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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:23:36 PM | I think this same argument was going on in about 3 threads at one point that I know of, I personally think yeah it is my buisness, but then again I think my history is her buisness.
If you're hiding from truths just cause you might not like what you hear, A) that's pretty sissy, B) you don't really know that person and I couldn't be in a relationship without knowing a person.
You might like the illusion but that can be deflated in a heartbeat 1 day.
The 1 trend I've noticed from people that say "It's none of your buisness and I'm not going to tell you." they almost always have something worth being mad about to say, they have something they wish they hadn't done, they have something they don't wish to repeat, they have something they'll play off as meaning nothing to them. If they're "Spur of the moment" type people that typically engaged in activities that "meant nothing to them" That tells me more about someone than just whether or not I'm dating the village bicycle and the rides a little bumpy at that.
If you got a promiscuous history, good luck with that it's too late to change, but lying about or hiding it doesn't change history, it just makes you look worse when the truth inevitably comes out some other way. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:34:57 PM | | i saw a porno movie once and 5 years later i met her, she looked totally different and she confided in me of her past, which i considered her past. she had no diseases and we were happily together for 6 years till we broke up.how bad are the guys and do women really want to know? i don't think so. the past is gone and we all make mistakes , but get over it and try to find a good love[friend] now | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:05:46 PM | I think saying the past has no bearing on the present is naive, examples are plain as day (rapists, cheaters, ex-nazis, elementary school teaching wizards).
I think to say that the past shouldn't matter is also unfortunate, because then we don't hold anybody to any kind of higher standard, basically go out, f*ck around, do drugs, smoke it up, drink your ass off, don't be afraid to act on any impulse you may have. None of that is guaranteed to harm you, some are reasonably likely, but none are absolute. Everyone's accountable for their actions, you aren't gonna go to prison for sleeping with 100 people before your 25 (unless you knowingly gave most of those stds) but you are gonna close off a portion of the population to you for relationship purposes.
Don't cry and whinge like "I'm still a good person" or "don't hold my past to me, the past is the past." You made your bed and now you get to sleep in it, or whatever it is you normally use beds for. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:35:42 PM | No, there isn't such thing as right to know someone's sexual history. NO, no,no... it isn't anybody's business who you slept with in the past. You are attracted to each other now, why do you want to know someone's sexual history? Think about it... what gives you right to know someone's sexual history? You may think because you want to sleep with him or her, this does not automatically grant you " a right" .
Supposodely, he or she reveals the information, so now WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE INFORMATION...you are going to calculated things in your head it they are worth it? It is ego's stuff and it will not take you anywehre.
On the other hand, you want to get to know your partner and you are going to be talking about your past, but don't go into details, it really isn't necessary.... unless it is relevant to the situation. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:46:45 AM |
unless it is relevant to the situation.
But that's assuming that what YOU think is relevant is the same as what someone else sees as relevent...
See, relevant to me is knowing that perhaps your 'friends' are just friends or were ex-lovers...
Relevant to me, is your statisical likelihood for you having had an STD... or perhpas having health issues because of one that you had but were treated for...
Relevant to me, is knowing you haven't slept with one of my family members... (happened... a girl and my relative....)
Relevant to me is whether or not you had or were a FWB or not...
Relevant to me is your past shows a a trend in your lifestyle...
But to someone else, what is relevant to them could be totally different....
To some people your sleeping with people of other races might be relevant...
To some people group sex or MFM's in your past might be relevant...
To some people bi-sexual or homosexual encounters might be relevant...
So just because something is not important to you, don't assume it's not important to someone else... | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:08:16 PM | | I always ask and want to know my lovers past like how many guys she has been because I think it is your business because your going to be having sex with this person and all the people that she has been with also. If she has been with to many guys I say bye bye and move on but she can lie which you can catch a lie also. If a woman say sleeps with you before the second month she has been with you to me that is way to fast and proves to me she is easy and she has been with many guys also. The best thing is take your time and don't rush into anything because they is no rush especially when it comes to sex which people seem to forget. I may sound slow to some people for having sex but nothing is wrong with that it's the best way for a relationship to last is take your time and get to know the person at least before having sex with them. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:31:43 PM | Yes, for two reasons"
1. Health issues. Just because you test negative now, doesn't mean you will six months or a year from now. Also, things like herpes aren't easily tested for. And, you could have it and not know it for years. There are other diseases that fall into that category also.
2.Past behavior is a good indicator of future actions. People who sleep around are less likely to stay faithful. Especially, if things get ruff. They done it so much and with so many people, they don't see sex as a big deal. So, if they "indulge" every now and again, what's the harm?
Lateef | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:45:31 AM | I gotta say, I can think of situations I know of that follow this pattern, that if things get rough people with promiscuous pasts tend to find old behaviors again. Usually by the time they patch things up it was "too late."
I think your past is your past, you have to accept that it's who you are, were and might be again. I however don't have to accept it.
If I met Charles Manson and he seemed like the coolest, most down to earth guy ever I'd still want to gouge him in the eyes cause of past discretion's.
Just accept you probably have something in your past that excludes some people from dating you, that's your problem but it's not the end of the world, just move on but don't for a moment think we should just accept things we're not comfortable with just because you can't change it, dodging the consequences of your actions just makes more people stop worrying about repercussions. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:11:50 AM | The 1 trend I've noticed from people that say "It's none of your buisness and I'm not going to tell you." they almost always have something worth being mad about to say, they have something they wish they hadn't done, they have something they don't wish to repeat, they have something they'll play off as meaning nothing to them.
There might be some truth to this for some people. I don't have a problem telling someone I'm going tobe intimate with my 'real' number. I don't have anything to feel ashamed about because I haven't had a lot of partners. I'm pretty picky about who I share my body with.
I always ask and want to know my lovers past like how many guys she has been because I think it is your business because your going to be having sex with this person and all the people that she has been with also. If she has been with to many guys I say bye bye and move on
lovesex73.....I thought for sure I'd find you were searching for a LTR when I checked your profile, but nope....its IE's. Are you trying to say that you take at least a month before having sex with these women? Yeah right! Oh and I hate to break it to you fella, but usually the women that are looking for IE's are not the ones with the low numbers. 
I think men with high numbers share the same stigma as women with high numbers, at least to the people that I know. I wouldn't want to be intimate with a man who has had 100 women-sorry.
I do believe in sharing your numbers for the simple fact that the more information one has, the more informed the decision will be.
HR  | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:17:44 AM |
Just accept you probably have something in your past that excludes some people from dating you, that's your problem but it's not the end of the world, just move on but don't for a moment think we should just accept things we're not comfortable with just because you can't change it, dodging the consequences of your actions just makes more people stop worrying about repercussions.
I think that is the hardest part of all of this. A lot of people, both men and women who were promiscuous, went through this stage early in their lives and it is well in the past and they in most cases truly don't believe that something they did years ago should affect the rest of their lives. It's unfortunate, that reality doesn't work that way.
In today's world it's hard for a woman to say "No". There is media and peer pressure. A date with a man is often an incredible amount of pressure to 'give it up'.
A lady friend and I were discussing this the other night.
She basically said, her and her girlfriends are more likely to have sex with a guy if he doesn't try, than with a guy that keeps trying. They are that fed up with every guy who just wants to and keeps trying to get in their pants.
That being said, I don't have a problem with a woman who tells me upfront about her past. I'd rather know what I'm getting into (so to speak) than find out later.
If you're too afraid to tell, because you think the guy will judge you or leave you, then sorry, you're too desperate and needy to keep a guy around anyway.
A man will have more respect for you if you're honest. A guy who doesn't respect you after finding out your numbers is not for you in the first place. A guy may not like your numbers and leave, but he's only being honest about how he feels. He's not for you either if he can't deal with your numbers.
The same above can also be said about men with high numbers. I've always told my numbers, they're pretty high. Some women accept them, some can't and tell me and move on... I lost one very lovely lady years ago because she didn't want a guy whose number was greater than her own. So it works both ways...
I honestly would prefer a woman with low numbers and less experience. But my g/f has had a lot more both numbers and experiences than me. Sure it was upsetting, and still to a degree is, but she was upfront from the beginning and I never felt tricked or lied to. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:25:22 AM | | Sorry to tell you happy rebel but I don't sleep with these people right away and don't plan to either. I get to know people first especially the way they talk on here also, I meet them many times also like 2 month at a time sometimes more. I might say I am looking for a intimate encounter I am but I do wait which I see nothing wrong with doing. As for having many partners sorry I have not and I do screen the woman I am with and always have also. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:59:56 AM | Definately no, you might not want to here what they have to say, and it would only make you think about how you compare .
Dont ask, its just way to much pressure on the beginning of a relationship!! | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/15/2008 12:57:25 PM | Sometimes its better to leave sleeping dog's lie... as the past is just that... better question would be whom does your partner plan to sleep with from now on or in the future...
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N*Love
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Joined: 2/22/2008
Msg: 367 | |
| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:26:23 PM | Definetely not...
I 'd however like to know:
hx of criminal convictions?
sexual orientation?
kids?
All those could have a potential implication in our future.... the sexual past and how many chicks he boinked.... I don't care..... Actions will speak for themselves.. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:16:37 PM | Sure ask away and face the tortue of self induced paranoia and suspision... why do that to your self! Unless you like that kind of thing....
Now some can handle it (mostly swingers) but not so imp0ortant on how many but what they have done and what they feel comforable with doing SHOULD be the questions... anyone agree? | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:30:48 PM | pyrocurt,,,,,,I agree,, I have no interest in a woman sexual past,, yet I'm not threatened by it,,
I wrote once before,, the only thing that matters is STD free.. other than that,, we all have a past,, men and woman should feel comfortable with it,, it;s the present and the future that really matters........ | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 7/22/2008 11:53:31 AM | Ok, I've got say thanks to Rick-R
I've got to say Huntzee, grow up. It's ok that u slept with over 60, but a woman who slept with less than half that (as you mentioned) is a "slut"??? Do you really think everytime a woman has sex she thinks ooh...I hope my potential husband won't count this one. Loudicrous!
When men say how many people they've slept with, we woman either 1. teach them a few things or 2. forgive them their indiscrestions.
When women say how many people they've been with it's a catch 22. If it's less than 10 than we're inexperienced and if it's over 10 than we're sluts. It is no one's business, but ours. We're entitled to do whomever as many times as we want or don't want. The only thing you are entitled to know is if she's had an STD. I agree with whomever put that 2 people should get tested together. Also, just a thought....there were several threads that said that they would want to know how many she's been with if they were going to marry her. Common people, you're going to wait until you're madly in love and have decided to spend the rest of your life with this person only to find out she's screwed everyone from here to Christmas. Very immature! If it really bothers you, than ask...just be sure you've been with her a long time and that you haven't had sex with her yet...otherwise you're no better than she. | |
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