| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:21:52 AM | I first read this thread last night and thought just someone letting off steam"venting".
And just so you're all clear - I wasn't venting, I was bored.
Mostly I was bored with one particular thread by one very unhappy person... and when he said it's much easier for women, well...
But to be honest, I have found the majority of posts from males on this forum are well thought out, punctuated, and easy to read. Slurs towards females are rare, and in fact I think a lot of these guys seem to be just what some of the women are looking for, they are right infront of them and yet they are all still here.....And all the while you still hear that males are this and that....
Quite right Brizguy - most of the posts - and the men - on these forums are quite civilized. And there's no one here currently on the forums (what, maybe all 10 of you?) that has been rude to me ever. Historically however, there has been some nastiness - and they're still lurking.
So, people who post publicly restrain themselves. However do you really think that what winds up in my email has the same level of courtesy applied? That blog would never have been written if the vast majority of men that contact me (and other women that I've spoken with) are exactly the sort of man I was talking about. Here and elsewhere.
This was not pointed at any male here in particular, except perhaps those that have:
1. Made comments about it being easier for women
2. Asked to view my body parts
3. Introduced themselves via a first messages saying "hey sexi girl" (or similar)
4. Asked me if I have a cam. I know what you want, you're not getting it, lol.
Calm boys... who's for a group hug? If you've been polite I'm in.  | |
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dj181
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Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:45:27 AM | | i think that a lot of these annoying emailers just make it a lot harder for the "genuine" people on here that are looking for someone decent....as they make it harder to trust anyone and what they will say/do...........but unfortunately these type of people exist everywhere on the internet and real life.....and it is just something that we have to deal with (as much as we wish we didnt have to) as for me personally....i have pretty much given up looking as such and am just plodding along having fun on the forums....and if something should miraculously happen..........then i will be happy!!! | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:50:04 AM |
and told me i was going to stay a lonely old woman for the rest of my life...lol...
Nun, I know what you mean! I have had various versions of this said to me many times...after I have politely declined an offer to chat...after I have said I am not interested in meeting....from a guy the other week who lived on the Sunshine Coast when I said that was too far away to even consider dating (I just know my commitments here would not allow me to make a 2 hour round trip to see a boyfriend several times a week). I have also heard an alternative version of this that goes like "you'll never find anyone who loves you like I do and you'll end up all alone" from some boyfriends when I have ended things because it wasn't right. It amazes me how often guys say stuff like this. It seems to me to be an attempt to undermine my belief in what I have decided matters to me in life and in a relationship. I guess they hope I will perhaps panic and agree to what they want, out of fear of the loneliness factor. I do get lonely sometimes, but I don't find it scary. All that sort of statement does is make me even more certain that my decision not to date that particular person has been the right one.
As for thread title...I think it's part of the human condition to always think other people have it easier....the opposite sex, younger people, skinnier people, richer people, people who live in another town...but the truth is that it's hard for anyone to find a partner if you are looking for a love worth having. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:55:31 AM | oh...Nun and Naamah....
I've heard those sort of things from guys. You're right, we do hear it a lot. From SOME men (note how careful I'm being)
I do get lonely sometimes, but I don't find it scary. All that sort of statement does is make me even more certain that my decision not to date that particular person has been the right one.
You're a wise woman.... | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 2:55:56 AM |
Calm boys... who's for a group hug? If you've been polite I'm in.
Count me in
p.s. I peeked at profile to ensure I wasn't group hugging with daughter's friends. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:32:21 AM | Nun, Naamah, CC ................... I guess some of those negative comments come from bitterness or sad individuals who just need to get a life.
DJ summed it up when he said it made things harder for a genuine bloke to come along and try to be a positive role model to hope for a connection.
An ex of mine was told by her ex that she would last no more than a month together with me before she would be dumped and this is hard to get out of someone's head when they hear it - but we lasted about 6 years in the end, together. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 3:45:03 AM | obviously ladies men that use those sort of lines are trying to win a losing battle... and exit with some sort of ego intacted..
of course the man that i last heard it from didnt like what i had to say.... but i came back with a response to his belittling line...lol...
as far as im concerned.... the men i do hear these things from are honestly doing me a favour coz i dont have to worry about another person to care for and someone else that my son wont get attached too.
i have no fear of ending up alone.... i have my family and friends... so i wont be alone....plus i decided many years ago ( from a very young age thanks to my dad that showed me its ok to be single as long as loved ones are near) that i will be ok if i never find that one person i can travel a journey with.... so really im happy either way the coin lands.
An ex of mine was told by her ex that she would last no more than a month together with me before she would be dumped and this is hard to get out of someone's head when they hear it - but we lasted about 6 years in the end, together.
lol.. my ex said i was good for nothing and the only one thing i was good for was a fuk... and that is all i will ever find...lol... maybe he has been stalking me and is being all these men that i talk too....lol. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:33:48 AM | C'mon guys. It's not easier for women, it's just harder for men.
In all seriousness though, it's not easier for either gender. I agree with dj, they do stuff it up for the genuine girl/guy looking for the long term relationship. Maybe the people who send those crass messages think they are the be all and end all for you ladies/gents out there. I also have sympathy for the ladies/gents who cop this abuse.
These people are a disgrace to everyone out there still searching. As it was mentioned somewhere on this or another thread, stupid little messages make it all the more difficult. Or then there is this scenario. You might get someone who sends you lovely messages and when it comes to chatting, they see you have webcan and turn into neanderthals. Have seen it happen from both sides of the fence.
Happy  | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:46:24 PM | I'll bite. Yes, I assumed I was easier for girl than guys.
I was told about this place by a female friend. Her inbox has about 20 messages a day. 2 other female friend have about the same hit rate. They have not commented on the quality apart from saying that a lot of guys seem to ignore the age and height criteria they have set.
For 2 reasons I have not messaged anyone that popped up in my matches box. The first is that I am busy, but the second is as an experiment. The only contacts I have got are from women that knew me before. No strange women have contacted me. (Perhaps I could have worded that better).
Think of your fishing not as sitting buy a river with a line in the water waiting , but as a diver with a speargun, hunting down the right prey  . Its your life, take a more active involvment. Find the guys you like and convince them you are the girl for them. That is if you think it is the same for girls and guys.
If you just wait for the guys to message you, then you are confirming it is easier for girls than guys.
PS this was not meant as having a go at the girls that are regulars on these forums, most if not all of you are more than an hours drive away. I've played the GI game before and its very hard.
good luck to everyon in their quests. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:29:43 PM | And sure, when you first sign up there's a little flurry of emails that come in - a new face - yeah...let's pounce. Then every 30 days as they forget they've ever contacted you so wind up sending exactly the same message again....
The pounce factor. I have always fond this such a stupid approach by men.
It must be the hunter instinct. I think it just shows how desperate or sleazy some men are.
I'm sorry I have not read all the entry's, I just don't have time right now.
All I can say is that most woman should be thankful that they can quite easily get contacts from men at POF.
I don't (rarely) contact woman anymore, unless we put each other in our favourites list. It's just not worth the effort other wise.
Admittedly woman have the burden of having to sort through who is genuine and who is not but it's better than having nothing to sort through.
Drew | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:46:35 PM | | Lucifer...Well put....I never thought about women not contacting guys means it is easier for them...They wade through emails while guys look and contact...hmmmm | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:42:43 PM | wasn't meaning to come across as I was beating anyone across the head, CC and all else sorry if it came across that way. My view was simply that whilst the OP was never intending to be a bag men thread, it might go that way. Thankfully, it hasn't. Now CC, wheres that group hug ..... Big  to everyone along the way (thats a totally metrosexual man love kiss too guys so don't go all freaky on me ok) | |
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| Why do SOME men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:20:50 PM | ok, not that i have done a search for men, (im looking for a lady, so why would i?)
but there are very few ladies around this area at least in the 40-49 ish age group. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:33:51 PM | i really had to think about that "metrosexual" word of beachy's.
i'm 41 and i don't even think i understand what it means. i do know what metropolitan means thou. perhaps if we all did this group hug thing he's talkin about then we all could possibly be practising the art of metropolitansexualisationism. | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:42:23 AM | | i think it no different for both males or females i approached dragoneagle first i just think you shoud go for it and be geniuen tell the truth. | |
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| Why do SOME men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 5:36:37 PM | Ah yes, THE GAME.
Rules different for both sides.
No truth can be used.
Reality is ignored.
Idealized perceptions abound.
He should say this.
She should do this.
Tab A and Slot B.
Half of the instructions are in Chinese.
The other are in Esperanto.
it's a wonder anyone can achieve happiness playing this game.
What ever happened to just being honest? Or does that hurt to much and it's better to play games ?
How about asking for what you want from a [MAN/WOMAN]?
Newsflash: If you aren't the man or woman that your DREAM [WOMAN/MAN] is looking for, then you have to either A) Change your standards or B) Change YOURSELF.
*hugs* | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 6:16:03 PM |
All I can say is that most woman should be thankful that they can quite easily get contacts from men at POF.
Getting contact is not the point though is it. If anyone is here merely to see how many messages they can rack up, then yeah, women probably "have it easier". Woo hoo, let's tally up the sexual innuendo, the messages that make it clear they haven't read your profile because they are exactly who you said you are not looking for, the desperate pleas from people who love you without having ever met you, the oneliners with no name signed to them, the unintelligible messages, the boring messages, the psycho messages, the abuse, the demanding messages, the messages that are full of the wrong assumptions about you, the egotistical messages, the messages devoid of the slightest hint of humour, and the 'wanna chat' messages that give you nothing to respond to. I'm afraid they vastly outnumber the messages from nice, interesting guys who write something that makes you want to reply.
To say a woman has it easier because she gets lots of contact is like saying a successful shopper is defined as being a person who gets the most catalogues in their letterbox. Sometimes you can read a mountain of catalogues and still not find what you're looking for....(especially if you are looking for something rare and wonderful in a bunch of Crazy Clarke's catalogues.) So if at the end of the day (figuratively speaking, not literally speaking), you still have no potential interest in anyone, no date, no lurrrrve...then really should a person feel "thankful" as you say???
I sometimes get the impression, and in fact a few men have said this to me directly, that some men think women revel in receiving loads of contact merely for the thrill of knocking guys back. Rest assured Drew, this is NOT the case. The heart wants what the heart wants, and knocking guys back is part of the search for what the heart wants, not some sort of ego-building exercise or any kind of evil plot against men. I personally hate writing to say 'no thanks' because it doesn't feel nice, but nor am I willing to start chatting with every guy who contacts me simply to be nice. I did once start chatting to a guy purely because he seemed so lonely and I felt sorry for him. I was trying to be nice, but I was clear and upfront in that I was not interested in him in a dating sense....but the fact that I still chatted with him seemed to override my clarity in not being interested, and he then went psycho on me when he started to push to meet and I didn't want to. Never again!
I don't (rarely) contact woman anymore, unless we put each other in our favourites list. It's just not worth the effort other wise.
I agree that writing to someone requires effort. You would assume though, that you are writing to someone you are interested in, so it would seem worth some effort. And yet you're saying it's not worth the effort. So how "worth the effort" do you think it feels to spend time writing back to several guys a day who you are not interested in, for the sake of being polite. Not very. So you should be "thankful" you don't have that "effort" to make, eh? Personally I see time spent writing to an interest as time far better spent.
Admittedly woman have the burden of having to sort through who is genuine and who is not but it's better than having nothing to sort through.
I'd rather have one solitary message from a guy I am interested in, than dozens of messages from guys I am not interested in. This is not a numbers game...except to say that we are looking for one . | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:07:03 PM | once again naamah your clarity and perception is 100% accurate.
god knows how many guys I have said hello to, tried to start a conversation, admired their profile, yadda yadda yadda - to get zilch in return or the old i'm seeing someone else (well then why doesn't your profile indicate that) or I am only looking for friends dont want to get into anything too serious (again your profile should state that). So for every message I might receive - which are few and far between, there are the ones that I nervously and anxiously send that get that same result for you guys - zilch, zippo, nothing, what the.
but, the thing is to never take is personally, never take it as an insult but just go about your day and sleep well at night like you normally would. I am not sure if the odds are stacked agained me already being in the age bracket I am and living in a regional town - but damn I am not going to give up on love, I am not going to five up on finding the "one" I want to be with and he wants to be with me.
so please guys - spare a thought for use desparate and dateless 40 somethings - you are just gagging for a bit will ya..........
 oh and in case you thought I was serious - things are not always as they seem!  | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:08:41 PM | ^^^^^ bloody hell where is the edit button when you need it - typos galore. sorry about that - must be something to do with the pubes with no beer thread!  | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:49:56 PM | "the desperate pleas from people who love you without having ever met you, the oneliners with no name signed to them, the unintelligible messages, the boring messages, the psycho messages, the abuse, the demanding messages, the messages that are full of the wrong assumptions about you, the egotistical messages, the messages devoid of the slightest hint of humour, and the 'wanna chat' messages"
And they're just the ones I send...what's everyone else sending | |
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| Why do men assume it's easier for women?
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:08:00 PM |
Tab A and Slot B.
Half of the instructions are in Chinese.
LOL.... and they are mostly written by a male that has no common sense and goes about things the hard way...
i guess im kinda lucky now.... that i dont get to sort thru messages on here gone are the days of wanna root message or i want to spoil you rotten and treat you like a princess and all the outrageous messages that had me already married off to the guy without even knowing who i was as person........ i do get the odd abusive message but they are few and far between now... im happy getting my little messages from the forumists means i dont have to deal with the bullshit.
the question is.... do the guys try too hard to try and get our attention? and with them trying too hard does it put us ladies off?... some try to little and then say they dont know how to approach a woman... and then complain about getting rejected for not trying just a little....
only advice i can really say... is be original and try to make them feel a little special (nothing gussy or sloppy) even if it is for just one second ... and dont use the same generic lines on everyone... as ya just might never know... it might prick the ears of someone that could be interested. | |
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