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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:22:54 AM | i dont look at a persons fitness (weight is what this topic refers to isnt it?)
i prefer not to risk snapping a lady when i hug her, and size is really irrelevant to personality. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:11:09 AM | Listen people you may not like it, but there is always going to be a link between fitness and attraction. People like what they like, and if you think 20lbs is not a significant amount to be overweight by, ask yourself what other animal in nature suddenly gains 10 - 15% extra mass after it has finished its growth cycle aside from hibernators?
When I was overweight I didn't get that many dates, partly due to how I looked, but mostly due to my lousy self-esteem (which in turn was partially-linked to how I looked). Needless to say, not too many women were glancing my way.
Then I got off my ass, worked out hard and lost the weight - I was now pencil-thin and thus mildly better looking, but felt better about myself and noticed a few more glances coming my way.
Now after 8 years of fitness and weight training, I've finally entered cut/buff territory and all of a sudden I can overhear the girls in the office divying me up for who gets to take me to the office X-mas party 
Do I consider these women shallow because they're drawn to me now where some weren't before? NO, they had their preferences, and I had mine. I figured if I wanted a hot, toned woman, I had better have an equal body to offer as well!
Now that I've got it, getting those first dates has become much simpler and I for one couldn't be happier... Now if only I could find a hot girl I was also compatible with personality-wise...  Oh well, one thing at a time I guess!  | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 7/2/2007 4:36:10 PM |
Yes it is true that a person's personality can have an impact on how they are percieved by others, but I feel this is only true up to a certain point. If there is some physical trait that someone finds truly repellant then no amount of charm and wit will be able to overcome that to the point of making them physically desireable. And while I can't speak for all people, for me a physical attraction is a *must* for a romantic relationship.
Sure, no matter how great their personality is, there could always be something that physically turns another person off...but some things can get fixed - e.g. many women think Matthew McConaghey is hot (I don't) but the man never uses deodorant and according to a number of people he smells really, really bad...something like that is physically repellent to many, but there's a good chance one might be able to eventually get him to use deodorant. Even some physical features that could put another off can be fixed - teeth, noses, bigger belly, etc...*if* that person wants to actually fix them for themself. Still, it's a good thing 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and we all have our own idea of what's attractive to us ;) | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 3:02:26 AM | I wouldn't date someone who was overweight & said they wanted to lose it. However I wouldn't say to someone get in shape first & then contact me, thats a bit off!! Yes that may be shallow but I do have a valid reason.
I dated a guy that was a bit overweight, he had a belly, but we got on quite well so I thought why not, personality is more important than physical connection!! He told me how much he wanted to lose weight & get back in shape after he had a knee injury. Anyway he joined a gym, did lose weight a bit of weight & raved about going etc.
When we started dating he quit the gym, sat on his arse eating & admitted how much he had hated going to the gym as it was a chore!! He lied to me & obviously thought it was ok. Nope...........dumped | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 4:32:56 AM | | Sapphire, i have to go against the flow and as shallow as it may sound i agree with you. I go to the gym 3 -4 times a week and consider myself quite fit. I have female friends who are somewhat overweight and constantly moaning about how they would love to look like me and say they are going to diet and exercise but never do anything about it. So until i actually saw some proof that they were doing as they said and actively trying to get fitter and lose some weight and not just talking about it i would hold off too. My fitness is too important to me to have a partner whose lifestyle was completely different. If he likes the benefits of having a partner with a fit toned body i can't see why I shouldn't want them too..... Sitting on his arse and eating cr*p all day would be a definite deal breaker for me. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 4:35:55 AM | I'm somewhat new to the forums and I have to say I'm really shocked at how down people get on others for having personal preferences.
I'm an overweight gal who has lost 70 pounds, but has that much more to go. I am not offended when people don't want to date me because of my weight. For most people, there has to be a physical attraction or that elusive 'chemistry' in order to have a relationship. For some, that physical attraction or chemistry may be derived from a large chest or small waist or big eyes. For others, that chemistry or attraction could come from someone's personality and getting to know them. Is there a universal truth here? I think it's shallow to not allow for different ways of thinking.
It doesn't sound like this person was rude. He was honest. Isn't that what most of us say we want? It could be that he couldn't tell from her pics what her body was like, so until she brought it up, he didn't know.
I say 'live and let live'. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:59:20 AM | When it comes to fitness and attraction I learned the hard way. 
My EX was the "perfect" 5' 4", 110 pounds, blonde with blue eyes and sexually dead! My current partner is 5' 8" and "a few pounds overweight". In the 11 years we've been together I can count on one hand the number of times she wasn't "in the mood".
Unfortunately, the so-called "perfect body" does not translate into the perfect sex partner. Once between the sheets the "imposter" is quickly exposed. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:50:13 AM | In my case if I'm attracted I don't mind if they're a little bit overweight if they're actively dieting and working out...and as I got to know them, I'd see firsthand that they were, since I eat right and work out myself - I assume we'd be doing a lot of things of that nature together. It's sort of inevitable.
I'd rather someone be already doing all that for their own health and confidence then to expect them to do that for me or anyone else.
Someone who was all talk would be pretty easy and quick to spot. Sounds like the person in question just didn't want to be bothered, or wasn't attracted. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:58:40 AM | I agree with an above post that weight & fitness are linked in all of our minds. It is what it is. DacaInaru has alot of wise things to say. Emotional weight has a large pull in losing physical weight. I've lost alot of emotional weight in the last year, working on myself inside & as I have, I've noticed the drop in my physical weight. I'm by no means that smallest most healthy one, but I'm getting there.
Attraction is a curious thing, isn't it? I look @ a guy's attitude, thier ability to find humor, thoughtfulness-that kind of thing. Weight doesn't cross my mind. The actual person does. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:09:22 AM | Of course if you are attracted to another, then the flaws that might exist, do not seem that "huge"....so to speak......
OT........It takes a long time to gain all that weight and allow muscle to be surrounded by fat, and it will take a long time to change that and your ways to get it off.
You can lose pounds quickly, but the long term effect will be the "yo-yo" syndrome, and that means it will be up and down for the rest of your life. A life style change is needed with a long term goal of taking the pounds off slowly and replacing that weight with lean muscle, and a determination to maintain it all the time.
The only true way I know to lose weight and keep it off, is to have less calories coming in from food, then you use to live each day. The key is being active, working out enough to let your body know that it needs to develop muscle and burn calories that way, and not just add fat or shut down thinking you are in a starving mode.
Being healthy and desiring that from another is not shallow in my mind, but just another preference added to the list on this dating site.
Just my opinion.....   | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:19:07 AM | | I'll be the a*sswhole here. I wouldn't date them. I only go out with women that I am attracted to NOW, not later. People that say they are going to do something like that seldom do. Now she could be curvy, thin, whatever, but I believe in what you see is what you get. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:54:24 AM | If a woman told me that she wanted to date me, but she was losing weight, and I liked her, I'd definitely date her, but I'd wait on the sex until we were both in shape. That way, we both would look our best when it came to it, and that's the way we'd see each other from then on. Somehow, people see each other the same as when they first slept together, even 20 years on.
Yes,and as one who is in the gym 3 to 7 times a week,I would be there to give them all the encouragement they need! I'm not in the gym that often, but I second that. Long live encouragement! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 7:54:52 AM |
If you met someone here, talked to them, really liked them, and they were say, 20 lbs. overweight, but on a fitness program and trying to lose, would you still date them?
Yes,and as one who is in the gym 3 to 7 times a week,I would be there to give them all the encouragement they need! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:33:43 AM | "A lot of people will tell you just to be yourself but I suggest being the best you can"
The "best one can be " be varies and depends on who is doing the looking and the judging of womens bodies.....When it should just really depend upon the person herself and not others...Sometimes the best a woman can be is being happy with her weight no matter how men feel about it...Thats the real test of high self esteem, which will shine right thru no matter how much she weighs...Queen Latifah is a large woman but her persona just glows confidence and radiates high self esteem | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 10:26:32 AM | | I think his attitude is arrogant and superior and wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole. It's funny how smug people can be when they think they are one of the chosen ones. I'll bet this guys self-image is totally wrapped up in his looks and if he were to lose them he'd crumble mentally. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 10:33:15 AM | ~OP~ i think your post answers itself...
if this guy really liked your friend, he wouldn't blow her off by asking your her to contact him after she got into shape. there's nothing wrong with two people liking each other and not being attracted or interested in a romantic relationship right now (hey, you can't argue with physical attraction...it's either there or it isn't), but it sounds like he isn't interested in getting to know her on any level if it doesn't involve him wanting to bang her. it's blunt, but so was he...your friend is better off without him. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:04:06 PM | | I think he needs to shape up his attitude or ship out. I hope this gal won't go out with this Cad, there's more things in life than to have one's knickers twisted over 20 pounds. What next? Wrinkles? | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 5:13:07 PM |
If you met someone here, talked to them, really liked them, and they were say, 20 lbs. overweight, but on a fitness program and trying to lose, would you still date them?
That depends. Were they honest about the extra weight prior to meeting if this is an internet thing? If they weren't honest ~ nope, it's done. Right NOW.  That gripes my azz just like age liars.  Sorry ~ if you don't like yourself well enough to be honest about such details of "who" you are right NOW, you aren't the one for me. Obviously when you meet in the real world this is rather moot, because you see them as they are. But this internet stuff is tricky. Age and weight. Geez, what is up with that??? As far as someone getting fit while I date them, I'm all for it. I'm all for betterment on the buddy-system. If he's into getting lean, and I can be his work-out partner, I'm there. I'd love to have someone to get more and more into fitness with. I'm rather fit now, but I'd welcome that as a bonding tool. JMO
yyyw  | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:01:40 PM | Basically, we're talking sex here, right? I mean, if one should weigh 125 pounds and they weigh 150 pounds what difference does it make unless we're talking about exploring the person's body? The 25 or 35 pounds are not going to make a difference in anything else, are they?
So, if that's the case it appears there are people who assume if one is "toned" or slim they will make a better sex partner. If that's the case I got news for them. A persons "build" has little to do with their sexual ability unless the person is grossly over or under weight.
It's often said beauty only opens the door. It's the personality that determines whether the relationship goes forward. Shouldn't that also apply to the sexual aspect? In other words if one finds a person attractive, nice facial features, hair, etc, but overweight wouldn't it be to ones benefit to find out about the sex? | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 95 | |
| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:16:58 PM | 20 pounds overwieght on a tall guy might not be that big of a deal. So its hard to say how I'd react to that number.
however if he was overweight to the point where he looked a little bit chubby, chunky, teddy-bearish, barrel-chested, beer-bellied, love handled, flabby, then uhhhhhhhhhhh well it would be a turn OFF.
and I am a firm believer in NEVER trying to change anyone. so that means, what I see NOW is all I expect to ever get. SO if hes a fatty now and turns me off I wont sit around waiting for him to take control of it. nope. no way. tooooooooo m any people fail at that anyway.
howeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I would NEVER EVER tell a guy to lose the weight then contact me. thats just rude and arrogant. No....Id just be pals and see if HE was ever inspired and ACTUALLY did manage to get in shape and stay there. then if we were both still interested Id see if we could date then. But in the meantime I wouldnt sit around waiting on him......id go on and have my own social life.
also: Id take into consideration WHY hes overweight. if its a good reason, medication, injury/illness, etc...then that would SLIGHTLY make me more understanding. If its just cuz he sits around all day shoving cake in his cake hole and watchin tv all day then. nooooooooooooooooooooooo. nope. not a chance. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:30:50 PM | I'm fit. I have always worked out. I have a beautiful smile and personality. I'm certainly more fit than most of the guys in my age range. Now, I think my age may be getting in the way. I see many overweight women that seem t have very happy and fulfilling relationships. From where I stand, guys want more than fit and attractive and employed and warm and friendly and cuddly and . . . . . . The shopping list seems to go on. Well, I'm glad my dog loves me. My daughter is crazy about me and my son is just trying to stay out of the service. He's at that awkward 17.
Well, you get my drift. You get one thing and another seems to be desired. You just have to love yourself. | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:46:25 PM | One thing I have noticed over the years, and was just thinking about that tonight is that likes attract. I have seen the "model" types date only the "model" types. You know the ones, they have the designer clothes, the caps on their teeth, streaks in their hair, drive the right cars. I am referring to both sexes by the way.
An average guy like myself (not overweight, all my hair etc) still would get no glances from the so-called "stunning women" since I am not a male model myself.
So, I think that fitness and attraction play some part of the equation, but it seems to me that some people will only date, well, their opposite gender twin! | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 6:47:17 PM |
So, if that's the case it appears there are people who assume if one is "toned" or slim they will make a better sex partner. If that's the case I got news for them. A persons "build" has little to do with their sexual ability unless the person is grossly over or under weight.
My answer has absolutely NOTHING to do with sex. I'm fit. I am an outdoor fiend, rarely do I spend time in front of my tv nor am I one to lounge around after eating a huge meal. Fitness is an overall healthy attitude and the ability/interest in eating properly, exercise and living life on the go rather than in the mode of relaxation every spare moment. If he is toned already, wonderful ~ we'll skip that step and get further into building and/or even maybe racquetball, paintball leagues, I've wondered about getting more serious/agressive on my mt. bike. It has NOTHING to do with sex on this note.
After thinking about your post (what I quoted here) ~ I hate to be the bad news fairy, but one's physique does matter sexually to some. For me, it's a preference and if that isn't there ~ there is NO sexual vibe or attraction which means no sex. I am not likely going to snivel about a little "winter weight" or someone's 10 pounds around the middle, but it would be terribly difficult for me to be OK with someone flabby when naked. It matters to me. OH and there is also the strength thing ~ a man who is fit, can usually sustain positions and other interesting things that someone not as strong won't be able to do. Then we can get into the whole yoga thing ~ flexibility, concentration, stamina, etc. It all does make a difference, at least to me personally. Likewise, I wouldn't want to mislead someone into thinking I'm willing to sit around and get chubby doing nothing but being blissfully in love. I'm a doer, he needs to be one as well. JMO
yyyw | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 8:41:30 PM | Oh My!!!! this guy you speak of seems to be very shallow, I understand that he has preferences, but why even carry on a conversation w/the person if they don't fit your requirements????? lol
I've dated athletic guys, body builders, ect., but I've also dated a guy who has a few xtra lbs. I use to assist a friend in the gym who was a personal trainer & he was as "shallow" as they come, he would tell women who were insecure about their weight that once they lose the lbs, he may consider being out in public w/them to help show off their new bodies, I thought it was an awful thing 2 say, but alot of these women took him up on his offer... | |
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| Fitness and attraction
Posted: 9/5/2007 9:33:37 PM | I, for one, am always trying to get into shape; but for the life of me, can't figure out what that shape is.
Yes, preferences are subjective and personal. Debating it may convert some to your point of view and may even lose some from your point of view. In the end, there will be as many sides as there are preferences.
Based on the info from the post, I think the guy could have handled the rejection with more tact and compassion.  on his behavior. | |
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