| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:29:53 PM | This thread is doing its part by spreading paranoia , that's for sure.
Relax folks .... for one thing , not everybody is out to get ya. In fact, it's an extremely small sliver of a percentage of people that are.
Secondly, just use common sense. Is he wearing a Jiffy Pop container for a hat ? Well, that's nature's way of staying "Keep back !". Really now, if he's dressed in a suit and can string together any coherent sentence , chances are he's not going to hit you on the head and take you home to meet his dead frog collection.
All these scenarios and "Well, what if he..." stuff is not going to help you to "detect" a mass murderer. If they were that easy to spot they'd be caught before they committed crimes. That's not meant to remind you of hidden danger but rather that the only way you'll ever be completely safe would probably be by building yourself a nice cabin on Neptune. | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:56:49 PM | I was joking justcueit , bad joke....since I didn't mean to down play the importance of safety ,
...especially yours (-;
You are right .....you should be cautious and that's definately not being paranoid ....
I think stranger guys see you with your license plate and car every day ...but the advice you got is good advice and anything that makes you feel comfortable and safe is a good thing .
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:00:04 PM | I've just been thru my first weird on-line experience. A man that I'd been communicating with sent me a pic. As I was saving and stowing the pic, much to my suprise, a personal file of his openned, and out came many pictures of single men; mostly from this site, many from my surrounding area, and many included in my "personality test". How does that make all you guys feel? Freaked me out, eventhough he lives on the oppoisite Coast. Or so he says...
I do not live in fear. I will not. But, I am a bit more aware.  | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:15:52 PM | All one has to do is look at the statistics in crime victims - who is committing the crimes on whom gender wise overall. www.murdervictims.com.
Ask a homicide detective... women are stalked and attacked kidnapped murdered and tortured more than men and by men. Overall. Statistics show. Because of these statistics and because of the exposure thru the front page media , women have taken a protective stance. Why should that bother a male? A man should understand and be willing to earn trust.
In this day and age and with all the crime and nonsense just because you don't personally know something that has happened to someone doesn't mean it is not prevalent. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:33:15 PM | ^Uh, that's not entirely untrue but it's definitely a misrepresentation of the facts.
Overall men have far more to fear even if it's from other men.
For one thing, women have a homicide rate half that of men. Secondly, in terms of violent crimes, you're considerably more likely to be a victim if you're a man (even if it is probably another man that is going to attack you) Furthermore, if a woman actually plans to physically assault a man , she has a tendency to get other men to do the work for her.
The thing to take away from this is that the incidence rate overall is still extremely low for the average person. That's why taking a few stories and making a huge deal out of them does more harm than good since it breeds paranoia. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games ?
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:33:34 PM |
All one has to do is look at the statistics in crime victims - who is committing the crimes on whom gender wise overall. www.murdervictims.com.
Ask a homicide detective... women are stalked and attacked kidnapped murdered and tortured more than men and by men. Overall. Statistics show. Because of these statistics and because of the exposure thru the front page media , women have taken a protective stance. Why should that bother a male? A man should understand and be willing to earn trust.
In this day and age and with all the crime and nonsense just because you don't personally know something that has happened to someone doesn't mean it is not prevalent.
... and thus begins Round 2 of the War Between the Sexes.
Can all y'all wait a minute while I get some popcorn?
!Les
(who wants to bet that a casual invitation for coffee would be a bust with her?) | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/12/2007 4:22:57 PM | Which leads us back to the main topic: Women using "being safe"online as an excuse to play games...
I dunno Nick, because after my initial online dating newbie "hazing", I simply don't fall into traps anymore. Actually, I tend to scare off the 0nes who could be potentially problematic, and I like it that way. 
(Not that I was ever "unsafe" in the physical threat sense, but my fragile emotions had been toyed with in the past, so now I watch for the red-flags just like anyone else would.)
As for the psychology stuff, I'm glad we agree. Really, I was just having fun with you! Jeez...did I just come up with an excuse for my feminine wily game-playing? Oh dear...
---
POF relocation program? I like the sound of that, because really the probablity of me finding a compatible partner that's out of my region, province, country or continent is higher than finding one here. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 210 | |
| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/12/2007 5:09:55 PM | Justcuit a very simple salution is to tell the guy you are ok and don't need any help finding your car. If i don't want someone walking me to my car i just tell them. I find that the direct approah usually works best...Cuts down on all the game playing.
By the way GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR COFFEE DATE.
I can't help but notice that a few women have come down heavy on my man Nick in this and another thread. What's up with that? I can totally understand why some might come down heavy on me every now and then, but Nick? no way in hell. | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/12/2007 7:11:38 PM | tdh... That solution worked for the new coffeeshop... but not for the original one. It was a small coffeeshop that stood alone. The parking lot is directly out the front door. I will be using tonights coffeeshop again. It was in a strip mall with a clothing store right beside it... was easy to just say "going shopping... see ya" :-)
and now I'm "going fishing" 
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/12/2007 9:01:25 PM | OP, a great post. It’s good to see the variety of opinions. Unfortunately, comments are all over the map and my head hurts reading all the responses. 
I support your view that most guys would respect a woman’s wishes in regards to safety. Most guys are willing to take the time to chat, exchange messages, or speak on the phone for a reasonable period of time before meeting if they feel things are progressing. Most decent guys would suggest meeting in a very public place with safety in mind. Finally, many are here to meet someone, so everyone please just use common sense. | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/13/2007 1:50:56 AM | I think it's in a guys best interest to anticipate what would make a woman comfortable from a safety stand point. This makes sense to me at a fundamental level "they have more to worry about than I do" it helps add to the comfort of the meeting and a womans comfort is one of the most important aspects of a successful date.
OK all that aside the truth of the matter is violent crime is down (the lowest point in more than 30 years) internet dating is safer than "real life dating" because you're pretty much 99% busted if you try and use dating sites for stalking/serial crimes. The police will quickly use the digital trail to track you down. This means you're never going to meet ted bundy on a dating site unless you're his first vicitim because he's going to jail after 1 time.
The perception of all these things to fear is just that, perception. media hype sell papers, they blow things out of proportion in order to sell papers/commercials etc. anyone afraid of mad cow? 139 cases worlwide, 6 in the united states... you're 100 times more likely to be hit by lightning. Safety is a multi billion dollar industry. In order to sell safety products you need to hype fear. We're sort of exploited by our own press/media.
That all said I'm still going to anticipate womens concerns as best as I can and always take the path of not putting her in a situation to worry. This leads to better dates, where I get to learn more about someone and that's really what I'm after. | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/13/2007 5:43:13 AM |
hmmm.... I wouldn't think one could be "too" cautious when meeting a stranger but... hey.... maybe I am "paranoid" after reading this thread.
Really justcueit, if you feel that uncomfortable with a guy why would you meet him at all, maybe you are metting guys a little prematurely and need to get to know them a little better before you meet them | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/13/2007 8:38:58 AM |
if you feel that uncomfortable with a guy why would you meet him at all, maybe you are metting guys a little prematurely and need to get to know them a little better before you meet them
Roll your eyes all you want.... (it's my trademark as well) I'd rather be out meeting IRL than hiding behind my pc... AND I can find out more about someone in a halfhour coffee setting than I can in 10 hours of typing.
Funny how the topic is about women stringing men on with no intentions of meeting, spouting safety issues as the reason, and yet when a woman that DOES get out and meet asks about one safety concern she gets laughed at for being too cautious and told that she should get back behind the screen.... yep.... funny
************************rolls eyes*********************** | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 216 | |
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| Women needing to be save online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/13/2007 11:54:42 PM | This 'Safety Issue' thing is getting so old - I am getting to the point of just suggesting that we meet in the lobby of the local Police Department and sit directly in front of Desk Sergeant.
Not a bad idea. Or have the FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, Interpol, etc. create new services for daters. I often tell women from abroad that if they have access to such services, I do not mind having me checked out! Me kidding NOT, either!
PS. Or a World Date Organisation (a la World Trade Organisation)! | |
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| WTF is up with women using being safeonline as an excuse to play games?
Posted: 7/14/2007 12:59:41 AM | "Well this is a new attitude from you and some of your posts I've read in the past, whats wrong did someone hurt your feelers? "
Is that addressed to me, the OP, someone else? Not clear!
If to me, I do not see the "new attitude"! (for more, there's mail, not chit-chat or ad-hominem here! I follow the rules (of any game)). | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:46:25 AM |
Roll your eyes all you want.... (it's my trademark as well) I'd rather be out meeting IRL than hiding behind my pc... AND I can find out more about someone in a halfhour coffee setting than I can in 10 hours of typing.
Ever heard of a telephone? It even has voice and you may not feel the need to hire a bodygaurd or take the FBI with you!!!!!! | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:47:57 AM |
and you may not feel the need to hire a bodygaurd or take the FBI with you!!!!!!
Swanee you're reading something into her posts that isn't there. She went and met the guy with no bodygaurds and no FBI. She asked a question about how to cover herself out there on her own. You seem to have gone out on quite a tangent here to try and make her look foolish, which, by the way, isn't really working. I'm not sure why you think it's such a dumb idea for a woman to err on the side of caution.
She lives in a big city and is meeting a stranger. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I can tell you that I can't always ascertain what a person's entirely about in a phone conversation. Actually the converse has been the case. A half dozen phone calls on here with a half dozen ladies hasn't been enuff for me to determine that the pictures in the women's profiles were from days long passed. When they hopped out of the vehicles and I looked and muttered to myself under my breath; "Oh my gawd, would you look at this."
besides, like a number of other posters have alluded to earlier, including myself, creeps will be creeps and they're very good at clothing themselves in sheeps clothing. Also we know lots of people that can sound very charming on a telephone when in real life they're complete nightmares. | |
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| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:52:16 AM | Well could the FBI agent be a female? Surely this would never work if the FBI agent isn't a woman, because the gal on the date could just wind up finding hereself with TWO problems... Oh, and she would have to be well-trained in take-down techniques and handy with the pepper spray.
It all comes down to what each person wants out of online dating. I have found that the guys who are sincerely are looking for a substaintial relationship and have respect for themselves and others will be patient in the "getting to know you" stage. You know, come together, retreat a bit, assess, comtemplate and then re-align--the timeless mating dance. Is it a "game"? I guess only if one or both are trying to "score" or "bag loot" or whatever...
I am one that takes the time to chat a bit so that I can determine exactly what a guy is looking for, because conciously or unconciously he will telepath this in his communications. If I perceive that he is only trying to "score" with me but I'm not 100% sure, I will test things out a little before I stop communicating altogether, because I want to be fair and certain.
I was a bit of a polyanna when I first started with online dating, but now I am wiser. Once I accepted that some guys behave jerkier online than how they would behave in real life, it made things a whole lot easier and I reserve the right not to engage with jerks, online or otherwise. For the guys, if they believe that a woman is being a jerkette because she is not keeping to your own mating/dating clock, well then, you know what to do. | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 224 | |
| Women needing to be safe online versus women with traditional values.
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:45:43 PM | "She asked a question about how to cover herself out there on her own. You seem to have gone out on quite a tangent here to try and make her look foolish, which, by the way is not working."
SLY SLY SLY you of all people should know better than to feed the troll. We all know what's going on here. | |
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