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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:24:10 PM | Well, first of all, there are two kinds of "not feeling safe".
There’s the bad vibe feeling when you suspect something is a little off with a person, but then wonder if the heebie-jeebies are just prompted by the recent news story about the woman in Mississauga who was raped on an internet date (http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts6689554.aspx)
So it’s written off to paranoia and the decision is made to chat a little longer and find out more. So more chatting takes place, the guy pushes too aggressively for a coffee date and then he gets politely and discretely filed in the "no pile".
Or alternatively, he behaves himself you both discover that there are enough common interests to at least meet for coffee and make a friend.
BTW: my last boyfriend lives 10 minutes from my place and it took about 5 weeks to actually get it together to meet. Although he wasn't "the one", I begrudgingly admit that I grew some in the relationship and learned a lot about what I don't want and it was tough tempering for my once too delicate heart. Which brings me to my next point:
The other kind of "not feeling safe" is that nagging intuition a woman (or man) gets BEFORE meeting someone that says: "This guy is going to rip my heart out, puree it into pate (with peppercorns and basil) and serve it back to me on an English table cracker!"
I simply reserve the right not to have that kind of experience again, so I’m protective. If a guy really wants to get to know me for who I am, he will understand this and respect my prerogative.
Since my ex-boyfriend, I have decided that I would like to meet someone on a few occasions, but schedules simply did not synch up. (People are busy--that's why some of us are here!) Once, I had to cancel a second date at short notice for a valid reason and the guy thought I was blowing him off. I wasn't--if he had had a little more patience and confidence, who knows what would have/could have happened for both of us.
But que sera, sera—good things come to those who wait. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:36:48 PM | ~OP~ You know my comprehensive skills are better than misreading three pages of posts. 
I know exactly what the guys and the gals are stating here, and I'm also aware of your opinion of online dating (on the whole.) Goodness, there are dozens of threads where you make it very clear that online isn't for you. You aren't here to meet anyone...etc. Yet, you post that it bothers you when women use excuses not to meet. It would seem to me that it would be ideal for you to ONLY chat with those who aren't sincere about meeting someone. Maybe that's just my view, however.
It really doesn't take a whole lot of wherewithall to determine who is, in fact, playing games and who is sincere. It's not personal until it's real and it's not real until it is, in fact, REAL. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 79 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:09:47 PM | "it's not personal until it's real and it's not real until it is, in fact ,REAL"
I don't agree with that greeneyes. I think when someone is wasting your time, even if it's online, it's still damn personal.
On a brighter note and still on topic.
I had a friend that got an e-mail from a guy on another site, they chatted for abit and she exchanged msn with the guy. As soon as she gets on msn the guy clicked on his webcam, she thought nothing of it and accepted, needless to say the guy was a perv and started flashing her, without missing a beat she typed in "oh that looks nice, but does it come in a grown up size?" The guy clicked himself off and she never heard from him again. Just another way to handle pervert online. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:29:32 PM |
Good grief green eyes. It is no wonder men and women cannot communicate. I just cannot follow what point it may be that you are trying to make.
ROTFLMAO ~ I wouldn't suggest you judge all women (and their communication skills) by your lack of ability to understand me, that wouldn't be fair to those other women.  The reason you can't follow my post is because it was written to the OP, in regard to him personally and his previous post to me. Unless you are in his head or mine, I'm certain it may not ring any bells.
But for you ~ I'll make this condensed point: if you aren't happy with women online (their timelines, their safety issues, etc.) ~ you probably shouldn't indulge in this type of "tool" for your personal life. If you can't deal with the never ending string of disappointments, fakes, phonies, players, liars, etc., this venue might not be the best place to invest time/effort or energy.
"it's not personal until it's real and it's not real until it is, in fact ,REAL"
I don't agree with that greeneyes. I think when someone is wasting your time, even if it's online, it's still damn personal.
I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm still wondering: how does someone waste YOUR (you personally) time if you aren't looking to meet/date via the net?
Classic movie line to assist in my curiosity:
Food will be eaten on your time, Mr. Spicoli. Mr. Spicoli, why are you continually late for this class? Why are you continually wasting my time and the classe's with this tirade every day? (Mr Hand)
If I'm here and your here, isn't our time??? (Jeff Spicoli) | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:41:51 PM | What is hard to understand Joe(JDMETRO)? just because you don't understand what she ( VGE) is saying doesn't make it incommunicable?
I happen to agree, IMO I think some people assessments of others and are a poor judge of character, hence all these crazy stories you read on forums like these, I'm beginning to think TDH46 you're either one of those people who misjudges people or you like to post things for the sake of posting to which I was wondering and VGE brought up, why are you online if you're not wanting to meet women? why do you care if they want to meet you or not?
I suspect for most women safety is paramount, you can take all the precautions you want, but it doesn't guarantee that after you meet that person things will be good and you will be living in shangri-lah , sociopaths come in all shapes and sizes, colours, genders etc, if one spends our time worrying about sociopaths, tell me how does one get ahead in life/love etc?
I hear all these stories and I have to shake my head, my own experience Ive had one bad experience,(tell me who hasn't ) Ive run into a few game players over the years and you move on, some people play games thats just part of life, you're going to tell me if you meet a person at the local church, bar or where ever that you wont get the same types of people and games? | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 82 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:52:05 PM | Grreneyes i never said they were wasting MY time, I said YOUR time , as in someone other than ME.
Whenever i write a thread if it's about something that just happened to me recently i would usually say so. This thread is just a spinoff from another thread that was discussed over the weekend that turned into a flaming war, that thread about women safety wound up being deleted. It's a very touchy subject to discuss rationally, people have very strong ideas about that topic. I also know from dating online that there is another angle to said subject, so i wrote this thread. Has nothing to do with anything that's happened to me recently. But i have experienced the type of women i am writing about from past experience.
I write threads about things that interest me that i feel might be interesting to discuss in the forums, not all of them is about me, some is just tossed out there to be debated.
I know most of the threads in the forums are someone wanting advice on something personal. I like discussing things in general about online dating, i like looking at certain subjects from a different angle.
I see topic in the forums sometimes about aids should i just assume that the autor is infected? Topic on herpes, same thing? If i see a thread titled "would you date someone with a mental illness" do i just assume the OP is "crazy" . This is a Forum and topics of interest are put out there to be discussed. Sometimes even from a hypothetical point of view. It's not always personal, nor should it be.
When you were in a relationship and only here for the forums, did that in some way stop you from being able to make observations about internet dating based on past experience? Did your opinion stop being valid because you were no longer personally involved in internet dating?. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:06:26 PM | "aren't happy with women online (their timelines, their safety issues, etc.) ~ you probably shouldn't indulge in this type of "tool" for your personal life. If you can't deal with the never ending string of disappointments, fakes, phonies, players, liars, etc., this venue might not be the best place to invest time/effort or energy."
greeneyes - you describe on-line women so well. Glad you did it and not I.
Oh- I am no 'newby' with on line dating - I've seen most everything. And putting up with the phonies is just fine - there is a pony somewhere in this pile of manure.
And Greeneyes - I still do not understand much of what you write regardless of who you are writing it to. You just seem to string together a bunch of words and sentences - done with little meaning.
Joe | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:30:27 PM | WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
~OP~ I assumed that since "WTF is ??? ..." was your preface for this topic, it was a rather "pressing" issue for whomever OPed the thread. I now stand corrected. This thread is NOT about you, personally. But rather in generally, for all other men who might find this type of topic of interest. Thanks for the clarification. 
And Greeneyes - I still do not understand much of what you write regardless of who you are writing it to. You just seem to string together a bunch of words and sentences - done with little meaning.
What I do when I don't like how someone posts, or what they state, or their overall attitude ~ I turn their posts to blank white spots and ignore them completely. Might work for you as well ~ just a suggestion. 
~OT~ I'm a firm believer that no one should feel the need to explain their willingness to meet or not to meet someone ~ so, using safety as an excuse, seems silly to me. But ~ I only run my own personal life. What someone else does or does not do is just peachy with me, as long as it works for them. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:34:39 PM | And Greeneyes - I still do not understand much of what you write regardless of who you are writing it to. You just seem to string together a bunch of words and sentences - done with little meaning.
Gosh, that hasn't been my experience in reading her posts here, or in another forum that I've seen them. In fact, I think she's remarkably upfront, and if you read her profile, it doesn't "tease" or entice. Her profile doesn't say "friends first". It says, talk to her, if you want conversation, but she's not in the mode of looking real hard for a "relationship". For me, that's ok. There are those you see as "possible relationships", and those you talk to, as people, because they're interesting. She's in that category, at least for me.
She seems to me, to be bright, articulate, and does a good job of expressing a sensible point of view. She's not in a "rush" to meet "that special someone" that so many seem to believe then will find in 1 week of emails. She seems to be saying that she enjoys interesting conversation, and that, once in awhile, after a long time, she's interested enough to think about something more. In the meantime, don't have "expectations".
That doesn't seem to me, to be stringing together a "bunch of words". It just seems that it may not be the words you would like to hear, cuz she is, for a fact, "eye candy", and most men looking at her picture, can't help but imagine "what if?". | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:02:00 PM |
And Greeneyes - I still do not understand much of what you write regardless of who you are writing it to. You just seem to string together a bunch of words and sentences - done with little meaning.
I'm having a hard time wrapping myself around this particular thought. I've been reading her posts since I joined POF. I have yet to have a problem understanding even one post. Maybe you just don't care for her so her posts don't make sense to you based upon a personal bias. She seems to be understood elsewhere.
On topic: I met my husband online quite a few years ago. And now we both are here to post in forums from time to time. I do wonder how so many successful relationships are formed here on POF if there is such a problem with women being unwilling to meet. Maybe they just aren't willing to meet "you" ... whoever "you" is specifically. Take a look in success stories. It grows daily.
Kat  | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:39:25 PM | I don't understand why anybody would waste time talking to someone on the phone or computer for so long . Obviously this person has no interest in meeting you if within a few conversations you are still only chatting and not meeting or planning when to meet .
I have read all of this thread and what is disturbing is the gender bashing going on. Very few people on here have been blunt about it , but it is still there. People are people . It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman as far as game playing goes .
Have the men on here stopped to consider that these women who wont meet them are not being overly paranoid , but that just maybe you don't interest them enough to meet . Maybe as an internet chat buddy you are fine , but actually meeting you and going on a date with you just does nothing for them. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:12:53 PM |
I'm having a hard time wrapping myself around this particular thought. I've been reading her posts since I joined POF. I have yet to have a problem understanding even one post. Maybe you just don't care for her so her posts don't make sense to you based upon a personal bias. She seems to be understood elsewhere. You mean you think maybe Joe has an axe to grind? Perish the thought, he usually seems so upbeat and positive. Although after his own thread was deleted about women being too controlling if they set the pace and timing of communications he hijacked a couple more to continue the grind.
ontopic: The woman sets the pace, it's only natural because they have more to worry about. Of course some women online are playing games, as are some men. Just like real life. There' is no evidence to suggest that online dates (meaning a real life date where you met online) are any more risky than real life dates and the physical danger is just a constant. Give a little ground to make the woman feel safe/comfortable it's really not that big a mental leap.
I think you have to draw the line somewhere, and it seems unlikely to me that I would fax anyone my drivers license before a date as was suggested earlier. That seems excessive but maybe that's just me. Other than that i'm going to pretty much play by the womans rules and trying to demand equal footing (like being adamant about no coffee dates, or you must call me 3 times etc) just seems counter productive to the goal at hand. Don't lose sight of the real objective. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:36:29 PM |
I think you have to draw the line somewhere, and it seems unlikely to me that I would fax anyone my drivers license before a date as was suggested earlier. That seems excessive but maybe that's just me
Just as an aside, the safety issues run in both directions, although they are a greater concern for women. It's a fine line. Having twice met "whack jobs", who became female stalkers, there is such a thing as TMI. There are also online identity thieves, so, no, I won't FAX my DL. I will let her know where I work, if I am about to meet her. I will, if she needs it to feel safe, give her references. I won't give her my actual street address, though, nor my social security # and DL #. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 1:51:13 AM | One of the things I've realized in the past few months is that... I just don't want any of the women here. They have too many issues, too much paranoia, too many requirements...
I'd rather masturbate.
Isn't that sad?
I didn't make it that way, though.
I just finally sat down and spent enough time evaluating possibilities and liabilties.
And it's just not worth it.
Masturbation is better.
I can do it whenever I want, I don't have to do a background check, I don't have to endure a background check, I can fantasize about what I want instead of "negotiating a scene", I don't have worry about my bank account or credit rating getting ****ed... I mean, damn, why am I wasting time here?
Well, I can answer that. I don't have much else to do, the workplace is an equally piece-of-shit place now, filled with backstabbing lying sacks of shit that i have no desire to accomodate.
Why?
Why is it like this now?
Why do I care SO LITTLE about making a connection with any of you?
Why is so much trouble?
Why does it suck so much?
Why should I bother?
Well, I shouldn't and I don't. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 2:45:59 AM | Being safe is a priority with me.
If we decide to meet for coffee or for drinks, I want it to be in a well-lit area or crowded with people.
That theory went right out the window when...
Met a guy for coffee in a populated shopping center. Coffee, no sparks, he walked me to my car. His was parked next to mine. I innocently commented on the nice car, he opened the passenger door and asked if I wanted to check out the inside, I said No, he grabbed my arm and tried to push me in the car. I wasted a perfectly good latte on his face.
Same scenario again. Met for coffee, he had a backpack with him, asked what's in the bag, he says blender, massage oil and toothbrush. I ask why. He says he's spending the night with me, right? Wrong. I had paid for my own coffee anyway, so told him I was leaving. Dummy me didn't notice he was following me. Right to my driveway. Used cell phone, got help.
So, you see, we can be very cautious on-line, but need to be just as vigilant at the first encounter. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 2:55:03 AM | I suppose lady willow it could of been worse. If this is how these two men acted while in a public place then imagine how they would of behaved if you had met them at your home or theirs. It is good that you did meet in a public place though because there were other people around who would of helped you out if you had screamed for help .
These cases are not the norm however . Most men and women you will meet will just be normal , average people looking to find love just like anyone else . Unfortunately though because of the few weirdos out there we have to be on our guard a little bit more . | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:06:37 AM |
These cases are not the norm however . Most men and women you will meet will just be normal , average people looking to find love just like anyone else . Unfortunately though because of the few weirdos out there we have to be on our guard a little bit more
Some caution, both in the pre-date phase, and in meeting initially is wise. Too much is dysfunction. In the 5 weeks since a LTR ended, I've met 3 women in person, 1 from here, 2 from serendipitous meeting in real life. All initial meetings were in public places, and all were "fine" in terms of being "normal". I didn't stop to count, but in my past experience, 99 out of 100 have been fine, in terms of safety, and women I've met from online, weren't any more likely to be whacko, than women met in a grocery store or a bar after work. There is that 1 in 100, though, who is a whack job, that makes us need to have some reserve, in terms of home address, and so on.
It's not just the internet. There was a movie, "Looking for Mr. Good Bar", that preceded the internet by10 years, about a first date gone terribly wrong. Life always has risks, unless we choose to be hermits, and that, too, has its risks. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 5:35:59 AM | The one thing I don't do Mr. Fun is pander to the women on POF Forums in an attempt to win favor with them. You are a member of the Forums Clique Mr. always trying to determine content, tone and ever subject matter - joining in with the controlling women to pander.
Joe | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:03:24 AM | This is an interesting topic. In reality if a woman is that afraid of meeting somebody off of the internet... I really dont even know why they would waste their time on here then.
Its the safest way to meet. I mean you dont have to meet anyone if you do not want to. And its free.
But in reality if you look at crimes... 90 percent or more of crimes are commited by someone who gains your trust. Someone you have known for quite a long time. Also realistically you are giving the criminals way too much credit. Most of those kinds of criminals are not that bright and probably wouldnt waste their time on this type of forum.
I mean think about it... why would a criminal go online... post a picture so they can later rape or kill somebody... its stupid. They dont operate that way. In fact what they would do which would be far more productive to them... is go to a nightclub or something. You just really rarely hear about somebody meeting someone off the net and being killed.
What you do hear about though is that police officer in Ohio who made a woman pregnant killing her ... you hear about Scott Peterson who was married for several years killing his wife... these are personal crimes commited by individuals who the individual trusted. Wake up people... the people you probably have to worry about the most from a physical safety perspective are the people you know the best. They have the best oppurtunity to do harm to you. Just some food for thought. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 96 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:32:24 AM | OP Iassumed that since "WTF is ??? " was your preface for the topic, it was a rather pressing issue for whoever OPed the thread" VGE don't put too much stock into my headlines to threads. I love using the newspaper approach to threads. Huge headlines equal more readers. lets see if i can give you an example of what i mean.
Lets say you wrote a very very good thread about ...friends lying to you about something important and should you give them a chance to explain before ending the friendship. (Actually you did write such a thread, i loved it) or just end it without even telling them you knew about the lie. You would title such a thread. "Why do we ask" and i would go for something like this..... " Lying **stard, as if i need to hear his excuse before kicking his sorry butt to the curb" More people would click on the second title just to see what the big deal is, don't you think?................
Ideally we need to find a happy medium, Something in between the women that are really serious about safety but really do want to meet at some point, And the guys that really understand about women safety but also don't want to waste time with game players . I think both camps have to make allowances and try to better understant the others point of view. Then we might be able to make some progress. Communication and understanding is the key i think.
JDMETRO..... If you feel the need to go offtopic and start insulting other posters could you please take that someplace else, it's really not appreciated here. | |
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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 97 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:34:34 AM |
The one thing I don't do Mr. Fun is pander to the women on POF Forums in an attempt to win favor with them. You are a member of the Forums Clique Mr. always trying to determine content, tone and ever subject matter - joining in with the controlling women to pander. Joe
^^ To me it seems you have difficulties with women who have a mind of their own.... | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:41:06 AM | Wardedbilledanteater , thats probably the furthest thing from the truth,
1) depends on what the crime is?
2)some "crimes" aren't reported so I think that stat is misleading
No denying that the net can be a good way to meet someone but like everything else , there are pro's on con's, you have to exercise some caution and also be aware of the possibilities of disappointments,rejections, idiots, wingnuts , freaks etc etc etc.
I've seen most everything. And putting up with the phonies is just fine - there is a pony somewhere in this pile of manure.-JDmetro I'm Not sure what that means , Is that Yoda Lingo? anyway you sound really really bitter, I sometimes wonder why are you even online, if you're that negative................. any more negative I could put you in a dark room and develop pictures. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:52:28 AM | | I disagree molly! Not all guys are looking for the scantily dressed women. Some of us actually take the time to read your profiles and decipher what strikes us most about you before we write to you. Sadly, as has been said before, 99% of you leave us dangling since you are only using all this attention from us to boost your ego. I've learned not to expect anything, took down my pic and decided just to enjoy the forums. I still keep my eyes open from time to time since I am such an optimist. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:54:50 AM | I'm sure what that means , Is that Yoda Lingo? anyway you sound really really bitter, I sometimes wonder why are you even online, if you're that negative................. any more negative I could put you in a dark room and develop pictures
Appropos of nothing at all, there are some people, whose self identity is so weak, that just being noticed, talked about, or argued with serves to validate his/her existence. Maybe such a person's mommy "didn't love" him or who knows why?
We all remember, in the first year or so of boys being interested in girls, how uncertain and afraid we'd be. Sometimes, if you were just sure a pretty girl wouldn't give you the time of day, you'd annoy her instead, cuz then she'd pay attention to you, and you could convince yourself you didn't want her anyway?
If such a person were in this thread, he might, for example, decide verygreeneyez is out of his league, so he might attack someone like that, and then, as he gets the attention he needs, to feel that he "matters", he might go further and find reasons to annoy other people too.
Perhaps the best way to deal with someone like that is to ignore him, thus depriving him of the negative attention he is looking for. Then, when he clearly steps across the line, report him, and have the world be a nicer place for his absence.
Just a thought. | |
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