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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 26 | |
| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 12:34:32 PM | Imo most guys in there early twenties are not out for relationships. There more interested in shagging an older lady.
Its called maturity and many in their early twenties are immature. There not settled in life and choose not to be. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 1:04:51 PM | "Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?"
Crazy...I get that too..I'm ok to be The Older Woman FB With Benefits but not dating/girlfriend material....I find it insulting really
"so guys, what gives? why will you f*ck and get all freaky with an older woman, but not consider her for a dating or long-term relationship? we get your rocks off, so why not take it to the next level?" | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 3:28:14 PM | I'm usually in relationships with men much younger than myself, by 15 or 20 years. So far, there have been none who didn't want us to go out together. I've done a lot of going out and socializing over the years, and frankly, I'm happy with stay at home dates now, mine or theirs.
I'm the one who is usually not into "dating" them. In the past, I had no problem with men of any age not wanting to "date" me. Actually, if one looked too young, I especially didn't want to go out with him! So, I guess it depends on what you're each looking for in a relationship. I stop short of saying I mainly like a special FWB, but I guess that is true in a way. So, I guess it works both ways. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 4:30:12 PM | Ok from my own experience, as an older guy, 32, I know for a fact that when I was younger, I had the opportunity to NOT date, but to sleep with two different older women. They were mothers of friends of mine. I must say at the time, i really didn't know what to do. And like all stupid kids, we do stupid things.
But I will tell you. A younger man dating/sleeping with, an older woman is a status symbol. For him. Not her.
For the older woman however, I truly believe its the longevity of it. It makes them feel younger, appreciated, and adored. There is more I could add, but that is enough for now I think.
Personally I think that both are wrong points of view, and to avoid such things, I do not date any one who is younger or older than I am by at least five years. Anything more than that, and I would question her, and myself. I do not like having to question myself. lol. I don't know about any of you guys and gals on here, but dating isn't a status symbol, and it shouldn't be perceived as such. A person should date because they are seeking out the love that they need to make themselves whole. Now, i do agree though that an older woman can date and marry a younger guy, and vice versa. But to the outsider, their thoughts are usually for the young woman that she is a gold digger, and to the young man, he is inexperienced and lacks a certain....way about him. The reason this is so, is because in today's age it is taboo. If you like younger guys, go for it. But be warned....you will get stared at. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 4:53:09 PM | i am 39 and i prefer older women mainly because i think in the most part they dress better.......much more feminine.........and dont moan as much about wearing skirts, a lot of younger women only wear skirts when going out clubbing and are the trouser/jean brigade during daylight hours.
my last GF was 30 and NEVER wore a skirt or stockings , i did meet a lovely lady off here last year, she was 53 and wonderfull, the day i arranged to meet her she went into the ladies room and unbeknown to her came out with her skirt tucked into the top of her tights (hose), heck did she look sexy......lol, in the end she said i was too young for her......
i dont consider my self "young" any more but i would love to date women in their 40s and 50s, in the most part they have had their children and could be looking for some fun.
any offers........... | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:00:54 PM | Older women, younger men: the sometimes controversial relationships still generate some heated discussion - The Debate Continues
Ebony, March, 2003 by Marsha Gilbert
FALLING in love doesn't always happen the way women expect. Sometimes Mr. Right arrives late and shows up several years younger. Dating and marriage are tough enough without the extra burden of a generation gap, but an increasing number of Black women and men are finding ways to make it work.
One woman who says she found the love of her life in a younger man is Grammy Award-winning singer Gladys Knight, who knew her husband, William McDowell, for 14 years before they started dating. Whenever she went to La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif., she enjoyed talking to McDowell, who was the spa's director. "I never allowed myself to be more than a good friend," says Knight, who describes herself as old-fashioned and non-aggressive. "We were each waiting for the other to make the first move."
When Knight divorced for the third time, McDowell, who was also divorced, said he felt badly that her marriage didn't work out, but told her that she should have married him in the first place. "You didn't ask me," said Knight, who at the time was 56 and assumed McDowell was in his mid 30s. "[Anyway], you don't want an old woman like me. You can have any young girl you want."
But 43-year-old McDowell, now co-owner of a real estate company, wouldn't be turned away. He initiated a long-distance courtship--mostly by phone--for about six months. "It warmed my heart that he would be interested in me," says Knight, now 58. The two wanted a Christ-centered marriage that was not based on physical intimacy alone, so they waited until their wedding day on April 12, 2001, she says, to share their first kiss.
Dating a man 13 years younger was new for Knight, but she says she now feels that she has found her soul mate. So what's her advice for other women? "Don't see with your eyes, but with your heart," she says. "It's not about how many world years you live. One day the world will stop looking at age."
Many people already have stopped looking at age.
Some other famous women who have connected with a man with fewer birthdays include Whitney Houston, 39, whose husband Bobby Brown is 33; Vanessa L. Williams, 39, whose husband Rick Fox is 33; and Terry McMillan, 50, whose husband Jonathan Plummer is 27.
But it's not only famous women who are finding love in younger men. The U.S. Census Bureau reported in 1996 (the most recent statistics on the subject) that 48 percent of women who married for the first time between 1970 and 1989 were the same age or older than their husbands. This is up 10 percent from 1945 to 1964.
New York-based psychologist and author Grace Cornish is part of this increasing population. She also found out that love can come in younger wrappings. Cornish was 37 and happily celibate for three years, she says, when she learned that 29-year-old Richard Livingstone was interested in dating her. She turned him down. "I had never dated a younger guy," she says. "It took two years before I felt ready to settle down, and then I started dating him." They dated for six months before getting married.
Cornish advises other women not to just swim in the shallow end when looking for a partner. In her book, You Deserve Healthy Love, Sis! she writes: "Sis, wherever you find happiness, if you're not hurting anybody, nor hurting yourself, go for it!"
However, if women decide to "go for it," they are likely to have to deal with the longstanding, preconceived notions that are usually associated with older woman/younger man relationships: He's after her money; she wants to mold him; he's looking for a mother-figure. Also many people think older women are seeking sex, but Dr. Earl F. Greer, a clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio, says it's more likely to be the other way around. "A 30-year-old man might choose a 40-woman because he thinks she has some tricks that a younger woman might not know." On the other hand, Dr. Sylvia A. Hamilton, a Sacramento psychologist, says an active sex life is a consideration for many older women who "may be looking for someone who has more energy in general."
Like other experts, Cornish encourages women not to allow stereotypes to prevent them from being with the person they're attracted to. But there are considerations, she says, stressing that if a woman is considering dating a younger man, she should make sure he has good intentions.
Cornish, who is 40 and married to the 32-year-old Livingstone (a chemistry professor), says: "Go for it if you're looking for your soul mate. So what if his spirit is locked in the body of a younger man!"
Miriam Cummings, who is three years older than her husband, says that the trend of older women marrying younger men developed partly because so many older men are pursuing younger women. "Older women find it difficult to find older men because older men are looking for younger women," says Cummings, who lives in Decatur, Ga. "Older women who are single and independent, with a sense of freedom, are attractive to younger men, especially if their children are almost out of the house."
Cummings' mother introduced her to her future husband, Gerald Cummings, who was 36 when she was 39. She didn't pursue a relationship with him because he had just ended an eight-year marriage six months earlier and had a 4-year-old son. Cummings herself had been married for 11 years, divorced for eight years and had teenaged children.
After an icy first meeting, Gerald Cummings, a computer network administrator, got Miriam Cummings' work phone number from her mother and asked her out for coffee. "I thought he was being pushy," says Cummings, now a 42-year-old marketing and communications consultant.
After dating a couple of months, they both knew they would get married, but they dated a little more than a year before getting married. "He called me every day and pursued me to marriage," Cummings says with a laugh. "The only time age comes up is when we're listening to music and I'll say, `What do you know about that youngster?'"
Cecka Green also says age doesn't matter in her marriage. She met her future husband, Marvin Green, at Florida A&M University when she was 20 and he was 17. They didn't date. In fact, she didn't remember him when they were re-introduced by a mutual friend after she graduated. "I thought he would be too young," says Green, 35, the vice president of a public relations firm in Tallahassee. "I thought he would be a good friend, but that he wouldn't understand half the things I had already experienced."
But consistency paid off, Green says, because Marvin made her "feel special' with his thoughtfulness and constant attention. Now that they've been married for seven years, she says she and her husband, a college golf and intramural sports coach, don't talk about their age difference. "Eventually the age thing [just] fades away," she says.
Even though the older woman/younger man pairings work wonderfully for many, not all older women say that being involved with a younger man is the answer. Carolyn Anderson has been divorced for nearly two years and is "well into my 40s" with children who are ages 22 and 24. She won't consider dating younger men because she is concerned about society's stereotypes. She doesn't want people to say she's robbing the cradle or that she appears to be desperate, although Anderson says she doesn't feel that way about her girlfriends in similar relationships.
"For nearly the last two years, every guy that asked me out was younger, and I turned them down," says Anderson, who travels often as president and CEO of a Decatur, Ga.-based international special events company. She says older men don't ask her out, and she won't ask them out. "I'm looking for someone who is compatible and well-rounded. My baby-raising days are well over."
While the older woman/younger man relationship may create unique problems, experts agree that--as in relationships where age isn't a consideration--the most important factor is compatibility. Denise Hayes, Ph.D., director of counseling and health services, and assistant dean of students at DePauw University in Greencastle, Ind., says if you are fortunate enough to make a connection with someone who is not your equal in terms of age, it's okay. Just proceed carefully. "You should pursue the relationship as you would any other relationship, with the same cautions and [desires] for the same qualities," she says. "But don't be so limited by society's reactions."
COPYRIGHT 2003 Johnson Publishing Co.
COPYRIGHT 2003 Gale Group
Source: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_5_58/ai_97874230
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U-nMe
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Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/1/2007 8:42:27 PM | I was pursued by a man (35) 17 yrs younger - he made it clear in the beginning "its just for fun" I went into it reluctantly as I'd never done it before..
He never took me out ..he often promised me lunch/dinner/ boating/weekend trips/meeting in Vegas on his business trip - but nothing came to fruition. I tried several times to break it off - b/c I was getting too involved w/ him but he would sweet talk me into continueing.. I knew i was just a booty call but HE insisted it was more..he "had strong feelings" for me he said, even introduced me to his parents as a realtor to help them move locally.. this continued nearly 2 years. He wanted it to continue "forever"..
I finally ended it 7 months ago b/c I heard he'd gotten engaged to a girl (22) he'd known since she was 17 (13 yrs his jr) - I'd found out she was living with him..he had said as room mates haaa . They are getting married in a few months and DAMNIT I cannot get him out of my head.. I know one phone call and he would be back for more ... As much as he insisted that it was more than fwb/booty call - thats all I think I was to him, and it makes me feel cheap...
Im good friends with his mother now and have to hear about him (she suspects -but not the intensity of the friendship) - boy, I MISS HIM - but self respect stops me from calling him.. A COUGAR no more!
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TeJ_25
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Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:52:12 AM | | the reasons mentioned seem to place more control with the guy. have experienced that older women typically direct the relationship as far as whether to get married or have kids in a monogomous relationship. dated older women who claim that they want something serious and are game for the intimacy and sex but shy away from anything serious. was fine with me. but it would seem reasonable to just mention it if that is what you want. at least for me the older women dated wanted to have more than just one friend with benefits. but only wanted you to be monogomous. as some form of control. people may make decisions whether to date older women based on their experiences. for me would rather invest into something that has a better chance at success than an older women leading a younger guy on to think he is fullfilling the needs and wants the way they should. anything more than 8 years older to me is placing yourself in a situation that may not be healthy emotionally and mentally. but thats just me | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:58:03 AM | Well, speaking for myself, from the first time I started dating (many many years ago), I always dated women who where older than me, simply because I found women of my own age, or younger lacking in intellect, and having an intelligent conversation was hard work.
In many ways you actually answered your own question, the reason why guys don't want to date older women, is simply a matter of image. It's Cool to be seen in public with a sexy fresh faced young woman, but no so cool to be seen with an older woman, especially if it is a long term thing | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:11:40 AM | crazycurlz...
Sorry must just be the guys you have chosen, I have always dated older women usually only by about 2-4 years but now I am in my early thirties I have flipped to dating women in their mid twenties but thats because I am now thinking for settling down...no real preference just fancy a change. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:15:11 AM | Usually, men in their later 20s want a girlfriend who is attractive, easy to manipulate, and can dump if the going gets tough. Not so easy with an older woman.
I know a few guys who have had relationships with older women and been engaged to them. My sister married someone 6 years younger, and at 28, was within your age group.
But there was something consistent that I have noticed about these men: the women they are with do not think younger, but rather the men think older. They are more mature than other guys their age, who are not that interested in a relationship.
So, OP, I would say you don't have a problem because you are attractive to younger men: you have a problem because you are attracted to them. If you liked commitment, you would find at least 50% of the men you like are older men, NOT younger. Older does not mean dead or dying, but mature and experienced enough to know what matters in life. Clearly you don't value this trait, and that commitment is a trait that comes with maturity.
If you want commitment, then start finding out WHY older men do what they do, and learn to appreciate their finer values, because younger men who want a commitment ALSO appreciate those values, and will choose the women who want those older men too.
Miriam Cummings, who is three years older than her husband, says that the trend of older women marrying younger men developed partly because so many older men are pursuing younger women. "Older women find it difficult to find older men because older men are looking for younger women," says Cummings, who lives in Decatur, Ga. "Older women who are single and independent, with a sense of freedom, are attractive to younger men, especially if their children are almost out of the house." Crock of sh*t. Men have been dating women half their age since well before the last century. But it's only since gyms, skin creams and women in the workplace that it has finally become socially acceptable for a woman to date younger men. In fact, it is socially acceptable on POF for a 45-year-old woman to sleep with a 19-year-old guy. But suggest that a 45-year-old man do that with a 19-year-old woman, and 50 men post they'd like to string the guy up. It's just the latest fad to be a young, fit guy, or to be a sexy, older woman. There is a word for women like this: MILF. There is no equivalent positive name for a young woman, only insulting and degrading ones.
Feminism hasn't generated equality in the sexes, it's reversed the roles, and there is just as much prejudice and abuse as there ever was, just the other way around. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:28:20 AM | u prob just met guys who weren't into relationships; but were into the legend of the older woman, who is more sexual, more open, and more willing to have lots of and diff kinds of sex.
ur not that much older than the guys u like, so most likely its the guys not the age; now if u were 40 or so i could see them being concerned w/what people think, but not 34 | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 39 | |
| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:48:45 AM | IMO there are some reasons why I ( and some other men ) like much older women. Since I'm 31, a much older woman to me would be around 40 ( late 30s/early 40s ) and older.
1. There are many attractive women in their 40s. They often know what type of makeup, hairstyle, wardrobe, and other skin/beauty products that makes them look more attractive.
2. Women in their 40s are often more mature and wiser.
3. Women in their 40s often have more sexual experience.
IMO there are some reasons why I ( and some other men ) wouldn't date much older women.
1. I would date a woman that is up to 8-10 years older than me. It would be strange to date a woman that is old enough to be my mother or a woman that has children close to my age.
2. Different long term future goals. She might want to get remarried again and he doesn't want to settle down yet. She might want kids immediately before she is unable to have anymore and he doesn't want to have kids immediately. She might not want to or can't have anymore children and he would like to eventually have children.
If I was only looking for casual and/or short term sexual relationship, then the age of the woman isn't important to me. I wouldn't care if she was 21, 30, 40, or 50. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:25:36 AM | Doesn't seem much different than if the gender roles are switched....a younger person might be with a much older (say, over 15 years) person for awhile (for whatever reasons), but in the long run, it's hard to see one's self 20 years in the future w/ a person that much older than you.
See negative reason #2 above. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:32:22 AM | Well, I'm 45 now, and I could count on one hand, and have a couple of extra fingers left, the number of relationships I've had with men my age or older.
I have always been attracted to younger guys and vise versa, and dating me has never been an issue with anyone I've been with. Now, when I say younger, I mean 5 to 10 years younger. The man I'm dating now is 6 years younger than myself.
I think appearance might have something to do with it. Most men don't think I look my age. They think I'm younger, not just because of my looks, but because of my actions.
I'm very young at heart.
I once dated a man that was only 6 years older than myself, and someone thought he was my dad!
I think that if a couple looks good together, it's not a problem. If the waitresses keep asking you what your 'son' will be having, it may be a problem. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:07:24 AM | 1. There are many attractive women in their 40s. They often know what type of makeup, hairstyle, wardrobe, and other skin/beauty products that makes them look more attractive.
2. Women in their 40s are often more mature and wiser.
3. Women in their 40s often have more sexual experience.
I would add another reason. Some older women have an active lifestyle and have the same interests with younger men.
IMO there are some reasons why I ( and some other men ) wouldn't date much older women.
1. I would date a woman that is up to 8-10 years older than me. It would be strange to date a woman that is old enough to be my mother or a woman that has children close to my age.
2. Different long term future goals. She might want to get remarried again and he doesn't want to settle down yet. She might want kids immediately before she is unable to have anymore and he doesn't want to have kids immediately. She might not want to or can't have anymore children and he would like to eventually have children.
I would add another reason to this as well. "Baggage". Many older women have children from previous relationships, pending divorce settlements, financial obligations/debtd etc.
If I was only looking for casual and/or short term sexual relationship, then the age of the woman isn't important to me. I wouldn't care if she was 21, 30, 40, or 50.
Agreed. If I am only looking for a fling, the woman's age isn't a factor unless she is under 18 or over 60. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:11:02 AM | So funny to be reading this, I have been away from the "dating scene" - uuuggghhh for several years, met a gentlemen recently who was 10 years my junior, now I was the shallow one caught up in the "ooohhhh this young cute guy is interested in me" but eventually the age difference did catch up, not so much he was immature, I had 10 years experience of life on him
But it was ALOT of fun while it lasted!! | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:20:53 PM | | Let's face it - older women are just the flavour of the week for most younger men! They want a taste - but not the whole dish!! The fun is in the conquest - not in maintaining a relationship! It's a catch and release mantality! Older women have to very certain they can take the consequence of hooking up with a boy toy!! | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:31:30 PM | Let's see if you're really ready to hear the honest truth.
A younger guy is exactly that....YOUNGER. They can find an older woman attractive NOW and since cougars put out much more readily than the girls that are say...18 or so...a younger guy will have NO QUALMS about bedding a cougar.
Date one?....Are you CRAZY?...Why would a younger guy want to date an older woman that will get older faster than they will, sag faster, wrinkle faster...basically get ugly earlier. We already have to come to terms with the fact that we get distinguished as we age, while women get old and ugly. Why would we date someone that time is already impacting?
Why? When we can date someone many years YOUNGER than ourselves and keep the loin fire burning that much longer.
Why?...Because you older women are OK to f*ck...but by and large are aging, damaged goods. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:35:19 PM | WOW Vitiate, you certainly didn't pull any punches.
There was certainly a nicer way to write all that without making the women reading this page want to go jump out of a window (or perhaps throw you out of one instead  )
I still refer people to my posted explanation above (message #16 on page 1), it's a polite elaboration on some of the points my associate above has so crassly posted...
Cheers ladies  | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:40:53 PM | Crass....maybe.
Truth...fully.
It's been my experience that the female gender tends to have some trouble understanding sugar-coating...they tend to focus on only one part of what was said (the part they WANTED to hear) and to block out the rest.
I'm all about honest communication. Whether the answer is what you were hoping for or not, you're getting the REAL answer to the question, leaving NOTHING open for, "well, he said this, which COULD mean..."
No.
It means exactly how's it read. Sorry lady. | |
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| Why do younger men love older women, but rarely *date* them?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:36:11 PM | the one thing about dating YOUNGER women is that for the most part they havent a clue about being around much older men..........lets face it we dont even speak the same tongue.
iam 39 and at least men in my age group WILL have more in common with a lady at 50 than with a woman at say 20 and i can speak and understand what a 50 year old woman is saying and when she writes something......ie not text speak.!!!!!!!!!!
having said that i frequently go out (as friends) with a 20 year old woman from off this site for meals, drinks,bowling and shopping and she is nothing like most 20 year old women........she is very mature and a responsible young woman in fact but i could never see a woman at that age as my girlfriend.........not enough in common.
i would and have dated women in my own age group but i still prefer the looks and wisdom and maturity of a woman older than my self.
some older women take much more pride in their appearance and really get dressed up and look very feminine.
when the kids are all grown up and left home some of these older babes can let their hair down and get out and have a laugh and be pampered.
anyway i certainly WOULD date an older lady, pick her up, help her find the jar with her teeth in, be a gent and push her in her wheelchair to the car, fold up her wheel chair, speed down to the local bingo hall, have a few cracking games, speed her home , have a cup of horlicks, help her with her nightie, tuck her up in bed then bugger off to the hot 19 year old waiting for me in a night club .
only kidding....................................maybe. | |
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