any woman I deal with has certain attributes, turns out most of those are very rare and so it is difficult for me to find women who achieve my criteria. I hold women only to standards that I have set for myself and by doing that I am not being a hypocrite. Better to be consistent and true to yourself than inconsistent and risk inner turmoil. I've walked the line in the past and realized it wasn't worth it, so my profile is very specific about things I require in a prospective mate. I am not out to waste my time and ideally I would like to get to know someone that sees the world the same way as me, I think we all should be allowed to seek this for our self so long as it doesn't hurt anyone around us.
I hope your friend is successful in her weight loss program. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:06:37 PM | | and herein lies the problem as this line was so delicately plucked from everything else I said to use it to further this nonsense about it,faults,being ppl's weight.Not even close from my perspective as a matter of fact as being the one who wrote it I can honestly say with no doubt that I didn't even have a persons weight on my mind when I wrote it.Ppl have so many flaws just being human and so the shell is just that,a shell.It's not a fault or flaw but just a shell kinda like a glove on a hand.Canadian beef used it to further rant about exercise and poor diet blah blah blah and so on and on and on and on.lol oh and tiger I saw where u addressed a response to me but being u have posted in other forums using my Lord and savious name in vain by cussing God,I choose to not read ur posting sorry but it is my choice.For all the other ones stepping up to defend emerald from big old bad me HUSH lol | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:55:57 PM |
I do not place an emphasis on a woman's looks, including level of fitness. Nearly all men period place an emphasis on a woman's looks, including level of fitness. How is this not obvious from what happens in everyday life? How is this not obvious from the way we see people interact with each other for basically our whole lives?
Based on my personal experience, this is not always true. There are a lot of men out there that love dating women like me. I don't see weight being a factor in any aspect of my life.
You know, this "I'm so independent" blanket defense is really getting old and it makes all of us look bad. For many, it's just a code word for unreasonable ball buster. Lots of people out there pay their bills and work hard and take care of themselves - it's called survival. It's what people do to get by. Suddenly people should be pinning medals on each other for what they are supposed to be doing anyway?
I'd love to see your definition of unreasonable ball buster. Just your use of this term indicates a lot about how you view the interaction between men and women. I never asked for a medal, but, at the same time, I will enter any relationship as an equal in all ways or not at all.
You "lack respect for people whose goal in life is to be attractive in order to catch a man who will take care of them"? Did you ever stop to think that being fit is a fundamental component of someone actually respecting themselves? That there is a component of personal pride and self worth in presenting yourself as best as you can and putting your best foot forward in all instances in your life? Is there something wrong with the concept of being the very best you can be in life?
Actually, I don't find that being fit is a component of someone respecting themselves as I've seen many very fit men and women in the world who very obviously don't respect themselves. And I save my personal pride and self worth for things that I've earned in life like my degree and my career. These aren't components of how I was born, but rather things I've had to work for in life.
And who are we kidding? Walk into any public setting where a man is trying to woo a woman, one of the first five questions out of her mouth is going to be - "So what do you do for a living?" And it matters. It matters in so much as everything matters in the courtship process.
It doesn't matter at all except as a point of interest. If I was looking for a man with a better job than me, or one who makes more money, I could be waiting a long time. There aren't a lot of people out there at the level I am and I don't expect that. All I expect is that they take care of their responsabilities and I'll take care of mine.I'm not looking for someone to pay my bills but I'm not looking to pay theirs either.
Then there are just some of us who don't see men as the enemy and don't see the entire dating spectrum as a pure war where somehow the battle for senseless pride comes at the cost of common sense. There is a difference and it's a bit unsettling, but mostly sad, that you apparently cannot make a distinction between the two.
Too funny. I've never seen men as the enemy or dating as a war. I love men. I hang out with men all the time. What I find sad is when people make judgments about men and limit them to these shallow creatures based on a select group of people they hang out with. I have more respect for my friends than to put them in a little box like that.
By telling men they are shallow for not wanting overweight women and being honest about it, you are invalidating their right to what they choose to find attractive. The demand for total acceptance and the complete inability to reciprocate it is a far worse "offense" than someone saying no thanks to a heavy dating prospect.
This isn't true. I've never told a man he should have to date an overweight woman if he doesn't want to. People find attractive what they find attractive. What I find shallow is basing how you feel about someone on their weight and the demeaning behaviour that often goes with it. The idea that women have to have a perfect body and that gaining weight is reason to destroy a relationship or belittle someone, is shallow in the extreme. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:17:32 PM | | It's equally shallow to suggest weightloss as a source of revenge. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/3/2008 3:38:52 PM | I believe that if there is no physical attraction at the onset, then why bother waiting. I personally would never date a man that SHALLOW. Physical attraction is important, but making an emphasis on the actual number is not. Either he likes her the way she is when they met or she should find someone who will. Sorry to admit reality, but women and men's bodies change over the years, women more so if they will have kids. If a man is giving a woman a hard time about her weight on the onset, they will never be happy in the future.
Your friend should lose the weight for herself. If she does it for anyone else, she will never keep it off. Instead she will be entering a relationship of perpetual turmoil due to the unhappiness of both parties. 
| |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:50:16 PM |
I don't see weight being a factor in any aspect of my life.
Your kidding right? Can everyone say IN DENIAL? I guess the fact that the #1 Killer of women is Heart Disease and the primary cause of heart disease is smoking and being overweight, hadnt occured to you? Well, now you have something new to think about.
Actually, I don't find that being fit is a component of someone respecting themselves .....
Again your kidding , right? Setting aside the obvious [ it is unattractive ], how is it that you figure that abusing your body with food and weight is anything but disrespecting yourself? How does this differ from someone who smoke, does drugs, or abuses alcohol, or is an anorexic?
And what does it say about the emotional and mental state of a person who would intentionally abuse their bodies with weight knowing it will put them into an early grave thru heart disease? It says alot thats for sure, but none of it good or flattering.
If a person cannot love and care for their own self, how the hell am I to expect that they will [can] love and care for me????
And PLEASE people, spare me the tired overused rationalizations..............like some nefarious injury or medical condition. EXCUSES.
To me it is not so much an issue of attractiveness ( it isnt attractive tho ), but an indicator of ones mental health issues. To me an overweight person, barring the extremely rare circumstance, is overweight by choice, and this is an indication of a plethora of mental and emotional disorders I would prefer to avoid like the plague.
It is not "shallow" to not want to date someone who would intentionally harm themselves or not want to take care of their bodies. No one said anything about being a shapely model or having a perfect body, but yes, you are expected to take care of yourself and not abuse your body with drugs, food, alcohol, or any other excess.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Shea | |
|
| |
Hal54
|
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 285 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:10:13 AM | Put that in your pipe and smoke it
My guess is that is exactly what they are doing! Because why else would someone who is overweight defend themselves??? What's the diff between an overweight person and a weekend alchololic? Both will justify their behaviour. All you have to do is check out the photos of who ever is posting, and you'll soon see why they write they way they do! It's always the fatties who wantto be accepted for they way they look. The fit group only wants someone just like them and they get slammed for it.
Listen all fat people posting here: You are fat & overweight simply because you CHOOSE to be so! Why on earth should I have to accept you for "the way you are" when I am not that way!!!! There is nothing at all 'shallow' about expecting the best from somone. And yes, that includes what you shove in your mouth at night!.
Take that last line however you want to spin it!l..... | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:52:52 AM | Message 1:
If you met someone here, talked to them, really liked them, and they were say, 20 lbs. overweight, but on a fitness program and trying to lose, would you still date them?
Yes. It would not matter to me if they ended up losing the 20 lbs.
I think after she gets in shape (she's already lost 5 lbs) and gets hot looking, she should send him a pic, then turn him down for a date!
I have been obese off and on in my life. I don't blame any woman out there for not being interested in the old me. It was my fault I was F A T. It was caused by eating too much and lack of exercise. The majority of F A T people are F A T by choice. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:47:44 AM | | I posted my story for those who cared to read it. If you find it to be "excuses", well, that's your perogative. As far as being healthy or being attractive, I've never had an issue with being considered attractive. I work out 5 days a week on top of it and don't eat more than your average person although I no longer fall prey to the diet mentality. All of my blood work is good and that's the best I can ask for in my circumstances. It is what it is. Those of you who think you have all the answers will continue to think that and that's your right. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:32:25 AM |
As far as being healthy or being attractive, I've never had an issue with being considered attractive.
Sigh x 10. I was overweight once - when I looked in the mirror NAKED I was disgusted. If YOU look in the mirror and are not similarly disgusted, then perhaps your vision has gone the way of your judgment.
I work out 5 days a week on top of it and don't eat more than your average person ...
Are you people naturally this obtuse, or do you have to practice at it? If you still are overweight then you are eating too much. It is as simple as that.
...although I no longer fall prey to the diet mentality....
if you mean FAD diets, I might agree. If you mean you're just going to shovel stuff in your mouth, like junk foods, processed foods, fast foods, and ignore the nutritional data and facts on this goo-n-glue, then it is obvious why you are overweight. Diet most certainl DOES play a roll in being overweight. A High Protein, Low Carb, High fiber diet is most optimal, and will aid anyone in maintaining a healthy body weight, and in maintaing a healthy body period.
Blood work has nothing to do with you being overweight. There is NO medical condition that causes anyone to be overweight if they are not eating more than their body requires.
Now I agree there are medical conditions that will make it EASIER for you to BE overweight or harder to loose it but this just boils down to self-discipline, and regardless, it is not possible in this space-time-continum we live in for you to 'get' more than you 'put in'. That would be a violation of several laws of physics, most notebaly the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics.
Simply put, the only way you can GAIN weight or not loose it, is if you take in more calories than your body needs. Period. There are no "ifs", "ands", "exceptions" or "buts" about it.
The ONLY real factor in being overweight and not loosing it is lack of WILLPOWER and/or SELF DISCIPLINE.
Jessee Ventura was right manyyears ago when he said the same thing about fat people - stop shoveling more food in your mouth than your body requires. THAT is THE answer and it will work EVERYTIME for EVERY PERSON on this planet.
There are no exceptions, as that would require a violation of the physical laws of our universe.
Reload your pipe and smoke this
Shea | |
|
Hal54
|
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 289 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:40:26 AM |
and don't eat more than your average person
I'd bet anything if you moved to India or Somalia and ate what the 'average' person there ate you'd be a skinny minny in no time! You might even end up on the cover of a World Hunger Charity Orgainization. | |
|
Hal54
|
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 290 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:53:15 AM | Sorry to admit reality, but women and men's bodies change over the years, women more so if they will have kids.
Apparently, you've never seen any women bodybuilders over 40 who have had children. They smoke women half their age. Their bodies definitely changed over the years....for the better!
BUT, uh, ya gotta make that happen. There's something in life our parents & teachers tried to instill in us called 'DISCIPLINE'.
Some people were sleeping in class tho when that subject came up. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:23:37 AM |
Sigh x 10. I was overweight once - when I looked in the mirror NAKED I was disgusted. If YOU look in the mirror and are not similarly disgusted, then perhaps your vision has gone the way of your judgment.
When I look in the mirror I see a beautiful, confident, rubenesque woman similar to what the great masters used to paint. It's a far cry from the disgust that I saw as a "fit" teenager when I was suffering from Bulimia and killing myself through a cycle of binging and purging because I couldn't stand the sight of myself. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:26:37 AM | | wieght issues arent an issue......say, so much as mental and emotional issues. It does a person nothing to be gorgeous and brain dead. Now, I'm as human as the next man, and cosmetics are always noticeable.....but an unstable mind is the biggest turnoff. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:07:16 AM | | Why do people spend so much time beating other people up over what they are attracted to...go for what you want and leave the rest alone and if you don't have what another wants find someone who does want what you have...wouldn't life be much simpler not to mention more peaceful that way. | |
|
Hal54
|
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 294 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:12:09 AM | Why does it have to be an 'either or' situation? Can't someone be attractive both inside and out? There are beautiful fat women and ugly fat women and b****chy fat women and sweetheart fat women and derranged fat women. They come in all shapes & styles.
But the same thing can be said for the fit crowd. I fail to see why it's a crime to find someone who is fit attractive!
Bulimia, anorexia et al are personality disorders. It stems from a faulty sef-centered view of one's self. A HEALTHY view of yourself will see you doing those things that are good for you.
And being fat, 'slightly' overweight, 'a few extra pounds' etc. ain't good for you no matter how you slice it! | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:12:56 AM | | Ug, I hate this subject. i have never been skinny and prolly never will be one of those twiggy gals that men seem to love so much. And I'm totally cool with that. I love myself and so does my fiance. I always have to laugh at my male friends when they talk about how hot some girl is and how much they want to be with her. I always tell them that everyone gets older and changes, and that the illusion doesn't last forever. I wonder if that's why so many people get divorced. If your main attraction to someone is their looks and not what kind of person they are, then how is it ever going to last? | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:18:46 AM | Hal, I know exactly what causes eating disorders. In my case it was a mix of poor self image as a teenager brought to a head by a traumatic rape at 16. I've spent a lot of years healing myself to become the woman I am today. I'm proud of who I am.
You do have to realise though, that eating disorders, especially in younger people have a dramatic effect on metabolism. My body is now programmed to grab every calorie and hold onto it in case I decide to start purging again. Now, I could probably severly restrict my caloric intake (far below what a normal diet would do) and make some headway on losing weight, but in reality, that particular sacrifice is not worth it to me. I don't have any desire to starve myself in order to become the ideal image for someone else. At the same time, I eat a sensible diet and workout and figure that's the best step I can take personally, for my continued health. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:46:33 AM | Apparently, you've never seen any women bodybuilders over 40 who have had children. They smoke women half their age. Their bodies definitely changed over the years....for the better!
So true! I work out with a 55 year old woman and she is amazing!! She is in better shape than I am - can do more chin ups than me!
BUT there are certain illnesses that can impede your ability to work out. Not everyone is as lucky as others. | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:22:16 PM | Perhaps there's something we're forgetting here. If one is referring to fitness and attraction in the context of sexual attraction then just by looking at a person one can not determine what type of sexual partner they will be.
The person with the most "perfect" body may not be the most passionate nor exciting in bed. I've personally gone from thinking "a nice looking lady" pre-sex to "WOW! What a gorgeous gal!" post-sex. | |
|
Hal54
|
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 299 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:16:07 PM |
I could probably severly restrict my caloric intake (far below what a normal diet would do) and make some headway on losing weight, but in reality, that particular sacrifice is not worth it to me.
......and that type of thinking is what's doing you in! When we talk about 'diet', we don't mean calorie restrictions.......we mean lifestyle change. i.e. having a bowl of carrots instead of a bag of potato chips. It's about choices. Good ones give you good results, bad ones give you the results you see in the mirror everyday. There is no need to 'severely restrict your calories'. Just decide on better calories, getting more bang for the buck!
You do have to realise though, that eating disorders, especially in younger people have a dramatic effect on metabolism.
Packing on a lot of muscle will have an even more dramatic effect on your metabolism. I really & truly feel sorry for anyone who struggles with this. But at the end of the day, one just has to suck it up and realize that all the whining & crying in the world ain't gonna change the fact that you are overweight for one reason and one reason only:
You eat way too much of the wrong foods. Period. No if ands or buts!!
Elvis has the left the building now  | |
|
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 5/4/2008 3:48:34 PM |
......and that type of thinking is what's doing you in! When we talk about 'diet', we don't mean calorie restrictions.......we mean lifestyle change. i.e. having a bowl of carrots instead of a bag of potato chips. It's about choices. Good ones give you good results, bad ones give you the results you see in the mirror everyday. There is no need to 'severely restrict your calories'. Just decide on better calories, getting more bang for the buck!
I don't want to get too far into the middle of this discussion since it's already gotten ugly, but I'd like to point out that you can eat healthily and exercise and still gain weight.
We all know that weight gain happens when you consume more calories than your body can expend either through bodily functions, metabolism or exercise. It is an assumption that a person who is overweight is that way due to eating foods that are deep-fried, high in sugar or poor quality overall. One ounce of potato chips is 150 calories. One ounce of almonds is 163. Almonds have the benefit of fiber and mono fat to keep you satisfied longer, but when people go healthy they tend to eat more volume thus sabotaging their efforts. When I actually measured out my almonds with a banana snack it came out that I was eating 3 ounces of almonds which is 491 calories. Despite only eating lean meats, vegetables, mono/poly fats, fruits and whole wheat I was still packing away on average 3500 calories per day and only burning 250. I haven't eaten fast food, fatty red meat, anything white (white sugar, white flour, etc), or deep fried for over 15 years. I've done strength training 3x per week and cardio for 40 minutes 6 times a week for over 10 years.
Having a healthy diet and exercising does nothing for you if the ratio of how much you eat exceeds how much your body and exercise burns.
I lost 80 pounds last year by just tracking my food and exercise. All of the advice I received about substitution, not eating this, not eating that, eat this instead, moving more, etc did nothing for me because it didn't address the actual issue. I had to know how many calories my body needed to survive, how many calories I was putting into my body through food, and how many calories I was burning to lose weight. A 7000 calorie deficit per week equals 2 pounds lost, so I adjusted everything until that was obtained. My diet hasn't changed from when I was steadily gaining weight. The volume on the other hand has decreased immensely.
I was never so bold as to say I loved my curves, because I didn't. They were an example of my continued failure against a war I had waged against myself for 20 years with zero support and vast judgment from others.
People like what they like and its up to each person to decide what traits will make them happy in the long run. If that's a curvy woman or an athletic woman is really no one else's business.
The only thing I found personally offensive is when people would tell me I was lazy or eating crappy food. It'd be different if I wasn't working out and eating crappy food because at least I'd have the joy of the crappy food to buffer the pain. "Yeah, so you think I'm fat and lazy. So what? I'm eating a hamburger with fries, I'm good." No, I was slaving over a stove cooking everything at home because it had less sodium and fat than processed food with only low cholesterol scores as a reward. Yippeee. :\ Tracking calories, tracking my exercise and measuring my food equaled results. Already eating healthily just made the transition to decreased volume easier.
Like whatever body type you want to like, but is the judgment of another person's life style really necessary? The truth is often simpler than it seems. More calories than are expended. That's it. You don't have to add more than just that simple equation to explain why. | |
|
|
| Page 12 of 15
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 |
|
Home
login 
