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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:15:39 PM |
I find "Should women in my st/age of life face "reality" and accept that our chronological age matters more to most men our own age than our physical fitness and all of the other things that we feel we have to offer Mr. Right?" as a question based on a hyper critical remark .. That a woman over 45 is less likely to find a serious long term relationship.... soemhow making women over 45 less valuable and more of a toss away use em and loose um attitude....
Girlflower, I read the OP too, and, as I commented way in the beginning, the guy who said that to her was a mope, on several levels. As I commented several times in the early phase of this thread, age is not a critical factor for me, in terms of attraction. Attraction, though, is a critical factor for me, to have a motivation to date in the first place, and I'm no more interested in dating women who are unattractive to me, if they're 25 or 50, and no less interested in an attractive 50 year old, because of her age, than I would be, if she were 30.
The reason, for me, that, at points in life, I have dated inappropriately young women, has been, when I've tired of running into the 'tude that some women closer to my age can have, and I've found it "easier" to connect with women much younger, who haven't become "bitter" and "angry", who are focused on their "issues" of self-protection.
Truth is, it IS a challenge to find women over 40 who are both attractive and positive, but I have now found "the one" I never expected to find, the one woman who totally absorbs me body, mind, heart, and soul, and, yes, she is over 40, and those compatibility areas that come from life experience, are all part of the "fit".
Maybe it's as simple as saying that there were things in me that I was working on to prepare for the "grand passion and great love", and until I was "ready", it was just easier to find a "playmate" among younger women, but when I was ready to "get serious", I wouldn't have found "her" among the 20 or 30 somethings.
All that being said, I never viewed this thread as about "complaining" about women 40-60. I never wanted to get involved with a woman, who is motivated by "negatives", no matter what the reason, or how "reasonable" she makes it sound for her to be overly cautious in taking it slow, and subjecting me to "suspicion" based on past experience. Whatever her issues may be, I didn't cause them, can't fix them, and won't accept bearing the consequences for them. And, there are a lot of women 40-60 who are, in fact, quite negative. Not all, and maybe not most, and I see it as being about individuals, not a broad, sweeping charecterization.
There are a lot of wonderful women 40-60, some just coming into the prime of their lives. I've fallen in love with one of them.  | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:33:09 PM | | My god am I really reading this crap? Are there really people that go on a first date just too see if they want to have sex with the other person, you think real highly of yourself. I didn't think I was that far out of touch but that is the last thing on my mind on a first date, I would really like to get too know the Person First before progressing to any Sexual thinking, don't you want to find out first if you even like this person? You know I like sex just as much as the next guy but I don't base my life and partner decisions on it right from the get go. No wonder some people have a hard time keeping a relationship going, it cannot be based solely on sex alone. Of course I could be all wet too, but not for me. I must be too old fashioned. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:53:04 PM |
Are there really people that go on a first date just too see if they want to have sex with the other person, you think real highly of yourself.
I think you're adding an interpretation to things that several people have said. It's not about whether there will be sex on a first date, nor is it saying that ONLY sex matters. However, the difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is sexual attraction.
One assumes, in an online environment, that time has been spent emailing, talking on the phone, and "getting to know" the inner thoughts, values, and feelings of the other, to see if there is enough "fit" to move it to the "real world". In my brief foray into POF, before finding "the one" that made all of this moot, I talked to 10 women at some length, found 3 who I wanted to meet IRL, who wanted to meet me. Those became "first dates", and the point of the meeting was to discover if there was "chemistry" (aka sexual attraction).
None of that is saying that "ONLY SEX" matters. If that were the premise, it's not complicated. I've had "f buddies" a time or two in my life, and some consensual "one night stands". They're a lot easier to find, than a real relationship. That's not what I was looking for, and the quest wasn't to discover a woman, who would sleep with me. It was to find a woman who wanted me, as a man, who I would want, as a woman, based on some understanding of each other, before we even met in person. When you find that sort of attraction and connection, THEN dating can be a wonderful, fun, exciting, and mutually enjoyable experience. If all it is, is to go "dancing" with a stranger, or maybe thrifting and shopping for shoes, with someone I don't know well, and am not attracted to, NO THANKS. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 5:54:08 PM | "Gentleman" Joe,
the major majority of women past 45 are grossly overweight
I take it this is based on "the minor minority of men over 45 who are in excellent shape", right? May I ask where you got your stats from?
I always get a kick out of reading men's profiles, saying they're looking for someone slim, trim, and see they list themselves as average, but their pictures tell a whole different story.
Women are not the only ones with weight problems, at any age. The only difference is we tend to view ourselves more realistically than men view themselves. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 6:10:14 PM | | You know you can mix your words any way you want but it still comes out putting sex before any thing else, and that will never work. This can be discussed until the cows come home but when people refuse too see what's right in front of them no one can change their minds. So its a waste of time discussing it further. Believe it that a relationship cannot be based on sex alone it Will not work, it may be great for awhile but will soon get old. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 6:23:41 PM | ^^^^^^ I now realize how glad I am to be single and not date much.
I used to want..NO YEARN for a LTR..
After reading all the disparaging remarks, some borderline on hate and some just "way the hell out there.." I want no part of being involved with women with this type of attitude.
What happened to us? You can blame it on your partner, your SO, bad luck, bad choises but I think the blame is on you for carrying the baggage you have into any new relationship. We need to accept responsibility for our attidues and actions..from that point we can go forward..Remember when you first started dating and life was like a dream? trusting, lusting and loving pure and unadulterated..now since your life hasn't worked out so well..we blame others instead of leaving the past in the past..
Hey.. I saw with my own eyes what love really was with my parents....that's what I want..not some barbie with a bankroll in mind..so you aren't perfect? neither am I..you don't have a 20 yr old body..hey me neither..you don't have everything you want in your life? me neither..but..can you truly drop the baggage and self defenses and love completely once again? The poster who said women over 45 are mostly overweight should be ashamed of that statement..so you can judge a heart, a soul and her mind by her body size? you must be the great Karnac!
sorry for being so wordy but this thread is proof that people have too much time on their hands and type before their mind engages reality.
dusty
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 6:32:40 PM | I find "Should women in my st/age of life face "reality" and accept that our chronological age matters more to most men our own age than our physical fitness and all of the other things that we feel we have to offer Mr. Right?" as a question based on a hyper critical remark .. That a woman over 45 is less likely to find a serious long term relationship.... soemhow making women over 45 less valuable and more of a toss away use em and loose um attitude....
Women over 45 are desirable, not all overweight, not all crabby patties, and can be very comfortably intimately. I think where we get in the rub with guys in our age group(my preference) is that some go on and on about why we no longer are viewed as desirable as when we were younger. In 2007, who buys that guys? I still prefer to communicate with someone in my age group, but I can only handle that attitude for about one email. Please, don't give up. Maybe someone will buy this. I'm not trying to convince or change anyone here, just giving my opinion. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 6:53:04 PM |
a relationship cannot be based on sex alone
It's frustrating to get that response to a post, in which I said
nor is it saying that ONLY sex matters
and
None of that is saying that "ONLY SEX" matters
Which wouldn't be important, if it were just someone who has a problem with reading comprehension responding to my post, but it's more than that. I simply fail to understand why it's controversial to simply state the obvious in saying
the difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is sexual attraction.
Are there really people who would argue that sexual attraction isn't part of romantic love, and what sets it apart from friendship? It seems to create a firestorm of negative responses, though, in any thread where it's written, yet in real life, it's an obvious truth of life for everyone I know. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 7:19:42 PM | | You made my point for me, what more can I say. And my reading comprehension is just fine thank you, I think you need to go back and read your own posts. Your differentiation between Friendship and a Relationship is skewed, and I do not care nor want to keep boosting your view of how great and smart you are. This is at an end. You are sexist and cannot or will not see this no matter what anyone says. I know I am not Mr. perfect but I am also not Illiterate as you seem too think. And lastly, for you saying that sex is not your only concern you sure bring it up all the time. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 8:10:39 PM | Ummm Steve? Perhaps those who tout "sex" "sex" "sex" in their posts and state that is a major crux in a relationship...aren't really getting any? Or having a little "difficulty" in that arena?
I, for one, admit it...it is on my mind 24-7...because I ain't getting any! 
Yet. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/21/2007 10:53:34 PM | wow I want to say something here. I want all to know this I only posted the results on the ladies I had checked out that was online that night I had read them. I found it interesting since most of the posts have concerned age in someway. Now I did not check on guys profiles. The ladies I checked were with in the age range of the male counterparts to this thread. I was interested in knowing how many actually had limits on the age range they would date. When I first started to check I was intending to do all that were on with in the range of the limits the program lets me view. After the 13 pages I figured 86 profiles told me exactly what I was wondering about.
Now since I have no limits on who I let contact me I was wondering how many women was the same with in the age range of thier counterparts to this thread. I know I could have been more detailed and on most instances I would have been. I just found it interesting that of the 86 only one had no lower end limit on what she was wanting and stated so. Her top end was set to 65.
I also want to say something else. No matter who the person is and no matter who they date. There has to be some form of attraction to even consider the person. Now to go on a date why would we go just for sexual attraction. Sorry but I am not that way. I will go on a date and enjoy myself and set out to have fun. Now if there turns out to be more that comes of it then I am going to think it out and look at it openly to my point of view. I want the time that when I am with a lady to be remembered with out the notion that sex is running thru my head the whole time I am with her. Sex can be obtained to easy to let it be a deciding factor in how I am going to have a enjoyable evening with a lady. If it goes by the first date and things start to move otherwise hell I am not above a week end of pure enjoyment and pleasure. I just prefer that it be with a woman with in a certain range if I choose to let it go that far. I am and have always been very picky on who I jump into bed with. I prefer to have feelings of some kind for the lady I climb into the sack with. To go out and enjoy an evening with the other gender on a one time date or after several dates does not mean that there has to be a sexual connection. NO matter what to me there has to be friendship before there can be a relationship. If I want to run and ship the night away I don't need to have anyone with me to do so. I just prefer to have the companionship of a lady to make it more enjoyable and by far a better night on the town.
I know quite a few guys that will not date with in thier age range and will only date women younger. To give an example my brother was one before he married. and his wife of twenty years now is ten years younger than hisself. Right now he is 54 and she is 44. why guys do it well who knows. I date a wide range just for the enjoyment of the companionship and the different women. They are all so different in so many ways and each sets a different outlook to me on what there is out there.
Now I have not went and met a single person from POF as of yet. The ladies I have dated has been the ones I have met away from the pc. This is not saying I will not do so and I most likely will eventually. No matter when I do it is still going to be just a date to go have fun and enjoy myself and hopefully she does as well. Good luck people.
Moundpuppy | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:25:25 AM | Moundpuppy I'll have to agree with you on this one. You can go out with people and enjoy yourself without hopping in bed with them. Granted sex is great but there has too be some attraction there for that to happen. Going out just for sex is a dangerous business these days for men and women. As far as a friends with benefit situation, people rarely stay friends for long. At least a good friendship anyway. Sex can ruin a good friendship between two people.
Friends are a great commodity to have and it's hard too find good friends these days.  Like I said a ways back in this thread, it's not rocket science, just an understanding that there are two people involved not one. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 5:52:31 AM | Memo to Self.... 58 must gain 125 lbs this week to conform to today's quoted Women over 45 Image..... lmao....
Going one further on the age range men choose younger women for their Ideal Mates after 45 to 60 ... I believe it is a myth that a younger woman is any better suited than a woman of their own age range for the male 45 or older and they fall into a trap in following these myths. If the men were "smart" they would take into consideration that the younger women are still of child bearing years or have younger children. Whereas the older womans children have flown the nest.. she no longer has the harmonal ups and downs and has pretty much accepted who she is and what she offers to a relationship.
I know from my own personal Age range... I look at men who are 10 years older at 68... and wonder if they are healthy enough for me to consider as a longterm relationship... and yes if they are still handsome. I do not check out their wealth.. most times cannot tell where they are financially since almost 100% are retired... and most likely on a fixed income of some type.....!!!! Now a younger woman will be looking at the older man as a possible provider and of financial assistance. Afterall she does not want to burden herself with having to support a mate too!! This is not as averistic as some may shout but turn about is fair play.... I do find men from 50-65 usually are looking for a woman who can support herself and carries little or no financial baggage into the relationship. In my age group we are checking out the man to make sure he's not just looking for a Nurse or a Purse. I believe all this must be settled in a Daters Mind before attraction can be openly expressed... Yes you can like a person, have fantasies of your being with the person, even have a sexual fling.. but in the long run before jumping over the broom both parties need to settle this basic issue.... if it cannot be settled they move on...
I have found in online dating the over 45 year old male that the initial "meeting" of email, IM and telephone calls have made the first date either a confess all of the past... or a How are you financially? or and finally.. You on top? or Me? types of conversation... If that date does not fit the mans requirements... he does not move to the second date... I wonder if I were a fly on the wall.. if he would be this way with a woman 10 years younger...hum Or he might be a better date with a younger woman because he already knows the financial/children score.... and makes fewer demands on the date and actually is a good first date... able to play a little.. food for thought.
Maybe a woman of a certain age (mine lol).. should adopt a Love Um and Leave Um Attitude..if that is all the men expect of Us! Then the men in our age group would be "getting Some" and might hang in there for more.... lol!
I know my wording may bring on a dispute.. If I were sitting in front of you it would have more depth in meaning... and you'd see my blush...
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 10:33:53 AM | >> Believe it that a relationship cannot be based on sex alone
>> it Will not work, it may be great for awhile but will soon get old.
Even *good* sex.... you have to have something to talk about the rest of the time, and if all you want is sex... then what is keeping you/them down on the farm, as it were?
If only kids today would realize that you have to get to know someone first, not bed hop. And, by kids, I mean 14-25's maybe even a little older (it gets older, the older I get ) :)
Scott | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 10:45:08 AM |
I believe it is a myth that a younger woman is any better suited than a woman of their own age range for the male 45 or older and they fall into a trap in following these myths. If the men were "smart" they would take into consideration that the younger women are still of child bearing years or have younger children. Whereas the older womans children have flown the nest.. she no longer has the harmonal ups and downs and has pretty much accepted who she is and what she offers to a relationship.
It depends on if the male 45 or older is wanting a family....
Women seem to have 2 kids by age 18 today, 4 by age 24 (hey, just look the profiles...) They are over and done by the time they are 40. Men, are just coming into feeling they can settle down. Job is stable -- or they've retired. They have the time to devote to a family.
So, the age mis-match is more today than before.
But, the younger girls are too young, and well, I won't repeat from other threads. But women can safely have children into their late 30's, and (some older) so there is also hope for women who have started a career, or have been in a bad marriage -- or who have waited longer than the rest -- to have a family, and to have a stable, home-oriented guy.
FWIW: there are a lot of guys really looking to settle down. They just aren't on-line, because of all the crap women keep saying about the guys. They get discouraged, and find most of the women's profiles *trashy* .... sorry. After awhile, you just give up. I'm seeking a mate, soul mate, and more. But, I'm also looking for models, friends, and collaborators on art projects, so I have more reason to stay on-line, than just "dating." If it was just that, I'd have given up too. As a 40-something, I can say most guys my age trying to settle down don't want girls bragging about their bar exploits, their sexual exploits, posting nude photos on sex classifieds, and showing drunken pictures slobbering over guys (or girls) on myspace, face book, etc.
A lot of us, also had a bad first marriage (a lot of my friends). Their wives just walked out on them in their late 20's early 30's. No reason. They took a lot of time off to build their career, avoid women, have fun, and now, they are looking again. Most didn't carouse with women -- they avoided them. So, the profiles that are nasty about men in their 40's and younger women are just one more reason they are not looking on-line.
Maybe, go after the women who post such negative things about men, and there will be more good men on-line. Unlike woody allen, most men/people don't want to be members of clubs that don' t want them, or insult them, or make them feel bad for who they are. Trash those who trash good people, and show that they are not all who are on line.
Oh, and if someone writes you, and asks a question, or comments on your profile. Don't ignore them. Don't be rude. Don't assume they are "interested" and if you reply you are stoking the fires. But, *DO* remember that if you don't reply, and the next person doesn't reply, they will stop writing... and *YOU* may never get contacted because they gave up long before they came to you.
Scott | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:10:16 AM |
Oh, and if someone writes you, and asks a question, or comments on your profile. Don't ignore them. Don't be rude. Don't assume they are "interested" and if you reply you are stoking the fires. But, *DO* remember that if you don't reply, and the next person doesn't reply, they will stop writing... and *YOU* may never get contacted because they gave up long before they came to you.
Well said Scott.
I always respond to messages, even from people who I am not attracted to, because I was taught to be polite. I've found on here that the same people who complain they're not getting responses from others, are the ones who turn around and ignore messages that are only intended as friendly comments. Sometimes I'll email someone just to make a comment regarding something on their profile that I find interesting, amusing, whatever. If you're so hot that you can't be bothered to respond to others, why are you on here? And yes, I know this is off-topic and will probably get deleted, but I think Scott hit the nail on the head. | |
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mvo3dl
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Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 618 | |
| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:14:10 AM | #1 shorten your profile and lighten up all of us seem to be looking for someone we may never find, and we need patience because rushing in will be a disaster. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:16:21 AM | | age is a matter that only really counts if you are looking to have more children, other than that, age should not be a factor, i know of several couples that are 5. 10 even 20 years difference and doing very well, its all a matter of personal preference , with age comes stability financially secure, and the field playing overwith , all of these i say, for the most part, and applies to both genders, a younger lady if you want to have more children or one that is still in child bearing range, older ladies more refined, and absolutely nothing wrong with them either, depends on circumstances and who your are looking for or what you are looking for to be more precise. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:19:51 AM | Wow, now everybody is getting real, instead of ideal.
Girlflower...if you drop the he/she in your last statements, they pretty much cover people.
Those attitudes, behaviours can be found in men and women.
Up where I am, I have found that women my age are looking for care giver, financial support. Usually don't bring too much to the table. At least thats my experience in the real world.
Cannot speak for POF as yet. Only in contact with a few women, who so far have been very nice. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 1:58:10 PM | sceptic1945 never meant to seem sexist.. it works both ways..
I have nothing against a Man in the 40-50 year old range who desires to have a family and he has every right to check out the women in that age range. It is the prejudice of men who do not want to repopulate the planet who have a need to be in a May December Relationship only. And... I cannot even be upset with that since my own Uncle at 68 married a girl 28.. no not for chidren.. he already had a bunch and most were older than Sheri.. lol! Personally I advocate different strokes for different folks...
I personally have a preference for men in my own age group... still the hold over of not being a cradle robber.. and really not too willing to spend the time educating a mate.. I prefer a man.. divorced.. once at most twice.. He should be free to devote his attention to a relationship.. (Not the note usually found in profiles.. My kids are number One .. my grandkids are number One.. makes me think of being a second class citizen in a relationship like that) .
It is the men that I do glean from the bunch who have few social skills in relating to a "new" woman... The five men that did get the invitation to pick me up at my house .. walked in and Announced.. "Well I could live here!" were shown the door, it killed all romance to be taken for granted that I was just a push over and desperate for them to accept me.. ... I feel the ineptness of men in dating and being able to keep women attracted is demonstrated by some of these remarks....! Please I'm not bashing men.. just stating the fact that men in my age Group went from Lounge lizards to the real Cold Blooded Lizard type.... lol! I have met a very few who are warm and nice and would make a wonderful mate for a lady but they are few and far between. It is the bean counters who are in abundance... and they are total turnoffs for me.
I think if more men would heed what I'm saying in my age group.. lighten up on the first date... there may be more second dates and would lead to the relationship they are seeking.. Just my 2 cents....
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 1:58:46 PM | sceptic1945 never meant to seem sexist.. it works both ways..
I have nothing against a Man in the 40-50 year old range who desires to have a family and he has every right to check out the women in that age range. It is the prejudice of men who do not want to repopulate the planet who have a need to be in a May December Relationship only. And... I cannot even be upset with that since my own Uncle at 68 married a girl 28.. no not for chidren.. he already had a bunch and most were older than Sheri.. lol! Personally I advocate different strokes for different folks...
I personally have a preference for men in my own age group... still the hold over of not being a cradle robber.. and really not too willing to spend the time educating a mate.. I prefer a man.. divorced.. once at most twice.. He should be free to devote his attention to a relationship.. (Not the note usually found in profiles.. My kids are number One .. my grandkids are number One.. makes me think of being a second class citizen in a relationship like that) .
It is the men that I do glean from the bunch who have few social skills in relating to a "new" woman... The five men that did get the invitation to pick me up at my house .. walked in and Announced.. "Well I could live here!" were shown the door, it killed all romance to be taken for granted that I was just a push over and desperate for them to accept me.. ... I feel the ineptness of men in dating and being able to keep women attracted is demonstrated by some of these remarks....! Please I'm not bashing men.. just stating the fact that men in my age Group went from Lounge lizards to the real Cold Blooded Lizard type.... lol! I have met a very few who are warm and nice and would make a wonderful mate for a lady but they are few and far between. It is the bean counters who are in abundance... and they are total turnoffs for me.
I think if more men would heed what I'm saying in my age group.. lighten up on the first date... there may be more second dates and would lead to the relationship they are seeking.. Just my 2 cents....
Girlflower | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 2:16:49 PM | I have nothing against a Man in the 40-50 year old range who desires to have a family and he has every right to check out the women in that age range. It is the prejudice of men who do not want to repopulate the planet who have a need to be in a May December Relationship only.
Girlflower, let me just be honest about that. A lot of men, especially coming out of long marriages, as I did (19 years) are somewhat disoriented and uncertain about whether they are still attractive to women, and if so, what kind of women. It happens to some, including to me, that there was an "ego" thing involved, that if a beautiful, much younger woman would be "interested" in me, then I must still be "cool" or something.
It's an illusion, of course, and I've come to discover that most "inappropriately young" women, who are interested in a man her father's age, is either: a) (consciously or not }looking for financial support, or b) has serious emotional issues, to the point of dsyfunction. Of course, there are exceptions, but my experience seems to be consistent with that of others.
Those young women make it "easy" to find them, and my first foray, while lacking in self-confidence and being somewhat "rusty" at the dating game, led me to feel like I was running into a "buzz saw" with women closer to my age (40+), so I followed the path of "least resistance" for awhile, and got the "inappropriately young women" thing out of my system, and came back to earth.
So, quite simply, a lot of men who are still "into" women 25-30 years younger, are "escaping" the "dating wars" that it can become with women closer to my age. In a sense, for me, it was an "escape", while I worked to rediscover my center, post divorce. I knew I wouldn't marry, or get permanently entangled, with a 20 something, when I was in my 50s. I think a lot of the guys who are now, will eventually come "home" to women who are "grown ups", but there are exceptions, of course.
It sounds, too, like you'have managed to cull a lot of losers out of the bunch of men, who might be interested in you. Why is that, I wonder? If it's a problem, you might want to refine your "pre screening" procedures. Just a thought. | |
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| Calling all 40-60Something Males?
Posted: 8/22/2007 3:14:26 PM | Flip the genders around and I think MeloFelo and GirlFlower speak for most people.
Lets see, you both come across as reasonable, rational and honest.
Don't leave much for anyone to add. | |
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