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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:51:54 AM | I concur with Mr Sweetcheeks and others comments in a similar vein. Not really a case of OP spleen venting, more an exchange of opinion and observations.
Many guys (as I did) noticed the thread title and....hey presto!....recognition of a shared commonality of a prevalent "theme" spreading around the wacky world of internet dating/romance.
Although I rather suspect the 'been emotionally hurt recently' excuse is an equally popular Time Stringalong.
Good Thread  | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:59:07 AM | From a female perspective I'd have to say it's about equal. As someone said quite a few men are here for cam sex or just for sex period. How many men have initiated meetings and stood up the partner?
The fact of being of the human race is not a guarantee of sanity. Both are about equal in that sense I think.
Personally I think the best defense is offense, I'd much rather meet a man that I may be interested in sooner than later. That way I can check out body language, mannerisms etc.
You could chat forever online and never be close to the truth.
The longer I chat the less I'm interested, I'm a very visual person I need that feedback to help in my analyses of the other.
What the heck did people do before online dating? To be absolutely safe you stay home and never date....... unless the mailman or the plumper rapes you of course. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:46:11 AM | | Get a grip...Give woman what they want...Stick around , meet new woman...Consider this (Online dating) as an adventure....Dont expect a lot...Maybe your expectations wont fall short...There are nice woman out there (somewhere)...It doesnt take long to figure out what they want and why they are on this site... | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 54 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:46:22 AM | "From a female perspective i'd have to say it's about equal"
That might be true but the guy does not have the luxury of using the "being safe" card to keep stringing a woman along. No matter how serious and persistant a guy might be about wanting to meet, a well timed "Just want to be safe" will stop him dead in his tracks. "needing to be safe" has the same effect on a man as Kryptonite has on superman. It instantly slows him down and force him to rethink his position, sometimes this might take weeks if the game player is skilled enough. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 55 | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:24:08 PM |
Women's safety ? Please give me a break. I ask everyone this : How many women do you know that have been attacked by a total stranger or jumped by a group of people ?
I don't know one !!!
I know many.
Scoff at the safety issue if you want to. If you think she's being just evasive and not worried about safety, you're probably wrong, but who cares. If you feel like you are wasting time, then you are. So don't. Cut it off if it's moving too slow.
Men are FAR more likely to be attacked that women (FACT)
I can buy JUST as likely, but FAR MORE likely? Fat chance.
A woman who truly wants to meet you, will meet you, she will NOT risk leaving you on the market for someone else to get.
Granted, but she'd be UTTERLY stupid if she failed to do so ONLY when she felt like it'd be safe. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:39:44 PM | I think a certain amount of caution is ok... but eventually it becomes a red flag. If you have been chatting for a couple of weeks and she still wont meet you in a very public place then chances are that she probably isnt someone that is worth a lot of your time and effort.
My current gf is an extremely timid and cautious person (she even locks the car doors when I am in there with her), but even she met me in person within a week of meeting me on an online dating site. The key is to make sure she feels as comfortable as possible. We met in a busy coffee shop and talked for a couple of hours (normally I limit it to no more than 45 minutes). A year and a half later, and things are still great with us.
I do think that guys have more to worry about though. The problem is that we are easier to lure into things. We tend to not automatically look for a threat in a situation the way women do. When I lived in Toronto, I was invited out with a woman I had been speaking to online. I was suposed to go to her place and pick her up. When I arrived, 2 guys attempted to rob me (unfortunately for them, they chose a very bad candidate for that... I wont get into details) It was a setup.
I suspect things like this happen a lot more often than we hear about. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:45:30 PM | I don't really understand the safety issue for having a public meeting. If they're talking about the risk of being physically attacked in a coffee-shop, that's just bogus and paranoid.
But I suspect they're talking about something a bit different, and have bought into the hype about the legions of players and sociopaths on the net. They think unless they spend hundreds of hours delving deep into into a prospect's emotions and psyche via email and IM and phone, they'll be tricked by a good first meeting, and attacked or conned on Date 3 or something.
Sadly, the few, rare socio- or psychopaths (of both genders) who are on the Net are probably the ones who get a charge out of the long, boring "pregame" waltz anyway. Most normal people simply want a reasonably quick first meeting because they like the person they're talking to, and would enjoy meeting them in person. If it's in a public place, there's no significant danger. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:10:59 PM | I've exchanged messages with tons of women on this site and never once have I noticed any gamesmanship disguised as paranoia about being safe. Nothing even remotely close to that.
And of the women I've ended up meeting, there didn't seem to ever be any tentativeness or fear. Granted, I never propose meeting in anywhere but a very public place, which is pretty much par for the course with online dating.
I'll assume my boyish good looks and non-threatening personality add to this! | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 1:16:15 PM | Ladies I think the opinions of the men posting in this thread speak volumes about them. This gives us the the opportunity to weed out a few who wouldnt mesh with our needs.
OP a very controversial thread, people showing thier true colours ty for posting it. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:04:05 PM | Kunta dear,
I'm trying how to say this so as you'll actually read it and think about it.
I can never know what it is like to be black. You will not argue that with me, of that I am certain. likewise, I am a woman and like I can never know what it is like to be black, or a man for that matter, and you can never know what it is like to be a woman.
It is very true that there are women who are, and play head games. It is also true that alot of men cultivate this behavior by catering to vapid sexuality. And women can be pretty stupid sometimes along with it, I'll give you that, or sometimes its just an act. The younger ones these days can really feed into it (thanks paris and brittney!) And there are those that will****you around, but then again, if you just paid attention those types are pretty easy to peg as well. (Oh, and When it works in their 20s, they learn to keep using it in their 40s. guess who taught them what works? ) some guys just don't pay attention to the red flags that are there for all of us to read....
Now, I don't have a victim mentality, but I have survivor mentality, as I have survived sexual inappropriateness at the hands of someone i knew and should have been able to trust, and so have about 80-90% of the women i meet. I have endless stories about inappropriateness in the work world. Endless stories in general. I could really have a warped perspective if i allowed myself to. And heaven forbid that you should speak up about it ever, you have to choose to distance yourself from it or be labled. "toublemaker!" (see, what are you thinking about me, already for having said that? am I right or what?)
So that leads to also spending my life having to determine what level of confrontation i will choose because "billy bob" thinks its funny to grab my breast and squeeze it, uninvited. Yes, I have nailed a few with my left hook. Now i just carry around a little hammer with me. Its very empowering. the question is, why do i need it? I have curves, last time i checked this did not imply an open invitation to whoever was in the mood. did somebody change the rules while i was out on the craig?
I don't dress provocatively. typically you'll find me in some outdoor gear. Frequently i dress down and "dog out" as i put it, just so that i won't be pawed at. I'll wear a stocking cap and my glasses, just so i can go out and read my book peacefully while having a beer. When I do dress nicely, I have to make sure that I show a little bit of ****iness, so no one misinterprets that I'm giving them permission for grabbing some body part that I haven't even considered was in the threatened and endagered zone. The fact that I am choosey about who gets to touch my body does not mean that I am sexually repressed, or ****y or high maintenance (most of you men likely spend more time getting ready to go out than i do). It means that I am touchy about who touches me intimately, and i believe it should be by invitation only.
AS a woman, i always have to be on gaurd. And where I am fully aware that most guys are descent loving human beings, I am also fully aware that there are a plethora of predators out there, and they tend to be clever and sneaky and manipulative. Rarely are they straight forward. They have learned through trial and error what works to get what they want, and that is how they operate. They are very good at masquerading as "the nicest guy in the world". Charm and charisma are two traits that are ascribed to many sociopaths; May i present you with Scott Peterson.
The fact of the matter remains that women do have to be smarter about being safe.
Read "the gift of fear". it has some good "facts" along with the resources and statistics to back it up. Then get back to me about how "safe" women are. And would you mind commenting on what you consider "safe"? Is my randomly being fondled by a stranger on occasion a reason to feel unsafe? is it sexual assault? or should i just get over it? you know how boys will be boys, eh? and how should i determine in advance that you too won't try and fondle my breasts, or my ass or my inner thigh, just because you haven't brought it up or mentioned that you were planning on it? Generally when bill or bobby or jim bo or clint had their grope, they didn't let me know ahead of time either. so how do i determine the difference between you and them? I have my method, but i'm wondering having never had to conciously consider it, where would you start?
I don't know what haunts you're hanging at where men are getting jumped so regularily, but it doesn't sound like any more of a healthy choice than it would for me to blindly meet up with someone in a location that has potential to hide sketchy behavior.
I hope you can support women who seek to protect themselves and educate those around you so that women can feel safe within society. Talk pointedly to men that you know are disrespectful. Don't enable bad behavior. You want women to feel safer, its up to all of us to contribute to that within society.
peaceout | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:11:29 PM | I'd much rather meet a man that I may be interested in sooner than later. That way I can check out body language, mannerisms etc.
You could chat forever online and never be close to the truth.
The longer I chat the less I'm interested, I'm a very visual person I need that feedback to help in my analyses of the other.
What the heck did people do before online dating? To be absolutely safe you stay home and never date
Well said mimosa.....#59
Other than long distances being an issue there is no reason not to meet after a couple of emails and perhaps a phone call or two.......if you still like the person.
I like the direct approach myself.....after the first sign of interest and email exchange .....a quick phone call and then meet,
right away.
Sometimes I'll chat with her a bit more, maybe even send her some songs I like on msn.
But as soon she shows signs of cold feet when it comes to meeting or your trying to convince her to trust you....forget it, your dead in the water.
Don't get upset.....just tell her that when she's ready she can contact you and then leave.
But most women appreciate a guy that's direct and will use their intuition about who they should or should not trust.
And I always have us both meet at a classy, popular pup. But I am surprised how many women will be too trusting right away even though I don't feel I've earned that trust yet. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:25:06 PM |
A woman safety should always come first no question. But the game players also know that they can use this to their advantage. They really have no interest in safety issues, they just want to play and "being safe" is just another tool in their arsenal of deception.
Game players (male or female) will use any advantage they have whether they are online or in real life. It is a fact of life, the internet just gives those players another avenue to play in. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:34:18 PM | | I asked someone to show me some id, as i was meeting him and inviting him to my house, we had talked online and on the phone every day for a few weeks and got on really well, he was really offended by this and thought i should take his word for it as to who he was, would you say i was being over cautious and would you be offended if someone asked you this? | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:07:50 PM |
( RNR Queen is now slapping herself on the head wondering what the heck made her think that anyone was listening??)
Me-me-me...I'm paying attention to you ~ you made perfect sense to me.
~OT~ Here's the real deal.
1) If you are meeting someone you don't feel safe with ~ you shouldn't be meeting them at all, no matter how much time has lapsed or not lapsed in communication;
2) Security measures ~ well, whatever. I've been beaten silly, and physically wounded at the hands of a man ~ he was my spouse...the point ~ you NEVER truly know anyone, you only know what they want you to know ~ the ugliness sneaks out slowly sometimes;
3) As for women using "security" as a measure of being an online player ~ so what? Move on. Neeeeeeeeeeext!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (It's just a click away.)
I've done the endless months of emails/phone calls. It had absolutely NOTHING to do with me being married, playing games, getting an ego boost (HA...strangers in cyberspace validating me..funny concept  ), or not being willing to meet. I wanted to make certain that I wanted to meet that particular person. I've often said, if he isn't willing to stick around long enough for me to be certain ~ he's not the one I'd like to meet. I've also been on the other side of that. I had an on and off email situation with someone ~ him, I want to meet and I want to meet him soon. What's the difference??? Different man, different situation. Likewise, there have been plenty of men who simply disappeared from my email for one reason or another ~ oh well. That's how this works. No need to get bitter, mean, negative and nasty ~ believe it or not, it works the very same way in the "real world." (Shocking, I know!!)  | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:08:12 PM | Greeneyes i have women on my msn that i have never met, been chatting with them for years, have no urge really to ever meet them, we are just msn buddies.
I can play by any rules really, just as long as we are both playing by the same set of rules. If i am chatting with a woman online and lose interest because of something she said or a bad vibe i am getting, i am going to stop talking to that person. There is no person online that i would invest 2 months chatting with on msn that i have never met. Only exception is someone that lives in another city. If we are living in the same city and it's taking us months to at least meet for a cup of coffee , Then we are not meant to meet, we both need to move on.
If i am interested in a woman i make time to connect with her, and i would expect the same if she is interested in meeting me.
I think some posters have a misunderstanding about what guys are saying on this thread. We are not talking about a woman that's lost interest in meeting us, hell that happens alot on both sides...I am the king of losing interest in women after giving them my msn. But i don't play BS games with them once i am no longer interested in meeting them. I let them know so they can make their own adjustments.
What we are talking about is the women that have no intention of ever meeting, women like the professional chatter(just one example), The ones that's talking to guys making them think they actually do want to meet. These women are pretty good at stringing guys along using the " being safe" card as leverage when pressed to meet.
I don't think the average guy has an issue with a woman taking her time to meet just as long as he feels there is progress being made.
example.
You start out with a few e-mails, move to IM , move on to msn, later you graduate to the phone( even if you are giving her your number, and she is *67 when she calls). If a guy can see progress then he should hang around and let the lady move at her own pace. But if you are stuck in the same spot for weeks or even months, then something is wrong and chances are you are dealing with a person that has no intention of ever meeting. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:29:13 PM | Safety is of concern when meeting someone for sure both online and offline. The advantage of meeting someone in person prior to going on a date is you see the entire person. Body language tells you alot about a person and don't forget those phermones.
Definition of "WTF is up with woman using being safeonline as an excuse to play games." : An individual in pursuit of someone who obviously is not compatible with you simply because they don't have the same, or even close worldy observations as the pursuor."
Advice: Incompatiability happens, forget it. Don't waste your energy and move on some lovely lady with the same view, morals and perspectives on the world and how it should work, is waiting just around the corner. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:37:49 PM | a lot of people simply want to hide behind the computer . . .
Or hide behind a 10-15 minute 'coffee' so they can make a quick excuse and take a hike.
No coffee meetings for me. Share some email - talk on the phone a few times, and then meet for a full lunch - not a quickie coffee.
Try to get to know someone - for more than 10 minutes.
Joe | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:46:33 PM | | tdh, i'm so sorry you have had those many reasons, I personally, do respect my safety, and just for that, I have talked to many on here, you expect me to show up at their door, and it flabbergasts me, cause my safety is #1, now I realize that maybe you guys have had this thrown in your face for something other than what it was intended for,,,,to those ladies, and I say that losely,,,you give us a bad name,,,we are out there, tdh, sorry you had to encounter those that don't respect honesty | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:54:50 PM | queenip, my girlfriend met a guy on a religious online date site, they are both same religion, they hit it off online and emailed and chatted by phone for a few weeks, when he wanted to meet, she insisted he first fax a photocopy of his drivers licence to her at work, she works in an auto insurance company, so she could do a check on his DL to make sure he was not a scofflaw. He had nothing to hide and they both had good motives, so he faxed a photocopy of his dl and she was glad to find out he did not even have 1 ticket on his driving record.
They met, and married a year later, to this day he tells her he respected her for insisting on seeing a photocopy of his DL before they met, he said it showed she was an intelligent and cautious person, and he liked that.
If a guy wants to rent a car or rent an apartment, or even LOOK at houses he must show a dl and go thru a credit check, and or be PRE QUALIFIED by a relator, lol. A womans safety is more important then a rental car or rental apt. or looking at a house. If a guy will not go to every reasonable lenght to make you feel secure, he is most likely, not legitimate, is illigitimate , has a bad motive andis definately not "kosher" or someone you should meet.
A decent guy is transparent with nothing to hide about who he is , he is legitimate and lets you verify who he is. Creeps, trolls, predators, snakes, weirdos, and losers try to hide their funky motives. Remember,
The wisdom of a snake is to hide itself. Throw back those snakes, unless you like eel.
You did the right thing by canceling a date with a non tranparent guy, aka a creep. LOL.
Good Luck. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:58:26 PM | People have difficulty outright saying "I'm not interested in you". I think 9 times out of 10 when someone says something like that it means move on. Men and women both tell little "white lies" when their romantic interest wanes.
And in any case if someone is genuinely apprehensive about meeting you, why would you want to meet them? You're just asking for a slow, tense, nervous date. I'll only go on a date if I'm enthusiastic and excited to meet the other person and I'd expect the same from them. | |
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