| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:03:46 AM |
If you have been chatting for a couple of weeks and she still wont meet you in a very public place then chances are that she probably isnt someone that is worth a lot of your time and effort.
Bingo.
I usually tell the prospective guy that we have to chat or phone for a couple of weeks (2 to 3) before I'll agree to meeting. It gets out of the way and he hs the option to say, "screw this, I wanna meet now".. to which I generally say, "Screw this!".
It weeds out the impatient and the sex hungry and the controllers. I'm selective AND worried about safety, so I figure he ought to be as well. If he's not.. ding ding ding, red flag.
We tend to not automatically look for a threat in a situation the way women do.
This I don't understand. I mean, sure... big ole macho-men.. y'all think you can take care of yourselves... and I don't even really disagree, but there's some weird $hitheads out there these days. Be more careful! | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:11:04 AM | I agree that there are many women on this site that are not who they say they are. At the same time there are a lot of men who have profiles that don't represent themselves truthfully either.
I have run into a few profiles where I begin talking to them and they want to find out a lot of information about me, i.e. where I work, live, etc... I'm not comfortable giving that information out to someone I am emailing. I don't know what or who these guys are...of if they are really guys at all (since I have actually come across one profile that kids had put on this site, and another that a man posted thinking it was funny to make up profiles to mess with women). On the other hand, the majority of guys I've met on here have been normal every day kinda guys that are just looking to find someone to date.
Bottom line is that women AND men need to be safe about giving out information and have every right to question a person's profile... I don't think you can ever be too safe so don't fault all the women who say they want to be safe. Just figure out by talking to them if it's a real concern or if they are players. | |
|
| |
| |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:16:40 AM | REPLY TO ENGAGE ME
of course i saw his pic and would recognise his voice and felt very comfortable talking to him, but i didnt know where he lived i only had his mobile number, and people can make up anything they want on here, so before i invited him to my home i wanted to make sure of his name Im sure he is a real nice guy but i dont think you can be too careful and i wouldnt have a problem showing my I.D. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:19:15 AM | ^^^"""Perhaps the best way to deal with someone like that is to ignore him, thus depriving him of the negative attention he is looking for"""
I believe it's called: do not feed the trolls
On Topic: Like i tried saying in the earlier deleted thread; lots of folks will have lots of different mindsets on this subject due to past experiences in life...after a certain length of time for me it's hammer time. Time to fish or cut bait.
Usually I'm in no hurry to meet anyone on here either though, so it could actually work both ways...and probably has to a large degree as I've only bothered to meet two folks off of here, and none since about late February early march. Nothing's really turned my crank on here since then.
My real life hasn't suffered at all in the meantime mind you. I prefer hearing someones voice and listen to their laughter.
And for the record, greeny eyes is one lady I usually read quite a bit. She may or may not be all that logical in real life; who knows; but she sounds like a pretty good lady on here...and now, may the next little fishy come on down to the front row and start your bidding.
 | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:29:03 AM | Some famous person said (and I badly paraphrase the forgotten person) that he would rather 1000 guilty people go free than execute one innocent person mistakenly condemned.
That's how I feel about women keeping themselves safe online. For every woman using excuses to cover up something negative in her life, there are dozens more just trying to protect themselves. Some play games, oh well . . . aren't we adult enough to get over that? Suck it up and learn to be more discerning. | |
|
tdh46
|
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:29:45 AM | "I usually tell the prospective guy that we have to chat or phone for a couple of weeks before i'll agree to meeting"
Mariachi i don't think most guys have a problem with that. If you are having a conversation with someone on the phone, that's progress, that's a sign that the person is not playing games and really do want to meet at some point. The game players will never talk on the phone , and will play the "safe card" as a way of not having to use the phone. The professional chatter with only chat online. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:33:32 AM |
i didnt know where he lived i only had his mobile number, and people can make up anything they want on here, so before i invited him to my home i wanted to make sure of his name Im sure he is a real nice guy but i dont think you can be too careful and i wouldnt have a problem showing my I.D.
Ok, here's the thing from a guy's experience. I don't know why you would invite a guy to your actual home for a first meet. Maybe that's not what you meant? Because, after a first meet, if you want to move forward, then it is time to know each other's information, like address, and so on. However, giving out my home number and address, prior to a first meet, has led to uncomfortable situations twice.
One I met online, and the other I met through chance in real life. I gave out my home number, and met them for a drink after work, and a chance to get to know each other to see if there was anything there to move forward.
In the two situations I'm referring to, I just wasn't interested after a first meeting. Something was "off". They seemed too "needy", or too looking for a "rescue". Ok, so I wasn't very "nice" and took a "guy's way out" and didn't call after the meeting, rather than letting them know that I wouldn't be pursuing things. But, it was a shock to see one of the women, waiting outside my apartment for me, with an overnight bag, and as I talked to her, giving every indication that she planned to move in.
The other one showed up at my place of employment, which was kind of embarrassing, and uncomfortable.
Now, those were two out of how many it is that I met back when I did online dating, prior to a 5 year relationship, and the second one I met in the 5 weeks that I've been on POF. I'm not paranoid, but, no, I won't give you my home address, prior to meeting you, but, yeah, for your sense of safety, I will give you my work information. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:37:38 AM | this to Queeneip, to me if I was a single guy and a woman that I met and Im trying to know invited me to her house and I knew she had kids, I would think how many other people is she inviting over that she barely knows?
2) why is she asking me for ID? I would think that a bit of paranoia creeping in? I definitely have nothing to hide.
3)If you're really concerned about the Guy, what does proving who he is.... proves? I don't think if the guy is a sociopath, he would have ID indicating that? no
It comes back to what I was saying earlier, poor judging of character, most people thinks online dating is much easier than the traditional ways of meeting people, Just like the skill of shredding cheese wont teach you how to make macaroni, but its still a skill, and one of many that you must learn in order to make macaroni. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:42:11 AM | | I I can tell from your use of profanity BS and wtf. I would not feel safe meeting you. Angry cause some wont meet you on your timetable indicates trouble. I know from this site that too many men exchange 2 emails say they want a good and faithfull lady then want to jump in the sack or use words like love. Sorry anyone jumping so quickly has something to hide. Yes men are at a dis advantage online cause we can look back at past emails and cat them in a lie much easier than trying to remember everything said in person. My sugestion take your time, get to know the girl online, be truthful, stop the profanity, use a different picture the eyes on this one look wrong for some reason. Then let her take the lead. You will get an invite to meet much sooner. | |
|
Sigi
|
Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 112 | |
| |
| |
tdh46
|
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 114 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:15:39 AM | | Issues with safety online is huge, I don't think any intelligent person would say anything else. But women can really cut down on the risk by simply using common sense. A poster earlier posted about meeting a guy at her house and asking him for his ID once he got there....That's not common sense. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:21:59 AM | Re tdh msg116:
Whilst much would depend on geographical factors, different cities, hundreds of miles apart etc, If the other person was in the same location or maybe only thirty minutes away max, I'm guessing most people would see a 2 week chat/phone threshold as no progress at all...merely being shunted off into the 'digital abyss'.
Two weeks chatting on the phone to a virtual stranger one hasn't met even for a quick coffee or beer and yet they are a short drive away, defies logic and implies a paranoid delusional self-worth threshold.
If seeking an audience with the Pope, the President or Royalty...maybe.
Ordinary regular folk in the same town for a coffee/beer?...nah.
Edit.. I concur...inviting people to ones home/id etc....definitely lacking common sense | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:31:01 AM | Here's the thing everyone! We are in a virtual environment! There many women & MEN alike who are putting on a facade through their interactions here. They are not necessarily honest about who they are from the get go so why would they meet you in person and blow their little fantasy? Then there are the types who are looking for some kind of sexual stimulation through IM - we have all experienced this to some degree. Whatever the reasons given, there is going to be a percentage of both sexes who NEVER intend to go meet the person they have been corresponding with. Take that information with you and move on to the next profile.  | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:34:33 AM | For Ghstlymist: I had a similar experience. He did not show up at my door but was constantly phoning or waiting for me to login so he could IM me. He did not like it when I very gently and politely wrote him that I was posting in the forums and did not feel like chatting. I got a really nasty email back about why I was " single and lonely" so I blocked him. Now I wonder what he would have been like in person. Ugh - I shudder to think.
 | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:48:08 AM | Common Sense - is also hiding the caller ID on the telephone.
Cell phone callers can often turn this feature on directly before dialing by using a 10 second menu choice.
Concealing the caller ID - especially on a cell phone is one very good way to add security and should cut risk to near zero.
Joe | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:05:30 AM | | I personally don't like chatting for long periods of time so after a short time , would prefer to meet.I've only been involved for approx. a month with a couple of men over the course of 1 year..I don't meet too many men from this site but have met a few and I've discovered that even though the men on here say that they are interested in a serious relationship, their reliability is very questionable. It's not just my observation but other women that I know who are online will say the same thing. Even though I put myself out there, on the market, so to speak, it is still emotionally draining to meet men and not be able to connect with the right one. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:10:05 AM | | I personally don't like chatting for long periods of time so after a short time , would prefer to meet.I've only been involved for approx. a month with a couple of men over the course of 1 year..I don't meet too many men from this site but have met a few and I've discovered that even though the men on here say that they are interested in a serious relationship, their reliability is very questionable. It's not just my observation but other women that I know who are online will say the same thing. Even though I put myself out there, on the market, so to speak, it is still emotionally draining to meet men and not be able to connect with the right one. I don't give my phone number out that often and meeting in a public place not too close to your place of residence is recommended. | |
|
| |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:12:53 AM |
But women can really cut down on the risk by simply using common sense.
If only they would. I know a lot do, but this entire forum is proof itself of just how many women DO NOT employ anything resembling common sense a lot of the time.
Men display the same lack of common sense, but not nearly as much (if I go by thread posts.. which I am for discussion purposes).
How many times have you read the phrase: "I knew that was a red flag, but I figured hey.. I'll let it pass for now"?
This is the absolute epitome of DUMBA$$ moves. Yet.. it's common place reading the complaint/date from hell type of threads.
Who was it that said common sense is not so common? Voltaire? Seriously.. tell me, I forget. | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:24:42 AM | Voltaire - hey it was probably Will Rogers or Mark Twain who said - HA!
I judge an attitude about security when I can see the woman is taking common sense precautions to achieve security - I judge her as being reasonable. If there are reasonable and commonly used methods to be employed (such as concealing the Caller ID) and she refuses to use them - then I judge that attitude as being unreasonable and some other factor is in play that she is not revealing.
Joe | |
|
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:31:29 AM | Ho hum..... if the person is playing you, just move on! Hey, I've had the same crap from guys. In fact, I've been emailing one bloke in Boston (USA, not UK) for over 7 years and he is still wary of meeting! Hmmmm.... what do you suppose he's hiding? The only reason I keep emailing him is because we exchange very interesting thoughts and ideas about shared interests, but I don't even care to meet him now. Whatever his problem is, I already know I don't want to go there!
The answer is, decide how long you feel is appropriate to get to know each other via chat and email and let the other person know that after that point, you either move to the next level (phone calls and meeting up) or you move on. Don't get stressed about it, don't make excuses, don't make exceptions.... just move on!!!
Next topic please? | |
|
| |
Home
login 
