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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 5:57:53 AM | This is very complicated. I am a 55-year-old male.
Define a "serious long term relationship". I do not go into any relationship wondering if this will be long or short term and I certainly don't pick my friends based on "are they older than 45". I would have a problem having a "long term relationship" with a 22 year old since long term to me would be a much shorter term to her.
Friendships last a long time if those involved are truthful, sincere, and loyal.
A "serious" relationship is one in which each person cares about the other often more than they care about themselves.
A "long term" is any period of time that is shared with someone who cares as much about you as you do about them and each moment is truly enjoyed.
A "relationship" is the above interaction.
Stop trying to categorize your relationships, accept each one for what it is, and enjoy each moment of the ones you take seriously as if they are long term.
Chronological age is not important and keeping fit and healthy is something you should do for yourself, not to attract a partner. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:38:52 PM |
even post that if they date a guy their age they ask if his plumbing works Now that's just TRASHY,in my opinion.
Make no mistake, were I to date and get acquainted with a man and FIND OUT that he had SIGNIFICANT performance problems, I might have to sit down and give serious thought to whether or not I wanted to continue seeing him in a dating/romantic relationship context. But a lot of that would have to do more with my concern about getting involved with a guy who has serious overall HEALTH issues, as well. Trust me, there are plenty of 40+ guys who are reasonably healthy and able to perform. To ask a guy pointblank about his sexual performance,simply because of his age is just wrong.
All I can say, Dusty, is if you are letting your concerns about your family and friends opinions drive you to look for women amongst younger females who then ask you if your plumbing works, I actually feel sad for you. I don't agree with some of your premises,but I do wish you well and I hope you can work it out so that everybody's somewheres close to being happy.
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 2:47:26 PM | Cindy,
thanks for you concern darlin..
I have never dated a younger woman, atleast one I knew was younger than 5 yrs my junior.
I don't know where you ever got that notion.
I prefer 50 and over women
Even you care if his plumbing works...
re:
Make no mistake, were I to date and get acquainted with a man and FIND OUT that he had SIGNIFICANT performance problems, I might have to sit down and give serious thought to whether or not I wanted to continue seeing him in a dating/romantic relationship context.
Cindy, We will never see eye to eye on these issues but the diversity in opinions is healthy to a positive learning experience..
dusty | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 3:09:55 PM |
Make no mistake, were I to date and get acquainted with a man and FIND OUT that he had SIGNIFICANT performance problems, I might have to sit down and give serious thought to whether or not I wanted to continue seeing him in a dating/romantic relationship context.
I was going to explain that further, decided it was a side issue, but now I can see that I do need to give some clarification.
Of course I like sex, but my larger concern about sexual performance issues goes to a concern about serious medical problems. Serious IGNORED,or undiagnosed medical problems. I know that there are no guarantees, but having buried one SO, I don't particularly care to WILFULLY set myself up for the distinct possibility of having to do that again. That's my particular big anxiety. If he were a good man, and we loved one another,and his dysfunction was due to medications/treatment to control a medical problem, I suspect we'd find a way to work around it.
If other women my age are making the ability to get and keep an erection their #1 priority,and an automatic dealbreaker ,so be it. Should they develop a medical issue, and their 30something studboy runs off looking for another hot mama, they don't need to come crying to me LOL. What goes around comes around.
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:11:07 PM | | Not just men. When I was in my late 40s, I was able to attract lots of dates on line. I turned 50, and the number of responses dropped significantly. I've had women in their late 40s to early 50s tell me I'm too old. Age is just a number. I've had a great time with a lady who is 58, and met a 40 yo who reminded me of my mother's friends. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:29:21 PM | You get up to the 40-60 bracket, and a huge percentage of the people are either married or otherwise unavailable.
I think what p*****ed people off was the arrogance in referring to people, who continue to see the possibilities, rather than the problems, as "stupid". In fact, it was in response to my post that you said that.
The simple fact is that there are more "dateable" members of the opposite sex, than you could ever get to, if you dated a different person every day, who you would find attractive, for the rest of your life. For all intents and purposes, there's an endless supply, and you only need to find one.
I live between Chicago and Milwaukee, and within a 2 hour drive, there are something like 10 million people, approx. 1/2 of each gender, so that's 5 million. Let's say 1/3 are still children. Ok, so it's down to 3 1/2 million. Of those, say half are married, 1 3/4 million, and 25% are in relationships, and you're down to 1 1/4 milion, and if your age parameters limit your criteria to people within 10 years of your age, there are almost 400,000 women, wihin ten years of my age, within a 2 hour drive. Maybe only 10% of women, within 10 years of my age, within a 2 hour drive would be "attractive to me, that means there would be 40,000 single, attractive women, within a 2 hour drive.
Somehow, I don't think I'll get to all of them.
On top of that, with the internet, geography is less relevant, and I have dated outside the 10 years of my age window. Between the U.S. and Canada, there are 350 million people, half of them women.
Somehow, I don't think the world is going to run out of members of the opposite sex, and the truth is, it is no harder now, than it was in my 20s, to "get a date. I'm just a lot more discriminating now, and online and phone allows us to be more "efficient", not having so many "bad dates" with people we "screen out" online.
I'm no Adonis, but in 7 weeks online, I've had 3 dates IRL, 2 "thingies" that had some traction online, then fizzled, and one, now, who intrigues me enough to keep seeing and imagine the possibilities.
So, go ahead, call me stupid again, but it seems to my logic, that the problem isn't limited options, rather, it's quite the opposite, having so many options, that it can be difficult to sorth through them. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 6:34:47 PM | Sounds like a case of "what I think is what everyone thinks..."! I've always loved "older" women! Ever since Jr. High school and I fell in love with my type teacher! 50 words per minute on a manual typewriter in the first semester!!! Oh, well, better to have loved and lost! 
One of the problems with younger girls is that they just don't seem mature enough to even understand what it is to be in a serious relationship. Now that I'm 51 though, perhaps my vision is getting closer to my own age instead of 12 or 15 years older! My wife was 12 years older and it was perfect. We were both born in a "year of the Monkey" and grew up in very similar places even with the 12 year difference. She is the dearest love of my life, and I would have missed it if I had been thinking like your 60 something year old! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:33:27 PM | | Maybe it's where you live. I've been married twice...single for the last 18 years, looking for the last 2. I'm 57 and while I wouldn' mind someone 10 years younger (my last ex was 16yrs younger) I am easily attracted to women 10 years older. However, I live in Alaska where for women they say the odds are good, but the goods are odd. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/25/2007 9:09:51 PM | | Well now not that I am against younger than you or older than you dating I do prefer ladies close to my age, lets say five years either way. It has been my experience in the investigator field that most of the clients are older women checking up on far younger men and older men likewise younger women. It can be a sad state of affairs. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:17:21 AM | Stargazer46
I believe that most men in that age group, having already been married to a woman their own age, and they have formed their own opinion, we make them feel old.
How man times have you heard a man make the statement, they when his wife turned 40 he was going to trade her off for 2 20 year olds. Same principle. My ex husband use to
Therefore they slink into the world of looking for someone or something to make them feel younger. They need the opinion of their peers thinking this Man still has it.. What they have forgotten, they suffer from the same age problems women do. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:53:18 AM | You look what you are and age means nothing to me !
Eat healthy food, work out and anyone can look awsome !
And there is the plastic surgery, I really think to go there someday maybe,
but I will do it for me only for myself, for my own pride!
But yes I believe that some men in middle age crisis needs
to go out with almost kids
( ie.: a man of 40 that goes out or marry a girl of 18 for example ! )
 Sorry lol I had to say it
I did not mean that every men of 40's and up are that way !
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 12:32:22 PM | Considering I fall into this grouping now, allow me to comment. NO !
All men in the 40-something + group, are NOT into little girls. Give me a woman around my age any time. Most (not all) know what they want, and are willing to flex to gain it. Everyone has things they desire, and things they are willing to concede. You get into that age gap problem, and someone is going to have a heart attack trying to keep up with the other person. Besides, do younger people really understand when gravity starts to take effect? Can a young person really console the older one, when the lines of time begin to erode a once youthful face (or body)? I'm amazed by the people 40+, that feel they have to look young to be attractive. If you take some care in your appearance, and dress accordingly, there is no reason either sex has to maintain an illusion that they are younger than reality. I checked out your pictures, and you are very pretty. Even at 53, you still appear very sexy. Flaunt it, most women younger don't appear as sexy. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 3:49:22 PM | I commend each and every one of you. Well said everybody.
So much wisdom, so much confidence, such great dialogue.
We have all surrived life's "trials and tribulations" and we are all still standing tall.
I tip my hat to each and everyone who has contributed to this thread. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:09:48 PM | 
I have to say that i rather Date someone my own Age knowing (or hoping) that this
someone is over all the Bullshit in the Past, and likes to have a Relationship without
the usual Hangups. I wouldnt Date you if you're a Lot older......because i am getting there myself !!!! But otherwise you are most welcome......
GERHARD | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/26/2007 8:37:55 PM | MeloFelo
I will concede that I live in an area that is more rural,so there are just plain less people. I also think there is more of a tendency here for married couples to stay together (whether they like each other or not LOL) so maybe the limitations on selection that I see are more to do with geographic and demographic issues.
But "dating" is not what the OP was talking about. She was talking about being told that men over 40 aren't interested in longterm relationships with women over 40, not that they wouldn't DATE them. And yes, among those 40+ available for DATING, there probably a fair number who are NOT interested in anything much beyond dating/short term relationships. I'm talking about the numbers as far as 40+ people who are not only available and interested in dating, but people who are wholeheartedly looking for a longterm committed relationships. I still say that there is considerably LESS selection in that category. Hell I could date a different man every night of the week if I just wanted to DATE and I didn't look too deeply into the guys' true availablity/suitability for a longterm relationship. But I don't want to date a married(but lying about it) guy, or a drunk, a jobless leech, or any of the variations of "I don't want a woman for anything but sex, no more of that committment horsesh*t". So if you factor in not just the TECHNICAL availability, but also look to those who GENUINELY want a committed,longterm relationship, istill hold that the numbers are way down in the 40+ bracket. More than likely there are more technically "available "males who are actually UNavailable, than there are women, simply because of the social pressure on women to be half of a couple.( and yes, I'll say it, just so nobody else has to, probably a fair number of those women are feeling financial pressure as well. I know a lot of 40+ women who own up,in "woman talk" settings, to having remarried primarily for financial and/or practical reasons. I neither applaud or condemn this, I just state it as a point of information.)
No, there may APPEAR to be tons of 40+ people available for DATING,but when it comes down to 40+ people available for LONGTERM relationships with someone in their general age range, I think that number is WAY less than the number of people that were available for LONGTERM relationships when we were 20something-30something.
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/27/2007 5:23:00 AM | For the widows and widowers who have shared their feelings on this topic a special thanks
because -- like you, my perspective on "age" and what it means has been dramatically influenced by the loss of a 46 year old spouse.
For All who have shared here, your messages have been very enlightening, and it's great!
My experiences (duly noted, only 2 years' worth total) seem to continue to tell me that men (and yes some women, but far more often, men) who are "emotionally, physically, and financially available" will not even consider long term romance with women their own age or older. There are "exceptional men" who of not of this mindset. And yet, having been on this site, another paid site and now a paid national matchmaking service, i either see the same faces online or have met men who in their own words, have been "alone and looking for 10, 15, 20 years. . . "
It makes me wonder. . . are these men automatically excluding women their own age because they're terrified of growing old, and being with someone their own age is a constant reminder of the aging process? Are they lacking the desire to find a soulmate and are strictly looking for a "sometime playmate sometime trophy women"? And if so, do they honestly believe that either a "sometime playmate" or a "sometime trophy woman" will provide them with the kind of romance they profess to be seeking?
Are they simply too insecure within themselves to reach out for a woman who at their same age may be equal in education, financial achievement, physical attractiveness, and sexual desire??? Or has their past experience with a woman's aging process including but not, of course, limited to menopause, been so traumatic that they simply lack the will to risk a similar one? Even though they are fully aware that basing one's search on past experiences with one or two women is not a rational way of thinking?
This topic does not apply to men (or women) who know what they want in a physical relationship with another person ---- and what they want is not soulmate long term love.
If these people are finding many opportunities for happiness that is not soulmate long term love, i say, "more power to them. Life is so short. If you are happy, good for you!"
But for the rest of us who know that what we want is long term romance with One Person, the search does seem to be more challenging as we age. . .
Sigh. . .
So here we have it: these men state, "I've been looking for women younger than me. I've been alone for way too long." And at the same time exclude the chance of meeting women their own age or older.
The question remains: what does age mean when one considers the chances for happiness? Especially the kind that only happens with a person wakes up every morning in the arms of the person s/he loves and thinks, "Thank you, God (or god in the metaphoric sense:) for giving me this person to love. Dear God how i love this man (or woman)! I must be the luckiest woman (or man:) alive! If every wo/man on earth felt the same way i'm feeling now, there would be far less war, far less heartbreak in this world. . .
Stay tuned, and keep the sharing coming, Folks | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:05:03 AM | As someone approaching my 60 th birthday in a couple of months, I find these notions ridiculous.
I have enjoyed meeting people from 40-62. The only thing stopping me from having had a long-term relationship is not having met the "right" person; age is irrelevant.
If a person is sound of mind and body, attractive to me, especially with a youthful outlook on & approach to life, then, a more mature woman simply brings more to the table in terms of her life experience and what she now has to share with a partner. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:02:51 PM | | That guy will be one of those guys that chase's around the 20 years old when he is in a wheelchair with his false teeth falling out every time he says a word. Not all guys are like that. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:37:32 PM | Wow, thats an interesting perspective, and in certain people I'm sure it applies. I guess it would depend on your life experiences. I'm 46 and have pretty much been there, done that in everyway that could be imagined, so I would have to say at this stage of my life, I would prefer someone that could relate to me and understand me and my life experiences. Sure I like to look at younger women because of their youthful beauty, and they are "sexually attractive", but with age comes wisdom and inner beauty that most people don't see.
I don't get it. He was 63 and your 53 who looks 40 and is physically as fit as a 30 yr old? Thats alot of numbers. Obviously, darlin, he is out of his mind or thinks that money or toys can get him someone younger? Seems that is where our culture is heading? With women outnumbering men and coming into real power over the last 40 years, I would think some of it has to do with a need for the male to seek younger, more physically attrative partners in an attemp to regain their masculinity. Me, I know I'm a man and I realize that I might have another 30 plus years to spend on this place we call earth and I would like to spend them with someone that has lived in the same times and experiances that I have. Just a thought. | |
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| Need input. I was emailed by his wife, what is going on???
Posted: 7/27/2007 7:53:47 PM | Ok..try and beat this one....I am really looking forward to the reply posts.
I was emailed by a man who was anxious to meet me. We emailed back and forth several times and began making arrangements to meet. The next email I get was from his wife.....yep his wife. She told me in no uncertain terms where to go. Now, I am terrified to trust anyone. Help???????????
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| Need input. I was emailed by his wife, what is going on???
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:49:00 PM | Classyplus...
It happens. You are not at fault here. You might want to graciously and politely point out to the gent's missus that the problem is HERS...she's the one with the hubby trying to wriggle off the leash. I swear I think there is a category of old bats...er wives who ENJOY letting hubby think he's gonna pull off a fast one, then jerk him up short just before he actually DOES.
However, to avoid having this kind of drama become a regular feature of your dating life, keep in mind that this particular medium(the internet) makes it real easy for a guy to pose as single and available when he's NOT. Just keep an awareness of that in your mind,and do not start planning the rest of yours& his life together until it's CLEAR that he doesn't have a wife tucked away somewhere. Like he introduces you to(at least one of, and preferably a combination of); his parents, his kids, his boss, one or more siblings,co workers, his pastor.
But try not to paralyze yourself,on the other hand. Remember, if a guy lies to you about his marital status,HE is the one in the wrong! And if his wife gets pissy, it's most likely because she's both scared of losing him and has just been given a sharp reminder that she may have to pay closer attention to him. Granted there are guys that will cheat as a hobby, but mostly when a mature guy starts looking for a little strange stuff, it's because he's just part of the furniture in the wife's eyes. He may never actually cheat, but he's given an ego boost by the fact that he COULD.( by the way, before we all start throwing rocks at him, let's consider that he might have desperately needed that ego boost!)
What was it the Prez said? "Trust but verify"? OK he wasn't talking about dating, but it's certainly applicable advice!
Cindy O | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/27/2007 9:04:20 PM |
However, I live in Alaska where for women they say the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
...I'm wondering if the single male population still greatly outweighs the females in Alaska...if so maybe thats where we should be casting our lines haha
...maeflowers | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/28/2007 3:36:08 AM | Men please tell these women that it doesnt matter what age they are as long as they are not all hung up about it, or anything else. Please tell them that working out and looking their best should be done for themselves, not someone else they might meet someday... please also tell them that men love women, tall, short, thin, curvey, blonde, brunette, young and old/er that age is a state of mind. That men will absolutly fall in love with a woman with a sincere smile, a happy honest heart, that will allow everyone to be themselves, that doesnt try to control, change or manipulate others, and is fun and happy and affectionate in the relationship.
Men love women that can suport themselves, are willing to work hard that are laid back, comfortable with their bodies, dont use sex as a punishment or a bartering tool, that dont take them for granted and appreciate them, listen to the mans opinion and not try to change it...
I am 50 and I have no trouble meeting men, men love me, men want to marry me, I feel it is because I have no leash, even with the extra weight from the steriod shots, neck surgeries and other meds... they can tell I am not a needy person and just feel they can be themselves, and that I am happy and it doesnt depend on what they say or do... I guess that and my huge chest... just kidding..lol... well hmmm, now I am wondering... no I am joking..
I really feel men just hate that power struggle, that controlling woman that just wants to get them to the alter so that he can support her, save her, be her best friend... her "everything".... guys just dont like that...
dont face "reality" just become happy with yourself, and try to figure out why you feel you need to offer anything to mr right... , nobody is perfect... but be happy with yourself and your date.. let them be them... otherwise they will resent having to be something they are not...just to be in the relationship...
bl | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/28/2007 6:39:01 AM |
My experiences (duly noted, only 2 years' worth total) seem to continue to tell me that men (and yes some women, but far more often, men) who are "emotionally, physically, and financially available" will not even consider long term romance with women their own age or older.
That some men are looking for younger women is, obviously, true. It's certainly not true of all men, and there are some men, like me, for whom age isn't the critical factor.
I looked at your profile, and having seen it, I really doubt that "no men" are contacting you, and what your "experience" is, is that no men, who have met your internal criteria have contacted you, but perhaps a few men, who seem to, may have expressed a preference for younger women.
We all have some internal "vision" of the "ideal", but most of us also adjust our internal criteria, based on a sense of the "available universe". Among the things you have said you want in a man is that he be "financially available". What does that mean to you, I wonder? You also want a man who works out regularly, and your profile comes awfully close to saying the one thing that 1/2 the men will avoid, "friends first".
So, is it possible that your criteria are so selective, in wanting a man who isn't just fit, but an avid workout type, who is "financially available" (whatever that means), and isn't oriented towards sex in a relationship, that you have "selected out" all but a small percentage of men? It's fine to have your standards. I have mine too, and would prefer to live life without a relationship, than to have to "settle" for someone, who I wouldn't find attractive.
That being said, you only need to find 1 man, and if you're very, very selective about whom you'd be interested, it's a needle in a haystack search. I suspect that you're pointing at some older men, who are looking for "trophy wives", because it is men, who are at the level of financial success to be able to afford one, that are your "target" group. And, yes, a higher percentage of men, who are extraordinarily focused on business, aren't looking for a "soulmate". Some really are looking for a "trophy" and great sex, but someone who will be content with material things, without having to pay too much attention to her.
I'm not in that category of men, nor are most who will post I'm "just a guy", with a decent job, with strengths and weaknesses, who is "dateable", but not, by any means, "the one" for every woman within 10 years of my age. I've dated younger, and now am seriously interested in, and beginning to explore things with, a woman who is wihin that 10 year "window".
If I weren't involved, and I came across your profile, I wouldn't have written, because you live 1000 miles away, but there are lots of men within a few hours of you. You're within a few hours of about 20 million people, half of them men. I would imagine, that if your criteria were in line with your "market value", that somewhere amongst those men, you could find a man, who would find you attractive, and want to pursue things. My guess is that the "problem" lies in what kind of man you would consider, not that there aren't age appropriate men, who are interested. | |
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