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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:08:42 PM |
The one thing I don't do Mr. Fun is pander to the women on POF Forums in an attempt to win favor with them. You are a member of the Forums Clique Mr. always trying to determine content, tone and ever subject matter - joining in with the controlling women to pander. I don't pander to anyone. Ever. If you can't be reasonable I don't really care what your sex is I'm apt to point it out. You have some anger issues that need resolution. You really don't seem prepared emotionally to be meeting people at all, from the net or otherwise. Pontificating "women on line are controlling" on thread after thread is really just you trying to manipulate people through a browbeating into seeing it your way. Everyone already knows that some people of both sexes are playing games on here. You do the best you can at determining if any particular person fits you and then you either move on or work towards something more. It's a very natural progression. You come across as unwilling to compromise, adamant and a tad anal especially about the phone calls. Meet someone for coffee if that's what they want, how can that be worse than a phone call? If you're actually here to meet women you'll be a lot more successful if you just relax. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:06:18 PM | | Must be so hard to be so perfect. And to never be wrong. Never to make a judgement in err. And I thought mistakenly so. That these forums were to learn from. How ever do some of these people make it thru the humdrum existence in life from their lofty heavenly perches. I would definately hate to be some of the people on this forum, To have to be so perfect and so sensible all the time. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 4:36:38 PM | OP
I am a woman who looks to be safe when dating online. Go figure! First, there is a thread about a man who killed someone then tried to hide out by meeting a woman on pof and staying with her in another state. Lucky for her, he was arrested before he made it.
Then there was the dom who ended up burying several of his subs in 30 gallon drums in the ground when (I suppose) things went to far and he killed them a few years ago.
Oh, and lets not forget the guy who was looking for women to rob by being invited to their home.
I have never had those experiences, and am not stupid enough to invite any of them home....but the point is, these things do happen.
Since I personally (in real life, not from dating online) have been a victim of stalking, have been assaulted and had my tires slashed, I have one thing to say...
Get Over It and deal with the fact that women need to feel safe...
Otherwise, you can always date men, they don't mind. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 131 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:25:29 PM | "I can usually tell after talking to someone a few times if they're safe or not safe"
This is another huge disadvantage to women talking too long with guys online before meeting them. A false sense of security, if you talk with a person everyday for a month or so online, you start to think you actually know them, so you might actually let your guard down when you meet, sort of like meeting an old friend. But if you think about it logically you don't really know them at all. All you know is what they typed into a computer screen. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:37:13 PM | This is another huge disadvantage to women talking too long with guys online before meeting them. A false sense of security, if you talk with a person everyday for a month or so online, you start to think you actually know them, so you might actually let your guard down when you meet, sort of like meeting an old friend. But if you think about it logically you don't really know them at all. All you know is what they typed into a computer screen.
I really disagree. If you can't filter out the "whackos" through conversation, then you're not paying attention. I'm a guy, and the couple of whackos that I've met, were women I didn't talk to much in advance. Like, a woman I met at the salad bar in a grocery store, and made a date to meet that night for drinks, and early dinner. Or another, that I met online, who lived close, and we did a spur of the moment meet.
I do agree that taking "too long" in the conversation process isn't a good thing, but not because of the "stranger danger", but because a) the longer you talk without meeting, the more you animate a picture, and the harder it is to adjust to the reality, and b) after a few weeks, the forward momentum starts to fade, and you never will meet. For me, the "rule" is that if it's not by 6 weeks after you start emailing or talking, then it's never going to happen in real life.
If you choose to be single, and stay away from the opposite sex, then the odds are that you can be "safe", but at the price of being alone permanently. The walls you build to protect yourself, can become the iron bars on your self created prison cell.
Reasonable caution and common sense, are, of course, prudent. Paranoia isn't. No matter what you do, there will always be some horror story of someone somewhere that experienced something awful, but the truth is, that 99% of the people you meet, in real life, or online, are just fairly "normal" people, looking to find "someone", and they aren't scary, serial murderers, rapists, or freaks. Common sense, intuition are usually pretty good guides for grown ups, and a couple of phone calls should set off warning bells, to weed out the ones that make your 6th sense tingle that something's off. A couple of phone calls, also, takes things to a more interactive level, where you can sense if there is a possibility for it being something worth happening, or if it will just be a waste of time. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:44:56 PM | kunta kinta I've had a knife to my throat. Does that qualify as being attacked?
One of my girlfriends was pulled kicking and screaming into a car by her hair. does that qualify as being attacked?
A man on a motorcycle ran into one of my female cousins when she was jogging and tried to pull her shirt off. Does that qualify as being attacked?
Most men are stronger than most women any day of the week. And in Maine at least, it's the men who are doing the stalking, beating and slaying of women. It's not always a kinder and gentler place. Even women who take their dogs with them to meet someone can end up dead- here in Maine- it's happened.
Clearly, you're young and haven't had a lot of life experiences yet. Get back to us in 10 years, let us know if you still feel the same way. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:45:42 PM | I have to agree with tdh on that one, I think I'm a good judge of character and I've made mistakes.
Online all bets are off anyone can tell you anything, not all people are outright wackos some are very cunning.
Anything I'm told online I file away to be continued and verified. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:51:22 PM |
I can usually tell after talking to someone a few times if they're safe or not safe, moreso w/phone calls. So far, I have pretty much been right on. Hope it stays that way!
Funny how someone truly believes she can divine psychopathy through just a scant amount of contact.
Whatever.  | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:02:22 PM |
kunta kinta I've had a knife to my throat. Does that qualify as being attacked?
One of my girlfriends was pulled kicking and screaming into a car by her hair. does that qualify as being attacked?
A man on a motorcycle ran into one of my female cousins when she was jogging and tried to pull her shirt off. Does that qualify as being attacked?
Most men are stronger than most women any day of the week. And in Maine at least, it's the men who are doing the stalking, beating and slaying of women. It's not always a kinder and gentler place. Even women who take their dogs with them to meet someone can end up dead- here in Maine- it's happened.
Clearly, you're young and haven't had a lot of life experiences yet. Get back to us in 10 years, let us know if you still feel the same way.
As a man, I've been stabbed more than once enough to require stitches, threatened with a gun, threatened with a baseball bat, nearly jumped by a gang of drunk ***holes twice, had someone run out of their van and physically charge my car, I've had a co-worker try to choke me out (didn't work, I counterattacked---but it occurred, anyway), and even defended myself in more than one bar fight that I didn't start.
And one of my best friends had a machete to his throat by a drug lord, while the gang shouted at each other whether he should die or not. Luckily, he's still here to tell the tale.
Please don't play the female victimhood angle. Both men and women have experienced extreme violence.
And let's get back on topic, okay? | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:56:55 PM | Darkangel, you make a good point.
I am just trying to wonder where all these sexist and knee jerk reactions come from. Men get attacked way more than women and on here we are not talking about that but the females that Abuse the Saftey Card. It is very apparent to any male.
Some men are physically stronger than women but guns, knives, dogs, bombs, malicious rumors damaging a person’s integrity, martial arts, and just about any thing you can think of more than equals any differences.
Knee jerk reactions have really filled this forum thread to make it so out of topic focus.
I’ll just watch from a distance till it is safe to continue sharing opinions and life time experiences in something so simple as what the topic really is about. Shame on most of you that just don’t get it. If it’s men it must be wrong to so many women, that is sad.
Thanks,
Eddie | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/4/2007 10:14:54 PM |
"aren't happy with women online (their timelines, their safety issues, etc.) ~ you probably shouldn't indulge in this type of "tool" for your personal life. If you can't deal with the never ending string of disappointments, fakes, phonies, players, liars, etc., this venue might not be the best place to invest time/effort or energy." greeneyes - you describe on-line women so well. Glad you did it and not I. Oh- I am no 'newby' with on line dating - I've seen most everything. And putting up with the phonies is just fine - there is a pony somewhere in this pile of manure.
JD
For someone who has openly admitted creating phony profiles isn't this the height of hypocrisy?
Your words are below JD , from the thread titled "As a guy, I find it offensive..." How many "phony" JD's are there? How many profiles have you created?
When you display positive signs of wealth, money and assets you automatically become -- in perception ---- younger, nicer, sexier, more acceptable, more desirable and much more.
This is a real factor --- I have tested it on sites such as this.
Joe
Not true -- I have tested this - statistically - on singles site venues and typically a woman's perception as to desirable personality, character and charisma is very much colored and altered by indications of the man's wealth.
But if you wish to do it yourself - it is quite easy to perform. Just secure some email addresses and register here with multiple member profiles. Then progressively and subtly make changes and substitutions. I won't go into detail - just use your imagination and set up a contact and response tally system in a spreadsheet based upon the lures or lack thereof. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 6:17:18 AM | Wow an all male group complaining about women . Sounds like fun . You can all feed off of your gross generalizations while feeling superior and remaining alone. I can't tell you how many times i have tried to pry men away from behind their computer screens just to get out and meet in person . These kind of men and women have an addiction to their computers.
I feel bad for people who are so scared to get out into the real world and meet people . They would rather live out their lives online with online friends instead of something real . | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 6:17:26 AM | One thing that would help all the men on here is stop trying to met so fast!! The hello let's met is a turn off not a turn on. I try as hard as you can to be safe and if I feel more comfortable with wanting to talk on this, email, IM then the phone before we met then you either give me the time or go away. The more you want to met the more I back off, if you would give us the chance to say ok let's met then it would happen more often.
The men who want to met right now or it's the highway the first thing I feel like is their like a dog wanting a bone, then I start wondering why don't they want to take it slow and find out about me also?
When you try and be nice and explane over and over why you don't want to met yet, it's well if you don't know me now you never will, got that right I never will.
Slow down give her time, maybe it's something you have said that is making her wanting to get to know you better. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/5/2007 6:35:01 AM |
I am a woman who looks to be safe when dating online. Go figure! First, there is a thread about a man who killed someone then tried to hide out by meeting a woman on pof and staying with her in another state. Lucky for her, he was arrested before he made it.
Then there was the dom who ended up burying several of his subs in 30 gallon drums in the ground when (I suppose) things went to far and he killed them a few years ago.
Oh, and lets not forget the guy who was looking for women to rob by being invited to their home.
I have never had those experiences, and am not stupid enough to invite any of them home....but the point is, these things do happen.
Yes, those things do happen, and I don't blame anyone for showing a reasonable amount of caution, before the first step, meeting in person. On the other hand, there is a difference between "reasonable" caution, and "paralyzing fear". Fear can always validate itself, by seeking out the relatively rare horror stories, assembling them all in a string, and coming to view that as the "whole".
All of life is a matter of determining risk vs. reward. One can have the illusion of safety, by not dating at all; but that's at the "risk" of never having the things of a relationship. Some people make that choice, but for those who do, why are you on POF? On top of that, the illusion of safety is an illusion. I could fill pages and pages of individual cases of women, living alone, who have had rapists break into their homes, or women snatched off the street, and on and on about bad things. It's a country of 300 million people, and even a statistically insignificant number, still leaves room for lots of individual horror stories.
The point being, there is a functional happy medium. Taking "some" time is reasonable, but taking "too much" time is not. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 144 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 6:42:27 AM | "I really disagree if you can't filter out the "whackos" through conversation, then you're not paying attention" Interesting statement that i have to totally disagree with and here is why.
I can have a 10 minute conversation with a person on the phone and learn more about them that actually chatting with them for weeks online. Why? in any kind of real life conversation that person doe not have the option of reading what they write and changing it before hitting that send botton. If a "whacko" is clever enough and careful they can string a naive woman/man along for a very long time by telling her what they knows she/he wants to hear. With the option to delete and rewrite before hitting send they can hide being a "whacko" for as long as it takes.
In a real live conversation, the "wacko" does not have that option, He/She has to react in a matter of seconds to questions being asked. In that situation they have no safety net so it's so much easier for the real person to come out. Fact is any intelligent person will be able to learn alot more alot quicker about the person they are trying to meet in a short live conversation than spending all that time chatting on the net.
You can take all the time in the world chatting with someone online before meeting them and they can still be as mad as a hatter and clever enough to hide it. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:30:59 AM | More than half the posts in this thread were either off-topic due to lack of reading or direct attempts to hijack it and steer it to debate something entirely different.
It does seem women use the "don't feel safe" reason for not meeting guys in person moreso than vice versa. True there are legitimate safety concerns, and since women generally are physically diminuitive as compared to the guys they select to meet, I would believe that women indeed have more "safety" concerns than do guys.
However, it's plainly obvious that guys have much to be concerned about as well. Women stalkers, psychopathically disturbed, threats of physical violence, etc.
Ok back to the topic. I've had several women claim they enjoy corresponding with me, however they have trepidation about either talking on the phone, or better yet do go on a first date/meet (isn't that why they've posted a profile on a dating website???). I'll generally take their word to be the truth, but I'll want some qualifying answers to general questions like "hmm why has something happened to you to give you this concern?" or "hmm do you personally know someone who had a legitimate safety issue?" These questions are not really a "test", but a genuine concern of mine; I want to know more about this woman despite this apparent roadblock on her part that prevents her from meeting people.
If I can't get a believeable answer to that question, I'll chill and continue corresponding if I don't feel like I was delivered complete total BS. Generally those correspondences die out, as the game-player learned her game was discovered. Once a woman who wanted to meet me would not talk to me on the phone, but was NEVER satisfied with my suggestions how to meet. I wanted to meet briefly for coffee since she never spoke to me on the phone. She said no meet for lunch on the weekend. I say fine, then Friday comes around and she tells me she has a family function. Ok we reschedule to meet next Friday, as I had weekend plans; Thursday comes around and she backs out again and suggests next Saturday; I say fine, next weekend rolls around and she backs out AGAIN due to another family function. It got so damn ridiculous I could tell she had definite relationship issues, I just gave up.
So to sum up, it's best to be truthful when asked questions. You don't need to give out too much personal info though before meeting, that definitely is a sign that a person is carrying around baggage. How is the person who is asked to provide the info supposed to know that they aren't the ones being scammed? That's what I would think. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:33:57 AM | To WindKist
Men get attacked more than women.
How can you dispute this ? Trust me this not an award you want to win. What ? Do you want women to be attacked more than men ? Because you think this will give women concrete proof for their never ending victim mentality. It just that when women get attacked or raped it gets blasted on the news. Why ? Because it's rare, it very rarely happens. In fact all news is rare. Where as some dude getting his head smashed in wouldn't even make the local news.
You gave me your examples of women being attacked but I would lay a fair bet that those attacks were by someone who they knew. Think about it : If you really are a rapist or a killer would you really go through the hassle of getting a computer, getting hooked to the internet, joining a dating site, paying the fee, sending messages, chatting to woman for a while, met her, then attack her.
Do you really think rapist or killer would do that ?
Or would a rapist just wait on a street corner at night ?
I understand your fear. It's a bit like shark attacks. People are afraid of sharks even though they very rarely attack humans but if they do attack you and they want to do you damage, then your in big trouble and it's kind of the same logic if a man decides to attack a women. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:39:17 AM | | I do not disagree with OP about telephone conversations. But they do not constitute face to face meets. And even in written comms, one can tell a lot about the way a person structures her/his syllogisms. But that was discussed recently in another thread with a somewhat parallel topic (Forum Players I think). | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 149 | |
| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:18:29 AM | I just got a message in my mail box from someone that wanted me to look at this "being safe "thing from another angle it reads .
" I have read your thread on women "needing to feel safe " with great interest, but their is another angle to this that's yet to be discussed. The MSN angle. Alot of women will talk to you forever on pof IM but will refuse to give you their MSN to chat that way. Some of these women will even talk to you on the phone but still refuse to give you their MSN. Ask them why and they will tell you about not wanting to be flashed by pervert.
But i have learned the hard way the real reason they are so scared of chatting on MSN , with most of them it has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with them lying in their profiles. These women know that if you have their MSN it's just a matter of time before you ask to see each other on webcam and then the wall of cards will come thumbling down. These women don't want you to see what their idea of "average" or "a few extra pounds" really is so they turn to the "being safe" card to avoid MSN at all cost."
Interesting angle and not one i have experienced myself so i have no opinion on it.
Nick i totally agree that nothing can take the place of a face to face meet. No amount of chatting online or even on the phone can tell you if there is any chemistry between two people. I have talked with women online for weeks, felt we had a great connection and after meeting them for five minutes realized there was not any real life chemistry.
BIKE-MAN
If you had not given up that women would still be giving you excuses and putting off meeting for another week. Something was always going to come up because she had no intention of ever meeting you. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/5/2007 8:32:37 AM | Nick i totally agree that nothing can take the place of a face to face meet. No amount of chatting online or even on the phone can tell you if there is any chemistry between two people. I have talked with women online for weeks, felt we had a great connection and after meeting them for five minutes realized there was not any real life chemistry.
That is not actually what I meant! I meant the opposite, if anything. I tend to mail and talk on phone or PC to PC audio with a woman for a long time and I can weed out the players or liars.
But it is true that women who do not wish to do audio either have a lot a baggage or have something to hide, red flags in any case! Cannot be bothered, I am afraid. It is also true that many people when they chat with man/woman they do not "think" (??!!!), maybe their heart takes over, and thus cannot "scan" while they talk. What they talk about, go figure, beats me! | |
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