At the very worst, a horrible inflated number is going to cause me a week's distress. Hiding things or an outright refusal to answer is going to speak more to your character and probably nag at me for far longer.

No, it will invariably lead to someone getting mad over the other person's amount of partners

No, it will invariably lead to someone getting mad over the other person's amount of partners. It also leads into dangerous territory of 'Who's the best you ever had? etc.' and people lie.

There's a difference between hiding something and refusing to answer something. Those are two separate things. I think it's a little sad that you seem to view people as shady who aren't completely open books and don't tell you everything you want to know whenever you want to know it. Perhaps that speaks more about your character?

Prying? Nosey? Possibly insecure? I don't know you, so I obviously can't say. But these are all things that come to mind.

Either way, inability to respect someone's requests would be a huge red flag for me to not date someone. If they can't respect my choice not to tell them about my past, there's good reason to believe they won't respect other things further on as well.

let's face it; when you've gotten to your 40's, 50's and beyond, unless you've been married since you were about 17 or so, you've probably had a few lovers here and there.

m church, the question posed wasn't "does having many lovers make you good in bed." it was if the sexual past of the person with whom you are currently with any of your business, man or woman.

so, if you are in a new relationship and it's getting semi-serious, if you're the type of person who feels threatened by the number of lovers your new s/o has because you may not be #1 on the list, you may not want to ask. just go with the most likely certain knowledge that the other person has had other people in his/her bed.

if anyone is afraid of being compared, then say out of intimate relationships.

to think otherwise is a little naive, I would say.

m church, I must say I do get a laugh out of your derisive, derogatory style of posting. your points may be valid, but do you have to start out so nasty and mocking?

I keep seeing the argument made that with a fairly high number of lovers they have experience and they'd be great in bed... Well, then if that's true, why are they single...?

and even if they were so great in bed, again, why are they single...?

What was it about them that caused all those other lovers to move on...

No, it will invariably lead to someone getting mad over the other person's amount of partners. It also leads into dangerous territory of 'Who's the best you ever had? etc.' and people lie.

Only if you are immature and worry about self-esteem.

t's a sign of two things. They obviously don't really care about you and they're hiding something. In my opinion (and experience), if someone has nothing bad to hide they usually like to tell you anything.

It's 2009, I don't know what sheltered little world you've been living in, but we are all aware of HIV infections, we are all aware of chicken pox, chicken flu.

You have raised a good point though. In reality HIV is hard to get, there are certain sexual activities that make an ideal situation for HIV transmission (I think you all can figure out what I'm talking about), but it's transmission is not as easy as people think. However, lessions on your skin caused by HSV or HPV create an easy point of entry for other infections such as HIV - similar to lessions caused when those puffs play bum darts.

I'm not in a lifestyle that puts me at great risk for HIV, but the fact I have HSV puts me in a greater risk category. It's a sobering thought. As much as I advocate against the stigmas associated with STD's, in the case of HIV, I have to say it's a major complication that will certainly end my life sooner than I would hope, and I would choose to avoid it if possible. I'm sorry to all those with HIV, and would like to say I do realize that I'm flattering myself - but it's for the sake of this discussion.

With that being said, no STD testing proceedure is perfect, not for HIV or HSV or whatever, this is why I believe my potential partner's past is my buisness - even though she's got papers to say she's clean; because the papers aren't worth the ink they're printed with. STD screening is primarily used to make informed medical decisions as to cause and treatments for symptoms - it's not designed for use as an assurance you won't catch something from that person. A wreckless lifestyle in my partners past may come back to haunt me, or if past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, it could foreshadow some future wrecklessness that could also affect more than just the relationship. There's a thread on here discussing if one's sexual history is anybody's buisness - I haven't read through it, but I can imagine it's full of posts by people who, on a conscious level are not proud of thier self destructive accomplishments, and would prefer the past stay buried in the past - and so the posts would include all sorts of psychological control and abuse precursors as a reason to avoid disclosure - there may actually be someone who does bring up the STD issue, but it's thrown away with the presentation of STD screening. Don't do that! Don't ignore this persons past just because he/she says they're a different person, or dismisses your inquiry - I believe it's my right to know if this person has ever used injected drugs, or been employed in the sex trade, had sex with a bisexual male, was a swinger, or had a few one night stands that didn't use a condom. Everyone has a history, nobody's history is perfect, and it's not for judgement that I believe this information is relevant it's to calculate risk.

If by some miracle I meet a guy who demands to know and assumes I'm all whore-like when I tell him it's not open for discussion.. that's fine. I won't miss him.

For context it's probably best that I mention I'm an open book myself. I'm looking for reciprocity, nothing more.

Anyway, i just find that when I'm dating someone (especially if it's getting serious) that if she wants to pick and choose what I can and can't know, it's a big red flag for me. I had... a few bad experiences on top of the fact I'm not a very close lipped type person.

] no STD testing proceedure is perfect, not for HIV or HSV or whatever, this is why I believe my potential partner's past is my business

Experience levels I think should be reasonably matched... A lo of people, insecure or not are not going to be happy with a lover who has had sex with many times the number of people they have had.... And a lot of experienced people may find sex with someone who has only had a few lovers very limiting...

Worried about being compared….who’s the best?...

…worried about them snickering in the corner…

even if they were so great in bed, again, why are they single...?

It's not a case of "Out of all those lovers, she(or he) chose me..."

When you're seriously involved with someone and they're hush hush about their life and never communicate what they feel to you, it's a sign of two things. They obviously don't really care about you and they're hiding something.