| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:44:52 PM | Ok some of you dont understand a thing.
The point here is Her past ?? Ur Business?????
I was making a point that Honesty is best You have to weigh all the qualites of your partner& not jude what her life was before you
Not saying some women havent overdone it.
If you care enough about someone & share your past with each other. & feel you can overcome the obstacls Then give it a try.
When in a relationship. we need to be loyal & honest. Always
On the other hand when someone is a cheater, they are always a cheater. no doubt.
Weigh it all out & decide where your lives could possibly take you.
If it looks fruitful go for it.You have nothing to loose. live life to its fullest
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 2:56:06 AM | Really, if you're not ashamed of your actions (which most people are saying they aren't) who cares if someone knows about your sexual history?
If someone asks I'd tell them, for all you know they might want to date someone with 20+ partners or maybe they want a virgin, whatever the case if it's worth while they will deal with the truth. If it isn't, they won't and you'll at least never have to worry about it coming out and ending further in.
Bunch of weak secretive crazies in this place. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:50:43 AM | Bunch of ignorant, angry, hatemongers in here, too.
I won't speak for everyone, but personally, it's not an issue of whether or not someone knows my history. It's an issue of whether or not I'm obligated to tell them. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:06:46 AM | | Since it could cost you your life, I think it's smart to want to know someone's sexual history. If they refuse this info then they obviously don't care if you live or die and aren't a person you should have a relationship with anyway. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:16:07 AM | Our sexual past is our own business.
The only thing we should be "obligated" to share is our medical results showing we are STD free. (or not).
If a sexual past is shared.....it should be because we choose to share it......not because we have to. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:49:07 AM | | when a women replies like you just did you have already told me you slept with alot of guys.most guys will not catch this but i did. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:06:54 PM | | I don't even encourage women to share that information. How they are with me is all that I care about. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:12:20 PM |
good guy 75: when a women replies like you just did you have already told me you slept with alot of guys.most guys will not catch this but i did.
 too bad your name doesn't reflect your true personality
So you think you can read between the lines?
Well, so can everyone that just read that statement.....your mistrust and opinion of women read quite clearly between your lines, my dear. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:27:49 AM | WELL, AND THEN REALITY SETS IN.
I HAVE BEEN IN A FEW RELATIONSHIPS, AND CANT REMEMBER A SINGLE RELATIONSHIP THAT WHEN THE TOPIC CAME UP. HONESTY PREVAILED.
DOESNT APPEAR TO REALLY MATTER, THE WOMAN WILL ONLY REVEAL WHAT SHE WANTS TO REVEAL ANYWAY. TRUTH AND HONESTY DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A PART OF IT.
REGARDLESS OF ALL THE WORDS USED SUGGESTING TRUTH AND HONESTY, MOST OF US HAVE SKELETONS IN OUR CLOSETS THAT WE DONT CARE TO ADVERTIZE.
I HAVE THOUGHT MANY ATIME THAT I WANTED TO KNOW HER SEXUAL PAST, FOR WHATEVER B.S. REASON I CONVINCED MYSELF AT THE TIME. AND FOUND THAT I USUALLY COULDNT DEAL WITH THE TRUTH THAT I DID MANAGE TO GET.
MY JUDGEMENTAL MIND, ALWAYS GOES TO AN ETHICAL VEIWPOINT,[CUZ I HAVE THE ABILITY TO JUSTIFY AND RATIONALIZE ANYTHING IN MY OWN HEAD].
SO TRUTH IS THAT HER SEXUAL PAST DOES IN FACT SAY ALOT OF "WHO" SHE IS. THE REAL QUESTION IS DO I WANT TO PARTICIPATE AND INVEST INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT DOES NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE HONEST? OR WITH A PERSON THAT I FIND A PAST THAT OFFENDS ME. UNLESS RADICAL SPRIRITUAL CHANGE HAS ALREADY TAKEN PLACE, SHE IS LIKELY TO CONTINUE THE SAME BEHAVIOUR THAT SHE HAS ALWAYS LIVED FOR THE SAME REASONS SHE ALWAYS HAS.
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.
AND NOONE HAS TO BE HONEST, THAT IS A CHOICE EACH MAKES FOR THEMSELF.
SO U DECIDE FOR YOURSELF, YOUR PART IN IT!!! LOOK WITHIN, WHAT REALLY MATTERS TO YOU. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:32:08 AM | seriously. . .stop with the caps.
If you honestly want to know, feel free to ask. Goes for both sexes. Chances are, no matter what she/he tells you, it's not going to sit well with most people. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:35:23 AM |
I won't speak for everyone, but personally, it's not an issue of whether or not someone knows my history. It's an issue of whether or not I'm obligated to tell them.
You're definitely speaking for me.
I feel that I'm not. Nor are they obligated to tell me. And I'd heartily laugh in the face of anyone who decides that my lack of obligation means I must've been really busy in the past. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:31:08 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^
I could not agree more - with both of you.
I do not believe ANYONE should feel obligated to tell me of their past... feeling obligated to do or say anything only breeds resentment and lies... and I would rather deal with the truth - freely given... it tends to breed much more honesty and openess.... and is that not what we are all looking for in the long run?
I will tell someone about my past when I am ready, and when I feel they will not judge me for it.... I do not wish to be judged in any way, shape or form..... whether it be prude or slut ... neither would bode well for a long term relationship.
I have been around the block enough times to know that when a relationship goes through rough spots or ends, your past always gets thrown in your face. A friend of mine has a saying ... "You never know WHO a partner really is until the relationship is over."
BB | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 1:06:21 PM | "Her sexual past.....ur business?"
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To some degree, yes. No serious guy wants to get involved with a woman who's slept around too much. Having strangers calling at night or whatever is something I can definitely live without. But then again, one can't always choose whom to develops feelings for either. We all have a past which is fine - as long as you're honest from day one. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 1:57:42 PM | | I used to want to know, but I don't really think it makes much of a difference, and really - does it matter? She/He's with you today. Maybe not tomorrow, or maybe forever, either way, it his/her choice to be with you today. You can't change or experience the past, so why dwell on it? Carpe Diem, and don't look back. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 2:10:53 PM | My biggest issue is running into her past...
I know everyone has a past... some good, some bad... some really freaking outrageous... I can live with that....
As long as I don't have to encounter it, in my daily life, her past is a vapourous.... almost non-existant thing... easily swept aside like a dream... as time goes by it becomes more and moe vauge and drifts into oblivion...
For the most part, you will never, ever meet her ex-lovers or ex boyfriends... perhaps, if kids are involved you might have to deal with her ex that way... but not always...
So without substance, it's not an issue...
I found though in my current G/F's past... we met in a bar we'd gone to for some time... As a result, I run into several of her ex-lovers a lot... her past with some of them was also extreme... some of the people who have been with her, are people I have known for a while too... This creates totally different dynamic... Being physically attacked by one of her ex's is another dynamic...fortunately, he wasn't in as bad a mood as I was that day.... not so fortunate for him....
Meeting one ex lover is one thing.... seven or eight is another... needless to say, we don't go there anymore... it was just too awkward for both of us... and there were other issues that resulted that made it a bigger issue...
Running into them over and over does cause problems... it's a constant reminder that I personally, don't like... maybe some others would be ok, but I sure as hell wasn't...
So sometimes, her past, can create a lot of unforseen problems... | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 2:19:06 PM | | I will reserve judgment until I have reviewed the videos and have personally interviewed a representative sampling of her past lovers. Then I would arrange an interview to determine any negative effects that resulted in terms of her ability to perform to my satisfaction. But if that all checks out and it seems likely that she can be salvaged from her sullied state, I would consider providing her the chance to prove herself. It's none of my business except that I would want to know of any structural repairs that could lead to failure. I am all for falling in love with who she is now, but there are practical implications as well. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/22/2009 2:46:37 PM | As long as she doesnt have any STD's or STI's why does it matter?
it just means she knows what guys like, and more importantly what she likes/dislikes. | |
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notwow
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Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 496 | |
| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:30:43 AM |
Our sexual past is our own business.
The only thing we should be "obligated" to share is our medical results showing we are STD free. (or not).
If a sexual past is shared.....it should be because we choose to share it......not because we have to.
MsMiki, I often agree with your comments; not this time. The STD testing is an obvious, and as most of us really, really hate condoms, that needs to happen as soon as possible in a relationship.
What happened 10 years ago probably doesn't matter, but your pattern in the past 2-3 does. Any longer term relationship I have been in we have always discussed those issues, and it is not just for the sex history part, but also to get an understanding of the type of relationships the other person was in, why those relationships may have failed, and if there are patterns there that may be flags.
I find because I am completely open and honest about my own history (yes, including those short-term stands we all have done and were mistakes) all have reciprocated with equal frankness. How do I know? Because often it was difficult for my new partner to discuss some liasons for various reasons, but they did.
One can't be judgmental; my current GF has been somewhat less selective and more active then I have been, and we have had significant discussions about that, but all from a non-judgmental role. With her, and in the past with others, we have always used names of those partners (they are not objects), and interestingly, with her and with those same others in the past, I have found that often they, as I am, are still friends with some of these former partners. Just because one is no longer intimate, does not mean you can't be friends. And if they have been discussed, one never has to be worried about trying to "hide" contact with those people.
It builds and incredible amount of trust between two people. I am not the jealous type (why should I be, I was not in the picture back then), but it helps understand if there are underlying issues and what they may be. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/23/2009 10:40:37 AM | | The last thing I want to hear about is how many, how many diff ways, places, things, and objects... makes ya feel like you were waiting in line for a ride.... ugh... no thanks. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:50:31 AM | You'd think ignorance is the same as history un-writing itself. At the very worst, a horrible inflated number is going to cause me a week's distress. Hiding things or an outright refusal to answer is going to speak more to your character and probably nag at me for far longer.
You ever have someone lie to you, say they're at work but really they were watching sports with their buddy? Watching sports is harmless enough, but the fact he lied to you or felt "you didn't need to know" is harmful.
Do what you want in your relationships, but don't get antsy when people lie to you or hide things they don't think you need or deserve to know about. After all, they're really breaking new territory here. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:50:32 AM | | I am a pretty open dude and tend to attract open women, so it has come up- Not a problem for me, she is with me for a reason and left the others in the past. Not a big deal to me. I think a lot of men want to know a sexual history in detail- I am comfortable enough to hear it and not to care. If you can't be honest and share, your relationship is doomed to fail- most people have done crazy dumb stuff in the past. | |
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| Her sexual past.....ur business?
Posted: 3/23/2009 11:52:59 AM | | Yeah, it would be nice to know but just in case wrap it up! You can only wonder what things or stuff she has done but be nice about it there is a good way and a bad way in asking so be gentle? Good luck | |
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