| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 12:36:31 PM | | If a guy said he'd only date me after I lost some weight I'd show him the door and tell him to not let it smack his a$$ on the way out. Sorry but if you're that superficial, I don't want to have anything to do with you. Besides, what are you going to do if I put the weight back on? Dump me? No thanks. I want my man to love me for what's inside, cuz then I know he'd care about me if I weighted 100 lbs or 300 lbs. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:14:17 PM | ^^^
Surely you're not saying that men who have a fetish for fat women are more "moral" than most other men, are you? The fact is that thin women have many more options in men than fat women. And this isn't really the end of the world because the things that help women attract a man are the same things that help women live a long time and be happy.
It seems to me that women should feel lucky that most men are attracted to something that they can improve through hard work and dedication. With a change in lifestyle, exercise and just plan old good clean livin'; a woman can increase the size of her pond exponentially. 
That seems like a blessing, not a curse. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:14:28 PM | Practically Housebroken
I guess it’s only shallow when someone else does it.
My comment was not being shallow, it was a blunt way to let a person know that they are not worth my time anyways. It has nothing to do with being shallow, it is about their attitude. If a person likes who you are, they will like you no matter what.
It is funny but I have found that people with the attitude of "if you just change this or that about yourself, you would be more attractive", usually are people who aren't that hot themselves.
I have learned from my experiences, that when you are trying to lose weight and get into shape, it is so much easier when the person you are with supports you and is active with you. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:15:33 PM | | as long as someone feels healthy whatever their weight it isnt problem, I know I am a few pounds overweight, but I dont intend to go on any kind of diet, and anyone who starts an email to me with 'naaaah you are not overwieght' makes me question them because I think they are clealy into weight and looks, dunno it is the way it seems to me. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 1:56:14 PM | i feel kinda bad for your friend because she, like me, thinks that guys will only like her if she's perfect.
honey, i'm like 10 pounds overweight. Who isn't?
As if the guy who didn't want her until she got in shape was perfect in every way.
Seriously. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 5:32:11 PM | to the op,maybe you shouldnt be so picky and you would actually find a date,looking at yourself in the mirror is always a good precursor to insulting others
thanks
john | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 5:55:10 PM | OP, he didn't say he wouldn't date her. He said that he would wait until she was in shape. If he really wasn't interested why was he talking to her for a month, and after pics.
But it can be really difficult if someone is losing weight. Most people would find the change difficult to adjust to. He probably thought that if they stopped contact, she lost the weight and then he saw the pics, he would be so surprised and amazed, he would probably want to meet there and then, and since he gets on with her so well, he'd probably be crazy about her, too.
However, if he kept talking to her, the wait would drive him crazy. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 6:41:34 PM | prolibertate wrote:
Hmmm, so if you had a choice would you choose a skinny, pretty airhead with no substance to her, or a heavier, pretty intelligent woman with substance?
So... Are you implying that these are the only choices available? It sounds like it. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 7:49:26 PM | talksalot02 writes:
If you met someone here, talked to them, really liked them, and they were say, 20 lbs. overweight, but on a fitness program and trying to lose, would you still date them?
I'm asking because I have a friend (really I do!) who just had a guy tell her he didn't believe women when they said they were trying to get in shape, so he would just wait until she actually got in shape, and she could contact him then!
Fitness isn't a weight; fitness is a lifestyle! I know reeaaally active people who can still bike 100 k or run a 10k and are still 20 pounds or more "overweight". Your friend needs a kick in the nuts. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 8:13:32 PM | I dont mind women with weight. I know its hard to keep off the pounds.
I do find it strange that women who have a lot of weight want to date smaller guys. It seems to me that overweight women should date really tall guys. It seems more of a natural fit | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:10:13 PM | he shouldn't have ever talked to her if thats the way he felt. i know i work out. not as much as i used to, but i wouldn't want to date someone who isn't active... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:15:07 PM | Ok it's really simple... you are who you are now, if your trying to be someone else then I hope you have fun loseing your honesty and integrity.... and get deep enough into it you'll forget the things that make you who you are.
Get in shape, then get what you really want. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 9:43:03 PM | Wow. I mean, I'm attracted to guys who basically look like heroin addicts (Lou Reed in the sixties type thing) - and I'm not a stick or anything! But if I was seeing someone and they mentioned that I should get into shape or lose weight, then that would be the end of that. If you're not attracted to someone NOW - then don't mess with them and tell them to look you up when they lose some weight.
It's shit like this that gives people complexes! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 10:00:01 PM | Yes,....if I was attracted and knew he was making the effort,besides 20lbs isnt all that much.
Yeah your friend does seem a bit shallow...but then again maybe that will give her the incentive to lose the weight hopefully for herself ,more so then for your friend. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/28/2007 11:13:11 PM | He's not shallow. He just wasn't attracted. Why should anybody pursue a relationship with someone they don't find attractive? He spoke to her after he got the pics simply to be polite. How would you feel if someone simply disappeared after seeing what you look like, without even a comment? Actually it happened to me before and I just laughed..
How many people have you met who are constantly "getting into shape" but look exactly the same year after year? Good on her for embarking on the road, but it is a sad fact that so many people never, for whatever reasons, reach the destination.
If the spark was there, he would've been interested and pursued regardless.
We can't fault someone for not entering a relationship - it is their prerogative. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 1:26:24 AM | | If she expressed interest in losing weight, that'd be cool. I could be of some help, and It'd give me someone to drag on my runs. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 2:38:51 AM | I heard on FitTV the other days that 95% of all diets fail. That seems so high to me based upon people I know, but looking at society as a whole it probably is right.
I'd date someone looking to get in shape if they were willing to work out with me. That's a good way to share time together and I'd probably push myself harder as well.
I used to live with a sedentary woman. I got her and her son bikes to ride with me. Didn't take her long to drop it. So on weekends I'd ride for hours alone thinking "why can't I be with someone who enjoys this? She doesn't have to be thin, just willing." | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 6:17:01 AM |
So... Are you implying that these are the only choices available? It sounds like it.
No, I'm asking based on the theme of this thread...I'm well aware there are many choices available...and also well aware that, unfortunately for them, some people care more about someone being a few pounds overweight than who they are. If this guy the OP mentioned was less self-centered and insecure, IMO, he'd meet this woman, see if they get along, and if so, then they'd go to the gym together.
He's not shallow. He just wasn't attracted. Why should anybody pursue a relationship with someone they don't find attractive? He spoke to her after he got the pics simply to be polite.
Actually, it sounded more like he might have been attracted to her personality but not her looks...and that once she got in shape she should call him and they'd go from there...that's a big difference than just not being attracted to her at all. If he wasn't attracted at all, he should have simply said that - not been cruel by saying to contact him after she got in shape.
How many people have you met who are constantly "getting into shape" but look exactly the same year after year? Good on her for embarking on the road, but it is a sad fact that so many people never, for whatever reasons, reach the destination.
If the spark was there, he would've been interested and pursued regardless.
We can't fault someone for not entering a relationship - it is their prerogative.
Everyone's idea of being 'in shape' is different...for some it's simply getting more toned, for others it's getting muscular and hitting the gym every day...so who knows what his idea of it meant. True, if the spark was there, some people - those who care about more than the outside of someone - would have pursued them. So maybe there was no spark at all and he lied to her about getting in touch after she got in shape (which makes him a jerk for being cruel when he didn't need to be) or else he's simply the insecure type of person who cares much more about what someone looks like than about who they are. In either case, he doesn't sound like someone anyone with brains would want to get together with, IMO. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:49:35 AM | DacaInaru - Congrats on your success, you're one of very, very few.
Prolibertate - If a man says things like this (i.e. the truth), he's 'shallow', if a woman says the same thing in the same context, it's her 'perogative', right?
Whatever.
Doesn't matter to me one bit what the 'plus size models' have to say, and I'm sorry, but not all women are 'physically beautiful', despite what Oprah and her gang say.
If you feel that way, I there's a plethora of gals right here in Abq who very much share your opinion.
And FYI, I'll take a slim and pretty lady with a nice personality and not too much attitude, thank you. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 7:53:29 AM | For me, looks matter to a degree. The character of the person matters more. What I have learned is that I better like what I am dealing with now and not what I hope the person might turn into. This goes for looks and emotions and everything else...We all change somewhat over time yet much of who we are characterwise stays the same.
Do not go out with someone in the hope they will become something else as a condition for going out with them. If you don't like what you have, you are living a bad dream. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:02:13 AM | It's funny that many women here are complaining about a man who wont settle for anything less that what he finds attractiive... I.. being a short man.. am told often that certain women are looking for 'taller' men. Don't hear my crying about it! To is his/her own!
It's a preference. And for the most part.. from my experience, most women who are overweight and 'trying' to lose the few extra pounds.. usually aren't dedicated and never follow through. NOT ALL.. but some.
Why is it not shallow for a woman to expect a man to have certain attributes? Because women have preferences as much as men do. Face it.. most men don't want an overweight woman...NOT ALL... most. It's not 'sexy'. Sure as a friend thats fine.. but it's like jerking off to national geographic... NOT HAPPENING!.
I for one work our hard and regular.. I work out to look damn good.. and feel damn good... Why the hell can't a man want that from a woman?
There are men who like large women.. and there are men who don't... Stop whining and get over it... Don't wallow in disappointment when you could be striving for excitement. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:08:13 AM |
Prolibertate - If a man says things like this (i.e. the truth), he's 'shallow', if a woman says the same thing in the same context, it's her 'perogative', right?
Whatever. Doesn't matter to me one bit what the 'plus size models' have to say, and I'm sorry, but not all women are 'physically beautiful', despite what Oprah and her gang say. If you feel that way, I there's a plethora of gals right here in Abq who very much share your opinion. And FYI, I'll take a slim and pretty lady with a nice personality and not too much attitude, thank you.
Actually, you may think that; I don't...whether a man or a woman says it, I feel the same way about it. Assumptions are a bad thing to make about someone you don't know...but then, since it appears you feel what someone looks like is more important than who they are, it's not surprising you'd make incorrect assumptions about others. Unless they do or say something that makes them not, all *people* are beautiful to me...but then to realize that means one has to have compassion, consideration and empathy for their fellow human beings, not think they're superior to others, and not make any assumptions, IMO. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:16:48 AM | Does this debate not focus around attraction?????
If I am attracted to another and they are in need of losing some weight and getting in better shape, then I will help them do that, and if they choose not to, it is my choice if I stay or leave and for what reasons.
I am not into smoking either, but if attracted to a smoker, then I am willing to help them if they would like to stop smoking for "all" the good reasons that exist to do so, and I will not just ignore or leave them because they smoke. I will however, ask for certain conditions concerning smoke and my boundaries, and be as supportive as I can for them to conquer this addiction.
Eating is another addiction that needs the same kind of care, concern, and support....
Just my opinion......    | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:20:32 AM | Its not about assumptions.. it's about likes and dislikes... About who likes vanilla , who likes chocolate... who likes peaches, and who likes grapes..
Some people arent attracted sexuall to a large woman.. and yes it's about attraction. Deal with it!
So that being said.. why enter a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to.. even though they are nice? You can remain friends right? Women reserve the right to 'friendship' for a myriad of reasons.. but men should just be happy to take what we can get? Bull!!!
There is someone for everyone... and know where you stand in the grand scheme of life... if you dont like it... change it... | |
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