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| Women needing to be save online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/2/2007 12:25:41 PM |
I don't agree with the coffee meets, simply because what you can learn about someone in an hour over a coffee, can quite as easily be achieved online or on the phone/cam/whatever.
Sorry, I don't agree with you on this one. Nothing beats face to face meetings. It tells you if there's any chemistry.
Ketch | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 12:31:23 PM | I think a reason overlooked for protecting personal information is children if a person has kids they are less likely to give personal information like phone numbers and addresses. I know I won't for that reason until I'm very sure.
As far as hesitating to meet in person, I have a freind who is extreemly shy and another who was badly abused both of them try to feel safe before taking meeting in person, granted it will take a special person to get past that with them, but at least it saves time and money going to a rl date.
oh on the plus side if a woman takes time before meeting in person at least you know she didnt "f" every guy that messaged here lol | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 12:33:42 PM | OP, good thread!!!
It does look like you didn’t paste or type in all that you meant too. There is that trailing ‘I’ standing out on your post. If there is more please add that. Thanks!
I have been on and off online dating sites since the early to mid 1990s when it pretty much started.
I have been stalked, chased after by women who thought for sure we were supposed to be together, lied to about religion, age, weight, height, if they had children or not, how many pets they had or what type or that they had pets or didn’t (I’m allergic mostly to cats and some dogs if they are cared for properly and I’m open and honest about that), and the worse are the married, separated (same thing), or involved with someone and they are just looking for more play toys and or a toy and money bag to jump to.
I am glad that I haven’t had the wrong gender, that wouldn’t be cool at all. Especially if it is one of those surgery dudes thinking they are a female. Dudes YOU ARE A MAN! Yikes.
Women who think that men are the only dangerous humans out there are nuts. Women carry most of the licensed concealed weapons, guns, and some use them stupidly to threaten and harm others less than men. Domestic violence leans a lot more towards the females being the instigator and or sole attacker. Those are real FACTS! If you don’t believe it look it up. No, don’t go to NOW or some place like that as they are very bias, go figure. Knives, clubs, razors, you name it and women have used those weapons also on guys. There is also a propensity to hit males, daily. We are brought up to think that it’s okay but it’s NOT. Oddly enough the ones that stalk have been the ones that hit in my experiences. Not a good thing at all.
RockAndRollQueen, good post and I will point out that most of your stats show Reported Cases. Men don't report cases for the most part. There are other studies that show it is pretty much equal and a bit more towards the ladies attacking men more.
A true Gentlemen doesn’t put himself in harms way from an attack from a woman. Finding out she is full of shit is a good thing to do ASAP if the signs are there.
I have used the email get to know each other thing for years. It works great! You wouldn’t believe how many ladies that I have Found Out, being married mostly. Rough estimate puts it over 70% of emails received. It takes up to 2 to 4 weeks for it to surface. All of a sudden their husband is brought up as if she is chatting with her lady friends. Her kids that she didn’t have are brought up, same with pets, been living on alimony for years not getting a job, is bi-sexual, isn’t a Christian which is important for me, just general stuff comes up. Kind of follows that old saying of you learn more by just listening.
Ha-ha-ha, Homeless Bum’s got a point there. Naked and running around ringing a bell and no one will bother them in real life.
I always choose an open and very public place for that First Meet as I respect her safety EQUALLY as I respect my own.
Sometimes in the past I have dressed down when meeting someone to see how they will react, check their judgmental levels. That really works. On the other side of that perspective I can see that it may miss lead if dressing down too much. Emails of self praise is one thing but real life reactions to things usually shows true colors.
I am not a good looking guy, a better description would be a good looking ugly guy. Something seems to attract ladies that think I will be easy. Still trying to figure that one out. I am currently building a good relationship with someone and it is going along nicely. I am liking these forums.
In my past I was better looking. Got hounded to pose in Playgirl when I was 15, they thought I was in my 20s and thought I was telling them a younger age so they would leave me alone. I was the only haole sitting there in the shade watching the ladies roast and turn over on the beach. Something to do when you are bored in Hawaii, go downtown to Waikiki and tourist watch. There were other guys there but none of them white. I was asked by Liberty House to model as I worked for them. Butt cheeks being pinched, package grabbing, muscle feeling, chest massages and nipple tweaks with chest hair pulling, all done by ladies I worked with over the years and or meet on the street as they came up to do those things. Riding a bike most of the times gets your body in good shape. I am happier now after having leg injuries and RA, still get my butt pinched and that but no where near as much as before. If guys were doing this same thing over and over cops would be called. If I did that I would have been laughed at and or arrested just to teach me a stupid lesson. In real life there are dangers guys go through daily that society shines a blind eye to. Not cool. For ladies to say they are the only ones that have to worry about safety that is just BS.
There are shows on TV about perverts contacting young girls and then visiting them for sex. I say catch these guys! I would think there are more males online being predators but there is most likely the same amount if not then less of females being predators towards younger men. Cougars don’t just go for the young 30s and under to 18 crowd, they dip in the young crowd too. I was approached many times by married ladies when I was under 18 in person. Makes me wonder how that is going on with computers and instant contact online. I’ll bet it doesn’t get reported that much. I think the underage females that predators go after don’t report it but their parents are more apt to watch what happens to their daughters than their sons. The sons most likely get a slap on the back and a ‘Atta Boy’ if they are caught or even suspected. Just because you have a d ck doesn’t make you a predator, you could easily be a victim if under aged. I doubt if most here have even considered this as an issue, kind of shows what I am talking about.
OP you have brought up a lot of good questions. Thanks!
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 1:05:19 PM | One does wonder how many people have lost out on lifelong "partner material" because they have exceeded their 'online time threshold'.
Two people in the same town, or even just a few minutes drive away...days/weeks of online chatting/emails
One person simply wants a short coffee meet in a coffee shop or a quick beer in a bar to say hi in person and find that 'chemistry thang'. The other person wishes to drag the online time along far in excess of their true 'worth'.
Thus arriveth the threshold point when someone decides to themself "if it's gonna be this laborious/time consuming to even drink a coffee or beer together, what's it gonna be like in real life?"
Delusional self-worth threshold point exceeded.  .....partner material....exits.  | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:03:00 PM | "Men are FAR more likely to be attacked than women(Fact)" Kunta Kinte i don't think anyone with any intelligence would try debating this. Yes men are more likely to be attacked that women.
But i also think that any intelligent person would know that when it comes to online dating violence, women are FAR more likely to be a victim than men. That my friend is also not debatable.
And that's where alot of the problem comes in, some women will play the "being safe" card just to string gullable guys along. When they do this and guys end up feeling like they were "played" it desensitized them for the next time they hear it . Everyone loses when some women cry wolf with the "being safe" card. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 5:31:28 PM | OP, studies show that women are the ones that do most of the domestic violence. Taking into consideration that most men don’t report this the numbers are most likely higher. These are women in relationships, married or not but living together. Still, they dated at one time and their true selves must have come out during that time or they saved it for right after the commitment phase of a relationship.
Kunte Kinte has a point.
OP you are correct in that women do use the being safe online card way too much, for games for sure and ways to find new boy toys. I feel sorry for the shy people out there who may benefit greatly getting out and meeting others.
Seekin1GoodGuy: Checking out your profile there are a couple of things that stand out. You are not smiling in your one and only picture. You have nice eyes that I will bet light up when you smile!
Also, being honest here, you say you have children. For people our age most guys don’t want to go through that again. You don’t say how old your children are. If they are under 10 you are looking for a special guy with children also. If they are teenagers and close to being on their own and or even away at college that would open up many doors for you. No one knows so they don’t inquire. Maybe a smiling you gazing back at them will make them interested in checking you out? You seem to have many interests that are fun. I hope you find a guy for you!
AIXIAIXIA, you really do like the extremes of things. Good point about two people only miles or even closer but are online so there may be a distance to over come that normally wouldn’t be there in person. I like to whittle it down to get rid of the married ladies and liars which works out. Doesn’t take that long in the scheme of life.
I wonder how all this will be an issue when and if transporting one’s self like on Star Trek comes to be? You inspired me AIXIAIXIA with the extreme thoughts and scope.
You could show up with two hot coffees to go or stay. Just can’t show up too early.
Thanks,
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:24:21 PM |
"Yet women are always SO quick to call a man "A Weirdo" "A Stalker" "A Perv" "A Freak". Have you noticed that ?
All too often.
It's just tiresome now.
I suppose if I were still thirty I'd endure it but as it is, I don't see much reason.
I no longer believe women who claim they were abused.
I've seen too many lies first-hand. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 6:26:46 PM |
"at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime."
Crock of shit.
These statistics are based on what women *claim*.
Technically, my wife falls into that "1/3rd of abused women", not because I ever hit her, but because she was advised by other women to CLAIM that I abused her as a divorce tool.
Crock of shit.
And what you and other women have done is destroy your credibility in making these claims. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 37 | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:07:18 PM | If you are a true gentleman give ladies always the benefit of the doubt and err on the side of their personal safety, ,
Yep will do, benfit of a doubt my ass.If they are not willing to meet a person half way in a way that is safe for both parties then forget it.
if they the ladies have hidden agendas that is not your concern
I am calling BS on that statement. "not your concern"? Just whose concern would it be then? The guy is involved, it had better be his concern.
On topic. as usual td you come up with a good subject. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:13:46 PM |
These statistics are based on what women *claim*.
Technically, my wife falls into that "1/3rd of abused women", not because I ever hit her, but because she was advised by other women to CLAIM that I abused her as a divorce tool.
While I agree that these statistics are bogus, I think you have to be careful about disregarding the need for safety when dealing with many of the wingnuts in the world today, both male and female. There really are some very odd ducks out there with very odd ideas of what is right, wrong, or moral.
On the flip side, yeah, I did read about one of those studies and the questions were asked in a way that ANYONE, male or female would have been considered to have been 'abused'. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:24:51 PM | I'm sort of in agreement with Wafta, and here is the thing. If a woman is talking to a guy for a week and then meets him and he is a total perv, chances are either:
1. If she would have talked to him a little while longer online, he may have started making sexual comments or asking really personal questions and made her uncomfortable and she could have blocked him.
2. The guy would give up being quickly frustrated before making sexual comments and she would not have wasted her time.
So what about the coffee date...what does it accomplish? It proves you are who you say your are, that your age, weight and physical appearance is what you claim. Don't want to do the coffee date? Then do the webcam thing. You may already have one and if not, they are as cheap as 35 bucks. Can't afford that? Join Livesearch club, play games, collect points and get one for free. Then webcam!
Not being someone who wants to not talk on the phone all the time isn't necessarily a red flag. I don't have a land line, my cell phone is my phone, but it is also my work phone and I don't work 9-5. I have to sometimes take calls as late as 2 am. Imagine trying to talk to someone for a long time and getting a dozen...hang on...(pause)...are you still there?
It wouldn't matter if I did have a land and a cell line. I can't carry on two voice converstaions at the same time, but I can hold a phone conversation and an online conversation at the same time.
I wonder if in the statistics they include getting a big ol' honkin' diamond or a Mercedes in that "being coerced into sex" category. I've been coerced into it...only I had to get off my fat ar se and go mow the lawn first to get some!
Cheers! | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 7:35:42 PM | ya 'tdh46' that is why i dont believe in chatting online for way too long especially if i feel the person might be playing games.the way i see it for example if u have been chatting with someone for a while online and evrything is going good then u move the talk to talking on the phone and then after a few phone calls if evrything is o.k. also why not meet in person especially if that someone doesnt live far from u.especially with so many people playing games online theres no point in chatting with someone online for months and months before actually meeting in person only then to find out that person was playing u all along and wasnt serious about meeting up.thats usually the way i do it and it works well that way for me.and when it comes to security if u meet someone in a public place security is never an issue so no one would have reasons to be afraid.when i ask someone if they want to meet in person i usually tell them lets meet in a coffee shop or something public so they have no reasons to be scared.if the person is still afraid for theyre security then something is wrong cause i mean lets get real whos gonna attack someone in a tim hortons in front of evryone?lol its not like your asking the person to meet u in a dark alley at 3 am or something
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:40:14 PM | | I think out of all the people that use the"being safe" card is the professional chatter. The woman that has never met anyone offline and have no intention of ever meeting anyone offline. They just like to chat and never meet. They love using the "being safe" card to keep guys chatting for as long as possible, then when they run out of excuses they move on to the next victim. | |
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GCat07
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Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 44 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:45:03 PM | I think you are as "safe" online as you would be offline in a bar. There are predators everywhere. Easily someone can follow you home and it's happened many time. It is true that you should always be safe. But emailing/iming someone for 3 months before you meet them is not going to guarantee you that they didn't lie about everything and are just bidding their time, part of the game.
I'd much rather meet someone in person in a safe-ish place sooner than later. There is a lot more one can pick up in person than online. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 9:32:08 PM | RNR Queen, we all see your point and understand it but there are many ladies that abuse the safety card online. It's just what we run into. Some are married ladies just wanting a quick sexual typing fix or to think they are still attractive. Others vary from the shy to the highly gregarious insecure type that just have to have a constant string of guys under her control. Control is what rape is based on, makes you wonder and also glad they do play the safety card as you won't have to mess with meeting them. Having a lady stalk you is just as scary being a guy as it is being a female.
I think you run into a wall there as you are trying to defend the females and that is cool but it isn't just a one sex deal where safety is concerned and more ladies abuse the safety card online than guys would even think to do so.
The OP is just trying to point out and converse on a subject that guys are running into all the time with dating online. I’ll bet every guy reading and or posting on this thread will agree to that. If not they might be new or don’t care. It happens a lot.
Your point of someone’s daughter going out to see a stranger she met online is scary. So should it be if it were someone’s son! You don’t seem to see that. Safety is everyone’s concern. No one is denying that, just pointing out how women abuse that safety card online. For me, if I feel someone is doing that, I only reply to their emails and don’t send originals and I see where it goes from there. I do that for other ones that I have said we aren’t compatible but they keep sending emails. They taper off. Not a safety card thing but close.
I just wish we all didn’t have to even think about the safety card or how it is used.
I think over all most people do meet nice people on here and other online dating sites. It’s only those few freaks, male or female, that ruin it for others. There might be some females, or even males, out there on POF or some place else that won’t ever meet whom they email or interact with online. Shyness maybe for some but the majority are just attention w h ores. That is sad.
Have fun everyone!
OP you really did pick a good thread and I like most of your posts.
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/2/2007 11:20:45 PM | Sorry RNR Queen but we are not venting, that is an anger thing. We are just sharing thoughts and opinions.
The OP has posted a good thread and topic and we as men read it and go hey yeah I can relate to that happening and we share about it. Just people talking and sharing, not bashing anyone. I can see if we were a bunch of females doing that about something men do habitually, not all just enough to be noticed as a trend, and some guy was reading our posts and thoughts on that it might seem like we are bashing men in general. I don’t think the OP has that in mind at all, or most of the posters on here.
Your first post was cool but you were telling us not to let this get under our skin. It isn’t, it’s just an observation with a valid point. No anger involved or judging of others, just an observation of a trend we all see.
You do say that everyone should take care but then put out a lot of stats about women and violence towards them. Yeah, some of your stats weren’t but it was over poweringly about women. We all understand that some women have to be given more ground for safety. Not all of us have to put up with that or the ones that abuse it. I wish men and women wouldn’t have to even think about that stuff and just live their lives as happy as they can.
I guess that one guy who said it was a fact that women aren’t attacked because he has never met any got you going some. It got me going too as that is a blind perspective as it does happen to both men and women. A statistic that most don’t see is that lesbians have the highest acts of violence towards other women, if they are in a relationship mostly. Way more violent than if by any other mixture of gender relationships and that police don’t like going to those calls the most as there is usually so much hatred and anger already there than any other type of call. I don’t think all women are violent but there sure seems to be a lot of them when compared with men. Fits with the Topic big time.
Topic wise if you are agreeing with us cool we see that but for some reason you don’t see that you are being seen and heard and even agreed with. It’s just all the stats on women which we don’t discount we, or maybe just I, see but also see more going on.
The issue of women abusing the safety card is the issue I think. Heck, I could be totally wrong on that but I don’t think so. LOL We all understand that we don’t have to worry about people that abuse the safety card but it is cool to talk and share about it. Would you prefer us men standing around scratching our gonads and grunting? LOL
Well, some men do that for sure, I don’t see it in the majority of posters on this thread which is a good thing.
Have fun RNR Queen!
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:41:39 AM | Ha-ha-ha, good points RNR Queen!
I now see your sense of humor and it is good and strong! I like it.
I took your word ‘vent’ as an anger thing mean while I am sitting there with a ‘WTF’ in flashing neon right over my head. I didn’t even think about that. I am bald so maybe I’m used to flashing lights bouncing off my head. LOL
Good points.
Peace be with you!
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:38:33 AM | | Most girls know what they want and they specify it in their profiles. So if a guy is not what a girl seeks, or if the guy is not transparent and upfront, or if the guys profile shows him to be a confused guy, or a lost, go nowhere guy, or if the guy does not have decent motives, a girl will not want to meet him or chat with him, it's that simple. "It is up to the male to make the woman feel secure within the confines of a relationship and it is up to the female to make the male feel secure within the confines of the relationship". If your unable to do that, look at yourself. People tell you who they are in their profiles, by omission or commission, and they tell you more of who they are in an email or in a phone call. If you do not pass a girls 'screening process' she will not want to meet you. Some people are socially inept and can not communicate clearly. We, as humans, have the gift of clear communication, a comprehensive language and speech, that is what sets us apart from the animals. It's called, effective and clear communication. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:08:32 AM | Well, I am one who has not lost there mind. I met one guy for coffee from this POF, then dated another that I met from here, we dated 2 months, then quit seeing each other for various reasons. Then I start talking to someone that I had chatted with several times, we were gonna meet but he did not want to meet in a public place, so I backed out. Now, I am almost afraid to meet anyone. What am I to do?I'm not trying to play any games. I would like to meet a decent companion. | |
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