| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 8:23:21 AM |
If I am attracted to another and they are in need of losing some weight and getting in better shape, then I will help them do that, and if they choose not to, it is my choice if I stay or leave and for what reasons.
c_deacon...excellent, open-minded, compassionate, and considerate response...it's nice to see that there are some people out there who think about others and not only themselves. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:01:59 AM |
DacaInaru - Congrats on your success, you're one of very, very few.
one of the reasons why people fail when trying to lose weight.. is becuase they do not get to the root of the problem to beging with..
you've got to deal with your emotional weight before you can really get rid of your physical weight.. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 9:19:59 AM | Excellent point!
I know this won't be a popular opinion, but I'd like to point out that you are NOT the same person inside after having lost a considerable amount of weight if you were unhappy to be that size to begin with.
You actually stuck w/ something (for an extended period of time) that changed a feature of yourself that you were unhappy about & did not get side-tracked by all the little bumps along the road.. That's prettybig in terms of personal motivation/growth....an it speaks volumes toward your determination to reach goals/etc. It's also a big change in your outlook on the world, possibilities,etc.
It could be equated to the person who complains about a low paying job they are constantly unhappy with vs. the person who goes back to school (against hardship), obtains new credentials & starts a better career. That indicates a large change in behavior, as well.
Day to day behavior is the hardest thing to change & I look @ someone who has succesfully done that, to a large degree, as having something INTERNAL to be very proud of. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 12:00:43 PM |
but I'd like to point out that you are NOT the same person inside after having lost a considerable amount of weight if you were unhappy to be that size to begin with.
You have a point.. after I lost all the weight I've lost I did change.. became more out going.. my self esteem boosted.. etc etc.. although i'm still a work in progress as when I go shopping I still try to buy the big size clothing.. lol.. it does change you but it takes work.. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 5:40:56 PM | OP - I think your friend needs to run from this cad. If all that is wrong with your friend is she's 20 pounds overweight, but she's healthy (emotionally & spiritually), then your friend is doing quite well. Gee, do you think this cad is willing to get off his happy ass to help your friend with diet, and exercise?
People like this cad are very superficial. If it isn't the weight they will have issues with, it will be money, hair color, height, etc. They will always nitpick at little crap. Folks like this aren't worth the time of day. What happens if you lose your looks, health, or money? It can happen to any of us at any time. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 6:28:01 PM | prolibertate wrote in response to lifeisfree:
since it appears you feel what someone looks like is more important than who they are...
Could you please show me where he said looks are *more* important than who they are? I don't see it. It sounds to me like he is saying that they are *equally* important.
Feel free to correct me if I misinterpreted you lifeisfree. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/29/2007 10:51:14 PM | I'll have to agree with one of the other messages posted. It is important to deal with the emotional weight. Loss of control is often related to stress (loss of job or high stress job and or both) - eat to feel good. It was easier for me to maintain control when job stress was low. For me, there are times when I slip a little but then I get back on track and am able to do it all by myself. It's called self-discipline. At the moment....the challenge is a job that makes me work til 8pm at night where I'm having to work through lunch too. The drag is that it means being at the gym at 10 at night and not getting dinner til really late - hum...may lose the little bit of excess just because I don't have time to eat.
C_deacon....Question: are you open-minded, compassionate and considerate? Are you someone who thinks of others and not just yourself? Would you be the friend that she really needs? Are you that compasionate man?  | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:11:33 AM | All i've got to say on the matter is !!!
The bloke must be an absolute tosser and think he's the best thing since sliced bread !!! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:20:11 AM | Hopefully all of us are open minded enough to balance our biases with compassion, understanding, and reality......
Life is to short to sweat the small stuff, and there are way to many large issues to deal with overall. Very few of us have the body we had when 20, but that does not mean that we do not try, on many levels, to maintain a healthy mental and physical lifestyle and self respect to want that in our life.
I know that for me, I would enjoy having more time to do the things I want, and have the time to adjust my physical appearance more, but life has a way of forcing us to make decisions, and some of them are to earn a living, raise a family, and keep food on the table.
This does not mean that I just forget one for the other.....it means that I balance all I can and maintain all I can in a healthy, logical way.......  Or at least try.....
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:32:08 AM | You can not help who you are attracted to, just be honest about it, I say. I am not a ravin beauty , or an hour glass shape, but what I am is genuine, honest ,compassionate, comical, spontaneous, free spirit…I could go on & on….hehehehehe
My life experiences, has taught me to live with the now & not accept the what if’s, of today. That is just my opinion, I am not agreeing with the shallow jerk & I sure hope when you reach your goal, you celebrate it.........
Do it for yourself & not to gain anyones approval..........especailly a guy, who bases his affections on phyical appearance over the person... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:33:05 AM | Y would ya?
Lose the weight if thats what she wants to do,but don't give this man the time of day!
To many good men out there,imagine being with someone who is gonna fall out of love with u if u gain the weight back! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 7:53:25 AM | So this is the female counterpart to the male threadstarter complaining about height..
Everyone has preferences... most men dont find fat attractive sexually... and i have seen many profiles where women put average... who are overweight.
its a fact of life. Ther are men who like plus sized women... but for a man like myself.. who makes the effort to go to the gym eat right and take care of my body... I choose not to be with someone who doent share that same lifestyle.
i look great with my clothes off... why shouldn't I be able to want the same?
Cripes! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:20:35 AM | "Everyone has preferences... most men dont find fat attractive sexually... and i have seen many profiles where women put average... who are overweight.
its a fact of life. Ther are men who like plus sized women... but for a man like myself.. who makes the effort to go to the gym eat right and take care of my body... I choose not to be with someone who doent share that same lifestyle."
Well Said.
+1 | |
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mizbex
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Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 66 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:23:33 AM | First, anytime someone doesn't want to date you based soley on some physical attribute they don't like about you i.e. weight, height, bald...you should think long and hard if you really want to date that person.
Second, there are huge emotional issues and adjustments to be made after you loose a significant amount of weight or even 10 or 15lbs. I know this from experience, a very long time ago I lost 76 lbs., I was married at the time and had a very supportive husband. The change in me physically and emotionally was huge and I did become a different person both inside and out.
I have kept the weight off now for about 15 years and the reason I have been able to do it is because I do it for me. I stay in shape for me, I work out for me. Your friend, needs to continue to do the same, because what happens if she loses the 20lbs. meets this guy and then he tells her oh now I don't like you because your chest is too small, or your hair is blond or whatever. People should work on their physical appearance for themselves not to please anyone else. And as far as this guy goes, she should tell him she can loose weight, but ask him what he is willing to do about his judgmental and arrogant attitude. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:27:11 AM | 20 pounds? God, that's disgusting. (That was sarcasm, by the way)
The "ideal" weight given by doctors usually has about a 20 pound leeway...good Lord. Yes, shallow. I don't usually say that about someone not wanting to date a person because of their weight, but if weight isn't even an issue, that's just stupid. This guy won't be a good person to date. I can see him getting on her case all the time about what she's eating or how active she's being. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:27:45 AM | LOL :) well there are a lot of REALLY obese people who are always saying they are 'working on it" , but never actually do anything, eat a lot, watch TV & surf the 'net
(POF?)
20 lbs. isn't really that much though | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 8:28:19 AM | that's just really sad.
i weighed 125 prior to a knee injury. i hurt my knee last july, finally got the surgery i needed in february.
i gained 25 pounds because i went from being very active to not active at all.
i'm all healed up and on my way back to 125. if my boyfriend can't love me now, he can't love me when i'm back in fighting shape and i will get back in shape whether anyone else believes me or not
that guy is a big jerk, not to mention an idiot | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 2:40:34 PM | | Real love looks past the physical body and meets on a spiritual level. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 3:19:05 PM | | Msg 57...I said that because he didn't answer my question as it was posed...he chose what he'd ideally like, rather than the choices presented. Sure, he may want looks and intellect equally - most people would if they could have their wishes granted - but that isn't what he was asked. While I agree that someone needs to be attracted to a person, there have been times where I became physically attracted to someone I wasn't physically attracted to after talking with them all because of who they were...and just as many times where someone attracted me physically and once we started talking, they weren't attractive anymore at all. So the question I presented is easy for me to answer - if I had to choose, I'd go for intellect over looks. I'm not saying everyone should think that way - but when presented with a multiple choice question, pick one answer - don't make up your own ;) | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 6/30/2007 6:29:31 PM | | I guess the old saying goes.. that one should never settle for less than what there looking for... being overweight myself.. i have certainly gotten my share of..i am not into fat or overweight women.. can't be mad if thats.. how they feel... sure at times .. it may sting but oh well.. i have to build a bridge and get over it ... the thing is too try and not personalize it ...everyone usually has an idea.. of what type of person they are attracted too....so why waste our time .. being attracted to someone who is not gonna be attracted back.... there are people out there who feel exactly the opposite.. that are looking for someone who is genuinely nice... for someone who has a wonderful inside... that is just a beautiful person all around .... we have people who don't date out of there race... who don't like short woman... don't want to be with a smoker... not from the right background... not making enough money.. we could go on forever.... so the best we can all do.. is love ourselves enough to know that we deserve to be loved for who we are... and if we don't fit.. what a person is looking for.. then there not for us anyway ...... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/1/2007 11:27:19 PM | | Yes it is true that a person's personality can have an impact on how they are percieved by others, but I feel this is only true up to a certain point. If there is some physical trait that someone finds truly repellant then no amount of charm and wit will be able to overcome that to the point of making them physically desireable. And while I can't speak for all people, for me a physical attraction is a *must* for a romantic relationship. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/2/2007 3:06:42 AM | | Personally, I like women with plenty to grab on the hips and butt, as women are supposed to carry more weight there than what men do, however, if I met a woman for a relationship, it would be nice for her to look after herself, eating a balanced diet and exercising regularly. She doesn't have to be athletic though, just someone who enjoys the beach and great outdoors such as bushwalking would be awesome. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:16:04 AM | OP, this reminds me of the phrase "I may be fat, but you're ugly......and I can lose weight"  Some things can't be changed like the fact that this guy is an a$$!!
Just one chick's opinion,
Blue | |
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