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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:14:25 PM | I have been single for 14 years now. There have been a couple of daliences and more than a few dates along the way so I have a pretty good idea of what I am looking for. Dating women my age and dating younger women both have their pros and cons from my experience. To be honest, dating a younger woman is quite an ego boost. It's probably not the best reason but nontheless, it's still a driving force. Younger women have their down side though. Younger women have younger children. God knows I like kids (I raised three for twelve years on my own) I just happen to be over the 24 hour a day parent thing. They also "tend" ( I know it's a generalization) to be drama queens without the experience to know what is important enough to worry about and what is just nonsense. Dating women my age can be very uncomplicated and good. For the most part, they know what they want and not timid to ask. It's also nice to know that you are able to pack and go on a whim without having to worry about babysitters and whatnot. But in my experience (Again, a generalization... don't shoot me), women my age seem to be very concerned with what I am bringing to the table. Do I make enough, do I have a nice house, do I have a decent retirement plan going for me? As though I am being rated on how well I am going to take care of them.
My preference is women my age though. Less complications and drama. We have common interests and experiences to make conversation interesting and in the end we'll both be stuck with an old person our own age so conversation had better be good. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 4:34:55 PM | | I know your asking to hear from 40-60 something males but I know exactly what you mean and I have something to say. I met a guy a couple of months ago at work. Did not think of him as dating material, he asked me to eat lunch with him so why not. Hey it's just lunch. We talked found out we had lot's in common everything was going so well. He asked me for my # and email so I gave it to him. And then I happen to mention I turned 50 this year. He said wow your 50 I thought you were 40 and I never heard from him....And trust me I'm in better shape then him. I think age does matter to some, hopefully not all. I do want someone my age. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:09:39 PM | Star - I can tell you that this fella is thinking with the Little Head, chances are he's a "player" and I'm not talking Monopoly here. Ooops, perhaps he's Monopolizing the Flavor of the Month Club. 
You'll find people are insecure about age, looks, money, etc. and try to lump ALL of us into one box. Guess what? We don't fit in one, nice neat, little box. I'm 51 years young, I'd probably attract more men (initially) if I were thinner, and perhaps had bigger hair. Reality, is what we make of the situation. Each and every one of us on POF are getting older (year wise) by the minute.
What matters to prospective partners is that we make the best of what we have, take care of ourselves (emotionally, physically, spiritually), and for heaven's sake, DON'T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUS! The real "us" seek a partner who will "enhance" us, not "make us".
Oh, and when some moron wants to say "you look good for your age", geez, I'd like to give them an old fashioned ass kicking. I didn't know that there is a specific way that people over the age of 35 are suppose to look! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:16:39 PM | | i dont believe thats true at all i think if it was the right one it wouldnt matter to me maybe ya should move here.. | |
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Ls1
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Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:16:57 PM | Oh, and when some moron wants to say "you look good for your age", geez, I'd like to give them an old fashioned ass kicking. I didn't know that there is a specific way that people over the age of 35 are suppose to look!
Now why did you have to go and say a thing like that......
I think she's cute and paid her a compliment and now your all jealous..... ksue44 | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:26:23 PM | Why would a 63-year-old man knock a woman 10 years younger, who looks over 20 years younger, and has the fitness of 30 years younger?
He wants you, but does not want to be committed to you, because he knows you can do better, and you will be unlikely to stay unless he changes his misogynistic and self-centred ways. So he wants to sleep with you, but not be committed to you, and you are only looking for long-term (I checked your profile). So he you, and you don't want him. So he insults you to make himself feel better.
This is no different than the young man who approaches a young, attractive woman, asks her out, she says she's not attracted to him, and so he calls her a lesbian, to boost his ego.
It's a crock of garbage. In fact, most 45-year-old men would be unlikely to pursue a relationship with someone much younger because of the differences in interests and values. So it's the other way around. Also, given how youthful you look and are, you would be more likely to get a 35-year-old man who's already had kids interested in you for long-term.
Just remember:
No-one ever kicks a dead dog. from Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. | |
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Kazot
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Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 5:50:29 PM | Quick, help the poor man look for his brains because has lost his mind.(well if he had one to begin with that is.)
Age has some bearing but a good woman or man can over come that obstacle by just being a great person.
I looked at your profile.
You look GOOD! You sound like you have good character. You lead a healthy life style. Your interests are eclectic and have range. I LIKE it!
I would perfer if we were a bit closer in age but if we were in the same neighborhood I would be sniffing around your skirts to see if I could get your attention.  | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:07:08 PM |
But the fact is that you're 53. And the fact is that the vast majority of men over 45 will not even consider dating a woman your age. It doesn't matter if she is well educated, very physically fit, or even financially secure. She could be wonderful company and very beautiful. If so, a man over 45 might have a short term relationship with her. But if she's over 45, he will rarely consider having a serious long term relationship with her."
Suddenly, I feel so bad for Christie Brinkley. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:35:16 PM | Well, most of the responses so far are self-deluding or politely deceptive so I'll write the truth.
No, I have no interest in dating a woman that's older than me by more than a year or two. My ex-wife lied to me about her real age, she's actually more than ten years older than me and it was hard on my ego when I found out.
For years I asked myself, "Am I so undesirable that the only woman I could get was ten years older, sterile, with below average education and earnings?"
It bothered me for years and it still does. And now that I know the statistics, it would bother me more. At my age, women outnumber men. Would I be so undesirable now that I couldn't even duplicate my previous situation?
If the answer is yes, then screw it, I don't need the ego-burden for another fifteen years. If the nature of life, of this culture, is that liars are better successes than me, well, I just won't bother putting out any more effort. I've already reached that conclusion with work, I feel strongly that women are the same way.
It's not worth me FRONT-LOADING tons of effort, like I did for thirty years, HOPING that I would get a return on my effort. I'm not doing it again. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:15:38 PM | Broward - you remind of my of a guy I know. He is 43, never been married, played all his life and is now looking to get married, have kids & settle down. He wants a young girl.
I am 44 and already have 3 kids. I want to meet someone to have fun with now, retire with, play with --- not raise babies.
Thing is he is not in great shape, I'm healthier and more active than he is. My doctor calls me "perfect". He limps, is getting arthritis and never does anything athletic. I'll out live him by 20 years. My sex drive is 5x what his is.
But I'm not in his "age range". Ha. It's become all about the looks & age (which I do well in) and not about compatibility and appreciating each other. Its become a sad situation. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 7:41:51 PM | i know a few gals a couple years older than i that can run circles around me. -not that i don't keep in shape already. if she can hike, run, rollerblade, dance her ass off and slam tequila (without breaking a hip) -i'll even let her ride in the front seat of the car   | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 8:37:03 PM | OP.. some thots..
First, I'd strongly disagree with the guy you were referring to.. 'nuff said there.
I'm 60, and figure I have maybe 10 good years left.. and am willing to look at anyone 46-65..
IF they are not calcified in their thinking.. By that I mean that their mind is still active,
they have their own life.. however you want to phrase it..
More importantly, they should truly like and respect males as people..
Many people have little liking or respect for the opposite sex due to life experiences..
and absorb reflections of distortions of charicatures from the TV and movies which
seem to validate their views. No thanks..
And.. I don't know.. but the above may be a factor in looking for someone..
I know it is for me..
As for younger women, sure it'd be fun.. but it would have to be a *very* special one to get
serious over.. and, bottom line, it's just not fair to her.. And I have a mirror..:-)
Jim | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 9:20:14 PM | Stargazer, i have just had a look see at your profile pics and you are very nice, i sure wouldnt have said you were 53.
age is not an important issue for me, it all comes down to the personality of the lady and if you are happy together. i am just a few years behind you at 49, and i see more in common in some ladies around your age than ladies in their early to mid 40s
I don’t care for this financial thing so many look at is a big deal, so what if your only in a rented house, drive an older car and are on a pension. We cant all be in a job we love, afford to have a fancy car and house, financial security does not relate to the amount of compassion and love a person can show. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:20:09 PM | Stargazer.....
"You don't even look 40, .....Sorry, the gentleman was overdoing it a bit, you don't look 30.
MOST guy's in the 40-60 year age gap don't want a long term relationship full stop. MOST guy's have come away from long term bad marriages wounded, and wish to catch up on all the years that they missed out on. Day's when they use to flirt, play the field etc etc. Unfortunately, these are the guy's that think along the lines that they look younger and theyare fitter, so therefore they can find someone younger and fitter. Sadly this is how some of them think, and the sooner they realize that people DO age, and they accept the aging process (this goes for men AND women) the sooner they will have contentment in their lives. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 10:58:31 PM | Concerning post 1....
*** He was saying... he's just not into you.
( simple but true)
The reasons can be any... maybe one eyebrow is 1/1000th higher than the other
or your shoe size is not his preference... or you appear too old for him in his mind...
but who cares why....
he is just saying he's not that into you... so tell him bye bye and find someone who is...
or
you will end up listening to the all the other stupid insights this guy has about women, lif and wat's going on in the world.
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:28:48 PM | I'm just going to throw out a couple of postulations here.....please feel free to disabuse me of my silly notions at will.....  And before I begin, I've had significant relationships with somebody a couple year older....and more recently, with somebody 13 years younger.
a) From women I've dated I've heard that about 80% of the initial emails they receive have been from guys at least 7-1o years older. So I would expect your friend was pointing out the reality of the dating merry-go-round-smorgassbords that we are all on. So to a degree he was probably making a point....albeit poorly timed as he was 63. If this was in the context of a date (as opposed to an intellectual discussion) it makes me wonder if he was trying to disqualify the rest of "the field" so you would be more interested in him.
b) Younger women can mean more complications to an older many. Kids, exes, possibility of pregnancy, onset of menopause and not know how things will be on the back side of that, career driven coupled with a desire to start working less, etc., are all conflicting factors. Maybe less baggage and less broken relationships for the younger women.
c) Older women probably tend to have had more broken relationships.....perhaps several LTR's including divorce(s). And I'd say they are more jaded and tend to share that.
All in all, I think he's making a valid point about dating.....not so sure about mating. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:16:12 AM | I don't think anyone is confused... but like on all threads, the question includes other information that won't be ignored --and shouldn't be-- or why did you include it?
It's also not a good idea to talk about personal email with a specific person. Regardless of the content, Personal is supposed to stay personal... | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:44:40 AM | Stargazer, I don't believe a man my own age will 'inevitably' seek to date a younger woman ... I give men a LOT more credit than that 63-year-old Coot who said that!!! (I'm 62, so I can call him a Coot.)
I've dated men who are up to 15 years younger as well as 15 years older than me, and had a great time with them!! But for me, ideally, I've learned that a 5-year difference either way is probably more reasonable. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:44:51 AM | OP - It is hard to figure out what the guy was talking about. And it seems he was 'way over the top and ventured into rudeness.
However, I read lots of profiles on POF and I find a large number of women who believe they look 'years younger'. Sometimes this is true. Most often (in my opinion) it is wishful thinking. Often I go back and forth comparing the profile words with the photos and can only shake my head.
One thing I have learned from a number of experiences: Women in their forties will seldom get serious about a man in his mid fifties or early sixties (unless he has plenty of money and assets - but that is another topic - we can debate that elsewhere so please don't slam me here).
When a man is in his early forties - looks fairly good - is in good shape - has a good job - he can attract a woman in her early thirties - all the way down to ages in the late 20's.
But that age range difference disappears when the man is mid fifties or early sixties.
And I believe the reason is --- Most 45 y.o. women are smart enough to figure out that if she marries a man 10 -12 -14 years older - that she is going to bury him when she is barely 70 if not in her late sixties - y.o.a. That's the bottom line folks.
Wealth often overcomes this factor - we can start another thread to debate it if you wish.
Joe | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 11:59:05 AM | | I am 42 and I don't care how old it says a woman is on the drivers license. It is all about if I find them attractive and fun to be around. Why limit yourself based on age??? | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:13:35 PM | OP.. think about it ~ the 63 yr old man has been married twice and single for 14 yrs... doesn't that tell you something? His generalization about men who are over 45 and what they think about women over 45 is his utter ignorance of reality. It's no wonder he's been single for 14 yrs. He was divorced at age 49 and didn't consider women over 45 for a relationship.. He is living the result of his own ignorance of the opposite sex.
At 63, he probably cannot get the attention younger women and even women his own age ~ especially if they were given a taste of his philosophy. If he is looking for a relationship with a woman of any age he has missed his window of opportunity unless he looks and has the energy and interests of a guy who is 15 or 20 yrs younger and even then once a female got a taste of his pious attitude he'd be kicked to the curb in a nano-second.
Don't let his remarks shake your confidence. He has no idea of what he is talking about. As a woman well over the age of 45, I haven't had a shortage of guys of any age knocking at my door.
You rock , OP ~ don't let anyone tell you any differently! | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:27:24 PM | It's only on the internet that everyone has an age attached to themselves . In real life we don't walk around with our age printed on a name tag .
I believe that by far men are much more concerned about some physical chemistry than the actual age.
IMHO ... women are atleast as age conscious as men are on the internet .....maybe more so.
I have noticed that some mid- thirty women think anything over forty is "ancient" ....which is only true on a really bad day . lol | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 12:29:57 PM | Well I tried to start a topic very similair to the question you put. And what I said was "Why do younger women look upon older men as being past it. I know I look younger than I am but inside my head I still feel about 35-40. And as I said you weren't born with experience" But for some obscure reason it was deleted...strange!!
Anyway in reply to your question, there's nothing wrong with going out with an older woman. you don't have to be Dolly birds to have a good time and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't mind what age she was as long as we had fun together. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 7/4/2007 3:39:15 PM |
I think a good rule of thumb is to take the age range the same distance in both directions... If you're 60 and want to date someone 45, then 75 should be just fine too...
Hi Janet4now. Good answer but wait 'till you get to 60.
But It is a difficult thing to draw a straight line under because some men like to go out with much older women, but it doesn't seem to be such a swing in the opposite direction with younger women dating older men (although of course there are cases of young women with a lot older man) I suppose this question will continue to have women and men discussing this until global warming gets too hot. Oh yes that reminds me........... | |
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