| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/14/2007 11:13:43 AM | | As a waitress, I have to ask questions and I get a lot of stupid answers!! So, here's a questions with a stupid answer: Q: Can I start you off with something to drink today? A: No. I'll just have a water. Kills me everytime. =) | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/14/2007 12:01:22 PM | My grandmother used to work for Army Community Services.
She would process the start up paperwork of military families who needed extra assistances.
I still remember this one guy who came in looking for baby supplies.
She began by asking him basic information...
"name... age... ssn... dob..."
(It went on until they got to birthplace...)
She asks "And where is your place of birth?"
He answers "I's born in Alabama"
(so sorry if you too, are from Alabama...)
She continues" So, you're a natural born US citizen?"
He belts out "Daggonit lady, NO! I dun told ya I was from Alabama!"
(...and the room went silent...) | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:19:28 PM | | Like the cops that were busting a guy for being an "agriculturalist" growing pot. Guy kept denying it, denying it...shows the cop the closet with lights and pot growing, cop says "Though you said you weren't an agriculturalist!?" Guy says "I'm not...I'm a Baptist!" | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:26:46 AM | | "Is Global Warming happening everywhere or just America?" asked by my 13 year old son yesterday. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 1:04:58 PM | | A man walks into the cafe I work in... doesn't bother to read the menu, says "can I get a burger and fries". I reply that we don't sell any fried foods, please see the menu and I point... to the 8-foot board 5 feet away from his face. He reads the menu, selects a sandwich, then tells me "give me an order of fries with that." | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 1:20:24 PM | Overheard while shopping in the dollar store:
"I wonder how much this costs?"
I had to hush my eight year old for laughing out loud.
*C* | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:18:59 PM | Always easier to deal with dumb questions
than clean up the messes of dumb mistakes.
Have you ever told a white lie?
You are going to love this.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group Easter sale in Tuscaloosa,
but she forgot about it until the last minute.
She remembered it the morning of the sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel
food cake mix and quickly made it, while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Brian
pack up for Scout camp. But, when Alice took the cake from the oven, the centre had dropped flat
and the cake was horribly misshapen. There was no time to bake another cake!
This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her
new community of new friends.
So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the centre of the cake.
Alice found it in the bathroom, a roll of toilet paper. She plonked it in and then covered it
with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!
Before she left the house to drop the cake at the church and head for work, Alice woke her
daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bakery sale the
minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy this cake and bring it home.
When her daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive, perfect cake had already
been sold! Amanda grabbed her mobile phone and called her mother.
Alice was horrified. She was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think of her?
She would be ostracised, talked about, ridiculed.
That night Alice was lying awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and
talking about her behind her back.
The next day Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would
attend the fancy luncheon at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time there.
She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a real snob who more than once had
looked down her nose at Alice because Alice was a single parent and not from one of the founding
families of Tuscaloosa.
Having already replied, she could not think of a believable excuse to stay away. The meal was
elegant; the company was definitely upper crust Old South...To Alice's horror, the cake in
question was presented for dessert!
Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw it being brought in. She started out of
her chair to rush to the hostess and tell her all about it, but before she could get to her feet
the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"
"Thank you", said the snobby hostess, "I baked it myself!"
Alice sat back and smiled, "GOD IS GOOD". | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:29:27 PM | How smart is your right foot?
Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart
your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY) and while
sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your
right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.!!!!!!!!!
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it!
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are
going to try it again, if you've not already done so. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:39:09 PM | As far as stupid questions go ...
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
11. What do people in China call their good plates?
12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?
17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
20. If a man is walking in a forest and no woman is there to hear him is he still wrong?
21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window? | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:43:38 PM | Just Kidding ... kids always know how to deal with dumb questions:-)
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS
Teacher : Why are you late?
Balgobin : Because of the sign.
Teacher : What sign?
Balgobin : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
Teacher : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
Balgobin : You told me to do it without using tables!
Teacher : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Balgobin : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
Teacher : No, that's wrong
Balgobin : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
Teacher : What is the chemical formula for water?
Balgobin : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
Teacher : What are you talking about?
Balgobin : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Teacher : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America .
Balgobin : Here it is!
Teacher : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?
Class : Balgobin!
Teacher : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Balgobin : Me!
Teacher : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
Balgobin : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
Balgobin : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father : I think so. What do you want me to write?
Balgobin : Your name on this report card.
Teacher : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Balgobin : Don't bite any.
Teacher : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Balgobin : I is...
Teacher : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
Balgobin : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Balgobin : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt ?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Balgobin : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Balgobin : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
Teacher : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Balgobin : No, teacher, it's the same dog! | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:01:17 PM | | There are no dumb questions, only dumb answers. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 4:16:20 AM | The dumbest question recently asked of me was in a shoe store. This particular shoe store operated a bit differently from standard ones. Their was one of each shoe in stock on the shelves. You would find the shoe that fit you and take it to the counter, the clerk would then get the other shoe from the stockroom and bingo...you have a pair.
When I took the shoe of my choosing to the counter, the clerk asked me "Would you like the other one?" I promptly replied "No, I will come back tomorrow to get the other one." She then proceeded to indicate that I was being an ass about it. I'm sorry, but I thought it was a stupid question. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:28:52 AM | I kind of agree with the "no dumb questions" crowd, to a point.
Sometimes everyone, including me, can supply some innocent fun. 
There are, however, some dumb comments that I've cherished. One was from a woman at work who had got a ticket for parking in a handicapped spot.
She was FURIOUS !
She walked in, and stated " Those handicapped people get ALL the breaks !!!!!! " 
Even better ?
She couldn't understand why everyone couldn't speak for a few minutes....
( I just had this picture of her seeing this guy in a wheelchair, paralyzed since birth, and yelling " YOU SELF-CENTERED SLACKER !!!! ") | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 10:45:33 AM | about 10 years ago I was talking to some people in a youth's chat room, (which since has been taken off the internet) And in my description it said I was from BC, Canada.
I had a lot of stupid questions asked by a lot of the younger people, however the question I got from a 18 year old girl who lived in Seatle took the cake...
Her question: So, you live in Canada right?
My response: Yup, sure do.
Her question: So do you live in an igloo?
my response (sarcastic): yeah, and I plug my computer right into the ice wall and it magically has power and the internet! isn't that cool? cause you know, water generates electricity...
she actually believed me... The sad thing is Seatle was a 20 minute drive from my house (I lived right by the border)
She also asked if we had dog sleds to get around or if we just skiied everywhere... I couldn't stop laughing long enough to reply to that one, I mean really, does it look like there's that much snow on the other side of the border??? how do these people actually graduate?
some people are sooooooooo stupid it's sad. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 1:00:45 PM | here's a dumb question for you all to ponder...
is a turtle without a shell naked or homeless??? | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:58:48 PM | the ones that i find dumbest:
they ring you on your house phone
'so your home then?' err no im in the middle of town and took it with me ???
they ring you at silly o'clock in the morning and eventually answer after letting ring 5 times
"did i wake you?" no i always have a habit of gettin up at stupid o'clock to take your drunken call
"i came round today and no one answered, where you out?" no i was hiding bhind the couch??? | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:00:41 PM |
is a turtle without a shell naked or homeless???
Dead, actually. :)
I liked the bit about the igloo and the electricity. Now that is the winner as far as I am concerned for the grand prize of dumbest question ever.
When the ice power goes out do you have the sled dogs running on a exercise machine to generate electricity?
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:28:54 PM | I'm kneeling in my garden . . pulling Itty-Bitty weeds from between my Green Onions
My neighbor peeks over the fence and queries . . ' Gardening? '
..Naturally . . I reply . .
' No . . Ski-Jumping!! . . I just thought I'd try it in the Garden , first . .
Wouldn't want to get hurt on the lake ! ' | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/17/2007 6:29:19 AM | | I liked the "your vehicle must be very cheap to run"? after mistaking the block heater cord hanging out of the front for a battery charger. After a quick head shake, I replied "yes, it is"...As I hung up the fuel nozzle at the gas station. This sad individual was sincere to boot. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:17:58 AM |
... When the ice power goes out do you have the sled dogs running on a exercise machine to generate electricity?
how did you know? hahahahahaha... those dogs can run a mile of minute, I get better internet service when they're running then I do when it's plugged into the ice...
some people eh??? I would have expected the igloo question from a 3 year old in alabama, not a 17 or 18 year old that lives in seatle, lol... | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:29:26 AM | After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read andcorrect the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.) (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in****it.
S: Something tightened in****it.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in****it.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:35:25 PM | | My fave comes from my children. While I'm in the Loo the door handle jiggles and I hear "mommy what are you doing?" building a rocket ship! | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/26/2007 4:47:08 PM | When someone asks me a dumb question as your friend did OP, I usually tell them that I'm trying to convert Einstein's equation of "E=MC squared" into the fashion industry and how Tommy Hilfiger would benefit from his "scientific oriented line", or the food industry or whatever type of business I happen to be patronizing at the time, but lucky me..I don't have any "dumb" friends or they wouldn't be my "friends" in the first place.
Sans | |
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| DUMB QUESTIONS
Posted: 10/27/2007 5:08:51 AM | When I worked at the post office, I had a customer ask me "How much is a 50 cents stamp?" | |
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